But her soul felt empty this afternoon. In addition to missing Willis every single day, she only got to see Cindy on Sundays, and seeing the little girl’s eyes light up whenever she approached only made it that much harder.
Mary Ruth also felt a burden for both of her granddaughters. Although Lenore didn’t say so, Mary Ruth was certain the somber expression on Lenore’s face proved that she still loved Jesse and hurt because he didn’t return her love.
Then there was Sara, still burdened over not knowing who her biological father was. Mary Ruth wished she had an answer for her English granddaughter. If only Rhoda had confided in her father or me and admitted she was pregnant and told us the name of her baby’s father.
“Enough weeding for today.” Mary Ruth ended her introspections and set her gardening tools on the porch. Nothing could be gained by rehashing the past when it couldn’t be changed. “Think I’ll go inside now, read some scripture and pray, and then take a nap.”
Lenore sat at her desk, rubbing her tired eyes. The scholars had left for the day, and she had some papers to go over before tomorrow’s lessons. If I could be anywhere else right now, where would it be? Maybe on a two-week trip to Sarasota with Grandma, she mused. A getaway would be a nice change but not practical at this time.
Lenore picked up a paper and began to review it. The student had done a fine job, and she wrote the grade at the top of the page. Lenore hoped every paper in the pile would be like the first one. It was hard to believe the school term was almost over. Lenore would spend the summer months helping Grandma with the garden and all the chores that needed to be done around the house. Either Dad or one of her brothers would continue to do most of the heavy outdoor chores, as well as anything Lenore and Grandma couldn’t do inside the house.
Last Saturday, Ben and Peter had come over to patch a few places on the roof where some shingles had come loose. A few days before that Dad had come by to fix a leaky toilet upstairs. Lenore’s mother came as often as she could to help with some of the easier chores. She would no doubt be available when it was time to pick produce from the garden and can some of it in the pressure cooker.
Lenore tapped her fingers on the desk. Wish I could be home with Grandma all the time and didn’t have to teach school anymore. If Jesse hadn’t called off our wedding, we’d be getting married the last Thursday of this month, and then my only job would be taking care of Cindy and being a good wife.
Despite her sorrow over the way things had transpired, it was better than finding out he didn’t love her after they were married. That would have been a crushing blow. It was hard to imagine living with a man she called husband but not truly being his wife in every sense of the word. Could I have done it for Cindy’s sake? Lenore asked herself for the umpteenth time. Should I have agreed to marry Jesse anyway, in hopes that he might love me someday?
The schoolhouse door opened and Mark stepped inside. “I was hoping you’d still be here. Are you busy?” he called.
“Just going over some papers.” She smiled as he approached her desk. “What brings you by the schoolhouse this afternoon?”
“Came to let you know I finally got myself a new waegli.”
“That’s good. I’m sure you’re glad to have found a buggy that will work for you.”
“I am, and now the rig I’d been borrowing is back with its owner. It’s nice having a closed-in buggy.”
Lenore laid down her pen. “So where did you get it?”
“The buggy maker closest to here mentioned an Amish man who wanted to sell his used buggy. So I went to the address, and the man showed me the one I’m driving now.”
“It sounds like you’re happy with it.”
“Jah, and I was hoping you’d have the time to go for a ride with me. I’d like to show you how nice it rides.”
She motioned to the stack of papers on her desk. “Sorry, Mark, I can’t go right now, but maybe some evening this week.” Lenore could tell he really wanted her to go with him today, and she felt bad for turning him down.
Mark’s smile faded as he remained next to her desk. Then his grin returned before he spoke. “How about Friday? Would that work for you?” He popped the knuckles on his right hand.
Lenore had a flashback, remembering that she’d seen him do that several times when they attended school together. As she recalled, the finger popping had taken place whenever Mark seemed apprehensive about something. Perhaps he’d been nervous about asking her to take a ride in his buggy.
With only a slight hesitation, Lenore nodded. Maybe a few hours with Mark would take her mind off other things.
Chapter 38
Clymer
Michelle listened intently as one of their elderly ministers read Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” The minister delivering the message was the easiest to understand. He tended to use more English words in his address to the congregation than the bishop and other preachers did.
Michelle was still getting used to deciphering the German words spoken during Amish church, but her language skills were coming along. At least she understood most of the Pennsylvania Dutch words the Amish spoke as their everyday language.
She’d gotten used to doing without TV and other modern electronic conveniences. She no longer needed those forms of stimulation. The simple life was what Michelle thought was important.
As she sat with the other women on wooden benches, Michelle appreciated the pillow she’d been offered to sit on today. Another young woman also sat on a pillow. She was expecting a baby too, only she wasn’t as far along as Michelle.
Michelle rested both hands on her stomach. In a little over two months she would give birth, and since she’d finally set her fears aside, she could hardly wait for the big day. Michelle felt certain that Ezekiel would be a good father, and hoped she’d be a good mother as well. Ezekiel’s mother planned to come and stay with them for a while after the baby was born, and Michelle looked forward to that. Even though Belinda hadn’t accepted her at first, as time went on and Michelle became a member of the Amish church, their relationship had improved.
Michelle glanced at her new friend, Anita Beiler, who was also new to the area. Anita and her husband, Nate, were expecting a baby in August. The two couples had gotten together a few times to visit and play board games. Michelle and Anita had also spent some time together, sewing clothes for their babies and helping each other with their gardens. It was nice to have someone to talk to who was about her age, and Michelle had finally reached the point where she felt like Clymer was her home.
She gave her belly a gentle tap, and as if in response, the baby kicked. It will be your home too, little one. As the Bible verse said, all things were working out for her good.
Michelle glanced at her husband from across the room. Ezekiel’s relaxed expression let her know that he too felt content.
Strasburg
As Lenore sat in church, listening to the second message of the morning, she glanced at the men’s side and noticed Mark looking at her. She quickly dropped her gaze, hoping no one had noticed them making eye contact, which would be inappropriate in church.
Lenore wondered why he hadn’t picked her up for a buggy ride on Friday evening as they’d planned. He hadn’t even bothered to call. Had he forgotten about it or simply changed his mind? Either way, it was inconsiderate of him not to let her know.
Lenore kept her gaze focused on her folded hands. Since I have no expectations of us establishing a relationship and apparently neither does Mark, I suppose it doesn’t really matter that he didn’t show up on Friday evening. He’s just an acquaintance—not even a close friend, because a friend would have the courtesy to let the other person know if they had to cancel their plans.
As the next song began, Lenore looked up from her hymnal and saw Jesse holding Cindy. The child looked so cute sitting on her daddy’s lap with a wide-eyed expression. Drawing her arms close to her body
and gripping the Amish hymnal tightly, Lenore dropped her gaze once more. Some men can’t be trusted. At least that’s how it appears to be with Jesse and Mark. They say one thing and then go back on their word.
When church was over and everyone had been served a light lunch, some people went home while others lingered, gathering in groups to visit. Since Cindy had become fussy and needed her diaper changed, Jesse decided it was time to head for home. Hopefully she would sleep after he’d changed her diaper, and then Jesse would try to do some reading, or he might even take a nap himself.
As Jesse headed for his buggy, carrying Cindy as well as her diaper bag, he thought about how things were when he’d been courting Lenore. He reflected on the advice Vera had given him a few weeks ago and wondered if he’d been too hasty breaking things off with Lenore. Maybe he did have some feelings for her. It could be that if they had gotten married those feelings would have turned to love. Jesse wondered if he should see if Lenore might be willing to let him court her again.
Almost every Sunday that their district held church services, he and Cindy had gone over to Mary Ruth’s house and spent the afternoon and evening hours with her and Lenore. They’d often played board games or just sat and visited. And of course, the women would always fix something tasty to eat. Jesse missed those times. Truth was, he also missed conversing with Lenore. But the question was—did he love her? If he did, he had been pushing his feelings down to keep from being untrue to Esther’s memory.
Jesse approached his buggy and got Cindy settled inside. As he turned toward his horse, waiting patiently to go, he caught sight of Lenore over by the fence, talking to Mark Zook, whom he’d finally met.
Jesse tried not to gawk at the two of them as they visited. Instead, he turned his head to look inside the buggy at Cindy, yawning in her car seat. When Jesse looked back, he noticed Lenore’s buggy. Mary Ruth stood outside the buggy with her arms folded, no doubt waiting for Lenore. Jesse caught sight of her looking in the couple’s direction. He couldn’t see her expression from here but wondered if Mary Ruth approved of Lenore’s new friend.
The skin under Jesse’s eyes tightened as a pang of jealousy shot through him. His teeth clenched. I bet something is going on between those two. Guess I waited too long, he berated himself. So now what do I do? Should I forget about Lenore and move on with my life, or see if there’s a possibility of pursuing a relationship again?
“I’m sorry about not coming by to pick you up on Friday for a ride in my buggy.” Mark reached out his hand as if to touch Lenore, but quickly pulled it away. “If you’re willing to listen, I’d like to explain what happened.”
Lenore leaned against the fence and looked up at him. “I’m willing to listen.”
“I had to work later than normal Friday evening, and by the time I got back to my uncle’s place, I’d developed a koppweh.” Mark leaned on the fence too, and when he smiled, she caught a whiff of his minty breath.
“It’s too bad about your headache. I understand how miserable those can be. What I don’t understand, though, is why you didn’t call and let me know you weren’t coming.”
“I did call, but the voice mail on your answering machine must have been nearly full, because it cut off before I could even say who I was.” He popped a few knuckles on his left hand.
“Oh, I see.” Lenore had no choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt—especially because she had discovered that their answering machine was full when she’d checked it last evening.
“Am I forgiven?” Mark’s arms hung loosely at his sides, but his tender gaze remained on her.
“Jah.” Lenore looked over toward her buggy and saw Grandma waiting. She appeared to be looking their way. Lenore’s face warmed, and Mark’s proximity wasn’t helping. I wonder what Grandma is thinking right now. Am I moving on too soon?
Mark cleared his throat. “Lenore, are you okay? Your cheeks look mighty red all of a sudden.”
“I’m fine. Uh, sorry, what did you say?” She stepped from Grandma’s view.
“I’d like another chance, and I was thinking if you’re not busy, I could come by your grandma’s place this evening and take you for a ride.” Mark’s sincere expression made it difficult to say no.
Lenore managed a weak smile. “I have no special plans for this evening, so jah, I’m willing to go for a ride.”
Mark’s lips stretched into a pleasant smile. “Okay, good. I’ll see you around seven.”
As Mark walked away, Lenore turned toward her buggy, where Grandma sat waiting. Sure hope I didn’t make a mistake saying I would go.
That evening, Lenore’s parents came by to see how she and Grandma were doing. Mom brought along some cold fried chicken and potato salad, and Lenore took coleslaw from the refrigerator that she’d made yesterday, along with some pickled beets and chow-chow.
“Danki for helping me get supper on,” Lenore said to her mother. “It’s nice for Grandma to just sit and relax for a change while she visits with Dad.”
Mom nodded. “Jah, it’s good for them to have a little mother-son time.”
“I agree. It’s been awfully quiet around the house ever since Jesse found someone else to watch Cindy, and Grandma misses the little girl.”
“I figured as much. She’s not as cheerful as she was when she kept busy taking care of Cindy,” Mom observed. “So how are things going with you?”
Lenore shrugged as she placed the bowl of coleslaw on the table. “Okay, I guess. I’m getting a bit bored with teaching though, and I’ve been praying that God will show me what He has in store for me down the road.”
“I’ll be praying for you too.” Mom hugged Lenore. “Now your grandma mentioned when we first arrived that you were talking to a nice-looking Amish man after church this afternoon.”
“It was Mark Zook. He and his folks used to live in the area, and he went to school with me.”
“So are he and his family here for a visit?”
“No, I believe Mark plans to stay here. He’s working for his uncle John in his woodworking business.”
“I see.” Mom tipped her head. “Do you mind me asking what the two of you were talking about today?”
“Nothing much. Mark was just asking if he could take me for a buggy ride.”
A wide smile spread across Mom’s face. “I’m glad to hear that. It’ll be good for you to start courting again.”
Lenore released an exasperated sigh. “Mom, Mark and I are not courting. We’re just renewing our acquaintance, and he probably needs a friend.”
“Well, you just never know—your friendship with Mark might lead to something else.” Mom’s tone sounded hopeful. No doubt she was as eager to see Lenore married off as Lenore was herself. Well, it remained to be seen what her future held. The main thing, Lenore kept reminding herself, was to keep her focus on God and live a good Christian life. And as long as she was teaching, she needed to be a good example to her students, even if she no longer felt that teaching was her true calling.
Chapter 39
Lancaster
As the last few parishioners headed out the door after the church service had ended, Charlene Givens, a young woman who had recently started attending Brad’s Friday night Bible study, paused at the door and smiled at Sara. “My husband and I are looking forward to the barbecue you and the pastor are hosting this coming Saturday. Is there anything I can bring?”
Stunned and barely able to form any words, Sara stammered, “Uh, no, I—I don’t think so.”
Charlene smiled. “Okay, we’ll see you Saturday evening then. And if you change your mind and would like me to bring something, please give me a call.”
Sara watched as the young woman walked away and got into the car where her husband, Roger, waited. Sara’s forehead creased. Now what was that all about? This was the first she’d heard anything about a barbecue at their house. Could Charlene be misinformed, or did Brad plan the event without telling me? Should I have told her I didn’t know about the barbecue?
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br /> She turned toward her husband, who had moments ago been talking with the head deacon. Should I say something to Brad now or wait till we get home?
“You okay, hon?” Brad asked, stepping up to her. “You look perplexed.”
“I am. Did you invite Charlene and Roger Givens to our house for a barbecue this coming Saturday?”
He nodded.
Sara frowned, clamping one hand firmly against her hip.
“Without telling me or asking if I approved?”
Brad blinked rapidly. “I did tell you. We discussed it one night last week after you got home from work.”
Sara shook her head. “I’m sure I’d remember if we had such a discussion. You can imagine how surprised I was when Charlene brought it up and asked if there was anything she could bring.”
“Can we discuss this after we get home?” Brad glanced to his right, and Sara noticed that the deacon stood nearby, looking at the church guest book. Or maybe he’s listening to our conversation so he can tell others what we’re saying.
Knowing Brad was right about waiting until they got home to finish their discussion, Sara gave a brief nod. The last thing they needed was a round of gossip about the pastor and his wife having a disagreement right here in the church.
Brad said a few words to the deacon, then followed Sara out the door. They walked across the parking lot and into the yard of the parsonage, which was next to the church. As soon as they entered the house, Sara turned to face Brad. “I am almost one-hundred percent sure you did not mention anything about a barbecue to me.”
A muscle quivered in his jaw. “And I’m equally sure I did, Sara. You were probably preoccupied and didn’t listen to what I said. However, when I mentioned it, you did nod your head, so I assumed you were fine with the idea of having a few people over for food and fellowship.”
Sara tapped her foot impatiently. “I’m certain I would remember something as important as you expecting me to host a barbecue—and during one of the busiest times for the flower shop, no less.” She looked at Brad through half-closed lids. “Have you forgotten that next Sunday is Mother’s Day? Saturday will be a zoo at the shop all day, and I may even have to work late.”
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