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by Mia Castle

‘But you said you heard shouting.’ That was Dean. ‘Cat? Cat, are you in here?’

  No. Not here. Not here at all. Not hiding in a cupboard in your most precious room with the guy who has caused the biggest load of trouble EVA. Not me not me not me.

  ‘We’d better find her,’ said Dean with a sigh. ‘I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on her, not losing her the second my back’s turned. I have to get back to the boardroom. Lock up properly, Janice, and please go check the ladies’ toilets.’

  ‘Actually, that’s what the shouting was. Ladies. She’s probably stuck in there,’ said Janice. Her voice faded quickly and then there was the ominous rattling of the keys in the door.

  ‘We’re trapped in here, aren’t we?’ said Jason.

  ‘Guess so.’

  ‘And he’s not here.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘The other Me. The whole reason we’re here.’

  ‘Oh, yes. No, he’s not here.’

  I’d sort of forgotten that we were supposed to be tracking down Jason’s double. Once again I’d got all caught up in the sciency moment and lost sight of the really important thing. Clever but stupid, you see?

  A bit like the two halves of Jason.

  Chapter 13: No Matter What (Boyzone)

  We pondered what to do. If I rang to tell Dean where I was, he’d have a tanty. If Jason rang, he’d have three tanties. Then if he realised we were together he’d have a coronary, and possibly lose a fiancée. There was nothing to do but sit and wait until the door was re-opened and sneak out. It took us a while to realise we didn’t have to stand in the cupboard the whole time, though. Eventually we popped out into the gloom of the lab, and sat back down at the table.

  ‘They’ll have to come back soon,’ I said. ‘The Japanese have to inspect the Vortexicon.’

  ‘What, all of them?’ said Jason. ‘That’s going to be a squeeze.’

  Hmmm. That was what I’d thought too. Was there something in the V room that was swapping our brain cells? ‘Nooooo, not all of them. Just the ones who might want to invest.’

  Jason’s face turned serious. ‘It’s a bit dangerous, this machine, isn’t it? I’m not sure anybody should be investing in it.’

  I was starting to think the same thing (again), but suddenly felt very disloyal for thinking it – to science in general, and to my step-dad-to-be who was doing brilliant things in genetics. Apart from the Other Jazzy. That was probably a low point in genetics. I changed the subject.

  ‘So what would you invest in if you could? Oh, you can! Keep forgetting you’re super rich.’

  Jason let out a short laugh. ‘Not really. I’m very comfortable, of course, but Stephen’s got hold of the purse strings. And I’m tied in to a three year contract, so I couldn’t …’ He stopped short. ‘I’d go back to college and re-train, as a horticulturalist. And buy a nursery – the plant kind, obviously. Maybe a chain of nurseries.’

  Now I knew there was something weird about the V room. It was turning ridiculous Jason Devaney into a perfectly decent human being. One who thought like me! ‘You’re kidding, right?’

  ‘Nope. I loved Dad’s market garden, especially all the seedlings. There’s something honest about it all, and it would be a tribute to him since he died. Of course I love my music, and I thought Double Vision would be it for ever, but it’s all a bit …’ He shrugged.

  Then I remembered something. ‘That nursery idea must be a really strong instinct in you, or something. Even Other You liked the smell of slugs.’

  ‘Cool,’ said Jason. ‘What about you?’

  ‘Yeah, actually I quite like the smell too – earthy and damp.’

  He laughed. ‘No, what would you invest in?’

  Well, And well again. That was a puzzler. ‘Um, my university education.’

  ‘New car for your mum?’

  ‘Ah, yes. And then … this, I suppose.’ I waved a hand around the Vortexicon lab. ‘I think all this is brilliant. I’d just make sure it was put to the proper use.’

  Jason smiled, his teeth glowing. ‘You’d use your power for good?’

  ‘Of course. I’m nice. I’m a really nice person.’

  Jason suddenly looked like he was going to say something, but had a little internal struggle and stopped himself. Then he said, ‘Why did you call yourself Big Bird in your text?’

  ‘Well, duh,’ I said, holding out my hair wings. ‘All I need is to be yellow and I’d look just like him.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t.’ For the first time, he stared straight at me, and I could feel myself blushing like a complete idiot. ‘You look … fine.’

  And this was the perfect, the PERFECT opportunity to point him towards what I needed him to focus on. ‘I’ll tell you who looks fine – my friend Dolores.’

  ‘Scary collar girl? I only really saw her fingernails.’

  ‘Well, she really lerrrrvs you,’ I said, not letting him off that easily. If I was going to help him find the other Jazzy, he could darn well help me get Freddie the Ferd Nerd. ‘And she’s totally gorgeous. In fact, tonight I’ve got this double date with the most beautiful boy ever and his geeky buddy, and Dolores is going to be looking so fantastic without even knowing it that Freddie will be all eyes for her and won’t even notice me …’ Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. Why was I blithering on to him in this ridiculous way? And why could I not stop? ‘Thing is, Freddie’s the one I like even though he barely knows I’m alive, and his nerdy mate likes me, and Dolores loves you, and these chemical reactions are just all wrong. Just all completely wrong.’

  At several points during my little monologue, Jason had held up a finger to interrupt, but at my last sentence he dropped his hand into his lap and cocked his head at me. ‘These whats are all wrong?’ he said.

  ‘The chemical reactions of the brain,’ I said. ‘The things people mistake for love. It’s just a chemical reaction in the organ of the brain. A powerful one, I’ll grant you, and that’s what I might think I have for Freddie and his attractive upper lip, but it’s just surges of serotonin and dopamine and that kind of stuff. Love,’ I added in case he wasn’t following me properly.

  He stared at me as if he’d never heard anything quite like it in his life. Which I could quite understand as I am more than usually clever. Then, ‘No, it’s not,’ he said. ‘Well, it might be what Dolores mistakes for love for me as she doesn’t actually know me, but love is not a chemical reaction. No way.’

  ‘It is. I even thought of a t-shirt for it. I CRY. I Chemical Reaction You.’

  Jason slapped his hand on the table emphatically. ‘It’s not! Love is … a feeling.’

  ‘Well, that’s original.’

  He looked quite annoyed at that. ‘Not a feeling of “ewww, I really want to kiss your attractive upper lip”’, he said sarcastically, and so accurately that I now knew he was reading my mind. ‘It’s a feeling of … of knowing you’re safe. Of coming home. Being surer than you’ve ever been that this person is never going to let you down; never going to leave you alone again. It’s a feeling of softness, and easiness, and happiness. It’s not just a … a nuclear reaction in your frontal lobe.’

  So now he was trying to be sciency. ‘Frontal lobe, eh? Aren’t you the clever one?’

  ‘Well, I’m not thick,’ he snapped. ‘Just because I’m a pop star doesn’t mean I’m uneducated or illiterate. I’m pretty smart, actually.’

  And I could quite clearly hear that pretty smart was what he was. Pretty and smart, actually. Not as pretty as Freddie (far too muscly) and probably not as smart, thought I didn’t have much to base that on, but definitely a different kettle of fish than Other Jazzy.

  Also large and angry and two feet away.

  ‘Okay, okay,’ I said, as much to myself as to him. I felt strangely fluttery and panicked, almost as if I might cry. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re thick.’

  ‘No, I’m sorry, I over-reacted,’ he said. ‘I just thought … I thought you were different.’

  ‘Oh, I am definit
ely different,’ I said. ‘Different to what?’ Just needed to be sure.

  ‘To the rest of them.’

  I didn’t quite know what to say to that, so we sat in silence for a while as I thought about how different I am to the rest of them … Always different. Different and an outsider, and tall so that I hunched over to try to make myself the same height as everyone else (and my mum had to send me to ballroom dancing lessons to combat the hump that was appearing between my shoulder blades). Clever and knowing the answer but realising that saying the answer aloud didn’t make me any friends. In fact, it could cause more problems than I could ever imagine.

  Yeah, I was different, all right.

  I thought of something. ‘Do you know, at the school in Jersey, I didn’t speak to anyone but the teacher for the whole six months I was there. There’s no way I would have spoken to you, even if you’d been at the same school.’

  Jason lifted his head. ‘Nobody at all? That’s awful.’

  ‘Well, once …’ Gosh. I hadn’t been into this territory for a very long time. ‘Once I got a question right and then kept talking to the teacher, and one of the other girls punched me in the playground. Called me an alien because I was so tall and knew things the others didn’t. So after that I kept my mouth shut, and only spoke to Gemma.’

  Ouch. There it was. Out in the open. The name I swore never to mention. She-who-shall-not-be-named.

  It was bound to come. ‘Who’s Gemma?’

  ‘Nobody.’

  ‘The only person you dared to speak to for six whole months was a nobody? I don’t think so.’ And then he did a really weird thing, Jason Devaney from that same Jersey school. He reached out and took hold of my hand. ‘Come on. I showed you my outrageous stage self. You can tell me who Gemma is.’

  He squeezed my fingers encouragingly, and somehow the words popped out of my mouth. ‘She’s my sister. My step-sister.’

  Jason looked surprised. ‘Omigod, is she … did she die? I’m so sorry.’

  But she didn’t die. That would have been bearable. ‘No, she’s alive. She just left with Dad when he went. Divided up the family unit. And she … she blamed me for splitting up my mum and her dad, because I was such hard work and Mum had to worry over me so much. She said it was my fault, and she never wanted to see me again.’ And suddenly I was crying. ‘I was only ten. She was sixteen – the age I am now. It really really upset me.’

  So Jason did what any normal nice guy would do and pulled me into his shoulder and patted my back in sort of a comforting rubbing motion with his mouth in my left hair wing, going ‘Oh, Cat,’ and ‘Never mind,’ and ‘Poor little Catherine Melissa Andrews’ until I stopped crying, and then he said, ‘You’ll be ruining your make-up.’

  ‘I don’t wear make-up.’ I sniffed. ‘Oh! You didn’t shave your head.’

  ‘No. Decided I like my hair,’ he said with a grin.

  I looked up at the top of his head. ‘I like your hair too. Shame to be bald at your age.’

  We were just looking at each other, me studying his hairy head and him apparently observing what a naked, make-up-free face looked like, when the door rattled again. We dived for the cupboard, and then when the Japanese presentation was in full flow about ten minutes later, we crawled out under cover of darkness, trying not to giggle.

  Jason lingered at the emergency exit for a moment as he looked at his phone. Then he held it up for me to see. ‘I think we’ve found the other Jazzy D,’ he said.

  Sure enough, there was Jason’s double, large as life though wearing half the clothes, with his arm draped around an actress and flash bulbs going off all around him. Dolores’ plan had worked.

  ‘Is that Keira Knightley?’ I said. I didn’t remember her being that auburn haired.

  ‘No. Keira’s married, anyway. I’ve no idea who that is,’ said Jason, with an expression on his face that suggested he’d prefer to keep it that way. ‘But at least we know where he is.’

  He pointed to the sign above their heads. ‘He’s gone to Stephen’s offices. I’d better …’

  ‘Yes, you’d better …’

  Scanning the area quickly, Jason was about to set off when he suddenly turned back on himself. ‘You know your date tonight?’

  ‘Oh yes.’

  ‘Just be yourself.’

  Wow. Well, that was rich, coming from Jason Jekyll and Jazzy D Hyde. And what kind of advice was that? ‘Be myself? You must be kidding. What, do you want to be alone forever?’

  He laughed and shook his head at the same time. ‘You won’t … He’s not going … The guy sounds like a prat, to be honest. But I promise you, Cat. Yourself is enough.’

  ‘Oh, I know that. Two for the price of one, at my height.’

  ‘Stop already.’

  For some reason, it bugged him when I made jokes about myself. ‘Okay.’

  Satisfied, he sneaked off back through the trees, and I sauntered casually back to Reception and told Janice I’d been out for a look around the university, and sorry if I’d alarmed anyone, and then I got a lift with Dean back home so I could get ready for my date with Freddie. Or rather, my double date with Freddie and Nerdy Mate.

  That Vortexicon must have been giving off brain-frying radiation or something, because no matter how hard I tried, I could no longer remember what Freddie’s attractive upper lip looked like.

  Chapter14: Tearin’ Up My Heart (NSync)

  Okay, so I should probably have mentioned the sister. Step-sister. I already had one, you see, which meant that I did not actually need or want another one. Especially one who was perfectly lovely and would probably want to be all buddy-buddy with me and then just bugger off when Dean and Mum split up.

  They went back to Germany, Dad and Gemma. He wasn’t actually my dad, but he’d been there from when I was little. And Gemma wasn’t actually Mum’s daughter, but she brought her up with Dad from the age of seven. So that was our family unit, and when Mum and Dad split up Gemma was really, really angry (mostly with me) and got very stroppy and decided to go with Dad and refused to come and see us again even when Dad occasionally came over to see me. She left her cardigan behind, and that was it. All traces of Gemma completely obliterated, like she never existed.

  Little though I was (as in young – still freakishly tall), I decided that if that was how she wanted it, that’s how it would be. Gemma never existed. I didn’t talk about her from that day on, and nobody but nobody apart from Mum – and now, I guessed, Dean and possibly Aggie – knew about it.

  Oh. And weirdly, the lead singer of Double Vision.

  I didn’t want to think about it any more – any of it: Gemma being horrible and disappearing; Mum and me both missing her and not being able to do anything about it; Jason Jazzy Divine Devaney suddenly being aware of stuff that even Dolores didn’t know … So I decided to concentrate on my date. My first date. A real, live date that I, Catherine Melissa Andrews the Cat-Astrophe, was going on with a real live boy and his Nerdy Mate. In my dreams, of course, it was just me, the real live boy, and his top lip.

  Double dates are weird things, aren’t they? Well, dates of any kind are pretty weird for me, seeing as I haven’t been on any, but the whole notion of a double date seems wrong to me. More about the double and less about the date. I mean, are you meant to only talk to the person you are meant to be on the date with, or can you talk to the friend you have gone with, and are you ever allowed to talk to the other guy, the one who thinks they’re on a date with the friend you have gone with?

  All this and so much more was a complete mystery to me as Dolores dragged out the same clothes she’d tried to persuade me to wear to the Double Vision concert, and I tried to not mention that I’d just spent the whole day and some of the previous night with her beloved. For some reason I had got the image of him in a sleeping bag stuck in my mind, and it wouldn’t leave my brain no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on Dolores and The Double Date.

  Dolores held up a skirt that would have touched her ankles and came t
o approximately mid-way to my knees. ‘How about this?’

  ‘That’s my first Trevellyan school skirt. I’m not wearing that.’

  ‘I thought it looked familiar. Okay, how about this?’

  Now she was holding out a dress that Mother Dearest had made me buy for some family wedding, when I had to keep pointing out to her that I was not the one getting married and did not want something white, frilly and down to the floor. I ended up with something white, frilly and down to the floor, and spent the whole day feeling like a single bed on its end.

  No. ‘I can’t tell you the amount of therapy I’d need if I ever put that back on.’

  ‘It’s nice.’

  ‘It’s vile.’

  Dolores inspected it. ‘Maybe if we cut off the bottom half?’

  ‘That’s tempting. Then I’ll be your height.’

  ‘Not your bottom half, doofus,’ said Dolores. ‘The bottom half of the dress.’

  I flung myself onto the beanbag, trying not to give away in my facial expressions that I was very much remembering Jason Devaney flopping onto that very same beanbag, as Dolores would never, ever forgive me for hiding him from her again.

  ‘I don’t know, Double D. Can’t I just wear my jeans? Apparently I’ve just got to be myself.’

  To her great, great credit, Dolores did not throw back her pink hair and laugh like a kookaburra, going, ‘What fool told you that? Yourself? You should NEVER, EVER be yourself.’

  Instead she sighed and turned back to my wardrobe. ‘Okay. But let’s just make you a bit more of yourself.’

  ‘You want me to be taller? I could wear a ladder.’ Oop. Stop thinking about the ladder. Jason climbed the ladder. It’s probably still leaning against my window sill. Do not think about the … ‘Ladder.’

  ‘Why did you say ladder twice?’

  ‘Nothing.’ Lummy, I was making no sense at all. ‘What do you mean, a bit more of myself?’

  Dolores turned and inspected me as if I was one of her bras-for-the-bigger-boobed customers. ‘We’ll just enhance your best bits and de-focus your not so best bits.’