The Healing Jar

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Would you like me to go out and check the mail and then listen to any messages that might be on our answering machine in the phone shack?” Lenore asked after she’d finished drying the breakfast dishes Grandma had washed.

  Grandma nodded and pointed at the grocery list she had started before breakfast. “Danki for offering. I need to finish this so we can go to the store sometime today.”

  “I can do the shopping by myself,” Lenore offered. “There’s no reason for you to go out—unless you want to, that is.”

  “Maybe it would be best if I stayed home and rested. My back’s doing some better, but the bumpy ride to the store might be pushing my luck.” Grandma smiled. “Not that I believe in luck, mind you. It was just a figure of speech.”

  “I understand.” Lenore grabbed a plastic bag to put the mail in and headed out the back door. She was glad Grandma felt a little better today, but hoped she wouldn’t push herself and end up hurting her back again.

  Outside, Lenore stopped to pet Sadie and then threw a stick to divert the dog’s attention before walking down the driveway without interruption.

  After checking the mailbox and finding it empty, Lenore headed for the phone shack. The light blinked on the answering machine, so they had at least one message.

  She took a seat and clicked the button. The first message was from their driver, Stan, saying he’d found an unopened bag of cough drops in the back seat of his van and wondered if Grandma might have left it there when he’d taken her to see the doctor last week. Lenore didn’t think the cough drops were Grandma’s, but she would check with her first before calling Stan back.

  The second message was from Mark, letting Lenore know that he’d hired a driver and made plans for them to go up to Hersheypark next Saturday. He also mentioned that he wanted to go on as many rides as possible, and said it was bound to be a fun adventure.

  Hitting the Stop button on the answering machine, Lenore sucked in her bottom lip and frowned. He didn’t even have the courtesy to ask if I wanted to go there.

  This kind of thing had been happening a lot lately, with Mark making plans for them to do certain things without getting Lenore’s input. She’d gone along with it, even though it was upsetting, but this was the last straw. No way did Lenore want to go on any crazy rides at Hersheypark. When she was a teenager Lenore had gone up there with a group of her friends. After getting off most of the wild rides, she’d gotten sick to her stomach, not to mention so dizzy she could hardly stand up. So this kind of adventure was not her idea of having fun.

  Lenore leaned on the counter where the phone and answering machine sat. I need to find the courage to break things off with Mark. He’s not the right man for me, and I’m not right for him either. She was tempted to pick up the phone and call Mark to let him know that she wouldn’t be going to Hersheypark or seeing him socially anymore. But that would be a coward’s way out, and it might hurt him too, which she did not want to do. So she would wait to tell Mark how she felt about their relationship until she saw him face-to-face and could try to break it to him in a kind and gentle way.

  But it had better be soon, she told herself. I need to let him know before next Saturday so he doesn’t come by with his driver expecting me to go up to Hershey with him.

  Turning back to the answering machine, Lenore punched the message button again. The last communication was from Ezekiel. Lenore got so excited when she heard what he said, she let out a whoop. Michelle had delivered a six-pound, two-ounce baby girl last night, shortly before ten o’clock. The baby appeared to be healthy, and Michelle was doing quite well. They’d decided to call their daughter Angela Mary.

  “Angela,” Lenore repeated. “What a sweet name. And I bet they chose Mary for their daughter’s middle name in honor of Grandma.”

  Lenore figured by now Ezekiel’s parents had also heard the news and no doubt were happy about having another grandchild to love and fuss over. They’d probably head up to New York to see the baby girl as soon as possible. Most likely Michelle’s brothers had also been notified and would probably show up at Michelle and Ezekiel’s place soon to see their new niece. Lenore wished she and Grandma could make a trip to New York, but right now would not be a good time for them or for Michelle and Ezekiel, since they would no doubt have other company there soon. Hopefully Ezekiel and Michelle would make a trip to Lancaster County when the baby was able to travel, and she and Grandma could see the baby then.

  Since there were no other messages, Lenore left the phone shack and raced back to the house, eager to share Ezekiel’s message with Grandma. After the shock of finding the third prayer jar yesterday, they needed some news that didn’t involve hidden secrets.

  Sara had been working in the flower shop about an hour when a headache developed. She’d had very little sleep last night, thinking about her current situation and trying to discern what God wanted her to do. Part of Sara wanted to seek Herschel out and announce that she believed she was his daughter, but the other part said it might be best to leave well enough alone and be satisfied with simply knowing the name of her father.

  She picked up the invoice book and tried to focus on the latest orders, but her mind kept replaying the what-ifs.

  Remembering the times Herschel had come into her shop to buy flowers, Sara had thought he was such a nice man for wanting to give his wife special bouquets. Then she’d learned from Herschel’s mother, Vera, that her son’s wife had died, and the flowers he’d purchased were to put on her grave. Placing flowers on graves in an Amish cemetery went against the Amish way. Apparently Herschel’s love for his wife went so deep he didn’t care if his actions were acceptable or whether he might be in trouble with his church ministers for doing something controversial. When Sara had heard about this from Vera, she’d felt sorry for Herschel.

  Sara’s mouth twisted as the bitter taste of bile rose in her throat. Why couldn’t he have loved Mama as much as he loved his wife? How could Herschel have taken advantage of an innocent young woman and then dropped her for someone else? Poor Mama—her heart must have been broken when she heard he planned to marry another woman.

  The more Sara thought about it, the angrier she became. For this reason alone, she figured it would be best if she didn’t reveal her identity to Mr. Fisher. If he could treat Mama in such a hurtful way, he most likely wouldn’t want anything to do with me, and I’m not sure I want any kind of a relationship with him either.

  The bell above the door jingled, pushing Sara’s thoughts aside. She looked up from her work to see who’d come in and was shocked to see Herschel standing a few feet from the front door.

  Sara’s mouth went dry, and her heart pounded so hard she felt it might burst. Why was Herschel here at this very moment? Had he come to buy flowers for someone, or had Herschel somehow found out about the note in her mother’s prayer jar? Could Grandma or Lenore have told him?

  Chapter 45

  Sara sucked in her breath, trying to steady her nerves. Could Herschel’s showing up at the flower shop today be a sign that I should tell him about Mama’s note? She stood frozen to the spot, unable to form any words.

  Herschel moved closer to the counter. “It’s been a while since I’ve visited your shop, and since I had some errands in Strasburg today, I thought I’d drop by to see what summer flowers you have available.”

  Sara swallowed hard, hoping she could speak. “Umm … what kind of flowers are you looking for?”

  “Nothing in particular. I’ll know when something catches my eye.” He tilted his head, looking at her with a curious expression. “I’ve never mentioned it before, but you remind me of someone.”

  “Oh?”

  “A young woman I used to know. Her hair wasn’t blond like yours. It was red, and she had the prettiest hazel eyes.” Herschel stared off into space, as though he’d been transported to another world. Then looking quickly back at Sara, he said, “It’s your facial features that remind me of Rhoda.”

  “Rhoda?” Sara touched her swolle
n throat. “Did you say Rhoda?”

  Herschel moved his had slowly up and down. “Her name was Rhoda Lapp, and I had hoped she would be my wife someday.”

  “Oh, really? Then why did you marry someone else? Mattie—wasn’t that her name?”

  “For a long time Mattie and I were just friends. We’d known each other since we were babies.” Herschel got that faraway look in his eyes again, and to Sara’s surprise, he even teared up. “But I never had any interest in her as a potential wife until Rhoda broke up with me and ran away.”

  Since there were no other customers in the store at the moment, and Misty wasn’t here to tend the store, Sara walked to the front of the building and put the Closed sign in the window. “We need to talk, Herschel.”

  He reached under his straw hat and scratched his head. “I thought that’s what we were doing.”

  “Mostly you were talking, and I was listening, but now I have something important to say. Please, go over to my desk and take a seat.” Sara pointed in that direction.

  Herschel did as she asked, and once he had taken a chair, she grabbed the stool that sat behind the counter and seated herself on it.

  Herschel leaned forward slightly with one hand on his knee. “What did you want to talk about?”

  “Rhoda Lapp was my mother.”

  “She … she was?”

  “Yes, but she passed away a few years ago.”

  “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Herschel put his hands on Sara’s desk and folded them, looking at her with a grave expression. “If you’re Rhoda’s daughter, then it’s no wonder that you remind me of her.”

  Sara now knew without a shadow of a doubt that Herschel Fisher was her father. It was time to tell him the truth, no matter how he reacted.

  She cleared her throat and swallowed. “There is something you need to know, and I may as well start at the beginning.”

  Herschel sat quietly, his gaze focused on her.

  “Shortly before my mother died, she said there was a note she’d written for me inside her old Bible.” Sara paused a few seconds to collect her thoughts and make sure she didn’t leave anything important out.

  “But it wasn’t until after Mama passed away that I found the note.” Her eyes began to water, and she sniffed a couple of times. “Mama’s note said her maiden name was Lapp, and that when she was eighteen, she left home and changed her last name. She also stated that her parents lived in Strasburg, and she included their address.”

  Sara shifted on the stool and continued. “Mama said she hoped I would get the chance to meet them and asked me to let her parents know that she loved them and was sorry for the things she said and did to hurt them.” Sara paused to steady her nerves. “My mother’s note said that she was too ashamed to let her parents know about me, and that she was concerned about what they would think of her being unmarried and pregnant. So several months later I came here to Strasburg to meet my grandparents for the first time. I was surprised to discover that they were Amish. Mama had never told me of her Pennsylvania Dutch heritage.”

  Herschel continued to listen as Sara went on to tell him how, during the time she’d visited her grandparents, she had discovered two old jars filled with slips of paper. “At first I had no idea who had written the Bible verses, prayers, and notes that the jars contained. Then, after my cousin Lenore found one of the jars, she showed it to our grandmother and—”

  “Lenore Lapp?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is she the same Lenore who was courted by my niece’s husband, Jesse, for a while?”

  Sara nodded. “But that’s beside the point. The issue is that until Grandma saw the notes and recognized the handwriting, we had no idea who had written the messages and put them inside the jars.”

  Herschel pulled his fingers through the ends of his thick beard. “Was it Rhoda?”

  “Yes, my mother obviously wrote all the notes.” Sara stopped talking again and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The headache that had begun earlier had increased. Talking about this was stressful, but the fear of Herschel’s reaction to what Sara was on the verge of revealing was nearly her undoing.

  “I suspect there is more you wish to tell me.” Herschel tipped his head.

  All Sara could do was nod. The words she wanted to say seemed lodged in her throat.

  “Go ahead. I’m listening.”

  Sara sucked in a deep breath and forced herself to continue. “Yesterday, when Lenore and I were pulling weeds in Grandma’s garden, we found a third jar buried in the dirt.”

  “More notes from Rhoda?”

  “Uh-huh.” Sara reached for her purse, sitting on one corner of the desk. She unzipped it, slipped her hand inside, and pulled out the all-important note. “I think you should read this.”

  Herschel put on his reading glasses and squinted as he read Mama’s message. When he finished reading and looked at Sara again, his head jerked back as he slapped both hands against his cheeks. “I’m your father?”

  “According to Mama’s note, the answer is yes, and I see no reason why she would lie about it.”

  “But … but—I don’t see how. I mean … if Rhoda was carrying my baby, then why didn’t she tell me about it?”

  “Because she found out from someone that you didn’t care about her and had made plans to marry another woman.” Sara’s hand trembled as she pointed to the note. “Did you not read that part?” At this point she felt like shaking Herschel. Was he going to deny what he’d done to her mother?

  Herschel’s mouth twisted grimly. “I had no idea. If I’d known …”

  “What? If you’d known about the baby, you would have broken up with the other girl and married my mother? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Sara was one step away from shouting at the top of her lungs. She wasn’t setting a Christian example, but she couldn’t get control of her emotions.

  He shook his head vigorously. “I wasn’t going with Mattie at the time. I loved Rhoda and only had eyes for her.”

  “Then why did she think otherwise? What made Mama decide to keep the truth of my existence from you and her parents?”

  “You already answered that question. Someone, and I believe I know who, lied to your mother about my feelings for her.”

  Sara jumped when Herschel pounded his fist on the desk. “It was Emanuel’s fault! He told me Rhoda was seeing someone else and that she wanted nothing more to do with me.” His face flamed. “And later, after Rhoda went missing and didn’t return, Emanuel confessed that he had wanted Rhoda himself so he’d told her I was planning to break up with her because I was in love with Mattie.”

  Sara rubbed her forehead, trying to take in everything Herschel had said. “If all of that is true, then it’s no wonder Mama left. She felt hopeless, thinking you didn’t love her and believing her parents would turn their backs on her if they knew she was carrying an illegitimate child.”

  Tears slipped from Herschel’s eyes and coursed down his cheeks. “I honestly did not know your mother was with child, but one thing I do know—and did back then—is that I loved Rhoda and planned to ask her to be my wife after we finished our crazy rumspringa and joined the Amish church.”

  Sara felt some measure of comfort knowing Herschel had loved her mother and planned to marry her. But she still did not know how he felt about her being his daughter. Was he embarrassed by this? Did he want to keep it a secret so as not to bring shame on him or his family?

  Herschel got up and came over to where she sat on the stool. He placed his hands on her flushed cheeks and said, “Mattie and I were not able to have any children, and I always wished for a son or daughter. Now my deepest desire and prayer has come true. Although I can hardly believe it, this is truly a miracle from God.”

  “I think so too.” She leaned in and gave him a hug. “I’ve waited and prayed for many years that I would find my biological father. And now an empty place in my heart has been filled.”

  Herschel rubbed Sara’s back between her shoulders. “It
just goes to show that even when people make terrible mistakes, God can take a negative situation and turn it into something good.”

  “You are so right about that.” Her eyes misted. “I’m sorry for shouting earlier. I let my temper and emotions take over because I was upset, but it’s no excuse.”

  “It’s okay. I understand.” Herschel pulled away slightly, looking lovingly at Sara. “I can hardly wait to introduce you to my mom and dad. They will be surprised to learn that they have a granddaughter they knew nothing about, who lives right here in Lancaster County.”

  Sara’s whole body tingled with anticipation. She hoped Herschel’s parents would accept her as easily as he had.

  Lenore shook her horse’s reins. Dolly was being a slowpoke today, and she needed to get to the store soon so she could go home and help Grandma do some baking.

  Lenore thought about the news they’d received from Ezekiel this morning. How exciting to know Michelle and Ezekiel were now the happy parents of a baby girl.

  With the way things were going, it was doubtful she would ever have the joy of being a wife or mother. Lenore didn’t want to sink into self-pity, especially when she truly was happy for Michelle and Ezekiel. But the hole in her heart left from Jesse’s rejection made Lenore wonder if that wound would ever be healed.

  The words of Psalm 147:3 came to mind: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

  Dear Lord, please heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Help me to focus on other things, like helping Grandma and being a good schoolteacher. If it’s not meant for me to get married, then take away my desire for a husband and family.

  When Lenore reached the grocery store, she secured her horse to the hitching rail, grabbed her purse, and went inside. She’d only been shopping a few minutes when she spotted Mark. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet and hoped he hadn’t seen her, but it was too late—Mark was heading her way.