Spellkeeper

by Courtney Privett

  “You want...?” Her eyebrows arched as she looked up at him.

  “I love you. It feels a lot different for me than it does for you, but it's still love. I want to relieve your pain just as you want to relieve mine. I want to be close to you. I don't want to be alone, and I have never been as comfortable with anyone as I am with you. I think we can do this, but we both have to understand that it means we can never go home. We already knew we couldn't, but this makes that permanent.”

  “I...” The effervescence around her brightened, then started to fade.

  “Don't rebuild your shield. I want to feel what you're feeling.” He tilted his head forward until his forehead rested against hers. “I think you understand me, that I will need to be told when you need physical affection because I don't really feel the urge to initiate it myself. That's just how I am—a little oblivious and not particularly amorous. Raise your shield when you need to, when we're around other people, but let it drop for me. Okay?”

  The warm glow returned, along with a fluttering heart and a deep, widespread tingle. He closed his eyes and let it ripple through him. This sensation wasn't so different from the start of one of his panic attacks, but it was overwhelmingly positive instead of a negative collection of dread.

  Serida bumped Tessen's elbow. You've chosen to make her your mate. She is a dangerous choice, but you are kindred souls. Some dragons form unbreakable pair bonds and mate for life. You are one of those dragons. So is she. Your hatchlings will be robust.”

  Tessen scratched Serida under her chin and laughed.

  “What? Why are you laughing?” Kemi asked.

  His laughter settled into a mirthful smile. “Serida speaks to me. I hear her clearly here. I never could when surrounded by other people.”

  “What is she saying?” She settled into his arms, breathing so rapidly she was nearly panting. She was alternating between panic and elation, and every bit of that transferred into him.

  “That you and I are the type of dragons who mate for life. And that we'll have strong hatchlings.” He glanced sideways at Serida. “Do you think elves lay eggs?”

  Don't they? Serida asked.

  “No. Live births. We'll discuss it another time.”

  I'm going hunting for your breakfast. You're hungry. And reckless. She gave a playful growl before dashing out of the grotto. Lenna yipped, then followed her.

  “What was the growl for?” Kemi asked.

  “She says I'm reckless.”

  “Then let's be reckless.” She kissed him, then pushed on his chest until he was flat on his back. “Are you sure you want this?”

  “Yes,” he replied. “Every path I follow leads to you. I don't just think I'm meant to be with you. I know it.”

  She hovered over him for a moment, then leaned in for a kiss. Her heart ignited and its radiant energy immediately spread into his. Her desire was overwhelming, but he welcomed it. She sat back slightly and gave him a shy smile as she pushed her hair behind her ears. “You once told me you thought you were broken. You aren't broken and you don't need to be fixed. I love you as you are and I always will. We're too young and too reckless, but that makes us just right. Will you stay with me, Tessen Lim? No matter what, for the rest of your life and the rest of mine, will you stay with me?”

  He inhaled her jasmine scent and watched the morning light dance off her silky black hair. With her he felt no pain, no apprehension, just belonging. And with her shield finally down, he knew she felt the same with him. He gently pulled her close, then whispered a single word into her ear. “Yes.”

  THE FULL MOON REFLECTED off the spring, bathing the grotto in a soft silver glow. Tessen sat on the flat stone and stared longingly into the water. The air and the pond were both too chilly for the swim he wanted to take. He had to be content with immersing only his bare feet in the water and allowing the small area of contact to wick his listless anxieties away.

  “Are you trying to purge yourself of me and my ridiculous feelings?” Kemi asked. She sat on the ground next to him and rested her arm on his knee.

  “No, not at all,” he said, stroking her hair. She enjoyed physical contact more than he did, almost hungered for it. He wasn't sure if it was because this level of intimacy between them was new, or if it was an ingrained aspect of her personality. He could give her what she needed, but only if she allowed him some space here and there. He hoped it wouldn't become an issue between them. “I'm trying to let go of some things. Guilt, mostly.”

  “Because you left your family?” Her fingers walked along the seams of his pants.

  He pushed his feet through the water, displacing pebbles and scaring away several tiny fish. “Because I can't go back to them. Because I might never see them again. I don't need to see my mother to know I've broken her heart. And Ragan's. I'm the closest thing he has to a living child and I left him. He's alone now, completely alone. He might spend the rest of his life alone. He lost me, and Iefyr, and you. We all annoy the shit out of him sometimes, but he loves us and we love him.” He pushed up his spectacles so he could rub both eyes. “And Zinnia won't remember me. The new babies will grow up knowing I left right before they were born and they never even got to meet me. Yana will resent me. Daelis will try to reassure Mom, but everyone knows his optimism is a lie, a mask he wears to hide that he's been suffering from severe depression for most of his life and he still fights off invasive thoughts about killing himself. Even with everything that's happened, he's been happier these last few years than he's ever been before, but chronic depression doesn't preclude periods of happiness. I'm hurting him, too. I'm hurting all of them.”

  Kemi picked up a stone and flipped it into the water. “We're in transition and it hurts. That doesn't mean either of us are wrong. It just means we care enough about the people in our lives that we don't want to be the cause of their sorrow. I feel it too. With Ragan. With Kendrian.”

  “I thought you didn't like him.”

  “But I love him. He can be intolerable, but we were starting to get along better. Being the only member of our family without magic-skill has always been difficult for him. He's not comfortable in our family or even within his own body. Mother refuses to accept him as he is and has always pushed him too hard. I'm afraid of how she'll treat him now that I've rejected my birthright.” She sighed and tossed another stone. “Some things don't need to be permanent. I have some ideas about what we should do, but it depends on your willingness to be around other people again.”

  “Does this involve my family?” Tessen asked. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of being near anyone aside from her, but she was determined to stay with him no matter where he went, and absolute solitude didn't suit her any more than it suited him. “I'm willing to try. I don't want to make you miserable by dragging you completely away from civilization. What do you have in mind?”

  She looked up at him and smiled. “Sanctuary. Not my mother's sanctuary. Something that's ours. I want to find somewhere we can live safely, and bring Benny and her family along with us. Iefyr if he chooses, though I have the same feeling you do that he may soon fall into the category of Benny and family. And then I want to find some way to send discrete invitation for a few people to join us. Your family, including and especially Ragan because I'm sure he'd like to reunite with his sister. If Mordegan decides to join us, his girlfriend and youngest children because it sounds like they're in hiding and sheltered by people they don't particularly like. Kendrian, because he deserves the escape I've stolen for myself. I wish there was some way we could add your brother and Marita to the list, but my father put that gods-damned shackle on Shan so he can't go anywhere. We can create our own little village somewhere, all together. I just don't know where yet. Or how.”

  “Mountains ahead, forest behind, and a green meadow leading to a peaceful lake,” Tessen said.

  “Where is that?”

  “Just a dream. I like your idea for a little utopia, though you know the tension between Ragan and the rest of my family.
Help him find a girlfriend and your plan might be possible. As long as neither of your parents find us.”

  Kemi stood and leaned against Tessen's side. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. “What happened to Iefyr's family isn't going to happen to us. I won't let it.” She paused and looked up at the moon. “Lenna found a good spot for Serida to glide. She had to fly out a little further since there is a village not far from here and Serida's tail would attract attention. They're ready for us to initiate the shared link. Are you?”

  He looked up at her and studied the angles of her face. The left side of her jaw was more swollen than had been in the morning, but she had already created an herbal salve to prevent the laceration from becoming infected and to reduce the severity of the bruising. “I've only done this once, and it was with Kendrian. I had a panic attack and fainted, remember?”

  “That was different. It was forced intimacy with someone you were uncomfortable with. My mother paired each of us deliberately because she thought the mismatches were a learning opportunity. This time you aren't ill, and you're with me. I think you'll find tonight to be a lot more pleasant.” She held his hand and waited for him to stand before continuing. “We're going above the grotto. I already led the horses up there so we can hear their noises if anything approaches. I also found us a soft patch of moss and removed all the sharp stones and sticks from it before tossing down the blankets. I want to lie down beneath the moon and stars with you, and then we are going to fly.”

  He let her lead him up a narrow path. “That seems only slightly less reckless than what I did last night.”

  She tried not to smile as she held up her fingers and made a pinching motion. Smiling hurt, but she was having difficulty keeping herself from doing it. Happiness and love surrounded her, and she let it welcome Tessen into its embrace. “Just a little. It's okay now. I found you. And I must have my own streak of recklessness because now I've claimed you and I'm never going to let you go.” She gestured toward the blankets. “Make yourself comfortable.”

  “You know that's almost an impossible thing for me, right?”

  “I meant on the blankets.” She waited until he was on his back to lie in the crook of his left arm. She eased her hand under his shirt so she could rest her palm directly over his heart. “You're not as tense as you usually are. And your heart is slower, but it's still faster than it needs to be.”

  “Being out here away from everyone is helping. And so are you,” he whispered. He kissed her hair and let his left hand settle on her hip.

  “See, you need me.”

  He inhaled her jasmine scent and her aura of contentment. Her restrained elation waltzed through his veins and planted tiny kisses upon his heart. “You're probably right.”

  “You know I'm right.” She tapped her fingertips on his sternum. “We need to link with the dragons now. Just relax and trust me. Trust Lenna and Serida. Flying is what they were born for.”

  He stared up at the moon and let its light cool the intensifying fire of his anxiety. And then it was colder as his vision and Serida's became one. She was already in the sky, far above the marshes with moonlight reflecting off the golden scales of her hands and off the silver of Lenna's back and neck. Chilled gusts pulsed across her back as the silver dragon beat her broad wings.

  This is fun. She's already let me go and caught me four times. Don't be scared. Serida's words were giddy in Tessen's mind. He was already afraid he'd spoil her fun.

  “See, they're fine. So are you.” Kemi's voice was a comforting whisper within his mind. She was right, this was already different. Kendrian's intrusion had instantly tensed every bit of his being, but with Kemi he was at ease even with a persistent fear of falling making a feeble attempt to crowd her out of his mind. He felt her heartbeat against his side just as clearly as he felt Lenna's under Serida's belly. She surrounded him with a feeling of safety and contentment that he couldn't help but take on as his own. “There, see? You're nervous, but you're not scared anymore.”

  Tessen looked down. Moonlight and starlight reflected off water. “I don't want Lenna to let her go while I'm linked with her. Can they just fly like this for a while?”

  You're no fun. Serida snorted, then settled so her neck rested on top of Lenna's.

  “Yes. They can go back to soaring after we break the link.” Kemi shifted against his side as Lenna switched directions. Trepidation sparkled in the air around her and threatened to condense into a cloud. “Tessen, I want to marry you. Soon.”

  “Okay.” A warm gust of wind slapped his face as Lenna flew through a wisp of a cloud. “I would love to marry you, but I don't know if it's possible, at least in the traditional sense. We could be found if we use our real names on the documents, but it won't be real if we use aliases.”

  A twinge of sadness descended. “You're right.”

  “But we might be able to do something else. My mom and Ragan had a common-law marriage because Bacran law won't allow him to legally marry anyone. They referred to each other as husband and wife almost the entire time they were together. She eloped with Daelis in an orcan ceremony and their marriage is legal. Orcs aren't keen to follow the command of elves, or to report anything to them. We'd have the legitimate documents, but we wouldn't have to worry about anyone reporting it to Anthora. That would all depend on us becoming friendly with an orc clan.”

  “Orcs? Maybe that would work. Their honor code might help protect us if we find a clan that allows us to live with them. Iefyr might be able to help us with that.” Hope again, and contentment within a euphoric heart. She was as giddy touching him as Serida was soaring through the night sky. He wasn't giddy, but he was at ease with her.

  “Half-orcs aren't treated the same as full-blooded orcs, especially half-elven half-orcs. We may need my parents if we want to gain the protection of an orc clan. Did they ever show you the scarification bands on their arms? Mom and Daelis are both designated orc-friends. That's why the orcs of Cypress Quay took them under clan protection after Daelon was assassinated.” Tessen's stomach lurched as Lenna dove over the marsh, then pulled up to glide just over the tree tops.

  Serida clicked her jaws together. Stop. I love this and you're ruining it. I want to fly. Break the link and go be with her. Can't you feel her desperation? She wants to mate with you. I know you're reluctant, but you've already chosen each other so just get it over with.

  Tessen felt a blush rise in his cheeks.

  “What?” Kemi asked. Her hand traveled from his heart to explore the scar across his stomach. “You're tense now.”

  “Serida likes to embarrass me,” he replied.

  You embarrass yourself. Serida looked up and to the right. A large black shape obscured the stars. The dragon was distant, but its shape was distinct.

  “Serida, is that Ectran?” Tessen asked. Lenna kept her head forward as she climbed to a higher altitude.

  I don't know.

  “Yes.” Kemi's fingers walked down his belly to find the scar over his hip. “I think Elsin must have sent him to make sure I found you. He keeps circling back toward Lenna, and he came closer a couple times when Serida was gliding. He'll probably go back to Elsin soon.”

  Serida looked down. They were high now, higher than they'd been when the link was initiated. This was too much, too high. Tessen's heart thundered against his ribs and his stomach twisted into knots. He gasped and sat upright, breaking the link. “That's enough. I can't do this anymore tonight.”

  Kemi rubbed her eyes and shook away the last of the moonlight. “It's okay. You did well. I think having me to distract you helped. We can take flying slowly and build up to gliding. You'll be comfortable with it by the time she's old enough to fly on her own.” She raised her arm to touch Tessen's face. “Do you really want to marry me, or was that just something you were saying to try to detach from your panic?”

  “Yes, I want to marry you.” He held her close and could no longer remember if it had been his idea or hers.

&n
bsp; “Right now?”

  “Are you afraid I'll change my mind?”

  “No.” She shifted until she was facing him, then leaned forward and embraced him. “I know you won't. Neither will I. We're young, but not unreasonably so. My mother wants to marry me to one of the elves in her Regiment this spring. I don't know if she has approached it with him yet or she just assumed he will agree.”

  “Who?” Tessen asked.

  “Varalis Dawnlight.”

  An image of a stern, dark-haired mountain elf appeared in his mind. “He's so serious, so rigid in his devotion to the rules of the Regiment. Doesn't seem like he'd be your type.”

  “You're my type. He certainly isn't. But he's one of the few highborn elves from the Diamond Realm who can't trace his lineage to the Lightborns, and the Dawnlights have been loyal to the Guardian for more generations than anyone can remember. She thought if I married him it would secure that alliance for many more generations. I'm lucky neither of my parents has married me off yet. I've been of age for almost two years.”

  “But you're not in Mountain Home anymore, you no longer follow your mother's orders, and you've chosen me.”

  “Yes.” She smiled, then kissed him. Her hands settled on his lower back and her fingertips ran across the grooves and folds of his waistband. “I've chosen you. And you've chosen me. I know what I want to do. We'll find orcs or someone else to give us papers eventually, but that will just be legal documentation and a formal name change for me since I want to be Kemi Lim now and leave the rest of my names behind. Right now, I want us to make this official in our own way. From tonight onward, you are my husband and I am your wife. For the rest of our lives, through everything that may come, I am binding myself to you.”

  Her hope and love and arousal swirled around him, drawing him closer. He nuzzled her ear, then whispered, “And I to you. For the rest of my life, and the rest of yours, we belong to each other. By moonlight and sunlight, starlight and storms, I am yours.”