Breaking the Reins

by Juliana Haygert

  His tone was … annoyed? I couldn’t tell exactly, but it was off.

  All of a sudden, I felt too self-conscious and stupid. Self-doubt joined the party, and I wasn’t sure I could ask him for help.

  “I … I … never mind,” I whispered, turning my back to him and getting ready to jump down.

  “Where’s the boyfriend?”

  That stopped me. I ended up scooting back to my seat and facing him—which, with his goddamn looks and no shirt, was hard to accomplish without drooling. “First, I think you know where he is. Second, I don’t consider him my boyfriend anymore.”

  The meaning wasn’t lost to him. “But he still considers you his girlfriend.”

  “Well, I haven’t tried to break things off yet. Once he’s back from Switzerland, I’ll find a way to end it.”

  “Why?”

  Fear crawled in my chest. Had he seen too much in my eyes? “Why what?”

  “Why are you breaking things off with him?”

  I swallowed. “Things aren’t working anymore. They haven’t been for the longest time, but now I can see it more clearly.”

  I didn’t wait for more questions or insinuations. I turned and jumped out. The others were nowhere to be seen, their trucks parked on the edge of the field, their horses gone. Only one horse remained. Minuano.

  I didn’t know what else to say or do, so I just started walking away─until his hand closed around my elbow and he pulled me to him. I squealed as my chest crashed against his, my hands over his naked, dear Lord, pecs.

  With wide eyes, I pulled my hands away. “For goodness sake, put on a shirt!”

  He threw his head back and laughed out loud. His laughter was hearty and filled warmth to my core. When he was done, he leaned his head down toward mine, his eyes on mine. “Why? Can’t handle it?”

  I gulped, trying and failing to think of an answer. Once again, I started walking away.

  “So you came here to tease me?” Leo asked.

  “No.”

  “Then what for?”

  I stopped walking and looked at him. “I need your help. Again.” I sighed. “I have two or three weeks to make Argus noticeably better before animal control comes to check on him again, but he withdrew from me and nothing I do works. Though he seemed to have a soft spot for you.”

  He offered me his boyish grin, and my heart soared. “I know someone else who has a soft spot for me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “What? You’re crazy.”

  “Maybe I am.” His eyes shone with mischief. “So, do you want my help or not.”

  I sighed in defeat. “Yes, I want your help.”

  He extended his hand to me and I took it. We shook on it.

  “When do we start?” he asking in a teasing tone.

  Shaking my head, I resumed my long walk back to where my car was parked. “Please, put a shirt on.”

  He laughed out loud, and I knew I was doomed.

  Chapter Twenty

  “What’s that smile for?”

  I stopped humming one of Carrie Underwood’s songs and glanced over my shoulder. Jimmy had entered the stable. I shrugged and kept on humming and brushing Dakota’s shiny coat. She liked being brushed, and I hadn’t done that myself in a long time.

  “Wait.” Jimmy halted outside her stall. “It’s way too early, you’re smiling, and you’re brushing a horse.” He squinted at me. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I muttered.

  In truth, I didn’t know why I had slept so well and woken up feeling even better. My father was in the hospital, Eric was away but I could feel the shackles on my ankles, I hadn’t called Mr. Clarkson to discuss my father’s farm, though I received a call from Mr. Nash about selling the ranch, and Argus hadn’t accepted the strawberries I brought him this morning. Nothing good there. Except the previous day and the ride my feelings took on a roller coaster. I couldn’t stop thinking about the adrenaline of riding with Leo in his monster truck, the way he looked at me, the way he touched me.

  Shaking my head, I dropped my arm and stepped out of Dakota’s stall.

  Two and a half years ago, I had felt somewhat like this with Eric. I had felt almost as attracted and intoxicated by Eric as I felt for Leo now. Almost. I could feel the difference. I had been an easily impressed teenager with Eric, and I was now a battered, knowing woman with Leo. Still, my natural defense system was alert, and I felt stupid—and damn good——for finally admitting my feelings for Leo to myself.

  “What?” Jimmy asked as I walked past him. “What did I say?”

  “Nothing,” I repeated, realizing it was not even seven in the morning yet. “What are you doing here so early?”

  Jimmy reached for a pair of bridle and reins hanging over Chip’s stall door. “Couldn’t sleep so I thought I should come in and start early.”

  I nodded, knowing all too well how he felt. Right after grandma’s and Hercules’ death and my move to the ranch, I couldn’t sleep either. Each noise, each crack, each neigh woke me up. At first, I recoiled under my covers, but after a couple of weeks, I just shot up and went to the stables to work. With time, I got used to the noises and the dark and slept through. That didn’t mean I was completely unafraid of being alone here, though.

  Jimmy opened the door, put the bridle around Chip’s face, and led him out to the arena.

  I settled the brush in its place on a shelf along the wall, then picked Belle to take her out with Chip to exercise. At the arena, I let her run free, trusting Jimmy would took care of both of them. Back inside, I looked around, wondering what I should do next.

  My gaze fell on the last stall in the corridor. Argus’s stall. As usual, he was curled up in a corner.

  Gathering my patience and determination, I grabbed the brush from the shelf and approached him.

  With him, slow was the way to go, so I halted before the door of his stall. “Hey, boy.” I waited for him to acknowledge me before making any other move.

  It took him over ten minutes to turned his muzzle and look at me.

  “Can I come in?” I shook my head. Asking can I come in to a horse? I was clearly going nuts.

  His gaze never wandered off mine as I opened the door, stepped in, and closed the door again. I leaned against the wooden railing and waited.

  Once again, the pain and mistrust in his eyes brought a painful squeeze to my heart. But, behind it all, I could see he was fighting his own demons. By our history, I knew he wanted to trust me. He just didn’t know how.

  My cell phone began ringing, and he curled up again, snorting.

  “Sorry, sorry,” I said, exiting the stall. I fished my phone from my pocket and stared at the screen.

  Eric. Calling at 7:20 a.m. As if I would answer him.

  I pressed the end button and stuffed the phone back into my pocket.

  It ranged again and Argus neighed.

  I reached for my phone, turned it off, and gave up the idea of entering Argus’s stall in the next hour.

  This early and so much trouble. Coffee. I needed more coffee.

  I threw the brush back on the shelf and marched out of the stable just as a black horse and a rider trotted up the road, coming right at me.

  My heart stopped.

  Matching his horse, Leo was dressed in a black shirt and dark jeans. His hair was swept back with the wind, and he smiled when he saw me.

  I couldn’t help but smile back. For just a second. Then I remembered he was here on business and I needed to keep my distance from him.

  He brought Minuano to a stop by my side.

  “Hey,” he said, slipping off his horse.

  “Hi,” I muttered, looking at my feet. “I was about to make coffee. Want some?”

  “Sure. Can I put Minuano inside?”

  “Of course.”

  He walked a couple of steps backward, his eyes steady on mine, making my heart beat faster. When he turned to the stable, I took a deep, relieving breath and dashed inside the house.

  I mumbled things like “ge
t a grip,” “settle down, girl,” and “control your heart” while putting water in the coffee machine.

  Like a girly girl, I looked at my reflection on the back glass door. I seemed okay in my tank top, jeans, and boots. Didn’t I?

  I realized how stupid I was acting and cursed myself for being this far gone. The same chant—“get a grip,” “settle down, girl,” and “control your heart”—came back to my mind. It wouldn’t be easy.

  I heard the front door opening and closing, and then his footsteps as he crossed the hallway.

  When Leo entered the kitchen, I thought my skin would melt with anticipation. He halted past the doorway, and his eyes locked on mine. And, as if we had turned on a switch, the kitchen felt alight, charged with too much energy, ready to blow. The room was quickly filling with raw desire and want and longing, and I would drown in it.

  He took two long strides and stopped again in front of the island. It was the only thing between us, and it felt as if there wasn’t and there was too much space between us.

  The coffee maker beeped, and, clearing my throat, I stripped my gaze from his and turned to it. I busied myself by serving two mugs of coffee, and cutting two pieces of chocolate chip cake. Without looking at him, I set everything on the table and sat down.

  I gestured to the chair across the table, and a couple of seconds later, Leo sat down.

  “You’re here early. Fell off your bed?” I asked, trying to break the ice. Or, better, to cool down the heat. I regretted the moment I raised my eyes to his and was knocked out with his intense stare.

  “Something like that.” He sipped from his mug. “I didn’t think you would be up yet.”

  “And you came even so?”

  He nodded. “I planned on starting with Argus. More like just staying by his side and letting him get used to me again until you woke up.”

  My heart fluttered. First, because he admitted that he thought about me when I wasn’t with him. Second, because he really wanted to help me with Argus.

  I averted my eyes and picked at the cake with my fork.

  We talked a little bit more. He asked about my father, and I told him my father was hanging in there. He asked if I had baked the cake, and I told him that I had bought it at a bakery in town. He asked if I knew how to cook, I said yes. I asked him if he knew how to cook, he said yes. Then I pressed my mouth closed so I wouldn’t ask him to cook for me some time.

  After we ate and drank, we took our plates to the sink, and I refilled my mug while he loaded the dishwasher. Besides the charged air, it flowed as if we did this kind of thing every day. The way our movements looked like puzzle pieces, completing each other. The way we almost touched each other when reaching for things. The way my body turned to his whenever he was too close.

  I took a deep breath when I realized Jimmy was right. We were acting just like he had said we did.

  In that synchrony, Leo and I walked out of the house and into the stable.

  Minuano was in the stall beside Argus’s. Belle and Chip were back inside, and Jimmy was in Black Jack’s stall, brushing his coat.

  “Mr. Fernandes.” Jimmy smiled. “Good to see you here.”

  Leo nodded. “Hey, Jimmy.”

  We walked all the way to the end and stood in front of Argus’s stall. The horse was in his usual corner, but this time he was standing up.

  “What has he eaten today?” Leo asked.

  I glanced over the rail. The strawberries were still in the bucket on the lazy Susan. “Nothing.”

  He tilted his head my way and looked into my eyes. “We’re gonna help him, and he’ll be better in no time.” He touched my arm with his warm hand—I shivered—and at that moment, I totally believed him.

  Watching Leo as he entered and stood tall inside Argus’s stall—his chest puffed, his shoulders squared, his stance sure and proud—I realized once more how incredibly hot he was, and how much I was into him.

  This feeling was different, whatever it was. Love? No, not yet. But, if it kept growing at this rate, it soon would be. When I was a teenager and fell for Eric, I remembered being in over my head. He was a man; I was a young, silly girl. It was overwhelming in an I-went-to-the-30-Seconds-to-Mars-concert-and-touched-Jared-Leto kind of way.

  With Leo, it was a conscious thing. The overwhelming feeling was controlled in some ways. It was allowed, and so much more powerful because of that.

  I sighed, not sure how long I could stay beside him and not surrender.

  Like me, Leo knew Argus needed time. His patience amazed me.

  Over fifteen minutes passed before Argus spied over and snorted at Leo.

  After another ten minutes, the horse turned his body toward Leo.

  After another fifteen minute or so, when I was about to sit down on a bench because my legs were starting to hurt, Argus took one step in Leo’s direction. The next step came faster, after only seven minutes. The third didn’t take four.

  Argus was standing two feet from Leo.

  Without turning, Leo reached back and beckoned me to come to him with his hand.

  “What?” I asked in a low tone, afraid of disrupting their progress.

  He glanced over his shoulder and mouthed, “Come.”

  Okay. I was deliberate with my steps as I entered the stall and stood beside Leo. Snorting, Argus retreated a step. I was about to retreat too, but Leo’s hand on my back stopped me.

  He pointed to the lazy Susan. “Take the strawberries.”

  Careful with my movements, I did as he said, and stood beside him again. His hand snaked around my waist, and he pulled me in front of him, my back flush with his chest, my butt pressing right under his hips. Not the best place and time to feel a heat low in my belly, but I couldn’t really control it.

  “Don’t move,” he whispered in my ear, and I shivered.

  One of his hands remained around my waist, while the other clasped my arm and extended it forward, offering the strawberries to Argus.

  I gulped.

  Snorting, Argus trotted in a circle in the little open space, stomping his hooves loudly against the ground.

  I shrunk into Leo.

  “I’m here, morena,” he whispered, his hot breath brushing against my skin. I wanted to melt into him, to pull his arms tighter around me, to—

  Argus stopped right in front of me, his ears alert and his body tense.

  Painfully slow, the horse bowed down and took a few strawberries from my hand. He swallowed them, then took the rest, but he didn’t raise his muzzle this time. Instead, he nudged my hand. I gasped.

  He nudged it again, and I slid my hand under his chin, feeling his silky coat for the first time. Tears clouded my vision as I reached to him with my other hand and caressed his cheek.

  As if waking up from a dream, Argus pulled back, neighing.

  I stared as the horse recoiled to his corner. What had I done wrong?

  Leo shook me from my daze when his hand pressed against my side.

  With a closed-mouth smile, he held my hand and pulled me out of Argus’s stall.

  Jimmy stood right there, with a smile of his own. “That was incredible,” he said. “After the past three days, this was incredible. And he let you touch him, Miss Taylor. He never lets me touch him. Only the vet touches him, and that’s by force, not because he lets him.”

  It was incredible, and it wasn’t. I felt great that he had let me touch him, and that he had asked for it, but now that it was gone, I … missed it. I glanced over my shoulder. Argus lay on the ground, his head low.

  “Hey,” Leo said, and I brought my attention back to him. “It was progress. A great progress.”

  I nodded. Yes, it was progress and it was larger than the baby steps I thought we would experience right away. However, baby steps didn’t seem enough anymore.

  ***

  I knew things wouldn’t get easier with Argus just because he had touched me, because he allowed me to touch him, but deep down, I hoped it would.

  Leo came early the next
day, and it took us two hours to get Argus into the arena. After the exercise, the horse ate half a bucket of grain. I was eager to touch him again, but each time I approached him within three feet, he dashed away.

  “Don’t worry, morena,” Leo said. “He’ll come to you again.”

  I hoped Argus would do it soon. We had only a week more, maybe ten days to work it out before Eric came back. Not that I knew what difference having Argus well would make. Eric had made it clear he wanted the horse out of here, well or not. However, I told myself I was more worried about animal control coming to check on him and finding out Argus was regressing instead of improving.

  On Monday, Leo came early in the morning, before his practice started. We tried the waiting game again, but Argus didn’t eat and didn’t allow me to get too close.

  After Leo was gone, I stayed with Argus a little longer, but he didn’t pay any attention to me. Frustrated, I went to the hospital and had lunch with my mother and Hilary. My father had had another surgery and was breathing on his own again. He had woken once or twice, but didn’t stay like that for long. The prospect was good, though the doctor had no idea when he would be able to go home.

  I came back to the ranch before three and at around six, Jimmy was gone and I was out in the arena with Argus. Clouds appeared on the horizon, threatening to disrupt the nice, sunny days we had been having. I hoped it wasn’t a big thunderstorm, because that wouldn’t help with Argus’s progress.

  My heart sped up when I saw Leo driving into the ranch. He parked his SUV beside the stable and jogged to where I was, sitting over the wooden fence. His hair was damp, fresh out of a shower, and he wore his team’s shirt and blue jeans.

  “How is it going?” he asked, coming up the fence and sitting beside me.

  “The same. He gets tired and lies down. Drinks lots of water, eats only enough not to pass out.”

  “At least he’s exercising and eating, even if a little.”

  I sighed, my eyes on Argus as he galloped past us. “I know.”

  “Did you try touching again?”

  I nodded. “But I used the old trick. Just stand there and wait for him to come. We played that game for over an hour this afternoon. He came close to me but didn’t touch me. When I raised my hand, he trotted away.”