by Nicola Haken
I’ll find a way to break it down though. I have to. I’ve just got to figure out how.
So, shoes on – check. Jacket on – check. Sweaty palms – check. Yep, I was ready to go and pick Jessica up and take her to our parents for the not-so-joyous announcement.
That was when the call came…
“I’ve got to go into work. Overtime,” Jess explained after a quick hello.
“Convenient,” I said wryly. “You can’t put this off forever you know. You’re going to start showing soon enough.”
“I know that, shit brain. I’m just… not ready yet. I need a few more weeks to get my own head around the idea before I have to start convincing them it’ll be okay.”
Hmm. Makes sense I suppose.
“Well I’m available whenever you’re ready. You don’t have do it on your own,” I assured and then I heard her sigh gratefully down the phone. “So how are you feeling?”
“Sick. Moody. Terrified. How about you?”
“Determined,” I answered, knowing she would have no clue what I meant.
“Well, um, good luck with that,” she said, baffled. “I’ve got to go. I really am heading into work.”
“Love you, Jess,” I said, and then I heard a sniffle.
“Jesus, you can’t say stuff like that while I’m pumped full of these hormones! I was aiming for one day where I didn’t cry and you’ve just totally screwed that up for me.”
“Um, sorry?” I couldn’t help laughing at her dramatics.
“You should be. But, I guess I should say, I kinda love you too. I’ll call you in the week.”
With that, we said our goodbyes and I sat down on my white-leather sofa while I thought up a new plan for the day. It took me less than a second to know who I wanted to spend the rest of my day with. But seeing as Angelina Jolie was unavailable, I grabbed my car keys and made my way to Rachel’s.
Chapter Ten
Rachel
I’m seriously pissing myself off. Ever since what I’ve been referring to as my ‘jealous psycho bitch moment’, things have been… different between Jared and me. It’s nothing he’s done. He’s been nothing but his usual attentive, funny and goofy self. It’s me. It’s all me.
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me! He tells me he loves me every single day and has even started having it printed on the little cards that accompany the rose petals. So why can’t I say it back? I’m sure I feel it too. But in the same breath I can’t help wondering if loving someone should be this complicated… this terrifying.
I’ve sailed through my life in my own little bubble – playing by my rules. I’ve always been happy being the loud, over-opinionated, looks no further than tomorrow friend who gets to kick people out before the door is sealed. I’ve never wanted, or even weirder…needed to feel ‘accepted’ before. But Jared has opened something within me that I just can’t seem to close. It’s almost like he is making me face my future, face myself… and it scares the living shit out of me.
“Knock knock!” Jared yelled, almost startling the piss from my bladder as he strolled into my flat. “Sorry.” He so wasn’t. If he were, the nobhead wouldn’t have been laughing. “Didn’t mean to scare you, saffy.”
“What are you even doing here? I thought today was the big revelation at your parents’ house?”
“Jess chickened out. Says she needs time to adjust to the idea herself first.”
“That’s understandable,” I agreed. “I can’t wait to meet her. We’ll have to arrange that soon,” I added, genuinely curious to meet such an important part of Jared’s life.
“She feels the same. She can’t believe I’ve finally managed to catch someone and more to the point, hold on to them,” he admitted with a small laugh. “So, I’ve got eight hours before I need to be in work. What are you going to do to entertain me in that time, huh?”
“I know what you’d like me to do,” I teased, “but I’m afraid all you’ll be getting is the view of my hands working on this piece for Uni.” I motioned my hands over the mass off wire coat-hangers in front of me.
“And that is?”
“A pile of coat hangers, cum stain,” I mocked. “But it will be a figure of a naked woman by the time I’m done with it.”
“I can’t even imagine how that’s possible,” he said, staring at the pile of tangled metal wires in utter bafflement. I smiled wryly and started sorting through the pile. “Can you hand me those wire cutters?” Jared followed my gaze to the floor and picked up the cutters, still seeming confused as he stared at them like they were talking to him.
Much to my surprise, Jared spent the afternoon patiently – and quietly – watching me from the sofa. He only tried to feel me up once and made just two suggestive comments before giving up and realising the only thing that would be getting his dick out of his pants this afternoon was the need to take a piss.
Every so often I would look up to meet his curious eyes. They were locked onto my hands as I worked the metal wires into shape and when he caught me staring he would flash me an impressed smile.
“You look so fucking hot when you’re doing that.”
“Doing what?” I asked, puzzled.
“Your art shit.”
“My art shit?”
“Yeah,” he said with a satisfied sigh. “You have so many different expressions while you’re doing it. When you’re concentrating you pull your top lip into your mouth and wrinkle your nose up. It’s so cute. And then when it’s not doing what you want it to, you give it the evil eye as if you’re threatening it in your head.” Do I? “But the best one? Your smile. You never look as happy as when you’re faffing around with some old junk and trying to make it look pretty.”
“That’s not true,” I protested, giving into the warm sensation Jared had just ignited in my chest. “I’m never as happy as when I’m with you.”
“Are you coming on to me, my ravenous little sex bunny?”
“Fuck you,” I spat playfully. “I was trying to be mushy and crap! I don’t know why but I thought you deserved it. Turns out, I may be happy when I’m with you, but I’m also never more frustrated than when I’m in your company. Arsewipe.”
“You say frustrated… sexually by any chance? Because I could remedy that within minutes.”
“You’ll be late for work.”
“The boss is my uncle. Being late is a perk of the job.” He winked and we both knew I was about to cave. “Come on, saffy,” he encouraged – his voice dripping with lust as he strolled over to the armchair I was sitting on and dropped to his knees. “Sex is good for you. It lowers your cholesterol.”
“I’m pretty sure my cholesterol is fine,” I said, laughing at him. The laughter turned into a sharp gasp however when Jared sneaked his hands under the hem of my dress and along my thighs.
“You can never be too safe,” he whispered, smiling deviously as he tucked a finger behind the elastic of my knickers. “Wouldn’t want you having a stroke on my conscience,” he added, this time plunging the same finger inside me.
“Fuck, Jared…” I groaned. I hadn’t planned to give in so easily but it seemed my trembling body had other ideas.
“I’m sorry, Rach, I didn’t quite hear that. Do you want me to stop?” The teasing bastard asked, pulling his finger out of me excruciatingly slowly.
“No. Don’t st-” I didn’t get a chance to finish before his finger was back inside of me, only this time it wasn’t slow. It was fast. Hard. Perfect. He pumped, first one and then two fingers into my aching core over and over again. Then I sighed, frustrated when he removed his hand from my body.
“Lift yourself up for me.” I did as he asked without question. From the intense look of pure craving in his bright green eyes, I knew it was going to be worth my while. So, bracing my hands on the plush arms of the chair, I lifted my bum up. Jared slipped his thumbs into the waistband of my knickers and yanked them down with an impatient growl. Then, once I’d lowered myself down, he placed his hands behind the back of
my knees and lifted my legs over the sides of the chair.
I was just about to make a smartarse comment about feeling like I was being prepped for a vaginal exam in such a position… but then he made me forget where I was and who I was, when he nuzzled his face between my legs.
“Holy… fuck,” I squealed in a pitch that was surely inaudible to humans. Jared kept his hands on the inside of my thighs the whole time, supporting them so they didn’t fall off. He teased, licked and dipped his hot tongue in every different direction until I was trembling so violently I thought I might take off into the fucking air. “Oh FUCK!” I cried when he bit down on my swollen clit. He literally bit me! Not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough to make me lose my fucking mind…
“Take me to the bedroom,” I panted breathlessly.
“Too far,” he said throatily, tugging his jeans down and letting his raging hard-on spring free. Bending down, he plucked a condom from the pocket in his discarded pants (convenient eh?) and I took a moment to wonder how this was going to work. I was sitting, spread-eagled over a small armchair, still fully clothed with the exception of my knickers, and I was surely too low or too high for him to get where I so desperately wanted him to be depending on whether he stood or kneeled.
Too busy trying to figure out the technicalities, I hadn’t even noticed he had rolled down the condom and removed his shirt until his premeditated lips were coming for mine. I closed my eyes, waiting to feel his tongue skim over my own… but he pulled away.
“No time for that, baby. You don’t want me being late remember?” he teased with a devilish half-smile. Then he positioned one knee on the tiny triangle of exposed cushion between my legs and braced his strong body with one hand on the back of the chair behind my head. “Put your hands on your legs.” I did, even though I wondered why.
However, the second he rammed himself into me, I knew exactly why.
Jared’s unforgiving hips thrust into me like his life depended on it and if I hadn’t have been holding onto my legs, the intense speed of him would’ve knocked them straight down. He wasn’t slow, sweet or sensual. He had the end in sight. He wanted to come and he knew exactly how to make it happen.
“You close, saffy?” he growled, pounding me so hard the chair had literally moved across the floor by a good few inches. “Because I’m close. So. Fucking. Close.” He kept up his relentless assault on my body until I was a quaking, starving mess beneath him. No matter how much he was giving me… I wanted more.
“Harder, Jared,” I demanded through gritted teeth.
“Oh yeah?”
“FUCK!” I yelled as he rocked his hips so forcefully towards me my neck jolted back and I banged my head on the hard ridge at the back of the chair.
“You want harder, saffy? I’ll give you fucking harder.”
All I’ll say is… he wasn’t kidding.
“Now, Rach… come on, baby. I need to feel you,” he ordered like it was possible for me to come-on-demand. But damn if the sound of his voice – the deep, throaty, desperate tone – didn’t have me clenching and trembling in all the right places. “Now, Rachel!”
And then it happened. Jared took the hand that’d been gripping my waist and slid it up the front of my dress before pinching my incredibly hard nipple and I came with a loud cry as my whole body went into spasm.
“Fuck, Rachel. Fuck,” were Jared’s last words before he too found the place he had been driving towards. Feeling the delicious sensation of Jared’s cock pulsating inside of me while he came down from his high, he leaned into my neck and whispered breathlessly in my ear. “I fucking love you, Rachel Mason.”
I love you too.
Say it. Go on… tell him.
“No time for soppy shit,” I teased as the world continued to spin around me. “You’re going to be late.”
Ugh. What the hell is wrong with me?
Chapter Eleven
Rachel
Two months later…
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Rachelllll… Happy birthday to youuuuuuuu!” Holly sang, waltzing into my flat at 7AM with a pink box, a purple balloon and a card.
“Is it?” Christ I’ve been a grumpy fucker lately. “Sorry,” I felt obliged to say when I saw her eager face melt. “I see a present,” I teased, rubbing my hands together and trying to summon some birthday spirit.
“Here you go!” she enthused with that girly giggle she has down to a fine art as she handed me the pink box. Tucking the edge of my fingernail into a loose opening in the pink paper, I teased open a small flap before ripping the lot off. Inside was a white cardboard box, and inside there was a chunky charm bracelet.
“I love it, Hol!” And I meant it. It’s not your traditional piece of dainty jewellery. The bangle was adorned with smooth, polished beads and dangling from the centre were two charms – a turquoise (my birth colour) gem encased in a small heart, and one in the shape of the word ‘friend’. “It’s perfect,” I added, slipping it on my wrist and stretching my arm out to admire it.
Next, Holly tied the purple helium balloon to the back of my wheelchair while I read her card. I did the obligatory smile as I read through the soppy words and then stood it proudly in the middle of the coffee table.
“So what are your big plans for today? I’m still waiting for an invite to a surprise party so I’m guessing Jared’s arranged something different?” she said like a question.
“As far as I know we’re just going out for a few drinks and bringing a takeaway back here.”
“So just a regular night for you guys then?” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Well they’re my favourite kind of nights,” I disputed and my heart began to flutter. God, how mushy was that? I swear I can’t keep up with my mood swings lately. “But before that I’ve got work,” I said with a genuine smile.
Oh yeah – I have a job! Can’t believe I forgot to tell you that. And it’s not just any job either. It’s not one of the crappy shop assistant or telecommunications jobs… it’s my dream job. Or at least it could be one day.
I applied for the part-time tour guide position at Smithyll’s Gallery of Fine Art and Antiques without any hope or expectation of getting it. Applying was genuinely just a way of getting my name out there for the future, in the belief if I applied to enough galleries over the years, one day my name might be familiar enough to chance offering me an interview.
So the day the call came for an interview, I almost peed my pants. As for the day they offered me the job? My legs were only a second away from coming to life and running me round in circles screaming and cheering.
After completing a three-week training programme, I have been an official tour guide and all round dogsbody for nearly a month now. My hair doesn’t seem to be an issue but I was asked to keep my tattoos covered and take out any visible piercings while I was at work. Fair enough I suppose. I know too well the world is full of judgemental prick warts, but while I’m working, those prick warts are essentially paying my wages so I just have to suck it up and spit it back out when I get home.
While I’m there on Wednesday and Thursday evenings and all day Saturdays, it’s my job to lead bookings of small groups around the building, explaining the various pieces of art we come to and answer any questions. Sometimes people request a personal tour and then I have to do those too. I think I prefer those actually – you can engage in ‘real’ conversation with just one or two others.
The only part of the job I don’t particularly enjoy is helping out with weekend auctions. If you’ve ever been to an auction, I’m the one stuck at the front holding an old teapot in the air with a fake smile, being bored as fuck while old people with too much money and not enough sense wave their numbers in the air.
Today was one of those days. Ugh.
“You don’t seem too happy. I thought you loved your job?” Holly pressed, making herself comfortable on the sofa.
“I just hate auction day.” Oh shit. Were those… tears?
“I don’t know!” I yelled as if it was all Holly’s fault. “I just feel like shit. I’m so fucking tired all the time. I keep worrying about everything. Like the fact Jared keeps doing a disappearing act when we’re supposed to be meeting up. He’s up to something I know he is. Except I don’t actually ‘know’. In fact it’s probably just the fact my head is all over the fucking place but because I can’t stop thinking about it I keep being a bitch to him. But then what if he is and what if-”
“Calm down, hon,” she soothed, interrupting my freaking out session. “Do you think he’s cheating on you?” she asked disbelievingly.
“No. Yes. Maybe. No. I don’t know!”
“You know you should just ask him. I mean… look what happened the last time. And that was all my fault. But at least it taught me not to read into anything before I get the facts. Maybe you should do the same.”
“Maybe,” I said sulkily, sniffing in my tears.
“You sure that’s all it is?” No. I miss Emily like fucking crazy and I can’t get hold of her. But I can’t tell you that in case you think you’re not being a good enough friend.
“Yeah. Like I said, I just feel like…fuck…” Clamping my lips closed, I speed-wheeled to the bathroom like I was competing in the Paralympics before throwing up the entire contents of my stomach and maybe part of a kidney into the toilet. Ugh.
“Rachel?” Holly said carefully, rubbing my back while I rinsed the vile taste from my mouth in the sink.
“Uh huh?” was all I could manage.
“Do you think you could be… pregnant?”
The water didn’t do shit to get rid of the nasty taste in my mouth so I plucked my toothbrush from the holder and squeezed a generous dollop of toothpaste onto it.