Persona

by Amy Lunderman

  “Wow, Moira. You look great.” He says, as his eyes take all of her in.

  “You look pretty great yourself.” She’s blushing as she steps onto the steps and closes the door behind her.

  He takes her arm in his, and walks her to his car, which is a tiny black sports car that she doesn’t know the name of. He open the passenger side door for her, and kisses her hand before letting her climb in. He shuts the door, and she can’t help grinning like an idiot as she waits for him to climb in. As soon as he starts to back the car out of her driveway, he takes her hand in his and doesn’t let it go.

  Moira feels her cheeks get hot, and then feels her persona tingle under her skin. She lets it go a little though, and allows her eyes to shift. It’s dark in the car, and he won’t see the difference. She’s too happy to be concerned with her persona tonight, and is tired fighting against it so much.

  “You seem to be in a better mood.”

  They are on the main road now, so he doesn’t look at her.

  “I am actually, thanks to you.”

  He glances at her quick and they share a grin.

  “I’m glad I can help. I was a little worried earlier. You looked like something horrible happened. But everything’s all right now?”

  His voice waivers a little and Moira wonders why for a moment.

  “It’s not perfect yet, but I have a feeling that it will be soon.”

  He squeezes her hand in his, and she leans back into the seat with a sigh. They reach the theater in no time at all, and Moira feels like she’s in a dream as they walk inside. She doesn’t even pay attention to what movie he picks. She’s just comfortable wrapped in his arms. They grab some candy at the concession stand, and make their way to the seats in the back of the auditorium.

  When they sit down, Spencer places his arm around her shoulder so she leans into him. He reaches for her hand with his free one, and with a sigh she leans her head on his shoulder. They stay this way for the whole movie, but to be honest, she doesn’t even know what they are watching. All she pays attention to his arms around her, and the feeling of being safe and warm. Her body is relaxed and alive all at the same time, and it’s the most wonderful feeling.

  The credits roll at the end of the movie and Spencer turns to her and leans in close. He’s a breath away from her, when he turns and picks up the uneaten candy and makes a move to stand. Pulling away from her, Moira feels confused for a second. She’s almost sure he was about to kiss her, but he didn’t. Why not, she thinks to herself? He walks away a step and turn back to take her hand in his. His palm is sweaty, and she wonders if he’s nervous to make the first move.

  He pulls her gently out of the isle, and they follow the mass of people leaving the auditorium. As they clear the door, and start for the entrance, Moira sees a familiar blonde head.

  “Spencer wait...” Moira says, pulling him to a stop in the middle of the crowd.

  “What is it?” He asks facing her.

  “Quinn is here. We shouldn’t let her see us, it might hurt her feelings.”

  Spencer looks surprised a moment, and turns to glance behind him. He sees Quinn, and is about to move towards her, but Moira tries to stop him. He none to gently rips his hand from hers and pulls away, and not looking back, he walks right over to Quinn. Moira at first thinks he’s going to say something mean to her, but that leaves her mind when Quinn turns to him with a smile.

  Moira watches in shock as Spencer walks right into Quinn’s arms, and pulls her in for a long deep kiss. She doesn’t know how to feel about this, but her stomach gets pushed up into her throat as she feels the ground fall out from under her. This can’t be happening she thinks.

  How could she have misread everything?

  Her vision narrows down to just Quinn and Spencer as she feels her eyes fill with tears. Around her she senses they’re friends laughing and pointing at her, but nothing matters more than the sight of being betrayed.

  ***

  Spencer steps back from Quinn, and Moira can see the smile on the other girls face as she turns to her.

  “How does it feel to be humiliated, freak? Hurts don’t it.” She spits out with a laugh.

  Moira feels all the air get pushed out of her, at the admission that it was a trick. Feeling worse than humiliated, she turns to Spencer not able to hide the hurt in her eyes. He doesn’t even have the decency to feel bad, and it makes her feel stupid for not listening to her friends about him.

  “Sorry Moira, but you really shouldn’t have messed with us.” He says with a smirk.

  He doesn’t look beautiful to her anymore. His smile seems darker and full of hatred. Moira doesn’t understand how someone can let themselves be this way. She never done anything to them to warrant this, and the tears finally fall free from her eyes without her consent.

  “Is the poor baby, crying?” Quinn laughs at her, and Spencer joins in.

  There is a crowd around them now, and Moira realizes they are all Spencer and Quinn’s friends. Some of them are brandishing their cellphones, and she knows without a doubt that they are taking her picture.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” Moira demands.

  Quinn steps up to her and says, “Why? Because no one makes a fool of me and gets away with it, that’s why.”

  “I’ve never even done anything to you. You’re the one that has made my life miserable, from my first day too.”

  “Yes you have, you worthless piece of garbage. You betrayed your own kind, and stuck with the freaks. That makes you a loser in my book.”

  Moira is taken aback by this, does she mean Marty? How can anyone think that way about them? They are now different than anyone else. Sure they might have moments, but we are still all human. Just because she stuck up for Marty, she has no reason be act this way. It shocks her, how hateful some people can be.

  “There is nothing wrong with my friends. It’s you, that’s the problem. If you weren’t so busy hating everyone else, you could see that you’re the freak Quinn.”

  “Bitch!” Quinn yells, and steps closer to Moira.

  Before Moira can see it coming, Quinn swings out her hand and smack her in the face. She stumbles back from the blow, and can hear the gasps from their audience around them. With her head turned away, Moira touches her aching lip and pulls it away with blood marring her fingers. Her heart starts racing then, and her persona rises up through her like a wave. Her breath comes out in pants, and she can feel her whole body shaking in anger. She hasn’t felt this way since she was twelve years old.

  She has the strong sensation of bugs crawling along her skin as she feels her eyes get sharper suddenly. Her head feels all tingly right before she feels her hair rise up into tighter auburn curls on her shoulders. Hearing the cries of alarm around the room, Moira slowly brings her gaze back to Quinn. She gasps, and takes a step back from Moira with wide eyes.

  Moira feels the tingling sensation get stronger in her hands, and feels her nail stretch out into pointed tips. Next her face feels stretched tight, and the pain in her lip disappears as her teeth slowly shift to pointed tips. She steps closer to a nervous looking Quinn and with tears falling freely from her eyes, she actually growls at her. She knows she probably shouldn’t but she’s so mad, she just want to hit something. And Quinn is the perfect target right now.

  The other girl screams then and runs backwards into Spencer, who looks like he might throw up. Everyone else in the room goes silent and freezes in the same spot. Moira feels everyone’s eyes on her, but she doesn’t care, she’s so full of rage and hurt.

  “I always knew you were a freak. Look at you, you’re a monster. It’s discussing!” Quinn yells at her from behind Spencer.

  Moira growls again, and it tickles the back of her throat as she does. She’s about to take a step toward them, when the sound of a shotgun being cocked, startles her from behind. Turning around, she sees an older gentleman who she thinks is the owner, aiming a shotgun at her.

  “We don’t take kindly to you kind ar
ound here, young lady. If I were you, I’d leave before things get worse.” He says, and aims the gun higher at her, to signify how worse they could get.

  Moira holds her breath, and looks around at everyone in shock. What has she gotten herself into? She made everyone afraid of her, and her stomach rolls at the thought. Shacking, she slowly makes her way to the door. As she does, everyone moves out of her way, afraid she might infect them or something. Not looking back, she pushes the door open and blindly runs down the busy main street.

  She hasn’t run since the first week of school, and uses it now to escape from anything. It starts to rain, but she doesn’t let it slow her down as she gets drenched. She just pushes herself until she feels her persona retract and is left with a hollow numb feeling. After running what feels like a lifetime, she comes to a stop with a cry and falls to her knee’s sobbing. Not caring where she is, she just lets the tears fall as her body shakes uncontrollably. She can’t quite catch her breath, and feels like her heart is breaking in two. Falling forward into the grass, she lets the rain wash her away as she rolls to her side and curls into a ball. She squeezes her knees to her chest, and lets out great hiccupping sobs.

  She doesn’t know when the tears stop, but eventually they do, and she’s left with an empty shell. Laying in the wet grass, she clenches her eyes shut and rocks back and forth. After a while, Moira feels someone gently pick her up, and she doesn’t even have the strength to fight of this stranger.

  To her surprise though, it’s her brother Damon. Somehow, she made it all the way home from the theater, and was collapsed in her yard. She didn’t see or hear him pull up with his mother’s car, or when he came up to her. When he tried to rouse her, and she didn’t respond, he took her in his arms. Whispering soothing words to her, he carries her inside the house. She doesn’t really know what’s going on though, she does notice it’s warmer being out of the rain.

  Swiftly, he brings her upstairs without alerting they’re parents. Taking her in her bedroom, he gently lays her on her bed. She rolls over onto her side instantly, as more dry sobs rack her body. Noticing her shivering, he quickly grabs her blanket at the foot of her bed and tucks it tightly around her. He stands by her bed not sure what to do, but when Moira begins making breathy sobs, he climbs onto the bed with her. He takes her in his arms again, and holds her tightly.

  Somehow, more tears fall from her eyes, and her brother gently rubs her back and tells her it’s alright. In the back of her hazy mind, Moira knows it will never be alright. A blackness crawls into her mind then, and she feels herself sucked down into an abyss.

  ***

  Moira wakes up early Monday morning, to her brother Damon lightly shaking her shoulder. With a sigh, she rolls away from him and pulls the covers over her head. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to get out of bed yet, or if ever at all. When Damon sits down at the edge of her bed, she feels like crying again. She has never felt like he was her brother more than she had this weekend.

  She would probably still be curled into a ball on the front lawn, if it wasn’t for him. He carried her inside, stayed with her the whole night, and even longer than that actually. He made sure she ate and drank, while she stayed bed ridden. He even covered to their parents when she never showed her face out of her room. He asked her a couple times what happened, but she never went into detail. Just said it had to do with her secret. And he didn’t push her to say more either, which made her feel relieved.

  Now though, she wished he’d go away, since he wants her to get up. There is no way she can face everyone at school today. Who knows what rumors are going around about her? Damon reassured her all weekend that no police have come looking for her, if that’s what she’s worried about. He did say that her friend Marty has been calling, but she couldn’t face talking to him. He covered for her thankfully, and she’s very grateful for him.

  “Moira, you can’t stay in bed forever. Dad is going to start to think something is up, if you don’t leave your room.” He says with a sigh, as he lightly touches her back.

  Moira rolls over and tries to glare at him, but it doesn’t work right. Her eyes are still puffy from her outburst on Friday. She doesn’t know if she can ever have enough tears to cry again, and hopefully she doesn’t have to find out.

  “I’m scared.” She says in a hoarse whisper.

  “I know. But, I’ll give you a ride okay. I’ll be with you, and if Spencer says anything, I’ll kick his ass.” Damon says with a smile.

  Laughing slightly, Moira feels her heart swell. She never knew it could be like this between the two of them. In the ten years since they stopped getting along, she didn’t know what she was missing. Now she doesn’t know what she’d do without him. At least she has one person that truly knows everything about her, and that’s something that means a lot to her.

  Eventually, she drags herself out of bed and manages to takes a shower. Not bothering to dry or style her hair, she just throws it up into a messy bun. She doesn’t know if it’s the cooler weather, or the way she is so empty, but she hasn’t been able to get warm all weekend. So, she dresses in jeans and her warmest sweater she has. Deeming herself school presentable, she finds Damon downstairs ready to go.

  She doesn’t know who is more shocked that she and Damon are leaving together, her dad or Caroline. They both stare at them with shocked expressions, as they leave the house. If it was under different circumstances, Moira might laugh at the absurdity of it. But not today, she hardly knows what’s going on. She’s not foggy or hazy, she’s more hollow and not really aware that anything is real. The drive to school is a quiet one, and that lets her mentally prepare what school is going to be like. She knows without a doubt, that Spencer and Quinn had to have told everyone about her. It had to have reached her friends by now, and she can only imagine what they’re reaction is going to be. Not a good, she’d bet.

  By the time Damon pulls into the student parking lot, Moira still isn’t ready to go inside. But he doesn’t give her the chance to chicken out though, and he swiftly gets out and comes around to open her door.

  “Come on big Sis, you can do this.” He says reassuringly.

  Nodding in agreement, she stiffly gets out of the car and starts for the school. She stands in the detector line with Damon, and tries not to look around to see if anyone is watching her in a certain way. He doesn’t seem tense, so she assumes the coast is clear. She makes it inside the building, and once inside that’s when she notices the looks. They are a cross between disgust and curiosity, and that’s when she knows her cover has been broken.

  Moira freezes, and tries to back up out the door, but Damon pushes her onward. If she had the energy, she might have hit him. Instead, she lets him guide her through the watchful hallways and up to her locker. He doesn’t leave her side the whole way, and is like a protective presence. That is until they reach her locker, and find someone waiting for her. It’s Raven. Moira comes to a stop in front of her, and before she can say anything, she tells Damon to leave them alone. He looks between them, not sure if he should, but in the end he walks away.

  Moira goes to her locker and opens it, not sure if she even needs anything inside. She can feel Raven’s eyes boring into the back of her head, and knows she can just ignore her. When she peaks around her locker at her, Raven is glaring at her with her arms crossed.

  “How could you lie to me Moira?” She demands.

  “I’m so sorry, but I had too.” She says in a small voice.

  “So you had to lie to us, and make us think you were something you’re not? That’s bull.”

  “I know, I wanted to tell you every day.”

  “That’s another lie. If you really wanted too, you could have.” Raven says, as her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

  Before Moira can say anything else, Raven turns away and starts down the hall in the other direction. Sighing, she closes her locker and leans back against it. Now she wishes she made Damon stay with her. She has no idea how she’s going to get through the da
y like this. In every direction, people are staring at her, and she wants to yell at all of them.

  Knowing it’ll be worse if she shows up late to class, she pushes herself away and forces her feet to carry her toward the stairs. When she does though, she sees Spencer and Quinn coming down the hall towards her. Suddenly, everything that happened on Friday comes crashing back into her. With tears in her puffy eyes, she rushes for the stairs, not caring that she bumps into people as she passes. She can’t face seeing Spencer again, she just can’t.

  When she makes it to her history class, the room is still relatively empty and she finds a seat in the back. She lays her head down at the desk and closes her eyes, wishing the floor would just swallow her up. It doesn’t though unfortunately. It does however make her hear the footsteps approaching her. Peaking up from her arms, she sees Marty coming over to sit beside her. His face is blank, but she can only imagine what he’s thinking about her.

  “You weren’t on the bus this morning.” He says quietly.

  He didn’t really ask a question, so Moira doesn’t say anything. They stare at each other though, and her heart quickens in terror of what he’s going to say next. She doesn’t know what she will do, if he’s as mad as Raven. She can’t lose her best friend.

  “I was starting to worry when you didn’t call me back you know. Then Raven called me last night, and filled me in as to why” He adds.

  Moira holds her breath for what’s coming, and her eyes fill with tears again.

  “Why didn’t you every say anything to me Moira? I would have understood you know. I mean, I do understand.” He quickly looks away, before glancing back at her with a sad smile.

  “I know what it’s like to want to hide what you are, and I would have kept your secret.”

  With tears sliding out of her eyes, she whispers, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I wanted to every day, I swear it.”