The Busy Woman's Guide to Murder

by Mary Jane Maffini

  I knew I had to stall until someone got there. I might have been holding a gun, but I had no idea how to use it. Just a matter of time until Haley realized that.

  I said, “I think when the police check that junkyard I spotted down the road from you, they’ll find a collection of badly damaged small red cars. I suppose county records might show that the property belonged to Randy. And the cars will turn out to have been stolen recently. You were good at that. I suppose you and your friends did quite a bit of joyriding as teenagers. You can probably hot-wire anything.”

  So help me, she seemed flattered.

  I kept talking. “Plus when they comb the inside of the brown van you hit me with, they’ll find some trace evidence linking you. Your DNA may not be in the system, but they’ll have a good reason to get a warrant for it now. You’re not quite as smart as you think. I’ve been able to figure out everything.”

  I knew I’d gotten that right by the look on her face. Haley tensed. I figured she had nothing to lose at this point and she would try to overpower me as soon as Jack’s attention was diverted by whoever was in that locker. Two could play that game. I needed every scrap of attention and strength that I had to try to keep us both safe.

  “This was planned too, wasn’t it? Everything to throw suspicion on your targets,” I said. It had come together so easily now, once I knew it was Haley. When I’d been focused on Mona and Serena, of course, none of these clues fit in. I felt like kicking myself now.

  “You can babble all you want to, but people will regard me with sympathy. ‘Poor thing, she just lost her husband.’”

  “Oh right, your husband. Would that be the same husband you killed?”

  She blanched.

  I said, “I guess that wasn’t supposed to be as obvious as it was. But I started to ask myself why all this was happening. What was to be gained? Mona wasn’t in your life. I wasn’t in your life. Yet you sought me out. You signed up for my workshop, even though clutter and time management were not your problems. Money and health were. You insinuated yourself into my life. You asked forgiveness. You didn’t want merely to torment people this time. You had an elaborate plot. Same old manipulative Haley.”

  “You’ll never prove that.”

  “Was it fun getting into Mona’s place and taking her things? Leaving a scarf or a hat or something that belonged to Mona near each hit-and-run and planting something from each victim in her apartment. You were toying with her, but I actually think that was a bit stagy, self-indulgent. It would never have worked. You’re not as smart as you think you are, Haley.”

  “Shut up! The police will fall for it.”

  “It’s too late to shut me up, remember? And they won’t fall for it. I’ve already filled the authorities in on what you did. You won’t get away with it. Trying to pin your crimes on Mona ruined any chance you might have had of cutting some kind of a deal.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jack turning to stare at me. As if Haley could ever cut a deal with what she’d done, he must have been thinking. I turned my gaze back to Haley. “So what triggered this rampage? Serena wanting to come back and make amends for the harm she’d done? Was that it? She was such a public person. You couldn’t afford to have people know the kinds of things you’d done. My guess is Randy didn’t know. Is that why Bethann had to die? She was going to take Serena to court, as I imagine Serena told you. A lot would come out then, not just about Serena, but about you. Was Serena holding that over your head too?”

  “That stupid bitch Bethann. She’d won some kind of Mickey Mouse legal case and it went right to her head. She must have thought she was a superhero. When she heard Serena was back, she decided to make her, and the rest of us, pay. She told me if I didn’t make amends, she’d go to our clients and tell them . . . things that I’d done. Then she said the court case would make national news because of who Serena was married to. Serena was pressuring me too. She didn’t want some of these things to get out. She wouldn’t let up. As if I didn’t have enough trouble.”

  “Right. Of course, Bethann might have been more careful if she’d known you’d actually killed somebody. It must have been easy enough to trick her into coming out on to the street. Pick a lock, let the little cat out and soon enough she’d come looking for it and bang! Bethann’s dead and there will be no court case. But that was just one problem, wasn’t it? Life was far from perfect. Randy wasn’t quite the great catch he had been. First he lost his job, then the house and the cars, and finally all those terrible health problems. Now your only child hates you, although I’m betting she has reason. You, Haley McKee, blond princess, end up cleaning the very school where you once made life hell for so many. Oh, the irony.”

  “I said, shut up.”

  More desperate kicks at the door.

  “Now your life was hell. And there was no way out. Except, of course, for that life insurance.”

  “How did you—?”

  “I figured Randy would take care of that. He cared about his family. Didn’t he say he always took care of his girls? Once you started on this path to get rid of Serena and the others, you also found a solution to the problem of your ailing, failed husband without ending up broke and divorced. I bet he was starting to look more appealing dead than alive. But of course, you couldn’t just kill him. Too obvious. No you had to arrange to have him die in a way that wouldn’t draw any suspicion to you. Mona could be framed for that too. Too bad you didn’t wipe me out, Haley. Nice try, though.”

  “I’m not done yet,” Haley said.

  Jack, swaying, managed to lift the combination lock from the hasp. He yanked the door open.

  “Mona!” he yelled as Mona tumbled out, writhing as if in pain. She must have been in agony being crouched in that small space. Had Haley drugged her and put her there earlier? If she’d been unconscious and quiet, the police wouldn’t have done more than check that the lock was engaged.

  Too bad I took a moment too long staring at Mona.

  Haley took that moment to head butt me. The gun tumbled to the ground and I dropped like a stone. I managed somehow to roll over and land on top of it. I screamed as Haley yanked my hair with one hand and grabbed for the gun with the other hand. I found myself flipped on my back and saw Haley raise the gun high. The corridor echoed with a roaring shriek straight from a nightmare. Was that me facing death?

  Haley’s eyes widened and she landed splat on top of me. The air shot out of my lungs with a whoosh. The howling continued. Mona had jumped on Haley. I struggled to breathe with Haley’s, and now Mona’s, weight pushing down on me. I gasped in relief as Haley was heaved off me and slammed against the nearest locker wall. Her head hit the metal with a bang. But it took more than that to stop Haley. As Mona lunged at her again, Haley lashed out with her hand. Mona grabbed it and bit it. Haley stopped, stunned. That gave Mona the chance she must have been waiting for: Her fist connected with Haley’s jaw. Haley’s eyes rolled back when her head clanged against the metal locker again. As she dropped to the ground, I knew it couldn’t have been slow motion, but it seemed that way. Mona leapt on Haley’s unconscious body and continued to pummel her. Jack stood in frozen astonishment. It took me a few seconds to catch my breath and pull myself together. We reached Mona. I put my arms around her and said, “Now it can stop.”

  Jack added his arms to the mix and together we seemed to be enough.

  By now Mona was weeping, soundlessly. A torrent of tears, years of misery and desperation pouring out. Jack lifted Mona off Haley. He caught a clip on the ear. Jack yelped. Mona gasped, I suppose just realizing what she had done. I did my best to keep an eye on the unconscious Haley, because nothing would have surprised me. We had no weapons except for her gun. Haley would try to recapture it if she woke up. And it was entirely possible that she was faking it. I couldn’t imagine Jack or me being able to shoot her, but I had no doubt that Mona could. As much as I hated the woman for all the harm she’d done, I hoped she wasn’t dead. That could be her final act of bully
ing: having Mona convicted of her murder. She’d probably mock poor Mona from beyond the grave. I shook my head to rid myself of that thought. Jack continued to hold on to Mona, rocking her back and forth and muttering soothing words. Mona’s tears had soaked the shoulder of his Hawaiian shirt.

  “Mona,” I said. “It’s over. We’ve got her now. She can’t hurt you or anyone else anymore.” I was praying that was true. The sound of “Police! Hands in the air!” sounded like music. My own personal hit parade was playing.

  Pepper, wearing a bulletproof vest, led the charge, but I noticed she was accompanied by a bunch of cops who seemed to be Darth Vader look-alikes.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I said. “You almost had a triple murder. Thanks for ignoring all my information.”

  “What the hell happened to you, Jack?” she said, ignoring me one more time.

  Jack said, “Bit of bad luck running into Haley. Fell for an old trick.”

  Pepper bent down and felt for Haley’s pulse. I said, “I sure hope you can get her locked up forever.”

  Pepper straightened up and turned to the nearest uniformed officer. “Call for extra paramedics. What happened?”

  “She lured Jack to the school by pretending to be me.”

  Jack said, “I’d nod but I believe my head would fall off.”

  “And she had Mona trapped in a locker. The same thing she did back in school. Mona must have been drugged and unconscious because your cops didn’t find her.”

  Pepper scratched her head. “Why would Haley do this?”

  “She planned to blame Mona for everything. Haley was going to kill Jack and blame it on Mona. She’d knocked him out and dragged him in here. I am not sure how she managed to get Mona into that locker. Mona will have to tell you that. Haley planned to let Mona out, then kill her and claim self-defense. After all, everyone believed that Mona was a homicidal maniac.”

  I could see the uniforms making eye contact with Pepper. Pepper had developed a massive scowl by this time. “No small thanks to you, Charlotte.”

  I felt like hanging my head. “I let myself be manipulated just like when we were kids. I didn’t see how information was being used to twist the truth.”

  “So all the phone calls and the entreaties, the pleas to arrest Mona, to stop her, they were because Haley was pulling the strings?”

  “Yup.”

  “But there is no proof of any of this.”

  “If everything went well, you’ll hear her incriminating herself via my cell phone on Rose’s ancient answering machine.”

  “They’ve been in touch, but you shouldn’t have meddled, Charlotte. I told you that. How many times?”

  Jack said, “I told her the same thing, but I was wrong. If Charlotte hadn’t gotten involved, Haley would have gotten away with multiple murders. Including mine.”

  Pepper sighed.

  I got in my two cents’ worth. “It’s good news, Pepper. You’re going to clear up five hit-and-runs, Dr. Partridge’s nearly fatal medication mix-up, the hit-and-run that killed his wife fourteen years ago, and now this. You see, Haley was behind all the hit-and-runs. They were a smoke screen to get rid of the other girls.”

  “But why?”

  “I’m guessing the plan was to get rid of Dr. Partridge because he knew too much about Haley. The girls had to go because Serena was threatening to expose Haley for killing Dr. Partridge’s wife. If he recovers, you may be able to get him to talk about it. I think he knew that Haley was a psychopath even then. She was also drunk on power and making a point. And possibly trying to make sure that Dr. Partridge didn’t share what he knew, not that he could have done that. She more or less admitted that she killed the wife thinking it was Dr. Partridge. Of course, she didn’t think she’d ever get arrested. What a comedown.”

  “With the three of you here and beat-up the way you are, I figure I can buy this. But what about Randy? Come on. Let’s not go completely insane.”

  “Oh, Haley wasn’t off her rocker. She planned and orchestrated this from the beginning. You’ll want to question her daughter, Brie. She wouldn’t let Brie say good-bye to Randy. Perhaps he was already dead when they drove away from the house that day. I should have caught on when she wasn’t worried about Brie’s safety. Of course, she loved Brie as much as she could love anyone. And Brie had nothing to fear from her mother.”

  Pepper said, “My head hurts. It’s so complicated.”

  Jack put his hand to his head and wiped off a trickle of blood. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

  For the first time, Mona spoke. She seemed small and broken crouched on the floor, but as she struggled to her feet, she seemed to get her strength back. “It is complicated. They created a world of pain and misery for other people.”

  I said, “Mona, I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when we were in school. The nightmare could have been prevented if we had gone to the principal or just stood up to the bullies.”

  Jack said, “Honestly, except for that time with the locker, I didn’t even know it was going on. Guys are kind of stunned about girls and their politics, I guess.”

  Mona managed a weak smile. “I don’t think so. They had the school authorities eating out of their hands, just like Haley had you eating out of her hand.”

  I said, “You’re right.”

  Mona shook her head. “But you guys were never the problem. You helped me and Sally did too. You were the only people who had any use for me at all. If it hadn’t been for the times you stepped in, I don’t think I ever would have been able to value myself enough to get a job and have a life. I think I would have killed myself.”

  I felt a lump in my throat, as a brigade of paramedics showed up and bent over Haley. Pepper said, “I’ll take your statements personally at the hospital. Paramedics will have to check out the three of you first.”

  Mona said, “Did I kill her?” She pointed to Haley out cold on the floor, surrounded by emergency workers.

  Do the worst thing first thing. Every day.

  Everything else will seem easy.

  19

  “She’s breathing,” one of them said.

  Mona said, “That doesn’t make me happy.”

  I stepped forward. “I think it should, Mona. You stood up to her and you fought back even when she’d convinced you that you had done these terrible things. She manipulated you and sent you practically over the brink, and yet, you are okay and she’ll be going to prison.”

  A pair of paramedics approached Mona and another pair was busy taking a close look at Jack’s head.

  As the first group loaded Haley up on a stretcher, I said to Pepper, “She’s extremely dangerous. I hope you’re going to keep her under guard. Oh. Sorry. I guess I got a little bit bossy again.”

  Pepper actually snorted. “A little bit? Okay, I’m going to need your story and you’re the only one who’s well enough to go to the station.”

  Jack said, “I’m all right. I’ll go with her.”

  “Down, boy. You wait until you’re cleared by the hospital.” Jack earned a smile from her, at least.

  I blurted, “You got whacked on the head, Jack. You need X-rays and scans. You need to be seen by specialists right away.”

  “All thanks to you,” Pepper said to me.

  Jack flashed her a dirty look. “I told you, it’s not Charlotte’s fault, Pepper. She’s not the bad guy here.”

  Pepper stepped back in surprise. That had been pretty un-Jack-like behavior. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have needed help if Charlotte hadn’t stirred this up. We were on it.”

  I said, “Yes, but—”

  Jack said, “No, you weren’t. Mona was almost killed. I was almost killed. If Charlotte hadn’t followed up, we would have been. She should have been listened to instead of discounted.”

  Pepper rolled her eyes. “Sure. Stick together. Whatever. But she’s right about one thing—no statement until you’ve been checked out.”

  Jack was muttering about hating ambulances as the paramed
ics prepared to bundle him off to Woodbridge General. Then he said, “Charlotte, why are there two of you?”

  I gasped and Pepper did too. “Concussion,” we said in unison. “Hospital now.”

  I said, “I want to go with him. And Mona needs someone with her. I’ll keep an eye on her as well.”

  Pepper pulled me aside and spoke in a low tone. “There will be an officer doing that. Mona’s probably going to be facing a ton of charges.” Pepper didn’t seem happy about that, which was a good thing. “I don’t know if we can avoid it. She did some crazy stuff.”

  “When the information comes out about Haley impersonating her, I think it would be hard to prove that Mona did anything, except run for her life.”

  “But she wasn’t running for her life.”

  “She sure was. And I bet any jury will believe that too. Just saying . . .”

  Pepper glanced over to where the uniforms were watching the paramedics with interest. “I always liked Mona and I’ll be happy if we don’t have to charge her with anything.”

  “And she can’t lose her job.”

  “I don’t control that,” Pepper snapped.

  “You certainly could influence the outcome. You can put in a word for her, explain the situation. She was manipulated and terrified by a vicious criminal.”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I haven’t even heard anyone’s statement yet, let alone conducted an investigation. You seem to think that because you have come up with a wild-ass theory, that it’s settled. Trust me, it isn’t. And it’s way too early to decide what happens with Mona.”

  That reminded me of something important. “She already has a good lawyer. I want to call Margaret again. That can be my one phone call.”

  “Make all the calls you want. I’m not arresting you. What would the charge be? Being a pain in the butt?”

  “You did say you could charge me for interfering in your investigation.”

  “Don’t tempt me.”