by Carla Blake
It had cost her a fortune, in petrol and hotel bills alone and in the end, instead of asking them to fit a brand new kitchen, bathroom and some sort of decking area she envisaged herself sitting on whilst sipping great mugs of tea and gazing at the mountains, she’d settled for making it habitable.
And here she was. Alone in the Highlands. Her 4x4 parked miles away in an determined effort to truly get a feel of what it would be like to live all alone amidst the wilds of nature.
Sighing, she pulled herself away from the front door and crossed to the open fireplace. An original feature of the cottage, and one she was immensely proud of, she now knelt in front of it and reaching for the matches, touched one to a twisted length of newspaper and stuffed it beneath the pile of logs already stacked in the grate, cursing when the damn thing refused to light.
Great, she thought, sitting back on her haunches and wondering what she was going to do for heat now. I’m going to freeze.
She was blowed if she was going to do in the dark though, and getting up, she lit three candles and stood them on the mantelpiece, turning to survey her little kingdom.
The ground floor was pretty basic. The front door opened directly onto the lounge and in here Beth had put a single, comfy sofa, a coffee table holding several candles, a torch and a magazine on Highland living Graham had given her for a laugh, a huge rug and a wooden bookcase currently holding three books, more candles and her favourite hat.
The rucksack she’d brought with her was balanced against it.
The kitchen, reached through a door to the right, had nothing in it save for a wonky, old sink without taps, a wooden table scarred from numerous knife edges and two chairs. The Welsh dresser holding a few bits of crockery and cutlery were Beth’s own and the gas fired stove currently standing on the stone floor was the only thing she had to cook with.
Upstairs, reached via the stairs tucked into the corner of the lounge, consisted of a single bedroom and a bathroom with a free standing rusting, old tub. There was no toilet and no running water. No electricity, no gas and if Graham was to believed, no hope.
He couldn’t understand how the people who had lived here managed.
By their wits, Beth had told him. They went to sleep when it was dark and they woke up when it wasn’t. Water came from the stream, still bubbling merrily not five yards from her front door and they probably cooked on the open fire. No one bothered them and they didn’t bother anybody else. It was lovely, romantic. She’d have a ball here.
She’d have bloody pneumonia, Graham warned her and again pointed out the lack of a toilet.
To which Beth huffed. Okay, so there was no toilet, she said crossly, but so what? She was in the middle of nowhere! No one was going to see her if she squatted over a hole in the ground and it wouldn’t be forever. She’d get a chemical toilet eventually.
But she hadn’t and now, stuck in the cottage until morning, Beth seriously wished she’d taken the trouble to find one, because she really needed to go.
Grabbing a torch and a trowel and with her coat buttoned up to the neck, she kicked away the plank of wood jammed up against the door and stepped out into the chilly, Scottish air.
The shiver that rippled up her spine, however, had nothing to do with the temperature.
It was beautiful out here and with a sigh, Beth realised that everything, from the green rolling fields, dotted with wild flowers to the lofty mountains, dusted with a fine layer of snow, seemed to be trying to create an impenetrable barrier between her and the rest of the world. It was, she smiled, exactly what she needed. The perfect setting for her to sit amongst the peaceful and healing power of nature and be part of it.
She filled the hole in after use, and feeling strangely satisfied that she’d had to come outside to pee, made her way back to the cottage.
The candles she’d lit shone through the windows and a warm glow settled inside her chest. It won’t be so bad, she thought, this trial weekend out in the sticks. She’d get the fire going in the morning and then she’d be able to heat water and wash, and once she had the gas stove on and the few bits and bobs she’d dragged up here in her rucksack spread out, it would be just like home.
First though, she needed to get a move on because it was starting to rain.
Inside again, and after lighting more candles, Beth lit the gas stove – at least she could manage that – and heated up a can of tomato soup. Outside, the rain was really starting to come down and carrying her mug into the lounge, she scurried upstairs for a blanket, paused to look out of the window and at the sheets of water running down the glass, then hurried back down again to wrap herself up in the blanket and listen to – nothing.
Because the only sounds, aside from the rain, were coming from her and it was weird. She’d never sat in such silence before. Or fully appreciated how, as bizarre as it seemed, silence actually had a sound. A thick pulse almost, that seemed to wait in fragile anticipation for something to break its tentative hold before fleeing back to oblivion.
The loud rapping at the door certainly did the job and almost slopping scolding, hot soup in her lap, Beth jumped in her seat.
Who the fuck was that?! She thought, clutching at her chest and turning to stare at the front door. She wasn’t expecting visitors. Not up here. It was way too far. So who was it?
A trickle of dread chilled her blood. What if it was nutters, she worried. Like that lot in the horror story. What if she’d been seen? What if they’d just been waiting for it to get dark before they came to get her. What was she going to do? She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t here, they’d obviously seen the candles, and if she did nothing, they were hardly likely to just go away. She had to deal with them.
Getting up, Beth shrugged the blanket aside and grateful she was still wearing her jeans, sweater and boots, being naked right now would not have helped, she grabbed the only form of protection she had. The bloody great baseball bat Graham had insisted she bring with her to the ‘ back of beyond.’
The knocking came again, a light, frantic tapping, as if whoever was out there was being chased and was desperate to get inside.
In response, Beth gripped the baseball bat even harder. “ Who’s there?” She shouted, hoping she sounded tough. “ What do you want?”
“ Hello!” Came the reply in what was clearly a female voice. “ I’m sorry, but can you help me?”
“ What do you want?” Beth repeated, reminding herself that this could be a trap designed to lure her in with another woman’s voice before bam! She became an instant plaything for a bunch of weirdos. “ Who are you?”
“ I’m lost.” The woman said. “ I was out walking and I don’t know, I took a wrong turn or something and suddenly I didn’t know where the hell I was. I’m sorry to bother you but can you help me?”
“ How do I know you’re not a nutter?” Beth called back.
“ What?” the woman answered incredulously. “ I don’t know! Please! It’s freezing out here and I’m soaked. All I want to do is to use your phone or something.”
Beth relented. “ Okay, fine. I’ll open the door, but I have to warn you, I’m armed, okay?”
“ Yes, okay. Thank you.”
She opened the door and there, standing on the threshold, looking bedraggled and dripping with water was a solitary woman, wearing a waterproof coat, walking boots and carrying a rucksack with a small and very wet teddy bear hanging off one end.
Beth ushered her in and immediately felt contrite.
“ I’m sorry about the nutter thing.’ She said as the woman stepped into the lounge and placed her rucksack on the floor. “ I just wasn’t expecting company, not all the way out here.”
“ That’s okay.” The woman said, sweeping back the hood of her jacket to reveal short, brown hair and a damp fringe. “ I would have been cautious too if I’d been you. I’m Suzy by the way. Pleased to meet you.” She stuck out h
er hand and Beth shook it. Suzy’s fingers were cold.
Beth introduced herself. “ Take a seat” She added, gesturing Suzy towards the sofa whilst she went in search of a towel. “ How long have you been out there?”
“ Hours.” Suzy sighed, taking off her jacket and placing it on the floor, well away from the rug. “ I thought I knew these hills well, but God, all it takes is one wrong move and you’re stuffed. Do you live here?”
“ Not exactly. I bought the place about eight months ago and had it done up, well, sort of. I’m hoping to turn it into a summer get away. A bolt hole, you know? Somewhere to escape to.”
“ Sure.” Suzy nodded. “ And I’m glad you did, otherwise I would have been out there all night. Thank God I saw your lights is all I can say. But why are you down here in October? Not exactly the season is it?”
“ True. But I wanted to see what it was like in winter. It’s my mother’s fault. She always said if you like a place in winter, you’re going to love it in summer.”
“ Wise words.” Suzy said, taking the towel Beth offered and vigourously rubbing her hair. “ Not sure I would have done it though.”
“ Says the person out walking in it.” Beth gently chided.
Suzy smiled. “ Got me there.” She said. “ What can I say? Walking.. helps me think. I’m not going to bore you with all the details, but I’ve just come out of a disastrous relationship and I thought rather than sit at home moping and feeling sorry for myself, I’d get myself up to Scotland and get some fresh air inside my lungs. Thought it might do me good. “
“ And has it?”
“ Up until I got lost it was , then it all went a bit pear shaped.”
“ Yeah, that would do it.” Beth said. “ Like some soup?”
They spent the evening together and although Suzy was a little disappointed Beth had neither phone or a means to get off the Highlands until morning, she was more than happy to accept Beth’s offer of a bed for the night and unlimited use of her trowel.
“ I thought things were going too well.” Suzy sighed exaggeratingly once Beth had explained the toilet arrangements, “ but it must be horrible at night, having to go outside for.. you know. Don’t you get scared?”
“ Of what?”
“ I dunno. Nutters obviously. The dark? Creatures roaming amongst the hills?”
“ Well I didn’t until you mentioned it. In fact, I think you scared me more, bashing on the door.”
“ Oh.”
“ Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.” Beth added. “ And if I’m honest, I’m kinda glad you did. I was beginning to wonder what I was going to do with myself all evening.”
Talk apparently, because once they got going, there was no stopping them.
Taking up residence on the other end of the sofa from Suzy, Beth shared out the blanket and with their feet tucked beneath them and a glass of wine from the bottle Beth had brought up months ago and practically forgotten about until she was looking for another mug for Suzy’s soup, they chatted about all manner of things, starting with Beth’s reason for buying a bolt hole.
“ Bit of a git, was he?” Suzy asked now, tucking the blanket around her ribs. “ They’re all the same. Bloody men.”
Beth nodded. “ You’re not kiddin’. I mean, it was bad enough that he was cheating on me, but with that slapper! I can’t begin to imagine what he was thinking. Hey, are you alright?”
Suzy shook her head. “ I’m sorry,” she said, “ and I don’t mean to sound rude or ungrateful or anything, but I’m bloody freezing under here. Is there any reason why the fire isn’t lit?”
“ Actually, there is.” Beth replied. “ I can’t get it going. But if you want to try, then be my guest. It would be bloody great if you could.”
Ten minutes later they had a roaring fire going, and whilst Beth wandered into the kitchen to fetch the kettle she’d bought to heat water in, Suzy, at Beth’s request, dragged the sofa nearer to the flames and then draped her still damp coat over the end to dry.
Coffee had never tasted so good.
“ So.” Beth said, once they’d both managed to scold their mouths on the boiling hot beverage. “ What about you then? You said you were out walking to get over someone? Who did the nasty on you?”
Suzy waved the suggestion away. “ You don’t want to hear about that.” She said.
Beth looked surprised. “ Why not?” She asked. “ You’ve listened to me jabbering on about David. Least I can do is listen to your tale of woe.”
“ That’s really sweet of you, but..”
“ But what?” Beth prompted. “ Come on Suzy, it’s obvious you want to get it off your chest, so what’s stopping you?”
“ The chance you might throw me out into the night again?”
Beth looked shocked. “ What? Why would I do that? It’s bloody horrible out there.”
It was, the rain had not let up all evening and now the wind had decided to join in as well, rain lashed against the windows, drummed on the roof and seeped, ever so surreptitiously through a gap in the front door.
Beth reached out to touch Suzy’s arm. “ Look.” She said. “ I can’t force you to talk to me and I know that whatever’s happened to you is absolutely none of my business, but if you want to talk, then talk. And I promise that whatever you say, I will not throw you out into the night. Unless of course, you need a wee.”
“ Okay.” Suzy smiled. “ I’ll tell you. But promise me you won’t be shocked.”
“ Scouts honour.”
“ Okay. My relationship wasn’t with a bloke, it was with another girl. I’m gay, Beth. Have been since I was old enough to understand what it was I was feeling.”
Beth smiled. “ You’re right,” she said, humour in her voice, “ that is deeply shocking. So you’re gay. Big deal. You’re gonna have to try harder than that to shock me.”
Suzy sipped her coffee. “ Really?” She said. “ You’re really not put out or disgusted or anything? So many people still are. It’s like it’s okay for guys to be gay, but not for women and I just don’t get it.”
“ That’s society for you.” Beth observed. “ So what happened? With you and your girlfriend?”
“ Pretty much the same as you I guess.” Suzy said. “ Except mine was cheating on me with her ex-girlfriend. They’d been seeing each other for months apparently. I only found out ‘cos the bloody bitch left her bra under my bed!”
Beth winced. “ Ow!” She said, “ that must have hurt.”
“ Yeah, like you wouldn’t believe. I thought we really had something, you know. Thought we were going to be together for life, we’d even picked out curtains. Shows you how stupid I am.”
Beth squeezed her arm again. “ You’re not stupid,” she said, “ that was a horrible thing she did to you and none of your fault. Is that when you decided to come up here?”
“ No, we struggled on for a bit first. Tried to make things work. But it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t forgive her, or trust her and eventually we just drifted apart.”
“ I see.” Beth said. “ I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
Suzy shrugged her shoulders. “ Nothing much to say is there? Bloody cow. I hope she rots in hell. In the meantime, got anymore wine left?”
Beth hadn’t, but she did have an emergency bottle of Scotch Graham had given her and she poured a decent slug into both their coffees.
“ I think I like your brother.” Suzy smiled, once she’d taken a swig and then fanned her mouth to ease the burning in her throat. “ He thinks of everything.”
“ Yeah.” Beth nodded. “ He does. He’s a smug little twerp sometimes as well, but I wouldn’t be without him and seeing as how he’s usually the one who has to listen to all my woes, he’d probably thank you from the bottom of his heart for saving him from this one.”
Suzy raised her mug. “ No prob
lem.” She said. “ Thank you for listening to mine. And you were right, it was good to get it off my chest. What’s the time, by the way?”
Beth looked at her watch. “ Eleven thirty.” She read. “ I don’t know where the evenings gone?”
The time had flashed by, but not so the weather, for outside it was still blowing a gale and the windows upstairs softly hummed as the wind pushed against them and the rain pelted the glass.
Listening to it, Beth instantly made a decision and hoping Suzy wouldn’t think it odd, suggested they sleep downstairs in front of the fire.
“ It’ll be warmer that way.” She added, using tongs to bury more logs amid the glowing embers. “ And I can bring the duvet and pillows down from upstairs easy enough. We could make a little nest.”
“ You sure?” Suzy asked, looking doubtful. “ I mean, I’m more than happy to take the sofa if you want the bed and I have just told you I’m gay. You sure you want to make a ‘little nest” with me?”
“ Of course I’m sure.” Beth said, rolling her eyes. “ You’re being gay has nothing to do with it. I just thought it would be warmer, that’s all, but if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, then by all means, take the sofa.”
It was, Suzy had to admit, very cosy. The fire had, once again, burned down to smouldering embers and in the warmth of the orange glow she felt snug and safe and ever so slightly tipsy from the Scotch they had generously poured into their coffee.
Neither of them had undressed either, or at least, not entirely. Suzy still had on a T-shirt, panties and socks, whilst Beth had changed into a pair of fleecy, blue pyjamas with clouds on. They’d also had another Scotch, neat this time, and it was safe to say that neither of them were feeling any pain.
“ So.” Beth said eventually, once her glass was drained and she’d placed it carefully out of reach. “ If this isn’t a personal question, what’s it like?”
“ What’s what like?” Suzy frowned. “ The Scotch? Bloody dynamite.”
“ No, no.” Beth said, waving her hand about. “ What’s it like kissing another woman?”
“ Oh.” Suzy replied. “ That. Are you drunk Beth?”