“There were plenty of interesting things to see, but nothing I needed or wanted.” Jesse pulled out a chair at the table and sat down with a heavy sigh.
“Is something wrong? You look unhappy.”
“Nothing’s wrong exactly; I just saw something that kind of disturbed me.”
“What was it?”
“Lenore was at the mud sale with some tall, blond-haired fellow, and he had his hand on her arm. I had a feeling that they came there together. Just thinking that the young man she was with might be interested in her made me feel a twinge of jealousy.”
“First of all, how do you know they were together? Maybe he’s simply someone she knows and they were having a casual conversation.” Vera shrugged. “Besides, even if there is something going on between Lenore and this fellow, why should it bother you? You’re not going to marry her, and you admitted that you don’t love her. So you shouldn’t be jealous, and seeing her with another man shouldn’t bother you one iota.”
Vera was right, but even though it didn’t make any sense, Jesse was more than a little bothered by the idea that Lenore might have a new love interest.
“Maybe you care more for Lenore than you’re willing to admit.”
Jesse shook his head. “It’s just the idea that a few weeks ago Lenore and I were planning to be married. It was a bit upsetting to see her with someone so soon after our breakup.”
Vera reached over and gave his shirtsleeve a tug. “Don’t you think it’s time to move on, Jesse?”
“What do you mean? I moved here to start over after Esther died. Isn’t that moving on?”
“It’s a beginning all right.” Her forehead creased. “But I have a hunch you’ve been fighting your feelings for Lenore.”
Jesse shook his head. “I don’t think so, Vera. I only see her as a friend.”
“Would you like some advice from a woman who’s lived a good many years?”
Jesse nodded slowly. What else could he do? It wouldn’t be right to tell Vera he didn’t want her advice.
“Don’t be like my son, Herschel, and live the rest of your life alone, pining for a wife who is gone and will never return to you.” She paused and drew in a breath. After releasing it slowly, Vera spoke again. “My husband and I have had to sit back all this time and watch our son refuse to let go of his grief. I’m not saying he should have gotten married again, mind you. But Herschel has never given himself a chance to really enjoy life since Mattie died. And if the opportunity to love another woman had come along, I am almost certain he would not have taken it, because he didn’t want to be untrue to Mattie’s memory.” She placed her hand on his arm. “Your dear wife is gone, Jesse, but you’re still here with the responsibility of raising your daughter.”
“I’m doing the best I can for Cindy.”
“Of course you are, but you need to think of your own needs too.”
Jesse dropped his gaze. “I was. When I asked Lenore to marry me, I was selfishly thinking how nice it would be to have someone to run the household for me.” His eyebrows gathered in. “I regret having asked her now. It wasn’t fair to let Lenore believe I was in love with her.”
Vera placed both hands on her hips. “How do you know your friendship couldn’t have developed into love? Most relationships between a man and woman start out that way. Weren’t you and Esther friends before you fell in love?”
“Jah.”
“And don’t you think Esther would want you to find love again?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Of course she would. And I believe Esther would approve of Lenore. If Lenore is willing, maybe you should begin courting her again and see where things lead.”
Jesse leaned heavily against the back of his chair. “I’m not sure my feelings for Lenore will change, but I’ll think seriously about what you’ve said.”
“There’s one more thing I’d like to say on the matter.” Vera leaned slightly forward.
“What’s that?”
“If your feelings for Lenore aren’t changing, then why are you jealous of the man you saw her talking to at the mud sale?”
Jesse’s only response was a brief shrug, because he had no answer to Vera’s question.
Strasburg
“I’m home!” Lenore called when she came in the back door.
“Welcome back. I’m in here!”
When Lenore entered the kitchen, she found Grandma at the stove, stirring something in a kettle.
Lenore sniffed. “Are you making baked potato soup for lunch?”
Grandma turned to look at Lenore and grinned. “You have a good sniffer.”
Lenore laughed.
“How did things go at the mud sale? Were there a lot of people?”
“Jah, and I ran into Mark Zook while I was there.”
Grandma tipped her head. “Oh? He’s the young man you mentioned who recently moved back to our area, right?”
Lenore nodded. “He came to work for his uncle in the woodworking trade.”
Grandma turned back to the stove. “Was he looking for woodworking tools at the sale?”
“He said he came there to see if he could find a used buggy.”
“And did he?”
“No. I suggested he check with one of the local buggy makers who often have used carriages to sell.” Lenore went to the kitchen sink and washed her hands. “He said he’d like to take me for a ride when he gets his own buggy.”
“Hmm … sounds like this young man might be interested in you.”
“I doubt it. I’m sure he just needs a friend.” Lenore finished washing her hands and dried them on a clean towel. “Now what can I do to help with lunch?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate you going down to the basement for a jar of canned peaches. I thought I’d make a cobbler for dessert this evening.”
“I’d be happy to do that. Anything else?”
“Maybe a jar of green beans. We can have them as our vegetable to go with the chicken I’ll be roasting later this afternoon.”
“Okay, I’ll be up with the beans and peaches soon.” Lenore headed for the basement stairs and turned on the battery-operated light to guide her down. When she reached the bottom, a thought popped into her head. Think I’ll take a few minutes to read some of the notes in the prayer jar. I haven’t looked at it in a while, and I might read something that will inspire me today.
Lenore got the jar down, and the first note she pulled out was a prayer: Dear Lord, please heal the hurt in my heart, for right now I feel that it will never go away.
Lenore could relate to the feeling of hurt that had been in her heart since Jesse called off the wedding. It pained her even more whenever she met someone from their community and was asked why she and Jesse weren’t seeing each other anymore or why the wedding had been called off. Every time she had to explain, it was like opening a wound that had never fully healed.
The biggest question for Lenore was why she had allowed herself to fall in love with Jesse. She squeezed her eyes shut. And my precious little Cindy—I love her so much too.
Feeling weighed down and wishing she could sleep, Lenore forced her eyes to open. Reaching into the jar again, she pulled out another slip of paper. Proverbs 3:5–6 had been written on this one: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Lenore contemplated her need to trust God with her future and quit fretting over what might have been. She needed to move forward with her life and pray for wisdom and direction in the days ahead.
Before going home, Sara asked Brad if he would mind stopping by her grandmother’s house for a short visit.
“Sure, that’s fine. It’s good to check on her regularly, in case she needs something.”
“Agreed.” Once more, Sara thanked the Lord for her thoughtful, caring husband.
When they arrived at their destination, Sara got out of the car and headed for the house while Brad
played chase-the-stick with Sadie. The poor dog always acted starved for attention, although Sara felt sure the collie wasn’t ignored by Grandma or Lenore. No doubt Sadie missed Grandpa. He’d spent a lot of time with her. Even when he did his chores, the dog tagged along. Pets often grieved when they lost someone close to them.
Sara pressed a palm against her chest. When Sara’s mother died, she felt like an empty vessel—unable to cope with her feelings of abandonment and despair. Sara had also grieved when her stepfather died and again when Grandpa passed on. Unfortunately, dying was part of everyone’s life, and oh, how deeply it hurt when a loved one departed this earth. Sara’s only comfort was the knowledge that if they all made it to heaven, she would be reunited with them someday.
Determined to set aside her thoughts about death, Sara stepped onto the porch and knocked on the door. A few minutes passed before Grandma opened the door and greeted her.
“This is a nice surprise.” Grandma’s face broke into a wide smile. “Is your husband with you?”
“Yes. Brad’s occupied with Sadie outside. I’m sure he will join us as soon as she gets tired of running after the stick that he keeps throwing.” Sara giggled and entered the house. She paused in the entry and set her purse on the floor.
“What have you two been up to today?” Grandma asked, leading the way to the kitchen.
“We did a little shopping at the Rockvale outlet and then went to lunch.” Sara pulled out a chair at the table and sat down.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Grandma asked. “Lenore and I had some earlier, and the water’s still warm in the teakettle.”
“That sounds nice. Where is Lenore anyway?”
“She developed a headache and went upstairs to her room to rest awhile.”
“Sorry to hear that. If she doesn’t come down before we leave, please tell her I hope she feels better soon.”
“I certainly will.” Grandma got out two cups and poured them both some tea. “How are things going at the flower shop?” she asked, taking a seat across from Sara.
“Fairly well. I’m having the walls in the main part of the store painted today, so the store is closed until Monday.” Sara blew on her tea and took a cautious sip. “Can I ask you something, Grandma?”
“Of course you may.”
Sara told her grandmother about meeting Rick Osprey at the restaurant and how disappointed she felt when she realized he was not her father and that he didn’t have any idea who her mother had been seeing. “I believe I should give up looking, because if God wanted me to know who my biological father is, it would have happened by now.” Sara looked directly at Grandma. “Do you agree?”
“That all depends.”
“On what?”
“Can you put the question of who your father is out of your mind?”
Sara pushed a lock of hair out of her face. “I—I honestly don’t know, but I’m going to try, because every time I think about it, I just get more upset.”
Chapter 37
Sara entered the flower shop early the first Monday of May. This would be a busy month, with Mother’s Day just weeks away and many people placing orders.
Sara turned on all the lights, put away her purse, and went to check the big cooler in the back room as she did each day upon arrival. She was stunned to discover the temperature was at fifty-five degrees, despite having been set at thirty-eight degrees, which Misty had said was the temperature she felt was best for the flowers.
“This is not a good way to begin a new week,” Sara muttered. “I need a repairman to take a look at the cooler—and fast.”
She hurried to remove as many flowers as she could from the big cooler to the display cooler. Since the roses were the most important to move, she began with those. Hopefully this would keep her losses down. No telling when the heat had begun to rise. The flowers Sara couldn’t fit into the display cooler would have to sit out until the other cooler got fixed, which meant she’d have to either mark them down for a quick sale or suffer the loss if they went bad.
Sara was still in the process of removing the flowers from the larger cooler when her designer showed up.
“What’s going on?” Misty asked, gesturing to the flowers on the counter. “Why are all of these sitting out?”
Sara explained about the temperature malfunction and said she still needed to call a repairman.
“I know just who to call, so I’ll take care of it for you.”
“Thanks.” While Misty made the phone call, Sara finished the job of finding places to set all the flowers. When she returned from the back room with the last bunch, Misty was off the phone.
“Did the repairman agree to come over soon?”
Misty shook her head. “Unfortunately, he’s tied up all morning and probably won’t get here until sometime this afternoon.”
Sara lifted her gaze to the ceiling. “Oh, great. I hope all the flowers will be okay until then. I have no idea how long they’ve been sitting inside the big cooler in fifty-five-degree heat.”
“They should be okay, but I’ll keep an eye on them. In the meantime, I need to get to work on the orders that need to be done today.” Misty headed for the back room.
Sara sank into a chair at her desk. Last week hadn’t gone well, as they’d dealt with several difficult customers they couldn’t seem to satisfy. Then there was the cat that got into the store and knocked over a vase of flowers an elderly woman was about to purchase. The week had ended on a negative note when her delivery boy got sick and had to leave early, leaving Sara to deliver the flowers while Misty finished two last-minute bouquets.
Sara didn’t mind making deliveries when she had to, but when she was faced with barking dogs in a customer’s yard that looked like they might take a bite out of her leg, stress always took over. One time when she was heading to the delivery van with a pretty bouquet, a man walking a dog came by and told her not to worry, that his dog wouldn’t bite. Sara quickly realized his statement wasn’t true when she wound up with a Jack Russell terrier hanging off the corner of her jacket. Another time when she made a delivery, Sara had to walk up a grassy hill to get to the front door. She ended up slipping on the grass and falling but somehow managed to save the floral arrangement. Unfortunately her slacks sustained a bad grass stain and she never was able to remove the marks.
Sara hoped this week would go better, but things weren’t off to a great start. At moments like this Sara wondered if she should sell the shop and concentrate fully on helping Brad in his ministry.
She exhaled noisily. But I probably wouldn’t be happy if I gave up something I really enjoy doing that’s outside of the church.
Mary Ruth hadn’t said anything to Lenore because she didn’t want to bring up the topic of Jesse, but she greatly missed spending time with Cindy. Having the little girl to care for had given her something meaningful to do. She used to look forward to the little girl’s arrival on the days Jesse had to work. The child’s cute antics and contagious belly laugh had given Mary Ruth a reason to smile. But with no one in the house except herself during the day, Mary Ruth felt lonely. It seemed as if her life no longer had a purpose. She tried to keep busy, as she was doing now, weeding and watering her flower and vegetable garden, but it wasn’t the same as having a child to nurture and love. Even Sadie, who followed Mary Ruth nearly everywhere these days, seemed despondent. Perhaps she too missed all the activity of having a small child around.
Mary Ruth weeded thoroughly around the front border of her flower garden, where she’d planted red and white geraniums. Willis had liked those flowers and often commented on how nice they looked in the flower bed. She wanted to keep that theme in place as though nothing had changed.
I’ll need to do one more thing. Mary Ruth got up and walked out to the shed to get her watering can and the plant food for the flowers. “Hmm … there’s the food, but where is my watering can?” She dug around inside the shed, but the item wasn’t there.
Mary Ruth grabbed the food and a nearby buc
ket and then got to work feeding the favored flowers. When she’d finished with that chore, she put things away. Then she went back to the garden to decide on the next spot to weed.
She walked slowly, eyeing the flower beds close to the house, and found that the pretty purple-and-white petunias needed some attention. As Mary Ruth weeded, she remembered about the watering can. The plastic container had a split and leaked a lot. So she had thrown it out and forgotten to buy a replacement.
“My old brain isn’t working well these days,” Mary Ruth muttered. She piled up the weeds as she cleaned out the bed. Once that chore was done, she stopped to watch her neighbors walking down the road and waved as they went by. The weather was lovely today, and working outside gave her a sense of accomplishment.
Mary Ruth continued to weed until each flower bed looked just right. She wished she had another bag of compost to add around the just-weeded spots. It would discourage more weeds from sprouting, making the weeding easier on the next go-round.
Mary Ruth noticed one of the barn cats out sunning itself, looking as though it was asleep. That actually looks like a good plan. Maybe I should go inside and take a nap. She rose from her kneeling position and reached around to rub a sore spot on the right side of her back. In a few weeks school would be out and Lenore would be home again for the summer. Mary Ruth looked forward to her granddaughter’s companionship, as well as the extra help Lenore would offer with the yard and household chores. Having someone to talk to while doing one’s chores was always more pleasurable than doing them alone.
Mary Ruth stared down at her hands, soiled from tugging at weeds. She should have worn a pair of gardening gloves but had always felt she could do a better job with her bare hands. If I’m not careful, I’ll sink into depression, and I can’t allow that to happen. If Willis were here, he would shake his finger at me and say, “Count your blessings, Fraa. Do not give in to despair.”
She moved around to the other side of the house and stood looking at the lovely flowers in bloom. Guess there’s always something to be thankful for; I just need to look for it and try to keep a positive attitude.
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