Forgiveness Creek: The Creek Series

by Abbie St. Claire

  “He what?” she asked over coffee in the hospital cafeteria.

  “He proposed.” I slipped the ring from my pocket, and she squealed, bringing every eye in the room to stare at us.

  “Shhh, don’t get us in trouble. Simmer down.”

  “That’s so romantic. You have to give me every single detail.”

  “I will later in our room. I need to get Ramona or Cheri to switch shifts with me, so I can go home this weekend. I don’t want Mom seeing something on Facebook or hearing about it from anyone, so keep your mouth shut. Stephan and I want to tell her in person.”

  “You just want to go home and get laid.” She snickered. She knew me so well.

  “That too.”

  The time crept by. Twenty-four hours later, I watched the clock on our class wall, so I could hit the road in record time. My car was packed, and the only items I needed were a change of clothes and some extra special lingerie I’d picked up. Once I was in the escapades store, it had occurred to me that perhaps it was a place frequented by strippers, not country girls. However, once Stephan got a glimpse of my little number, I might return for an encore purchase if it worked the way I planned.

  I stopped at the last McDonald’s on the way home and used their bathroom to put on my naughty number and covered it with a long coat. Praying nothing happened the last hour of my trip where I would have to explain my dress code. I could just see the story’s caption reading, “Woman arrested for DMTHN, driving-more-than-half-naked”.

  I turned my lights of and coasted my car down Stephan’s drive, barely able to control my excitement. I hoped he was pleasantly surprised by having a late night visitor.

  Shutting the car door quietly, I tiptoed across the front porch, hoping my heels didn’t give me away. Even with the barrier of the cedar siding, I could hear his Bose stereo playing his iPod at full throttle once I got close to the door. He wouldn’t hear me open the door, even if I threw it into the next room. I dropped my overcoat on the porch and cracked the door, but saw his recliner empty. I didn’t have a clear view of the kitchen, but I couldn’t see anything or hear him, so I opened the door and made a sneaky entrance.

  I’d made it to the middle of his living room when he came out of the hall, wearing nothing but a towel. Beads of water covered him, but I could only focus on his smile. Beautiful white teeth surrounded by full, rosy lips.

  “You’re stunning.” He approached me with open arms and wiggling a brow. “What are you doing here?”

  “Returning the favor.”

  “If you were trying to one-up me, you win.” He took my hand and raised my arm above my head, twirling me for his own appreciation. “Outfits of this nature suggest some open-ended promises. Do you agree?”

  “I do.”

  “Then, lead the way.”

  I led us to his bed with our pinky fingers tightly linked together and pushed him to a sitting position on the end of the mattress.

  “Don’t move.” I shook my finger in front of him.

  “Babe, don’t worry.”

  The iPod was playing in the kitchen, and I searched through until I found the perfect song. With Def Leppard singing about some sugar in the background behind me, I strolled back into the bedroom and gave my best attempt at a seductive striptease routine.

  Happy to take the heels off first, since they were killing me, I put my foot in his crotch and motioned for him to remove the fish net stockings, one at a time. The man was a master at garter belts and tried a couple of times at stealing third base with his thumbs, but I slapped his hands. Unfastening the matching black leather corset was more of a challenge than I thought. I was sort of sad to see it go, it gave my waist more shape than I ever knew I had. It was definitely going back into my lingerie drawer.

  The only remaining clothing items were his towel and my black lace bra and matching thong. He was in a race to get them off… I was in a race to leave them on and torment him with enticing anticipation.

  When I yanked at his towel, he was a willing participant. “What do you want?”

  “Everything.”

  After we made love, he held me in his arms. When I tried to roll over to sleep, he pull me tighter.

  “I don’t want your back to me. I want to be able to see your eyes, even if they’re closed.”

  I angled my neck, so I had a better view of his face. “What’s wrong?”

  “Hard to close my eyes on the perfect moment.”

  We continued talking, but I couldn’t stay awake and finally drifted off to sleep on his chest. I woke to his fingers stroking my arm.

  “Hmm, my angel awakes.”

  Through the crack of one barely opened eye, I could see the outline of his face with the lamp behind him; apparently, he’d never turned it off.

  “Angels have a hard time sleeping when the devil is tormenting them.”

  In a swoosh, he’d pulled me on top of him. “I’m the devil? You’re the one showing up at my door wearing nothing but naughty.”

  “Admit it, you loved it.”

  “I did and I want an encore, but we have to go see your mom. First, let’s go watch the sunrise.”

  “Now? Sure, let me get some clothes on.” I tried to roll out of bed.

  “We only need a blanket. I’ll keep you more than warm.” He met me with a grin that would melt ice.

  “You’re what?” Mom squealed and shut the oven door.

  “Engaged. Don’t pretend like you didn’t know it was coming. Stephan told me he asked for your blessing.”

  I watched her eyes go up to his and back down to mine before she gripped both of my hands. “I couldn’t be happier for the two of you. Have you made any plans?”

  “No. Maybe this summer, there’s just a lot going on right now to plan much.”

  She pulled out two chairs at the table. “You two sit. I made biscuits and gravy. Justin will be in shortly to join us. Welcome to the family, Stephan, not that you haven’t been part of it all these years, but now it will be official.”

  When Stephan grabbed my mom’s wrist as she walked by and stood to kiss her cheek, I had a swooning moment.

  Once the love spaceship dropped me back to reality at school, a routine was hard to find. I wasn’t focused, leaving my grades to suffer. After bombing two important tests, my advisor pulled me into her office and asked what was going on with my studies. Her concern was that work was too much, and I wasn’t able to study.

  “It’s love. I’m in love, and I can’t focus, Ms. Sheridan.”

  “Well, I suppose you better tell that boy of yours to stop distracting you. All jokes aside, Wrenn, you’re one of our better students, and your grades have fallen off from high A’s to some C’s and the courses just get harder the further you get in the program.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

  She laid her pen down on top of my file and removed her glasses. “I don’t want to see you back in here, unless you are handing in you final paperwork for graduation, are we clear?”

  I stood from my chair and faced her across the small room with my shoulders tucked back. “Very.”

  With my book bag in hand, I closed her door behind me and propped against the wall outside her office. Stephan and I would just have to be patient; school had to come first if I wanted to finish.

  Later that night, Karina and I made a pact to help each. We were to time our phone calls and support the other with staying focused. I also confessed to Stephan and Mom, so they would understand I was slipping and why I would need to shorten our communication, as painful as it was going to be.

  Stephan offered his apology and concern, uttering his guilt over and over for coming down and distracting me, but the choices were clearly mine to make, and I accepted the fault. Missing a couple of pop quizzes hadn’t helped my GPA. No more skipping class.

  Every time I looked down at my hand, I knew of his promise to me. It was the inspiration I needed to keep going and complete the promise I’d made to myself and finish school.


  I was looking forward to spring break more than ever. I just had one more week to get through.

  I was in the middle of stocking supplies at the hospital when Becky opened the door to the supply closet. “Wrenn, there’s an urgent call for you at the desk.”

  “Okay.”

  She held the door open for me, and I rushed passed her, but not before seeing a ghostly look on her face.

  “Hello?”

  “Wrenn, honey, you need to come home.” Mom’s voice sounded urgent on the phone.

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Stephan. I’m sorry, baby—” The rest of her words were lost in a visceral cry.

  “What, Mom? What?”

  There was a long pause. “He was killed today in an accident at work. You need to come home. Call me when you’re on your way. And please drive carefully.”

  I slid down the wall and puddled on the floor. There was nothing in my life that had prepared me for this moment. Why did God allow us to find each other again just to take him from me?

  Becky wrapped her arms around me and pulled me from the floor. “I’m so sorry, honey. He seemed like a wonderful man, and he loved you so much.”

  I cried for some time, and Karina came down to comfort me and cried as much as I did. She held me in arms as the nurses looked on.

  When I was able, I drove to the dorm and packed a few clothes, then called Mom to let her know I was on my way.

  It was the longest damn drive of my life to an endless point. Emptiness prevailed…

  Numbness encased me. When I got home, Mom tried to comfort me, but there was no peace to my existence.

  I drove over to Stephan’s house and found his clothes, putting them on. I could still smell him, my senses on overload. I heard his music still playing on the iPod, where he’d forgot to turn it off, as he often did.

  There was no understanding. No heart. Just a cloud of cold darkness. My body weak with physical and mental pain and the fear of never understanding. I cried out in anger. I didn’t want to go on. I thought about ending my life that night and removed Stephan’s pistol from the bottom drawer of his bureau.

  Out on the deck, I looked at it and laid it down on the table. Then I picked it up and stared at the trigger. One bullet and I’d be with my lover for eternity.

  The phone in the cabin rang, and his answering machine picked up. When I heard his voice, I cried harder.

  Then his sister started leaving a message. “Wrenn, if you get this message…”

  I raced in through the open patio door. “Hello,” I answered.

  There was nothing but cries on both ends of the line for the longest of time.

  “My flight leaves in thirty minutes. I won’t be there until tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Okay. I’ll be here. I can take care of the arrangements, if you want.”

  “Just wait and we’ll do them together.”

  “Okay.” I sank to the floor in front of the sink and thought about the arrangements. I remembered them with my father and how hard it was for my mom to make them. I never thought about that with Stephan. Young people subconsciously live as if they’re immortal.

  Half crawling, half walking, I managed the short distance to his room. I turned on the light in his closet, sat on the floor, and started looking for clothes that would be right for him, and realized just how morbid the concept was.

  In anger I shoved at the clothes, knocking many to the floor.

  To my surprise, there on the wall in big bold letters was written, “101 Things I Love About Wrenn”.

  1. The way her name sounds off my lips

  2. The dimples behind her knees

  That came as a shock. I didn’t know I had dimples behind my knees.

  I went to the bathroom and removed my clothes. Standing with my naked backside in front of the long mirror, I leaned around and twisted to and fro, trying to see the dimples for myself. I appeared like a failing contortionist and laughed out loud. If only he could’ve been there to see it, he would’ve rolled in laughter.

  I curled on my side and caught the shower door out of the corner of my eye. The memory came to me quickly of our last time together in the bathroom he designed for me. My visions were so vivid, as if he were right there with me. And yet, when I looked over at the shower door, he failed to magically appear.

  I went back to the wall and kept reading, crying and sometimes… even laughing. Absorbing his secret scribblings in a life-size journal.

  3. Her beautiful eyes

  4. The way she snorts if she giggles more than three times

  Oh my God, he counted them?

  5. Her genuine spirit

  10. The ticklish spot on the back of her right thigh

  14. She’s most beautiful without make-up

  20. The rosy glow her cheeks get when she’s coming

  Okay, that one has to get covered up.

  31. Her perfectly shaped lips

  39. Her taste

  44. Her second toe is longer than her big toe

  I looked down at my feet and giggled through my tears.

  59. She draws a heart on exclamation points on the notes she leaves me

  I never knew he’d noticed.

  72. She makes lists

  84. Her honesty

  89. Her simple needs

  90. The way she bounces in the saddle when she rides a horse, reminds me of the way she rides me

  Another one I had to hide from my mother.

  91. The smell of her hair.

  The last one hit me hard. He always stuck his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply.

  I closed my eyes and sensed him behind me.

  If only it were real…

  When I opened my eyes, I found myself alone.

  He hadn’t finished the list. I wish I knew what he was thinking for the final ten.

  What else didn’t I know about Stephan and how much he loved me? I read his list and re-read it out loud. Sometimes the details made me laugh and sometimes I cried harder. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped myself in a tight ball on the floor. There was no comfort, no joy. Sorrow and anger prevailed.

  Why did you leave me, Stephan?

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his black leather jacket and recalled how sexy he’d looked on New Year’s Eve. That next morning he’d told me it was our beginning, and it had been. Our time together had been beautiful. He never told me it was going to be short. He’d promised to love me forever.

  After some time, I walked around the cabin and looked at his place, his life left behind. I found his cologne and sprayed it all over the flannel shirt of his I was wearing and curled up on his side of the bed.

  No goodbyes…

  Analina. She wanted to celebrate his life in true Stephan style. It was a great idea and I agreed, so we hosted a bonfire and barbecue on Saturday night on his land for all of his friends to come tell their favorite stories.

  A couple of the guys brought their guitars, and we tried our best to sing some of Stephan’s favorite songs, but no one could do it as good as Blake Shelton, so we wound up making fun of each other and laughing through our tears as we sang along to the music over the Bose player.

  Publicly, it was humbling to see how many people turned out to show their love and respect. Privately, guilt consumed my soul for leaving him and putting myself first.

  Mom tried her best to be supportive because she understood the pain from losing her soul mate, but the loss was hard on her in two ways. One, because she loved Stephan like her own child, and two, because it took her back to the day she lost the man she loved with all of her soul.

  Sunday morning, Analina came by my house before leaving for the airport. She wanted to say goodbye, something Stephan didn’t believe in.

  “There’s something that I wanted to give you,” she said, opening her big red purse while she took a seat on the sofa. Her hands trembled.

  She pulled out a key ring and handed it to me. I looked it over and laughed because he n
ever locked his door, and the key fob read, “Door locked? Find an open window.” So much the mentality that had been Stephan.

  She swiped at a tear falling from her chin. “He wanted you to have the cabin. In fact, he left everything to you. The cabin, his life insurance, his accounts—everything.”

  “I know this ring was your mother’s,” I said. “I want to give it back.”

  “No, we talked about it. I have her wedding band. We both wanted you to have Mother’s ring. Please…”

  “Okay.”

  We hugged and cried. I understood what she was saying, but I didn’t know how I felt about the ring. I thought she should have it.

  “Don’t you want to keep it for your son or daughter some day?”

  “No, I want to honor my brother’s wishes. Besides, I have my ring just like we’d planned.”

  When she left that day, I got the feeling it would be the last time I ever saw her. I knew I would be talking with her about the property and all, but for her, it was closure. She would return to her husband in Germany and leave the pain behind.

  For me, it was another new beginning, a tragically painful one. At times we’d been estranged, but Stephan was my best friend, and while I’d lost sight of that for a period of time, I’ll always be eternally grateful we found our way back to one another, even if it was such a short time. Maybe I did get the best and worst of him, but at least I was his hope in life and a reason to live.

  After Analina left, Mom and I went to the bench down by the creek as we usually did on Sundays. We actually went a bit early, so I could get on the road back to Denton. I had one week left to get through before I would come home and try to make sense of things.

  The sound of the flowing creek was peaceful, and the sun peaked through the thickness of the trees.

  “I now know why you love to come here. There is something healing about this place.”

  “Even with the mooing in the distance, it’s still peaceful.”

  We both laughed hard. It felt good. We had to get used to the cows again after so long.