Tales of an 8-Bit Kitten

by Cube Kid

  “Fine by me,” I said. “As long as they won’t do something crazy upon seeing me like turn into a baby slime.”

  I didn’t know it then, but Batwing was about to show us what I now consider to be the coolest place in the Nether.

  During our trip to see Batwing’s friends, the wither skeleton did something strange. He retrieved a purple rock from somewhere I couldn’t see.

  “That’s a strange-looking rock,” I said.

  “It’s not a rock. It’s a crystal. And it’s called a tellstone.”

  “What does it do?”

  “It can be used to send messages to other people. Even people who are far away. Even people you don’t really know. You can speak with them in their dreams.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “I don’t know. Magic. Anyway, it isn’t working properly. I was only able to contact two villagers.”

  “Can we speak to them now?” I asked.

  “Hmm …maybe. Let’s try.”

  Batwing held the crystal closer so that I could see.

  “Nah. Maybe they’re not sleeping right now.… Oh, wait! Guess they are.”

  The face of a villager boy appeared in the crystal. It was the strangest thing I’d ever seen.

  The villager’s voice seemed to resound from within the tellstone:

  “As if my dreams aren’t bad enough. Now I get to listen to this bonehead talk in that scratchy, gravelly voice of his.”

  Batwing moved the crystal closer and began speaking into it.

  “Bonehead? I’m not the one who just bombed three tests! Hey, I’m sorry, all right? Hey! Don’t shut me out, kid! Look, I’m not going to ask you to save me! Someone else already did!”

  Then the wither skeleton extended his arm to move the crystal farther away from us.

  When he did, the villager boy seemed shocked. It was like he really could see me somehow.

  “Don’t look at them like that!” Batwing said, speaking into the crystal once more. “They’re not monsters! Well, okay, they are monsters, and so am I, but we’re good! We’re not like the rest! We’ve made a whole city by ourselves! A city of good monsters, hidden from all the bad ones! By the way, this is Eeebs. He won’t bite. Promise! Oh, and that’s Clyde over there. Both of them are really nice!”

  He said a lot more to the villager (advice of some kind), but I’ve already forgotten it.

  After walking across countless hills and following Batwing through an enormous cave, I finally saw it:

  Lavacrest.

  The city of good monsters, hidden deep within a netherrack mountain.

  Vast streets of nether brick stretched endlessly. Blocks of glowstone sat upon posts of nether-brick fence. Countless iron doors led to shops, homes, and even schools where monsters could study various crafts, like mining and enchanting.

  Every monster imaginable could be seen here, even some not native to this dimension, such as endermen and witches. They had traveled here to learn more about magic. Magic …that was something I was totally unaware of, until today.

  Witches, huddled in groups outside, were uttering strange words. White glyphs hovered in the air before them.

  “What are they doing?” I asked.

  “Casting a protective spell,” Batwing said. “I forgot the name.”

  “Reinforce,” Clyde said. “They’re enchanting the city’s blocks to be more resistant to explosions.”

  “There’s even a spell that can make a block impossible to mine,” Batwing said. “It’s pretty high-level, though, and consumes a diamond upon casting.”

  As we wandered the streets, with me staring in awe, Clyde and Batwing went on about the many block enchantment spells. One spell, Spike Growth, caused a block to grow spikes on each of its sides, damaging anyone touching it or walking across its surface—much like cactus. First Burst acted like a trap: Anyone stepping on it caught fire. There was also a lightning-based version, known simply as Zap. Another, Frost Aura, provided a slowing effect.

  “Kind of like soul sand,” Clyde said. “Except it also makes you attack slower.”

  “Soul sand?”

  Batwing sighed. “That sand you saw in the nether fortress.”

  In addition to block enchantment spells there were spells that created new types of blocks, such as Shadow Block. After casting this spell, you chose a material—sand, cobblestone, netherrack, anything—and a block of that type would appear. This block, although appearing real in every way, was something called an “illusion.” You could walk through it as easily as walking through air.

  “We’re about to place these blocks across the cave entrance leading to this city,” Batwing said. “That way, EnderStar’s soldiers will never find this place.”

  “Don’t you need a bat’s wing to cast that one?” Clyde asked.

  Batwing nodded. “Yeah. We really need to head to the Overworld and go bat hunting.”

  Another spell was called “Light Block.” It created a block of intense white light, which could be walked through. However, standing within such a block was like standing in sunlight.

  A more powerful version of the spell, Concentrated Light Block, was twice the normal strength of sunlight, meaning it would burn monsters to a crisp.

  “We figure a wall of light blocks might be useful against a zombie horde,” Batwing said. “Sadly, both versions of Light Block require emeralds to cast.”

  And then there was Mud Aspect, which gave a block mud-like consistency. Anyone stepping into it would slowly sink down. Their movement speed would be decreased as well, although not as much as the effect Frost Aura provided.

  Needless to say, Slime Aspect gave any block the properties of slime, meaning it could be used to bounce upward.

  But the most interesting, in my opinion, was Teleporter Cube. I didn’t understand how it worked, but Clyde said it could be used to travel vast distances instantaneously.

  “Not a single monster in the city knows that spell,” Batwing said. “Not even Greyfellow.”

  I blinked. “Greyfellow?”

  For once, Batwing wasn’t annoyed at my cluelessness. “He’s the guy who runs this place.”

  “He’s also the guy we’re going to see,” Clyde added. “I’m sure he must know more about your …current state.”

  Perhaps ten minutes later, we reached Greyfellow’s home: a huge hut made of nether quartz. Batwing increased his pace, muttering something to himself.

  Clyde and I exchanged glances

  and followed him in.

  Greyfellow was an enderman.

  He wasn’t black, however, but light gray in color with bright sky-blue eyes. In addition, he wore a fancy-looking white hat, not unlike those typically worn by witches. He’s known as an “endermage,” one of the last enderman wizards in all of Minecraftia.

  “Where have you been?” he said to Batwing.

  “Yeah, about that,” Batwing said. “Those bums stranded me out there.”

  “Oh?”

  Batwing withdrew the brilliant purple tellstone from his inventory. “And your little crystal didn’t work.”

  “What do you mean it didn’t work?”

  “Well, I tried telling those villagers that the Overworld is in danger. I begged them to set me free. The girl just ignored me, and this little punk, Runt, kept telling me to go away.”

  “My apologies,” Greyfellow said. “Villagers are a crude folk. They can sometimes be …uncouth. Interesting that you weren’t able to contact anyone else, though. Hmm …Give me the tellstone.”

  “Gladly. Take it.”

  “I shall craft you a new one later tonight,” the endermage said. He glanced at Clyde and me. “And who are your new friends?”

  Batwing introduced us, and the endermage noticed my mark. “Interesting. You come from the Overwo
rld, then? Yes. You were once a kitten. I can see that now.”

  “Do you know what happened to me?” I asked.

  “I believe so. Although, I must consult the ancient texts. Go now. Eat. Sleep. In the morning, we shall speak again.”

  Before long, I’d eaten three cooked salmon and was curled up next to a burning block of netherrack. How these monsters got ahold of salmon, I didn’t know and didn’t ask.

  Magic, probably.

  Yawn. Maybe they can conjure food as well as blocks?

  As I dozed off,

  I started purring.

  That morning, I met up with the gray enderman again. He told me a lot of stuff and showed me this huge, ancient book.

  He let me borrow it, so I’m going to copy some of it down.

  ***

  THE PROPHECY OF MINECRAFTIA, VOLUME I

  And so shall it be: In these perilous times, two Saviors shall descend from the Sacred Light and drive the Veil of Darkness to each corner of the world.

  One Savior shall take the form of a young Human man—KOLB. He represents all that is Earthly and Known. The other shall arrive in the form of a young Sylph woman of most enchanting beauty—IONE. She represents the Unearthly, the Unknown.

  Alas, our Saviors walk a difficult path, for their Divine Weapons, forged by the White Shepherd and blessed with Sacred Light, were all but destroyed during the Second War. Only when their shards have been reunited can each Weapon be fully re-forged.

  In addition to our Saviors, five Beings shall be Chosen by the Light:

  A villager displaying incredible creativity and insight, with compassion for all life. He shall take up the sword and become not only a Warrior but a supreme Tactician without equal. Although his power comes from within, the Sacred Light shall assist him in the form of Luck. He is a champion of the Overworld.

  Three animals displaying the highest bravery in the face of great danger and loyalty to their friends. The gender and form of each animal are Unknown. They shall be blessed with higher intelligence and begin to take on the aspects of monsters. The first of these Chosen Animals shall seek to meet and serve the first Chosen Being. These animals are champions of the Nether.

  The third Chosen Being is entirely Unknown, although it is Known that this Being shall be most bizarre in nature. He serves as a champion of the End.

  Know this: As the Darkness continues to spread across our World, our Saviors must seek to reclaim the fragments of their Divine Weapons, for these blades are the only two Divine Weapons remaining after the Second War. The rest, destroyed by the Eyeless One, are lost for eternity.

  Before all else, our Saviors shall head to the Capital of our World, known as Aetheria City, where they shall learn of past knowledge and train themselves, for their energy will have diminished during their journey.

  Soon thereafter, the Great War shall begin between the forces of Light and Darkness.

  ***

  Okay. There’s much more to that book, but my head hurts. (My paw, too.)

  In dark times, heroes from “another world” will arrive to fight against evil. Five beings from this world have been selected as well.

  I’m one of the animals mentioned. I’m supposed to find and serve the first “Chosen Being.” A villager. That means I need to return to the Overworld.

  But that enderman wizard, Greyfellow, doesn’t want me to. Not yet. He says I must learn more about my abilities before I leave. I must become stronger.

  We talked about this stuff all day. I’m really tired, now. Talking in a non-cat language I’ve just learned is still difficult for me, remember?

  By the way, some of the monsters here really can conjure food with magic. It’s so cool. All I have to do is ask some witch or enderman for raw salmon. I can cook it myself because I’ve been blessed with higher intelligence, according to that old book. How cool is that?! Meow!

  Time for sleep.

  My “training” starts tomorrow.

  “They’ve found us! They’ve found us!”

  I woke up to a creeper wizard shouting these words. I was still at Greyfellow’s house. When I walked outside, I saw so many different monsters running around and shouting.

  From this crowd, Greyfellow and Batwing emerged. They were holding on to a zombie pigman by each arm. He seemed familiar somehow. But where could I have seen him before?

  “We found him sneaking around just outside the city!” Batwing said. “Little snoop!”

  Clyde floated down to our level. “What are we going to do with him?”

  “We’ll have to imprison him,” Greyfellow said. “If we let him go, he’ll give EnderStar the location of our city.”

  “N-no,” the pigman said. “Me. Want. T-to—”

  “Shut it!” Batwing said. “You’ll say anything to get away!”

  A creeper shouted: “Hisssss, me blow him up!”

  “I say we throw him into the pit!” a nearby witch shouted. “That’s the best way!”

  “Yesh! Duh pit! Duh pit!” After uttering these noises, several zombie pigmen (good ones, apparently?) began chanting: “Duh pit! Duh pit! Duh pit!”

  Soon, hundreds of monsters joined in.

  (However, most were shouting/chanting “the pit” as opposed to “duh pit.” Why do some speak differently?)

  “They’re right,” Batwing said. “There’s only one way we deal with our enemies, and that’s tossing them in the pit. A good dropkick from behind—not too hard, eh, a little encouraging tap in the rear—and boom, one-way ticket to another dimension. Suddenly, our problem is no longer our problem, just breakfast for some hungry Void beast.”

  A tear ran down Clyde’s cheek. He spun around. “No! What are you saying?! We can’t do that! If we do, we’ll be just as bad as EnderStar!” He paused. “Wait. Um …guys? What’s the pit?”

  “Oh. Okay. So that’s the pit.”

  Some say it goes on forever, but Greyfellow told me the truth: It actually reaches the Void.

  When you fall in, you’ll fall for quite a long way. But after some 6,570 blocks, you’ll eventually arrive in a bizarre world. A world of eternal night containing crystalline plants, lakes of glowing blue ooze, invisible things brushing past you and whispering into your ear, and, yes, horrifying monsters.

  At least, that’s what Greyfellow told me when I asked him about it. Maybe he’s just trying to scare me?

  He also said a race of peaceful mushroom people live there, who know about such things as “advanced crafting” and “advanced brewing.” Whatever that means.

  Anyway, thirty minutes later, over one thousand monsters were standing around this seemingly bottomless hole that may or may not have led to a place one thousand times crazier than the Nether.

  The prisoner was standing on the very edge, his back turned to us. Batwing was right behind him.

  “Just say the word, Greyfellow, and I’ll dropkick this punk into a brand-new dimension!”

  “P-please,” the pigman said. “Me. No. B-b-b …b …b-bad.”

  The endermage closed his eyes for what must have been several minutes.

  Ghast tears were running down Clyde’s cheeks, and two witches were now trying to collect them.

  I stared at the pigman the whole time. Now where have I seen him before? That thing on his head. I saw a pigman wearing one of those before.

  Wait a second! He was the guy leading all the other monsters in the Overworld after EnderStar teleported away. He was the smart one, the zombie pigman who could actually talk.

  What’s his name again?

  Rarg? Yes! Rarg, the zombie pigman captain!

  “Very well,” Greyfellow said at last. “I have decided that—”

  “No!” I shouted. I walked up to Rarg and turned to the other monsters. “Wait! I’ve seen this pigman before!”

>   “What? In the nether fortress?” Batwing said. “So what?”

  “In the Overworld,” I said. “I watched from a distance as EnderStar’s army panicked, blinded by sunlight. They had no idea how bright the sun can be.”

  “What’s your point?” Greyfellow said.

  “Well, while I was watching them, I sensed something good in this pigman. Since he was wearing that thing on his head, he was the only one who wasn’t blinded. He helped his fellow monsters return to the Nether by singing a song so that they could follow him.”

  The endermage nodded. “I see, I see. Hmm . . . wearing a helmet, yes. So, he’s quite smart. Hmm.”

  “Not only that,” I said, “I could somehow sense that he didn’t want to be there. Didn’t want any part of attacking the Overworld. He kept hesitating whenever EnderStar spoke to him.”

  “C’mon!” Batwing said. “You know we can’t do anything but give this guy a good kick! He’ll give away our location if we don’t!”

  “Quiet,” Greyfellow said. He walked up to Rarg. “Pigman. Is it true? Do you really wish to abandon EnderStar’s army and join us?”

  “Y-yes,” Rarg said. “Me tired of boss man. And me have many friends also tired of boss man. Boss man always screaming. Always want us do bad thing. We don’t want do bad thing.”

  “Then why didn’t you leave before?” Greyfellow asked.

  “We scared. Boss man make fire from no fire. Boss man make white zap light from no white zap light. Boss man also turn three me friend into flying black squeaky thing. Then he eat flying black squeaky thing. Me so sad. Me so angry. When me see flying black squeaky thing …me remember. Me cry. Me want help beat him.”

  “Flying black squeaky thing?” Batwing facepalmed. “This is like talking to that kitten! Can you make sense, please?”