Cursing under my breath I scramble with a plan while willing eternal damnation on the sorry sonofabitch who brought us to this point with every fiber of my being; the one who tried to break her. Fury burns through my veins as my adrenaline kicks into overdrive. Her wild black hair is going every which way as her weight shifts on the balls of her feet, making her tear stained face more visible in the bits of light breaking through the shadows. My chest feels like it's about to rip into two; the state she’s been driven into by some Godless force that I know on a personal level, and my own violent need to save her from a ghostly lynch man that should not be.
“Don’t shoot baby, let’s dance, this is a tango. This shit in your head, it’s not happenin’ right now. Do you remember the other night? Dancin’?”
She stills her antsy feet as she searches her mind for whatever just sparked in her eyes. Yes, that’s it, baby.
“I’ve never seen someone look as beautiful and happy as you did, dancin’ all around the floor, not a care in the world.”
Her eyes shift to mine, and it’s like she’s looking at me for the very first time, the storm within them rages on, the clouds shifting ever so, daring to part.
“I don’t want to shoot, but no one can ever touch me like that again.” Her voice quivers, her resolve to land some lead into my chest wavering.
“I know darlin’, I’ll make sure you are safe if it's the last thing I do. Can you put the gun down?”
Her hand begins to shake as she rapidly blinks, horrific recognition fully registering in her large grey saucers. Within a few long strides, I’m across the room and disarming her. She doesn’t fight me, but I knew she wouldn’t. Like a landslide coming off the mountain, she crumbles, collapsing forward and into my arms. Sweeping up the weeping ragdoll, I set us down on the couch. A new level of vulnerability taints the air as her adrenaline tapers off, and she begins to violently shiver. Her oversized T-shirt and thin pajama pants aren’t gonna do it, so I shift the quilt off the couch, toss it over her, and pull her closer to my chest. Her teeth begin to chatter as my shirt becomes damp, her tears beginning to soak through. I don’t know what the hell to say, we are both at a loss for words. Part of me wonders if I should sing or some other stupid shit just to break the tension.
My blood pressure is still thrumming in my ears as my hands hold onto her for dear life, too afraid to let go. That was one of the few times my life has ever flashed before my eyes, and that kind of shit sticks around for a while, no matter how many life and death situations you’ve seen. I’ve stared down the barrel of many guns, didn’t faze me one bit, I didn’t give a fuck. That’s why they sent me to do what I do best, because I’m soulless. Or, so I thought. My mind races with all of the questions that I have, but I know better than to ask her anything right now. So, we hold onto each other for dear life in the face of a living hell on earth, courtesy of all of the fucked up situations we’ve been so fortunate to be a part of.
Dawn breaks, bringing us out of the darkness, and into the blinding reality of another day.
“Leo, you awake?” Luna’s scratchy voice meekly attempts, as her head shifts against my jean clad lap, the friction too damn close to my asshole morning wood.
Lifting my head off the back of the couch, I muster a little smile as I stretch out the crick in my neck. Neither of us had the strength to move after our standoff. Lost for words, and afraid to even speak, I wait for her to continue.
“I’m really fucking sorry.”
“Come here.” I motion for her to sit up, then move her to straddle my lap. I love the feeling of her weight settled over me. Hell, I love her on me, period. Brushing a forefinger under her chin, her faraway gaze nervously comes back around. “You ain’t got nothing to apologize for─” She tries to cut me off but I give her a look that has her snapping her mouth shut. “Dammit woman, I mean it. I don’t fault you for nothin’. Hell, that ain’t the first time I’ve ever had a gun pulled on me.” It killed me that she was always saying sorry for something she has no control over, especially to me. If anyone deserved dealing with this, it’s me. I’ve done more shit to others in my outbursts than I care to admit. In my mind, this was an appetizer in the karma dinner I had coming.
“That’s no excuse for acting like a crazed lunatic,” she huffs, her lip trembling again.
My teeth grind, I hate fucking seeing her cry. Makes me want to kill Pinky over and over and over. A deep, dark part of me smiles within, satisfied knowing that I’ve finally been given the go ahead to plot my revenge on that sorry sonofabitch. Yes, he will definitely wish he’d never existed at all the minute my fist meets his flesh.
Chapter 12
February
Luna
“Bex, can you guys come pick me up?” My nerves are on edge as I force myself to ask for help. I haven’t been brave enough to drive anywhere but have managed some trips into town, even to the grocery store… with Leo by my side of course. His strong, unyielding presence made me feel like I had the support to do anything. He also didn’t smother me, and gave plenty of space to spread my wings; probably a bit too much. It felt weird to ask someone other than him to get me out, but he couldn’t come with me on this mission. Plus, it would be nice to spend the afternoon with the ladies. All Leo all the time gets to be crazy when the weather locks us inside. The last two months have been interesting to say the least. We’ve kept up our comfortable pattern, cohabitating like normal but talking more. He even opened up about his childhood, which was odd. Not the stuff about his childhood, that was sad, but the openness behind it, and how it led to both of us comparing notes about growing up and what we both missed out on. Up until my breakdown, we never really said that much to one another, we mostly existed in a string of sarcastic slues. Since that fateful day, the sarcasm has gotten worse if that was possible; and we are slowly opening up and speaking our truths to one another.
“What the hell, things ‘round here are moving slower than a geriatric orgy. What are we up to?” Bex’s boredom almost makes me yawn.
“Valentine’s day shopping.” The words come out weighted, hesitant.
“Well, well. Something you want to admit to? We need to have the talk about mechanics and protection?” Bex snort laughs as she doesn’t miss an opportunity to give me shit.
“God, woman, hell no. We haven’t gotten that far.”
“Tsk, tsk, cryin’ shame, these winter months are the best for ass waxen. Once the warm weather hits, it takes special rain dances and animal sacrifices to get these men to even show face at home.”
“For the love of, never mind.” I shake my head at the phone.
“Oh don’t puss out on me now, you started the steam engine… we don’t stop till we hit homeeeeee, ya baby!” She busts up laughing, thoroughly pleased with herself. “Ah Kitten, you just brightened my boring ass day. Sugar is working, I’ll grab Wingz and be over. We’ll grab a bite on the way. I’m so hungry I could eat a huge─” Click, I hang up before my ears can be assaulted with another sexual reference that will make me more uncomfortable than I am already.
“Steel, that woman is crazy. I love her, but damn.” I chuckle as I feed the furry beast and head to get dressed. Leo stayed the night at the clubhouse, official club business that I wasn’t allowed to know about. Fine by me. Gave me plenty of time to dive into my new books Leo ordered me off the internet. They were fascinating reads that went beyond what the textbooks had taught me, they bridged other levels of healing and therapy concepts I’d never gotten a chance to explore. Not sure what to make of them quite yet, but I was grateful for the distraction they provided from the ever turning gears in my head.
Bex’s Jeep tears up the gravel drive, a woman on a mission, hell bent on having some fun.
“What are you so damn excited about?” I yell from the porch as I put Steel in and lock up. He’d never run off but the weather liked to change on a dime, and I didn’t want him in the cold. Lord only knows how long we are going to be out for today.
“Well,
we decided that a big moment like this deserves a trip to Bozeman. And look who we kidnapped!” Bex chirps, head hanging out the driver's side window.
“What’s the big moment?” Sugar’s cute dark pixie cut bobs out of the passenger side door as she opens it to let me crawl in the back next to Wingz.
“Oh Sug, didn’t you know?” Wingz elbows me, and I sink down in the backseat.
“Know what?” Sugar innocently asks in that sweet way only she can manage.
“He hasn’t diddled in the honey pot yet.” Bex informs every-damn-one as she throws us into reverse.
Sugars brow furrows as Wingz butts in. “Y’all need to cut it. Can ya blame her? He’s scary as shit, and I wouldn’t be mad at her if she never wants to be diddled period.”
“Can we not talk about diddling? All I want to do is go pick out something nice to wear tonight for dinner. Like a dress. And maybe a fancy cake, and strawberries for dessert.” Okay, maybe I did want to talk more about… stuff, but my anxiety about going into town was enough to worry about.
“Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle.” Bex sings at the top of her lungs while jamming her thumb into the CD player.
“You are such a shit.” Sugar chortles, and swats her hand away, finding us the perfect driving music as we turn onto the big open road.
“Cake? Is that what the kids are calling the sex toy store these days?” Bex continues.
“Sex toy store? Those exist?” I’d never been into anything like that, and it hadn’t ever crossed my mind. I suppose I thought people just bought things like that on the internet or back alleys.
“Oh, Lawdy have mercy.” Bex’s hand comes up to feign distress across her forehead.
“Seriously? You’ve never been to one?” Even Sugar looks surprised.
“Hell, I’ve never had reason to,” I defend myself.
“Let’s not play that card sister. Fact of the matter is, you want to bone the beast… or is it ride the beast?” Bex trails off into a million idioms as she argues with herself. Ignoring her, I turn to Wingz.
“Is that necessary? I have no clue about any of that.”
“Girl, we gonna teach you about some thangs.” Bex can’t help herself.
“They have some pretty great lingerie. You don’t have to go crazy like that nut. She hasn’t eaten so she’s extra special right now.” Wingz ignores her best friend.
“Yeah, she’s on one.” My hands dive into my bag, pull out a sandwich, unwraps it half way, and I reach around to plop it in her blabbing mouth. She grabs it appreciatively and begins to hoover it in. No wonder her husband is still in love. Passing out the others, I add some Cola’s to the mix, and our little car picnic is complete. Truth was, I couldn’t handle the thought of a diner with other people, knowing we were on another of mission of sorts. This was a way to cut one stop off at the pass. Peopling is fucking hard.
“So, what do you want this Valentine’s Day gift to inspire then?” Bex goes on between mouthfuls of salami. How fitting.
“Do I have to say it?”
“Yeah, how else can we help you?”
“Ugh. Fine. I want him to take one look at me, and not be able to say no.” I quickly focus my attention out the window.
“Honay, he’s a biker, show them an eager hole, and they can’t say no.” Bex snorts then starts to cough on a runaway piece of sandwich while trying to handle the wheel on the open road.
“Hey shithead, how ‘bout you try not to die while swallowing salami?” Wingz hits the back of her seat while Sugar opens the pop for her.
“It’s gonna take a lot more than a piece of meat to take down this old bird.”
My heart’s racing as the sound of her momentary distress teases something in the basement of my memories. Not willing to explore that, I reinforce the door shut on those skeletons. “We tried once and it didn’t work out well. He’s barely touched me since,” I rush out while trying not to think about the place we’ve been in since the fire died, it was like I was worse than friend zoned. More like “that shit is never gonna happen” zone.
“You sure you are ready for that road… with that one, especially?” Sugar asks tenderly.
“It’s been damn near six months to the day since I crawled away from that hellhole. I’m ready to do what the fuck I want and not defined by what happened. Hell, I’m ready to be touched like a woman should be.” I talk a big game and wasn’t completely confident in the being ready part but I had a plan for that.
“Fuck yes, momma, it’s time for you to be caressed just right,” Bex adds as the girls take it as an open invitation to speak freely.
The girls banter back and forth about his sexual tastes, the rumors they heard, and how he’s not capable of being gentle. I’m not sure if they are trying to scare me, or just prepare me. They can say whatever they want, though, and they usually do, but I know all too well how he’s capable of touching me.
“Fine, that’s it. Sex store for an education above all else, and some lingerie. Hell, we’ll even get a fucking cake for y’all to celebrate once the deed is done. We gonna get that fineeee asssss laid!” Bex puts the peddle to the metal, and climbs a good thirty over the speed limit while I pray we don’t meet an asphalt ending as the she-devil herself takes us on a wild ride.
∞
“Hello?” Leo’s deep voice calls from the hall, and I fidget last minute with the shit they talked me into before lying back on the pillows of his bed, trying to look sexy. I probably look like one of those chicks people make fun of on the internet for duck lips. Or I resemble a crazed giraffe in a sky blue, Brazilian cut, lace-thong thingy that leaves nothing to the imagination. But here I am, about to demand what I want in the very same bed he first told me he loved me, a bed I haven’t been in since I almost shot him. Jesus, I need an orgasm so bad, perhaps I should shoot him for cutting them off after introducing me to the damn things.
The candles flicker in the dim light as his spellbinding eyes appear in the doorway and go wide in surprise as they bounce around the room. Perhaps the rose petals were too much, they felt right at the time.
“What’s all this?” His gait switches from a tired man who was dragging ass to one with swagger as he makes his way into the room.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” I sweep a hand down my torso and try not to look cheesy. The mere thought of cheesy has me internally scrambling as if that’s exactly what all this is. God help me, maybe I should run the hell out of here. No, Luna, you will follow through with this.
“Um…” he trails off, one hand running anxiously up the back of his dark, shortly cropped hair as he takes me in with uncertainty.
“Just say it, say you don’t fucking want me anymore. This is all horseshit, I’ll burn it tomorrow,” I huff, frustrated and feeling like a total idiot. I should have known things had changed the minute he started treating me like a fragile doll. I’m not sure what’s more upsetting, him changing his actions and mannerisms toward me, like I was now broken, or acting like he can’t stand to be intimate with me.
He drops his thick arms, and begins to crack his knuckles, anger becoming palpable as the air shifts around him. It was a dangerous side for sure, one I didn’t see often. He has been on edge so I’ve become well acquainted with what seems like tantrums. We were two peas in a pod in that aspect.
“Don’t fucking say some stupid shit like that again,” he warns with a darkness that does the opposite of what it should to me.
A normal person would cower, not squeeze their silky thighs together as the words feel like they reverberate out and around. Feeling inspired by my fiery side, I scramble off the bed, a not so graceful feat.
“Or what? You’ll spank me? Ha!” I challenge. While resisting the urge to pull this body suit out of my ass-crack, I march my pinup styled heels right up to him.
Thank God I know how to walk in these things, falling and breaking an ankle right now would definitely not help him take me seriously.
“You’re playing a dangerous game.�
� His eyes shamelessly sweep across my pushed up tits, and the heat sparks again between us. Like feeling the embrace of a long lost lover, I almost cry in relief that it still exists, and that it wasn’t one of the many nonsensical things in my head.
“Oh?” I call his bluff, and pout my cherry red lips as my eyes uncharacteristically drop momentarily to the bulge forming in his tight wranglers. Strange, because I’ve never even noticed men’s asses until his. Then again, I’ve noticed a lot more lately than I care to admit. This asshole has had me daydreaming about all sorts of things I really shouldn’t be focusing on.
“Woman, I’m tryin’ to be respectful,” he growls in warning, lighting up the juncture between my legs.
“Well stop that shit.” I jab a finger into his chest.
“So I can push you too far again? Hell no.” He leans in, taking a long whiff of my hair, the primal act hitting that needy spot that’s been begging for attention since he woke it… two damn months ago.
Reaching up and pulling him close, his stubble deliciously grazes my cheek as my lips brush his ear. “I’ll tell you what I want, I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard, hell, fuck me like you don’t even like me. I don’t want you to stop either, no matter what I say or do. No matter if I freak out. Don’t fucking stop.”
He rears back as if I just slapped him. “That shit is ra─” I cut him off.
“It’s completely consensual; I am making the request in my right mind. I know what the fuck I’m doing. Don’t be an asshole. I need to have positive experiences around this, positive outcomes. Just because you don’t stop doesn’t mean you are actually going to hurt me; I know that to be far from the truth. You not letting me say no but also making me feel good while doing it will help me get past this block that is ruining my life. I want to be touched by the one person I love God Damnit!” Breaths are pistoning in and out of my chest, and my pulse rages in my ears as I defend the crazy I talked myself into.
Winter's Absolution (Obsidian Blades MC Book 1) Page 16