Beneath the Shadows

by Sara Foster

  But then a figure came into view just beyond the low garden wall. A man wearing a padded jacket and gloves, his head down, a thick scarf around his neck. He pushed at the gate a few times as though the latch was stuck, but finally freed it. As he hurried down the path, he lifted his head, causing Grace to cry out in amazement.

  She rushed into the hallway and flung open the door. ‘James! What the hell are you doing here?’ She threw herself into his embrace, feeling absolutely safe as he wrapped his strong arms around her.

  ‘What a welcome!’ James stepped back, his face glowing.

  Grace heard Annabel behind her. ‘Well, well, well… look what the cat dragged in.’ When she looked around, Annabel was smiling.

  ‘Happy Christmas, Grace!’ James said.

  ‘Did you know about this?’ Grace demanded, grinning at Annabel.

  ‘She invited me,’ James confirmed, as Grace looked from one to the other.

  ‘I don’t believe it.’ Grace hugged James again. While she kept telling herself that things would work out, with James here she felt more confident about being right.

  Grace and James had been best mates since university, and beyond, until James had headed off to Switzerland to work in a bank. His departure had been hasty. She vividly recalled the night James had introduced her to Adam in a bar as a friend of a friend. The way he’d watched them as they’d hit it off. Now she could see his face dropping. Now she could see the tension in his arm as he repeatedly lifted his pint to his mouth. Back then, she had completely missed it – right up until the time, a year later, that she and Adam had held their engagement party and James had got horribly drunk, stormed out and thrown up on the pavement. That night, he had told her that he loved her, and that he had been waiting patiently in the background for Grace to figure out that she loved him too.

  It was as though she had never known her best friend. She realised he’d never had a girlfriend that she could remember, only a few one-night stands. Why hadn’t he said something much, much earlier? she admonished him. He’d been too scared of rejection, he’d admitted. Instead he’d hoped to see something in her face one day that meant she had discovered her own feelings for him. After that, he’d buried his face in his hands.

  Once James was in Switzerland they had never spoken about it again. Neither of them wanted to risk saying or doing anything that might finally sever their bond.

  Nevertheless, it was all history as far as Grace was concerned. James had come to France in the aftermath of Adam’s disappearance. He had held her tightly while she sobbed herself to sleep. Taken her out to try and distract her. And shown her a picture of his new Swiss girlfriend – ‘taken from a magazine,’ Annabel suggested slyly behind his back. However, later on they had visited Grace, and James had looked very proud as he’d put his arm around Natasha and introduced them.

  ‘I’m surprised you made it through the snow,’ Annabel was saying to James, as Grace tuned back in to the conversation.

  ‘You’re telling me!’ James said as he took off his coat and shoes. ‘Where the hell is this, Grace? The drive here has been crazy – I’ve hardly been able to see more than ten metres. I’ve practically been hallucinating – I was half-expecting to come across Santa’s cottage and find him tending his reindeers and filling up his sleigh…’

  They all went back through to the lounge. After they had plied James with wine and he’d warmed up a bit, he explained, ‘I called your mum and dad, as I actually fancied a beautiful French Christmas, and that’s when they told me you’d locked yourself away in the wilderness up here with nothing but a toddler and a list of things to do for company – oh, and a minx of a sister…’ he added, looking across at Annabel.

  Annabel pretended to punch his arm. ‘Bet they didn’t tell you she’s got a hottie helping her with the cottage.’

  ‘Which is probably the only reason Annabel’s actually staying here,’ Grace put in, ‘since I have been working my butt off, and Annabel is actually a one-woman tour group, distracting my employee and roaming the moors with him under the pretext of researching an article that I’ve seen no sign of her writing.’

  ‘Now, now, ladies,’ James said, settling back on the sofa with his wine, ‘I can see I arrived just in time to stop you two from pulling each other’s hair out.’

  ‘How’s Natasha?’ Annabel asked.

  James’s face fell. ‘It’s over.’ Resignation propped up his smile as he added, ‘Drifted apart.’

  Grace moved towards him, but he held a hand up. ‘No sympathy needed. I knew she wasn’t “the one”.’ He leaned back. ‘So, what’s the plan for Christmas then? Aside from Millie getting her Santa stash’ – his smile was genuine now – ‘I can’t wait to see her.’ He reached for Grace’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

  Unaccountably, Grace felt herself begin to well up. ‘You’ll be amazed. She’s changed so much.’

  ‘She tries to bite you now if you annoy her, so watch out,’ Annabel added.

  ‘Really?’ James looked at Grace in amusement.

  ‘It’s a recent phase, sadly. Anyway, how long are you planning to stay?’

  ‘Just a few days. My boss wants me back straight after New Year.’

  ‘That’s great. But you do know I haven’t got a spare room?’ Grace glanced worriedly about the place. ‘We’re a bit cramped here.’

  James patted the sofa. ‘Seems comfy enough. Unless this is your domain, Bel?’

  Grace snorted. ‘Not likely. She’s practically pushed me out of my own bed, the amount of space she takes up.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Annabel said. ‘Who’s for more wine?’ She got up and plucked the bottle from the side, refilling their glasses without waiting for a response. ‘Now you’re here, perhaps we can get you into tomorrow’s excitement,’ she told James.

  ‘And what might that be?’

  ‘A ball!’ Annabel squeaked with delight.

  ‘Where?’ James queried, the corner of his mouth turning up. ‘The local cow shed? And with who? There’s no one here, guys, just miles of empty space. Is it just us and a herd of sheep ready to party?’

  ‘There’s a local hall,’ Annabel replied knowingly. Grace sat back and listened, sipping her drink, well aware that she was unlikely to get a word in. ‘A very posh hall, by all accounts. And the local riffraff have a Christmas Eve ball – it’s a tradition that started a decade ago, and everyone loved it so much that they’ve done it every year since. A rich aristocrat owns the place, and lets them use it. They raise quite a bit for charity.’

  ‘How long have you lived here, Annabel?’ James said, a twinkle in his eye as he looked at Grace. ‘You really are in the right profession, aren’t you. Is there anything you don’t know after you’ve been somewhere for five minutes?’

  Grace laughed, while Annabel feigned indignance. ‘Well, it’s a ticketed event, so I don’t know if we’ll get you in.’

  ‘Ignore her,’ Grace chuckled. ‘We’ll get you a ticket. I’ll call Meredith in the morning.’

  ‘But I haven’t got a suit, let alone a tux…’ James said. ‘Presuming I can come, of course,’ he added sarcastically to Annabel.

  ‘There’s probably a shop in the next town.’ Annabel looked thoughtful. ‘We’ll check it out tomorrow when we go and get the supplies for Christmas dinner.’

  ‘What would I do without you, Bel?’ James replied, raising an eyebrow at Grace, before he settled back onto the sofa and closed his eyes.

  Grace smiled as she watched him, thinking that it had made her Christmas simply to have him here.

  As Grace made her way downstairs with Millie the next morning, she expected to find James still asleep. However, he was up and fully dressed, seated at the small dining table with a coffee, looking over some papers.

  ‘Hi,’ he said on seeing her. And then, ‘Hello Millie. Wow, you’ve grown so much!’

  Millie whipped around and hid her face in her mother’s neck.

  ‘She’s always a bit shy,’ Grace explained apologeti
cally.

  ‘Understood. Not to worry,’ James replied. ‘Actually, I’ve got a present for her.’ He went across and pulled a large brown teddy out of his bag, jiggling it around, trying to coax Millie to play, but she gripped on to Grace even more tightly. Grace took the teddy and attempted to give it to Millie, but the little girl snatched it and threw it on the floor.

  Grace was embarrassed. ‘She takes time to respond to new people and new toys,’ she reassured James, noticing that he was crestfallen despite his efforts to hide it. ‘Ask Annabel, she’s had the same treatment.’ Yet she couldn’t help but remember Millie holding her arms out to Ben, and kneeling by his side.

  James sat down again, and Grace strapped her daughter into her high chair, then went to put Millie’s morning milk into the microwave. Once it was ready she shook the drink before giving it to the child, who used it as a security barrier from which she could inspect James further.

  ‘My god she’s like you,’ James said.

  ‘Really?’ Grace smiled. ‘In what way?’

  ‘Well, big eyes and long legs for a start,’ he replied immediately.

  Grace laughed. ‘Most people tend to see Adam in her, since she’s got his colouring and his curly hair.’

  ‘Yes, well, perhaps it’s more indefinable than hair colour, but I definitely recognise something in those baby blues peeping at me.’ He stuck his tongue out playfully at Millie, but she looked worriedly at Grace.

  Grace moved over and stroked her hair. ‘Well, you’re probably the only person who sees it.’

  ‘Perhaps it’s because I know you a lot better than most,’ James replied.

  Millie broke the charged silence that followed by dropping her cup on the floor, and they both laughed. ‘I’ll get it,’ James said. And when he bobbed his head up above the table again, things were back to normal.

  ‘Shall I make you scrambled eggs for breakfast?’ Grace asked as she flicked the kettle on.

  ‘That would be great, I’ll help you in a sec.’ He glanced once more at the papers in front of him. ‘I hope you don’t mind – these were lying here, so I was taking a look at your plans.’

  ‘Of course I don’t mind.’ Grace sat down opposite him. ‘So, what do you think?’

  ‘It’s a really good idea. But it could be a lot of work. Are you all right out here, really? Because this might take quite a while.’

  ‘I’ll be okay. Besides, I’ve got Ben helping me out, so hopefully that will speed things up.’

  ‘Ah, yes. Ben.’ James put the papers down. ‘Tell me about Annabel’s hottie – has she seduced him yet?’

  Grace ignored the unease she felt at the question. ‘I doubt it. He’s very reserved. He’s been a godsend to me, though, as I was worried it would take weeks for me to find someone to work on the cottage. Although Annabel has been monopolising him a bit of late, for her “story”.’ Grace made speech marks in the air and James chuckled. ‘They’ve been roving all over the moors with him telling her spooky tales. But that’s all, I think.’

  ‘How romantic,’ James commented dryly. ‘Trust Annabel.’

  ‘Trust Annabel what?’ said the woman herself, appearing at the door.

  ‘I was admiring your dedication to getting a good story,’ James laughed, then spluttered on his coffee as Annabel clipped his head with her hand as she went past. ‘Ow.’

  ‘You deserved it.’

  ‘So, what’s the plan for today then?’ James asked. ‘There appear to be all sorts of exciting possibilities around here.’ He got up and gestured out at the white sky and the bare expanse of the moors, now pockmarked with last night’s melting snow.

  ‘You’re as bad as Annabel!’ Grace went across to the worktop and poured her sister a drink. ‘Tell you what, let’s go for a walk while the weather holds, see if we can get you two city slickers to actually enjoy a bit of fresh air.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Annabel murmured, leafing through a magazine as she accepted the mug Grace handed to her.

  James winked at Grace. ‘Good plan.’ She smiled back at him, but faltered for a moment at the expression in his eyes before he looked away.

  18

  As Grace strapped Millie into her pushchair, she listened to Annabel and James on the doorstep, both complaining about being outside in the bitter cold.

  ‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ Annabel asked doubtfully, rubbing her arms with her gloved hands.

  ‘It’s only a walk, Annabel, it won’t kill you,’ Grace retorted, surprising herself. In London, she had regularly grumbled about the distances between bus, tube and destination, but now she found herself looking forward to these long countryside rambles. ‘Come on.’ She pushed Millie’s pushchair towards the gate, the others falling in step behind her.

  To reach the moorland path, they headed up the steep road past the other cottages. ‘Who lives in these places?’ James asked, breaking the hush of the frosty morning.

  Grace looked across at the row of cottages as she replied. ‘Emma and Carl are next door to me. They’re lovely. Apparently an old man called Feathery Jack lives in that one -’ she pointed to the cottage with smoke rising from the chimney, ‘but he’s reclusive by all accounts. I’ve never seen him. And Ben lives in the house at the top.’ She motioned towards the redbrick dwelling standing incongruously beside its stone neighbours.

  ‘Feathery Jack?’ Annabel repeated. ‘What’s that about?’

  ‘He keeps birds, apparently – owls.’

  ‘That’s actually pretty cool,’ James said.

  Annabel raised an eyebrow at him.

  They continued walking in silence, following the tarmacked road to the summit, leaving the houses behind. At the top, they turned down a path marked only by flattened grass and occasional groups of uneven stones. They made their way along until they reached another peak, and as they crested the hill the moors spread out before them.

  ‘There’s not a lot of green about, is there,’ James said.

  ‘That’s because it’s winter,’ Grace snapped, lifting Millie out of her pushchair and hoisting her onto her shoulders so she could take in the view. ‘Here,’ she instructed the others, ‘before you both start gabbling away, shut up for a moment and look at this place, will you, and breathe it in. It might be deserted, but it’s absolutely pristine.’

  Annabel glanced across at Grace and tutted, but then did as requested. James turned obediently, but with his arms folded as though he doubted he’d be impressed. Grace surveyed the desolate expanse, mottled with melting snow, wondering why she’d felt so defensive when James had spoken. There was something beautiful about this place, she thought – in daylight, the raw, untouched vista had the power to stop your mind for a moment. Here, you didn’t have to look up to see the sky, it came right down and met you, ever-present beyond the ceaseless shifting of colour, clouds and light.

  Briefly, the void inside her was filled with something close to peace. She remembered standing in a similar spot with Adam, holding hands, their tiny daughter in a sling against her chest. She recalled the sense of belonging she had felt; the contentment in Adam’s face. Even though he wasn’t here, this place linked them. So should she indulge her occasional crazy notions about staying here and trying to carve out a life for herself once the cottage was renovated? Of course not, she told herself hastily. She was a city girl. But she was all too aware that she had never known London as a single mother, and she wasn’t daft enough to think it would be the same for her now.

  So what choices did she have? She sighed. Nothing much was clear to her at the moment. Nothing except Millie’s mittened hands clutching her mother’s ponytail. When she looked at her daughter she felt a resolve of purpose beyond herself, and at present that was enough to keep her going when everything else seemed so uncertain.

  She let her thoughts drift away, coming back to her surroundings. The chilly air filled her nostrils, fresh and slightly sweet. As she breathed in, a gust of cold wind nipped at her face, setting her teeth on edge.

/>   ‘It is beautiful, in a rugged, remote sort of way,’ Annabel said, breaking the spell. ‘But still, you shouldn’t hide out here for too long, Grace…’

  Grace felt stung by the remark. ‘I’m not hiding, Annabel. I’m doing what needs to be done.’

  Annabel and James caught each other’s eyes, and Grace had to breathe deeply to stop herself yelling at them. She put Millie back in her pushchair, then barked, ‘This way,’ and walked off without checking to see if they were coming with her.

  No one spoke as they followed the rough stone path, the fresh, clean air rolling over the hills and bursting into their faces. The wind was a puppeteer, bending the trees to its will and making the dead leaves and twigs dance and scuttle along the ground away from them. Grace tried to concentrate on pushing Millie along the rocky path, but her mind insisted on drifting back to what Annabel had just said. Was she hiding? Was that really why she had come back?

  She attempted to distract herself, watching a flock of fieldfares dart overhead, and Millie shrieked with delight as they spooked a grouse into noisy flight. But for the most part there was nothing except a glorious expanse of nature at its barest, and for Grace the solitude and silence were settling. Out here she didn’t feel so lost, or overwhelmed, or alone.

  They reached a patch of open ground with a cluster of large flat boulders, which overlooked the train line that followed the curves of the valley. As they slowed, Annabel cried, ‘Oh my god, that’s Lover’s Leap.’ She pointed to a place a little further on, where the rail track crossed a steel bridge suspended above a small gorge, partially hidden from view. ‘I read about it in your book, Grace, and Ben mentioned it as well. It’s probably the most haunted place in the area. People have been going over the edge since time began, apparently – usually because of unrequited love.’

  James shook his head. ‘Love makes people do the strangest things,’ he said, gazing into the distance.

  Grace couldn’t bear this conversation. ‘Can we keep going?’ she asked them, hurriedly getting up.