Life is Sweet

by Cathy Cassidy

  The tiniest spark of excitement, of possibility, runs through me before the cold water of reality extinguishes it. Running away is not about finding flats and getting famous, it’s about sleeping rough and going hungry night after night, and being dragged into a scary, predatory underworld. It would not be fun or cool or daring, it would be crazy, dangerous, totally disastrous.

  Besides … Honey and me? I don’t think so. Where has that even come from?

  ‘Forget it, Honey,’ I say. ‘It wouldn’t work out like that.’

  ‘It might!’ she argues. ‘We could show them – our families, everyone – prove we can make it without their help. They’d be sorry then! And what have we got to lose?’

  ‘Plenty,’ I tell her. ‘Better to stay and grab some GCSE passes and maybe some A levels … that could be our passport out of here. I want to go to uni and study music. London or Leeds or Liverpool, somewhere miles from here. And you could go to art college, Honey. That used to be what you wanted, not so long ago.’

  ‘My grades aren’t so good lately,’ she admits sulkily. ‘And uni is still years away … we’re only fifteen. I don’t know if I can survive that long!’

  ‘If I can, you can,’ I point out. ‘Besides, if you run away the police will track you down. And what then? Social services will wade in, just like you said. That’s just what you don’t want.’

  ‘I guess …’

  Her shoulders slump and she looks suddenly vulnerable. I’ve always known that underneath the stroppy, rebel-girl surface Honey Tanberry is just a kid, hurt and lost and angry because her dad went away and left her just when she needed him most.

  ‘What is it about us that’s so awful, Shay?’ she asks in a small, sad voice. ‘What makes us so difficult to love?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I sigh.

  This time, when she leans against me and drops her head against my shoulder, I don’t pull away.

  4

  When I get on the school bus next morning, Cherry waves me over and I flop into the seat beside her. My eyes slide to the back of the bus where Honey usually holds court, but there is no sign of her. Last night I talked her out of running away to London and into sticking things out at school. I talked her into going home and at midnight I walked her along the lane to her gate. What if she didn’t go home after all? What if she waited in the trees until I’d gone, then headed off into the darkness along the lane, hitching a lift to London?

  Were the late night heart-to-hearts and pep talks all for nothing?

  ‘What happened to you last night?’ Cherry is asking. ‘I kept calling, but no reply.’

  ‘Sorry … my mobile died, and I didn’t notice till this morning … I’ve left it at home on charge.’

  ‘Oh? It seemed to be ringing … it didn’t go to voicemail or anything …’

  ‘My mobile does that sometimes,’ I bluff. ‘It acts kind of weird when the battery’s flat.’

  The lie drips too easily off my tongue, but it’s safer than the truth. I am not sure how Cherry would feel if she knew I’d sat up till midnight in the storeroom den with Honey, telling her every single thing about Curtis and Dad and how let down I felt. I don’t think she’d understand – I’m not even sure I do.

  ‘No worries,’ Cherry says. ‘I guessed it would be something like that – I know you wouldn’t just ignore me. I just wanted to make sure you were OK – thought you might be feeling low.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I tell her. ‘Or I will be, anyhow. I just don’t want to be around Dad right now – I stayed late at the sailing centre last night, painting boats. It was OK … boring, I guess, but after a while your head just switches off and the job takes over. Then I holed up in the den and played guitar. I totally lost track of the time … didn’t get to bed till late.’

  ‘Aw, I bet,’ Cherry sighs. ‘Poor Shay. You must be so hacked off with your dad – all your dreams shattered before they even got off the ground.’

  ‘What can I say?’ I shrug. ‘Dad’s a nightmare. It’s nothing new, and it’s not the end of the world. You know me, I’ll bounce back.’

  ‘Of course you will. But if you ever want to talk about it …’

  I sigh. I’ve done all my talking for now, but it wasn’t to my girlfriend – it was to my ex. She was in the right place at the right time, and somehow the hurt and the anger I was feeling about Dad came spilling out. Now, in the cold light of morning, I wish I’d kept my mouth shut; it feels like a betrayal, somehow.

  Cherry is looking at me, her dark eyes anxious. She’s cute, she’s kind and she cares about me far more than Honey ever did, I know. I would be crazy to screw all that up by trying to rebuild a friendship with Honey … not that that’s what I’m doing.

  Last night was a one-off.

  ‘I don’t really want to talk about it,’ I say, pushing aside the guilt. ‘I can’t, not just now. But I know you’re always there for me, Cherry … that means a lot.’

  The bus chugs on, navigating the winding country lanes, and without warning a wave of anger and frustration washes over me; I’m trapped in this sleepy corner of Somerset for three more years at least. My days will unfold in exactly the same way as they always have done: breakfast, bus ride, school, sailing centre, maybe some time out with Cherry or a quiet hour with my guitar. It’s not bad, and many people have it a whole lot worse, I know, but suddenly it’s not enough.

  I want to change the rules, push the boundaries, shake things up. I want to stop waiting for my life to begin and make things happen.

  Is this how Honey feels?

  ‘Hey,’ Cherry says, nudging my arm. ‘You’re miles away, Shay!’

  ‘Sorry,’ I say, but a part of me wishes I was. Miles away from grumpy parents and perfect big brothers; from crazy ex-girlfriends and guilt-inducing current ones; from school and work and looming exams. With an effort, I drag my focus back to Cherry.

  ‘I was trying to tell you about Honey’s latest exploits,’ she goes on. ‘Boy, she’s really blown it this time! Out all Sunday night and truanting school – we thought she’d run away again! Yesterday was a total nightmare – Dad and Charlotte were arguing; Skye and Summer were crying; and Coco locked herself in her room and wouldn’t talk to anyone. And what does Honey do? Rage at Dad and Charlotte for calling the police and then slam out of the house and disappear again …’

  Unease seeps through me. ‘So … she’s vanished again?’ I check. ‘I couldn’t help noticing she’s not on the bus …’

  ‘Couldn’t you?’

  Cherry looks confused and a little hurt, and too late I realize that it’s not too tactful to tell your girlfriend you’ve been scanning the school bus for your ex. Oops.

  ‘Honey hasn’t vanished again, Shay, so you don’t have to panic,’ she says. ‘Charlotte drove her into school for a pre-school meeting with the Head and some of her class teachers. That’s why she’s not on the bus. OK?’

  ‘I just happened to notice,’ I shrug. ‘It’s not like I was looking out for her or anything. I mean … why would I do that?’

  Stop digging, Shay, I think. You’re in enough trouble as it is.

  ‘Whatever,’ Cherry huffs. ‘She didn’t vanish, but she may as well have – she didn’t get home till gone midnight, so everyone was worried sick all over again. Goodness knows where she was because Dad and Charlotte rang all her friends …’

  I can’t meet Cherry’s eye, but of course she has no idea that Honey was with me. It’s not something she needs to know. Ever.

  The school bus shudders to a halt outside Exmoor High, and the crush of kids carries us forward and out into the bright, cool morning. Cherry’s other stepsisters, the twins Skye
and Summer, walk past us. Skye reaches out to swipe my beanie hat, laughing, then chucks it back at me. I struggle to dredge up a smile.

  ‘Why would Honey even DO that?’ Cherry is asking, and I seriously, seriously wish she would just drop the subject. ‘Stay out so late when she was already in so much trouble? I don’t get that girl, not at all. It’s like she WANTED them to call the police again.’

  ‘Maybe she just wanted you all to back off,’ I sigh. ‘Take some time to cool down. I don’t suppose she even considers what it might be like for all of you – she’s hurting too much to think about anyone else.’

  Cherry frowns. ‘Shay, you seem to know an awful lot about what my stepsister is feeling all of a sudden!’

  The air between us crackles with tension – in a year of being together, this is the closest Cherry and I have ever been to a row. She’s angry, I know, and hurt too … Honey has made both our lives difficult over the last year. For me to start defending my ex must seem like a betrayal, but a little bit of me can’t help feeling sorry for Honey. And right now I am also irritated, annoyed; with Honey, with Cherry, with myself. I wish I could rewind, start the day again.

  The last thing I want is to fall out with my girlfriend.

  ‘I don’t really know how Honey feels, I’m just guessing,’ I shrug, sliding an arm round Cherry’s waist as we follow the crowd into school. ‘It’s just the way she is – most of the time she just thinks of herself, how she’s feeling. Nobody else is even on her radar. That’s all I’m saying …’

  ‘I suppose,’ Cherry says. ‘Sorry, Shay, I didn’t mean to be clingy. You were with Honey for months – you’re bound to care about her, just a bit … that’s only natural.’

  ‘Hey,’ I tell Cherry. ‘You have nothing at all to worry about, I swear.’

  ‘Sure,’ she grins. ‘I’m being silly, right? But it’s just because I care.’

  ‘I know,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry too … I’m not in the best of moods lately, as you might have noticed. Blaming my dad for that. Plus, I am shattered – I didn’t get to bed till the early hours. I lay awake most of the night, but I must have dropped off in the end because I slept in and almost missed the bus. It’s just not my day.’

  ‘I bet you skipped breakfast as well,’ Cherry frowns. ‘You should grab something from the canteen, or you’ll be tired all day. I need some stuff from my locker, but can you get me a Twix bar too? Reckon I need chocolate today!’

  She hands me some silver and peels away towards the lockers while I lope along the corridor to the canteen and queue for a smoothie, a muesli bar and Cherry’s Twix. The day has to get better, right? I have had enough bad luck for one lifetime, surely.

  Or not.

  I’m sitting on one of the tables slugging back the smoothie when Honey Tanberry walks in, her jaw-length hair perfectly tousled, her school skirt inches shorter than every other girl’s, her white shirt a shrunk-in-the-wash special. She looks a little too St Trinian’s to have just come from an emergency meeting with the Head, but of course Honey makes her own rules. She’s so catwalk cool and carelessly confident I guarantee nobody will have dared to challenge her.

  ‘Sheesh,’ she says, flopping down beside me. ‘I hate this dump, I swear. Thanks to Mum, the teachers are going to be watching me like hawks this term. I might as well be in prison.’

  She picks up the Twix I bought for Cherry, tears open the wrapper and bites a piece off.

  ‘Hey!’ I protest. ‘That was for Cherry!’

  ‘Get her another,’ Honey shrugs. ‘Cheers for putting up with me last night, Shay. I don’t think anyone else would have had the patience to listen, and I can tell you right now that nobody else could have talked me into going home. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing …’

  ‘A good thing,’ I say. ‘Definitely.’

  ‘Maybe. Anyhow, I just wanted to thank you for last night.’

  Without warning, she flings her arms round me in a dramatic hug that has heads turning all around the canteen. I am trying to untangle myself when over her shoulder I see Cherry standing in the canteen doorway, her face frozen, her eyes wide.

  I have no idea at all how long she’s been there.

  5

  ‘Hang on, Cherry … this is NOT what it seems!’ I yelp.

  Honey steps back from me, amused and apologetic. ‘Oops!’ she says. ‘Didn’t know you were there, stepsis!’

  ‘Obviously,’ Cherry says, her voice a whisper.

  ‘I was just saying thank you,’ Honey explains. ‘Shay was a total lifesaver last night. He sat up talking to me till all hours, then walked me home.’

  My heart sinks so low it’s probably in my Converse trainers. I am in trouble – big trouble, serious trouble.

  ‘Cherry, I can explain,’ I protest, although I’m not sure I can.

  ‘Don’t bother,’ Cherry says. ‘I think I can see what’s going on.’

  A small crowd of kids has gathered to gawp at the showdown. They remember the days when I used to date Honey and are putting two and two together, coming up with all the wrong answers. Just like Cherry.

  ‘Are you cross because he didn’t return your calls?’ Honey asks brightly. ‘Because that was totally my fault. He wanted to, but you called right in the middle of a big heart-to-heart so I asked him not to answer … honestly, blame me!’

  I wish the ground would open up and swallow me.

  Cherry doesn’t even glance at her stepsister. She looks straight at me and I can see disappointment, disgust, dismay in her eyes. I hate myself for putting those things there.

  ‘So your phone was out of battery?’ she asks quietly. ‘Nice one, Shay. Next time just tell me straight that you don’t want to talk to me. Except that there won’t be a next time, OK?’

  The kids crowded round hold their breath, and I stifle the urge to tell them all to get lost. It wouldn’t help.

  ‘Cherry, listen –’

  ‘There’s nothing you can say that I want to listen to,’ Cherry says. ‘Why would I believe anything you have to say? You’re a liar and a cheat!’

  There is no comeback to that. I am not a cheat, but a liar? Guilty as charged. I have lied to my girlfriend and been caught out; it doesn’t matter that I lied for all the right reasons, to stop her from worrying, stop her from getting the wrong idea. She got the wrong idea anyhow.

  ‘Harsh, Cherry,’ Honey says, clearly amused. ‘But then again … well, now you know how it feels.’

  ‘Honey!’ I argue. ‘Cherry – it’s not the same at all, if you’d just listen –’

  ‘I’ve heard enough,’ Cherry says, and her voice cracks a little as she speaks. ‘Stay out of my way, Shay Fletcher. We’re through. I never want to see you again!’

  She turns on her heel and walks away, and the watching crowd whoop and cheer their support and solidarity as she goes.

  ‘Loser,’ one girl snarls at me.

  ‘Idiot,’ another spits.

  The bell rings out for the first lesson, way too late to save me, and at last the crowd splinters away, heading to different corners of the building, different classes. I am left alone in the empty canteen with Honey.

  ‘So … that was interesting,’ she says. ‘Who knew your little girlfriend could stand up for herself like that?’

  ‘Ex-girlfriend,’ I sigh. ‘Thanks to you.’

  ‘How was I to know you’d lied about your mobile?’ she asks. ‘And I take it you didn’t tell her you were with me last night. You should have known she’d find out some time …’

  I glare at Honey. ‘Yeah, I should have known. Like I should have known you’d stir things up, make it loo
k a million times worse than it actually was. Thanks a bunch.’

  As I grab my rucksack and head to lessons, Honey shrugs and picks up the half-eaten Twix, taking another bite and wiping the chocolate from her mouth with a grin.

  My life sucks, it’s official. My mates Luke and Chris tell me I must be mad to go messing around with Honey again, and when I tell them I really wasn’t, they smirk, disbelieving, and tell me Cherry’s way too good for a Romeo like me. Skye and Summer, Honey’s younger sisters, ambush me in the corridor at lunchtime, demanding to know why Cherry’s so upset.

  ‘What have you done to her?’ Skye demands, furious. ‘Every time I ask, she just starts crying again! There’s a rumour going round that you kissed Honey in the school canteen, and if that’s true I think I might have to strangle you.’

  ‘It’s not true,’ I huff.

  ‘You’re not welcome in our house any more,’ Summer chips in. ‘You cheated on Honey last summer and ditched her for Cherry – now you’ve dumped Cherry! What’s wrong with you, Shay? Do you enjoy hurting people?’

  ‘I haven’t – what? Of course I don’t!’

  But the twins turn tail and are gone.

  I scrape through the day, flunking a maths test, spilling ink all over my pencil sketch in art, breaking a guitar string in music. Yesterday’s gossip about my possible contract with Wrecked Rekords has been replaced with a twisted story of how I’m way too full of myself these days and how I think Cherry’s not good enough for me now.

  It makes me sick.

  I want to talk to Cherry, but her friends form a wall round her, warning me off. I try texting, until Cherry’s friend Kira tells me to stop, that Cherry’s deleted all my messages and blocked my number.