Lean On Me (Take My Hand)

by Nicola Haken

  Sighing softly, Rachel smoothed her palm down my cheek.

  “I’ll fetch you some aspirin.” I nodded, smiling gratefully, and she winked at me before turning to exit the room. “Get your arse in bed!” she called back from the hallway. “Let me rephrase that,” she tacked on, raising her voice a touch higher the further down the hall she got. “Get your naked arse in bed!”

  Shaking my head and laughing, I cautiously lifted myself from the sofa.

  “Yes, ma’am!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Rachel

  Truth? I hated that Ben fucker. Just hearing his name made me want to rip off his balls and shove them down his throat. But… what if there was a decent explanation? What if the motherfucker was genuinely sorry? I didn’t think it likely – all I did know was that I’d spent so long inventing my own reasons why Emily had given up on me, when in reality I know jack shit because I’m too fucking stubborn to swallow my pride and keep calling her.

  Jared and I were still lying in bed together. I had no idea what time it was, just that hours must’ve passed because it was dark outside. We’d done nothing but cuddle, Jared’s headache too intense for anything else – every time he moved, pain shot to his eyes, blinding him. But it was perfect. I’d stripped naked too, and after lifting myself onto the mattress and settling in beside him, Jared pulled my leg up across his thighs and I tucked my arm over his waist. We hadn’t moved since.

  “What the fuck…” I practically squealed, rolling onto my back and clutching my belly.

  “What’s wrong?” Jared asked in a panic, jumping upright and putting his hand on top of mine.

  “I… I think they’re kicking,” I said with a shaky voice as overwhelmed tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Bubbles. That’s what it felt like – hundreds of tiny little bubbles popping in my stomach. Jared’s palm immediately found a free patch of skin on my belly. “Ooo…ooo! You feel that?” Wearing the widest smile I’ve ever seen another person possess, Jared nodded.

  “Wow,” he choked out, his green eyes glassing over with the threat of tears. “What does it feel like to you?”

  “Hmm,” I pondered. “Kind of like when you don’t let a fart escape and it rolls back up into your belly.”

  “Rachel!” he scolded, laughing. “Do not compare our children to a fart!”

  Our children…

  Yeah, I totally had another ‘moment’.

  “Fuck, I love you so much,” Jared said, keeping his hand on my belly as he leaned forward to brush his lips over mine. “You know, my headache has almost gone,” he announced, grinning wickedly with a suggestive rise of his eyebrow.

  “What about the wires?” I asked playfully, gently tugging on one that fell by the side of his face.

  “I say let’s give them one hell of a show,” he replied. Taking his hand that was splayed across my belly, I pushed it lower, resting his fingers on the part of me that was already throbbing for him.

  “Deal.”

  **********

  “I’m so sorry I’m late,” I rushed out, pulling up beside Jared in the hospital waiting room. I told him I’d be with him today while they removed his EEG wires, but I had two classes this morning and then got side-tracked trying to talk Holly out of arranging a baby shower. Seriously, who actually has those things? I can’t think of anything worse than sitting in a room full of Holly’s friends, fake-smiling and feigning enthusiasm at the assortment of knitted booties. Well, except maybe diarrhoea – that’s probably worse.

  I did however agree to go shopping this afternoon. I need a whole new wardrobe filled with size jumbo clothes. My belly is growing by the day and I’ve had to start leaving the buttons on my pants undone to accommodate it.

  “I told you it’s not a big deal,” Jared replied, squeezing my hand. “You didn’t need to come at all.”

  “I wanted to come. I need to make sure they do a good job of giving me my good-looking boyfriend back. I’ve had enough of Frankie,” I teased.

  “You think I’m good looking, huh?” he asked, amusement tickling his eyebrows.

  “I’ve seen worse.”

  “Wow, Rach. I’m so flattered.”

  “Jared Mattheson?” A lady wearing nurses’ scrubs called from down the corridor. When Jared stood up, she approached us and raised a hand to stop me from following. “Sorry, but it’s patients only,” she said, immediately making me dislike her even though I knew she didn’t make the rules.

  “Guess I’ll wait here then,” I pouted.

  Jared bent down and kissed the top of my head.

  “You’re adorable when you’re grumpy,” he whispered in my ear before standing straight, turning towards the nurse and following her down the corridor.

  I sat, twiddling my thumbs and scrolling through Facebook on my phone - checking out the daily dramas, for forty minutes until Jared returned. The corners of my lips turned up automatically when I saw him and when his eyes met mine, he winked. He’s too bloody cute sometimes. I couldn’t see any trace of wires but he still had the hood of his hoody pulled up over his head so I wondered if they’d attached something else to him instead.

  “Everything go okay?” I asked as he stepped behind me, passing me a white paper bag and taking hold of the handles on my chair.

  “Sure,” he began as he began to move us forward. “Before they took it off I had to lie back in a chair while they did some tests. I had to wear these special glasses and they flashed lights in my eyes and shit. Then asked me if I’d ever been affected by strobe lights, lack of sleep, stress…all the triggers they asked about last time. Apparently I’ll get a call in a week when my results are ready.”

  “I’m proud of you,” I said, but he ignored me. I knew it was because he didn’t feel proud of himself. He felt embarrassed, and I hated that.

  “Fancy walking home?” he suggested.

  “I’d love to, but it might be more practical for you to push me.”

  “You know what I mean,” he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I just need the fresh air. I’m fucking done with public transport.” He sounded edgy now. Actually, screw edgy – he was pissed off.

  “It won’t be forever,” I tried to console. I knew it was worth shit though. He’s never said it directly but I know he feels like he’s had his independence stripped away from him. He’s not used to relying on others and even though I’ve grown accepting of it over the years, I still understand how he feels.

  Helpless.

  “We’ll see,” was all he said. He sounded so despondent – like he’d resigned himself to a future of fits and uncertainty a long time ago. But, what I can’t seem to make him grasp no matter how hard I try, is that was before he agreed to seek help. Sensing he didn’t want to discuss it further, I kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of the cool breeze kissing my cheeks as Jared pushed me back to his apartment.

  Once we were inside and settled on the sofa, Jared finally pulled his hood down. I bit my lip ring to stifle the giggle that wanted to escape.

  “You look homeless!” I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Jared’s golden hair was sticking out in a thousand different directions, matted together with remnants of whatever glue they used to attach the wires.

  “Full of compliments today aren’t you? Seriously, you need to calm it before my ego explodes.” Reaching out to the coffee table, Jared handed me the small paper bag I’d carried on my lap all the way home. “Acetone,” he stated as I plucked the glass bottle from the bag. “Should get the rest of the glue off they said.”

  “Can I do it?” I asked, reaching back into the bag for the cotton wool balls they’d supplied.

  “Knock yourself out.” Smiling, I patted my knee and Jared twisted to lay his head on my thighs, draping his legs over the edge of the sofa. He adjusted himself a few times, trying to get his head into a position that didn’t squash my ever-growing belly.

  After unscrewing the child-proof cap, I soaked some cotton balls with acetone and sta
rted working it into the stiff glue on Jared’s head.

  “Jeez, this is some stubborn shit,” I muttered, frustrated that the sticky crap didn’t seem to be budging.

  “Feels nice though,” Jared muttered dreamily, enjoying the massage on his scalp. Hearing that, I made an extra effort to work my fingers into his hair. He sighed lazily every time, making me smile. “Speaking of hair… what’s going on with yours?”

  “Eh?” What’s wrong with my hair?

  “It’s brown,” was all he said.

  “Actually it’s Black Cherry,” I corrected. I made the change last night. My hair is fucked – dry and brittle – from all the years of bleaching and dying, so I decided it was about time I gave it a rest and rocked my natural colour for a few months. “I thought the ‘mumsy’ look might be more appropriate now.”

  “Don’t ever change yourself to ‘fit in’, Rach,” he scolded, snapping his neck to look at me with stern eyes. “So what if you’re the only mum in the playground with pink hair? At least you-”

  “I was kidding, Jaz,” I interrupted, my heart swelling with pride. I love how much he loves me. Me. The real me – and all my quirks and differences. “I just didn’t want to keep caking my head in chemicals every two weeks while I’m carrying our munchkins,” I told him.

  “Munchkins?”

  “It’s better than aliens.”

  “Oh come on… they so looked like aliens. Admit it.”

  “No! They are babies, Jared! Our babies!”

  “Jess finds out what she’s having tomorrow,” he announced.

  “I know. She told me. Exciting isn’t it?”

  “Oh yeah. I forgot you and my baby sister were BFF’s these days,” he said playfully. He was right – I have grown close to Jess. We don’t see each other much but we talk on the phone a lot – mainly about pregnancy and lady bits.

  “Sorry, would you rather I discussed my discharge and leaking nipples with you?” I hadn’t actually been having any discharge, so please don’t run away screaming at the TMI. I just wanted to gross him out.

  “You know you can. Is it anything to worry about? Should we arrange to see the midwife?” he asked – concern and seriousness tinting the sound of his voice as he turned onto his side to kiss my belly.

  “Jared, I was just teasing,” I admitted, feeling a little guilty for panicking him. “Everything is fine. I promise.”

  Narrowing his eyes in disapproval at my attempted humour, he kissed my belly again.

  “So your nipples aren’t really leaking?” he asked, sounding… disappointed?

  “Well, yes… but it’s normal. Jess’ started leaking too at my stage.”

  “Okay, firstly I’m setting out a new rule for our relationship. Never ever discuss my sister’s tits in front of me. Ever.”

  “Sure,” I agreed, giggling. “Sorry.”

  “And secondly, I’ve got to taste those bad boys before the day’s out,” he said cupping my breast through the flimsy material of my white shirt and kneading it gently.

  Sweet Jesus…

  “How about now,” I panted desperately. It was bordering on pathetic how much I wanted him. Pregnancy has done crazy things to my hoohaa. It’s almost permanently swollen and it literally aches whenever Jared is within a mile radius. As for my nipples… they’re so sensitive I think I could come just by him touching them alone. “Take me to the bedroom,” I pleaded breathlessly.

  “No time for that, saffy. I need you now.”

  Wow. I almost came from the mere sound of his voice.

  Kneeling up, he came at my mouth. Clutching the back of my head with both hands he moulded his lips to mine. He wasn’t gentle – his tongue plunged into my mouth before I could catch a breath. He licked and tasted every corner of my mouth before sucking on my tongue and groaning against my lips.

  Slowly his hands slipped down the back of my neck before trailing down my front and to the buttons on my shirt. He undid them quickly, biting his lip as my flesh was revealed. As he pushed the fabric down my arms I leaned forwards and shrugged myself out of it. Jared’s fingers took that opportunity to reach behind my back and unclasp my bra at the same time.

  My breasts heaved from my rapid breathing and he buried his face between them before licking a trail up the deep crevice and along my throat.

  “I swear these get bigger every day,” he murmured against my jaw, tweaking my nipples between his fingertips. “Now,” he added throatily. “Time to taste.”

  Oh. God.

  My whole body shuddered as his mouth ventured lower. Part of me wondered if it was… I don’t know… normal… to let him taste my breast milk, but the noises he made as he began to suckle turned me on so much I decided I didn’t care.

  “So sweet,” he whispered into my swollen breasts as I arched myself into him. “Fucking perfect.”

  Grinning wickedly after having another taste, he released my nipple with a pop, tucked his fingers into the waistband of my jeans.

  “Bum up,” he ordered. Without speaking and without hesitation, I raised myself up on my arms and watched the intensity burning in his eyes as he pulled my pants and knickers down in one swift go. Lowering myself back down, I sat naked and exposed… desperate to get my hands on him.

  As if he could read my mind, he rose to his feet and stripped himself down – tossing his clothes to the floor behind him without ever taking his hungry eyes off mine. Then his gaze broke away, and he gave me a twirl, making me giggle. He was beautiful – the way his muscles rippled when he moved, the way his erection bobbed in anticipation of what was to follow, the way his arse cheeks clenched as he turned – even the giant tattoo, my tattoo that took up the whole of his bum cheek. The bruises caused by the accident had faded, leaving just toned, tanned skin. Perfect.

  Don’t ever tell anyone I told you this, but Jared uses sunbeds. I know, I know… Apparently he’s not afraid to get in touch with his feminine side. That must be why he’d gag me if I ever dared tell anyone right?

  Jared took two steps forward and dropped to his knees. His eyes wandered to my core and stayed there for what seemed like several painfully long, tantalising minutes. Honestly, I could feel his gaze boring into the sensitive flesh and I squirmed.

  “Impatient, saffy?” he mocked, amused by my eagerness. Somehow I didn’t notice his hands disappear from view and so when he sank first one, and then two fingers inside me, I yelped like a begging dog. Jesus, how the fuck does he do this to me? “Another perk of pregnant sex. You’re always ready for me.”

  What could I say to that? Nothing. Because it was true.

  “Please, Jared,” I begged instead.

  “I’ve not finished tasting you yet, baby.”

  This was becoming torture. Beautiful torture. Grabbing my hips, Jared pulled me forward so my bum was on the very edge of the sofa. I didn’t feel secure – without any strength in my legs, one wrong move and I could slip off. But Jared held me tightly with his strong hands on my hips, and trusting him implicitly, I relaxed into his embrace.

  Using his torso, he wedged himself between my legs – separating them. Keeping his hands on my hips he lowered his head and nuzzled his face into the small patch of damp hair between my thighs.

  “Jesus…” I whimpered at the first strike of his tongue. He circled my clit in relentless circles. I kept trying to push his head a little further down but he resisted. When he looked up at me with a devilish grin I knew he was doing it on purpose. He knew what I wanted and he was tormenting me by denying what I needed from him. “Please…”

  “Since you asked so nicely,” he teased, licking his lips. But just as I expected to feel the warmth of his mouth on me again, he stood up. My chest sagged heavily as I sighed in disappointment. But then he hooked his arms around my waist and laid me flat across the sofa cushions.

  Holding up my leg and positioning himself above me, he fell back on his heels and… stared. He does that a lot. And I love it. The intensity of his gaze makes me feel special… beautiful.<
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  “I love this,” he whispered, splaying his warm hands across my stomach, moulding them along the growing curves. “I love what’s growing in there, and I love you.” In that moment I was no longer a person. I was a pile of mush puddled beneath his gloriously naked body. “I’m going to lift your legs over my shoulders,” he told me. And he did. Tucking his hands under my calves he lifted them in unison, taking the full weight of my lifeless limbs and draping them over his broad shoulders. “Don’t want to squash the babies remember?” he teased, while edging closer to me on his knees.

  I couldn’t take the anticipation much longer. Every time his hard cock brushed between my thighs I almost fell apart. I stared intently into his eyes, silently pleading with him to take me. Naturally the teasing bastard made me wait, and he rocked his hips ever so gently back and forth – torturing me.

  “Do you want me, Rachel?”

  “You know I do,” I practically growled. The frustration was becoming excruciating. “Please.”

  “Tell me you love me, baby.”

  “You know I love you.”

  “Say it. I want to hear you say it as I slip inside you.” Just then he nudged his tip into my pulsating core, refusing to go any further until he heard the words.

  “I lov-Oh, God…” He thrust into me with so much power it took my breath away. “Love you…” I choked out, finishing what I’d started. “I love you so much,” I moaned, my voice trembling.

  “Fuck, I love hearing that,” he rumbled through gritted teeth. “I love you too, baby.”

  Jared continued to pound me hard and fast, keeping both hands on my legs to stop them from falling. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his beautiful body. The upright position he was in as he rested on his heels exposed every glorious muscle. His chest rippled as he lunged forwards and his biceps curled as he held his tight grip on my legs. His body was sparkling with a soft sheen of sweat, that I ached to bend forward and lick, but the pleasure radiating from my centre stopped me doing anything but moaning, pleading for more.

  “Let go, Rach. I need to feel you, baby. Let go for me.” I didn’t need telling – I had been teetering on the edge of letting go since he first said he wanted to taste me. “Now, Rachel,” he ordered, and I knew he was close because of his impatience and the fact he was driving into me faster than I thought humanly possible.