Popular: Boys, Booze, and Jesus

by Tindell Baldwin

  Heather was my youngest brother’s best friend; she was also the girl he loved. They bonded over a spring break mission trip, and since she was two years older than he, they were waiting to date. I’d met her a few times, but because I was so self-involved, we never really connected. Then she decided to attend Auburn, and she showed up around the time I was making huge lifestyle changes. We bonded during one long car ride back to college and became fast friends. She was everything I’d prayed for, and I learned more from her than I ever thought I could. She helped me navigate the Bible, and I kept her entertained with stories from my crazy past. I taught her to give grace, and she taught me to be a godly woman.

  After I decided not to live with my sorority sisters anymore, Heather and I decided to live together with another close friend, and we had more fun than I ever thought possible. Heather introduced me to other awesome Christian girls, and some of my best college memories are the ones we shared in our tiny apartment during my junior year. The three of us would sit around with a tub of ice cream until four in the morning, laughing and telling stories. Heather helped me navigate my new faith and even a few heartaches. She was there when I met my husband, and when I got married, she stood by my side as my maid of honor. One of the great things about our friendship was that she was best friends with my youngest brother, which gave me a chance to bond with him. He’d come visit and go to football games with us, and before I knew it, I had another great friend—my brother. I’m proud to say that I gave the final shove that pushed them to date, and last fall she became my sister.

  It’s stories like these that show how great God is. I could never have orchestrated those events on my own, but God could. He knew when I’d need Heather, and He knew she’d be a part of my life forever. God does what no one else can do; He works things out according to His plan to prosper our future (see Jeremiah 29:11). I could have fumbled my way through college and come out slightly bruised, but instead I let Him lead, and I came out with a loving husband, great friends, and a family I would do anything for. God did that, not me.

  Christmas 2006 was a great one. It was my first Christmas home since I’d committed my life to Christ; my life was just beginning to show the changes I was making, and I’d asked for a Bible. Lo and behold, there was a tiny red Bible sticking out of my stocking when I came down on Christmas morning. I skimmed through it and read the Christmas story while our whole family gathered around the fire in our living room. We had the first peaceful Christmas in years. Our family has a tradition on all major holidays: we go around and say what we’re thankful for. When my turn came, my eyes filled with tears, and I told my family that I was thankful for their unconditional love. My dad was the first one to stand, and he wrapped me in a huge hug and whispered, “You were easy to love.”

  God. It always comes back to Him. Every time someone wonders how I made it through: God. Every time a parent asks me what saved my life: God. Every time someone wants to know how I never got arrested or physically hurt: God. It was always God, like the ending of a great love story where you find out that the guy who was always there was “the one” all along. It was always Him. He never left. He let me take the reins, but He never left: God. In the midst of my decisions—and even some of the harsh consequences—God never left.

  God is a great storyteller; He knows how to include all the elements: suspense, comedy, love, glory, and sometimes tragedy. It all points back to Him—at least all the good parts do. I’d like to think God doesn’t use tragedy, that He only uses the good things in life for His glory, but my life is proof that this just isn’t true.

  My closest girlfriend in high school was my partner in crime. If I was drunk, so was she. We smoked together, drank together, and battled life together. We were there for each other in the good and bad. Her mom’s cancer, after a remission, returned when we were in high school, and since we didn’t know how to handle pain, we drank. When we parted ways, I cleaned up and she became addicted. Then her mom passed away, and she hit rock bottom. Her close friends tried to help, but she ended up in rehab. Today she’s one of the strongest, most beautiful people I know. She’s a huge inspiration to me because she’s felt death’s sting and lived to tell about it. I’ve had it easy in comparison to her, but God has used the tragedy in her life to speak to others.

  God uses tragedy in all our lives. He is always working a story in your life. Each part has been carefully constructed—preparing you, growing you, changing you, molding you—to better His Kingdom. Sometimes it takes pain, but the pain always turns into something greater. He isn’t just working through your story, He’s working through everyone else’s, even the unlikeliest. People love to think they can run from God, but where can you hide from the God of the universe? You may think you can hide your heart, but even if you bury yourself in evil schemes, He uses them to His advantage. God knew I would come back to His Kingdom and that I would write this book. He knew I was going to further His glory from my ashes, because He is that kind of God.

  God is not too good for irony and symbolism. In the Bible, He plays off them, demonstrating a deep connection with His people’s hearts through each generation. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac (see Genesis 22:1-14), giving us a human picture of His own heart-wrenching sacrifice. David became king at age thirty (see 2 Samuel 5:4), the same age that Jesus was when He started His earthly ministry. Jesus was a storyteller, a master of His language, seeing that even the small things would captivate the people He created. He displayed His deep-seated devotion to us by striving to relate to us in a human way. He came to earth as a man and died as a man to cover all our sins. He lived like us, lived among us, and taught us. He did all that so that He could have a relationship with us—with you. Sin was separating us from God, but Jesus bridged the gap. Because He died, taking all our sins on Himself, and He rose again, overcoming death, we can start over every single day. I can have a full relationship with my Creator, and if God can forgive me, I can forgive myself.

  In His holiness, God chose to become human. It was His way of courting us, making us feel that we can truly relate to the God of the universe. By suffering as humans suffer, feeling as humans feel, and accepting the possibility of rejection, God humbled Himself when He was something so much greater, simply so we could understand. He sits on a glorious throne and at our doorstep. He is praised by all creation, yet He is rejected by mere humans. He knew our minds could never grasp all that He is, so He came up with a way to relate to us. He tells life’s greatest lessons in the form of children’s stories. He does miracles to grab our attention, and thousands of years later we’re still amazed at His irony, sense of humor, and powerful love. Our God is not a boring God, nor does He act in vain. He makes purposeful moves to demonstrate His deep connection to our souls. He makes us laugh in grief, smile in pain, trust what we cannot see. We often want to rattle off reasons for things that seem too coincidental, but what if we started giving credit where credit is due?

  I Say the F-Word at Church Camp

  One of the many times I got caught having a party at my house, my parents were looking for a unique way to punish me. Grounding me for months on end wasn’t working, and to be honest, they were tired of me being around the house. They decided to give church camp a go. My brother Kristian was leading worship at the camp, so they figured, What’s the worst that could happen? They really underestimated me.

  The camp was in Panama City, Florida, and I conned one of my best friends into going with me. We were placed with some other girls who were labeled “wild,” and I quickly made friends with all of them. We’d skip the sessions and get in constant arguments with our small-group leader on why we had to wear one-piece bathing suits instead of our bikinis. Whenever the small-group leader tried to get me to answer questions, I’d spout off some smart answer about why I didn’t need God. During the worship sessions, they had security guards around the hotel so none of the kids could leave the sessions. Once, one of my youth pastors found me yelling at a security guard a
bout why I should be allowed to go up to my room. I finally ran past him and dropped the f-bomb. The small-group leaders and youth pastors at camp were left shaking their heads and praying the worship leader’s little sister would straighten up.

  Four years later, I became an intern at the same camp. One afternoon I was setting up for the youth leader meeting when I heard a voice I barely recognized calling my name. I turned around to find my small-group leader from several years ago standing at the door, mouth open.

  “What are you doing here?” was all she could manage.

  “I’m an intern,” I said with a smile.

  She just started laughing; there wasn’t much else to do. We were both amazed at the way God had brought me back to the camp I’d fought so hard to leave years earlier. As an intern, I dedicated a summer of sweat and tears to that camp and the young people in it. The best part was at the start of every week when I got to share my stories of being a rebellious camper who refused to wear a one-piece swimsuit.

  God really does have a sense of humor. I think this was His way of showing me how He was in control even when I was out of control. He knew that one day I wouldn’t be fighting the security guard, I would be the security guard. He knew that one day I’d be working for Him instead of against Him, and He revealed His grand sense of humor when He asked me to go back to the camp to show everyone what miraculous things He can do. I promise that if you knew me during my teen years, you’d agree it was a miraculous change.

  CHAPTER 10

  BABY STEPS TO FOUR O’CLOCK

  FEEL FREE TO slow clap at this point. The battle is won. I’ve come over to the other side, and if this were a movie, the closing scene would be a tearful redemption followed by the credits. But becoming a Christian is just the start. If it were the climax, then everything else would be a piece of cake. When I became a Christian, my life felt like it really started. If my life looked like those plot charts teachers draw in ninth-grade English, we’d just be starting to climb the hill. Redemption and grace are amazing, but they’re just part of who God is. God is made of blessings and plans. Once I was redeemed, He started His story in my life. I was no longer writing alone; I had the best Narrator in the world alongside me, pushing me down the right path.

  Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean all your problems fade away, and it definitely doesn’t mean all your old habits die with your old self. You’ll still be tempted to act the same, tempted to put your hope in the same things, and tempted to think the same. The hardest part of Christianity isn’t accepting Christ; it’s what comes after that. It’s when He asks you to walk away from relationships, friends, and a life you were accustomed to. God asks you to make these decisions so you can see that He only wants what is best for your life. If you can walk away from the really hard stuff, then huge blessings are waiting at the other end.

  God asked me to give up a lot; I had formed a life around my addictions, and walking away meant being alone. I had never really clicked with church girls. I hated being alone. I loved being surrounded by a group of people, but He was asking me to be alone for a while. When I finally walked away from my old life, He was waiting with a life full of blessings.

  Once I removed myself from the group of girls I’d always partied with, I became really close with my family, which provided me with Christian relationships and a way to explore church. I started going home for family functions and talking to my family more on the phone while I was away. I found out that I really loved talking to my mom. I realized that while I’d given up a lot of old friends, I’d gained relationships that were there the whole time. I looked forward to the rare times we all got together. And being with my entire family was my new high. They were so loving and wise, and I knew I didn’t deserve their love.

  It seemed that after I showed Him that I would truly give up anything for Him, God gave me the desires of my heart. He asked me to be obedient and take small steps toward Him. He didn’t ask that I change everything in a day; maybe He would have liked that, but life isn’t that easy. I just had to take baby steps toward Him; and the closer I got, the more I realized I didn’t want to smoke, or drink, or fall back into my bad dating habits. I realized the more I got to know Jesus, the more I really loved Him. The more I loved Him, the more I wanted to be sold out to Him and Him alone.

  God is cool like that. Once you really dig in deep to who He is, you won’t be able to get enough. I had dry seasons and times when I questioned where I was going, but once I let Him fill my heart, my heart could never give Him up. I knew I couldn’t go back to my old life now that I had the alternative.

  That was the main difference between when I followed Christ at fourteen and when I recommitted my life to Him at age nineteen. I actually got to know Him. I learned everything about Jesus that I always claimed to understand. I learned the true meaning of forgiveness and grace, and when I learned them, I put them into practice. I learned what it looked like to be selfless, and I started putting others first. I was shocked that I found tremendous joy in simply doing the things that God commanded of me. I learned that He had put the “rules” in place not to punish me but to protect me.

  I think there’s a tendency in Christianity to learn the answers and not the God, to learn what to say so you sound like you get it. Then, if you just live within the obvious boundaries, you’ll be okay. I tried this for a while and I was unimpressed; my old life looked like more fun. I didn’t want to watch movies alone every Friday night or grow to be an old maid with a houseful of cats. But over time, the more I actually got to know Jesus, the more I realized He didn’t want that for me either. I got to know who He was on earth, who He wanted to be in my life, and why He wanted certain things for me. I understood the relationship went way beyond a set of rules.

  Jesus Who?

  Jesus isn’t a trend. God is like a classic style, not a trendy knockoff. That’s not always appealing, but it’s what’s great about God: He never changes. He’s committed to you. His love is unwavering, unchanging, and absolute. Having this knowledge is cooler than any Apple product.

  In a world where cravings come and go and trends fade daily with the sun, God remains constant. He doesn’t need to dress truth up in the latest jeans and Converse shoes. He can wear those same ancient robes and remain the most influential man in the world. What a comfort when fitting in never seems possible or comes at the cost of pieces of your soul. Think about it: as soon as we get a handle on this season’s fashions, they change. As soon as we figure out what the group expects of us, it all shifts beneath our feet, and once again we struggle to keep up. God doesn’t change. Through each era, He watches as Satan dresses sin up in different outfits and people fumble to make themselves happy, while He is always there. From free love to freeloader, sin is the same. It takes different forms and promises different things, but that’s always to disguise the truth that God is the only thing that satisfies. Sin is deceit, and God is truth; you can’t have both. Perhaps this is why hypocrisy makes us so angry—because we know that sin and godliness do not go together. You cannot fully embrace who God is and continue to live in sin.

  First John 3:9 puts it this way: “No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.”

  In my life, sin sidled in through my love of popularity and boys. I’m not saying that either of these things when handled correctly is bad, but when they define you, there’s a problem. My climb to the top of the popularity food chain cost me almost everything, and my fall from those heights left me clinging to alcohol and drugs in hopes of numbing the pain. My desire to be loved left me with a desperately broken heart at the age of eighteen. And yet, at the end of it all, God was waiting.

  Christians as a whole like to talk a big game, but when it comes down to the decisions we make daily, we can be pretty hypocritical. We love to talk about grace, but we don’t always give it. We love to tell others to forgive, but we can hold grudges for a lifetime. We love to
quote things about loving your neighbor, but then we talk behind others’ backs. Prayer time can become a gossip reel, and being mean to others is too often justified by labeling them “sinners.” I believe this is one of the main reasons people are turned off by Christianity.

  Let me take a moment to say that no matter how hypocritical your neighborhood Christian is, no matter how hypocritical the youth group leader might be, no matter how many times you’ve seen a righteous, megapublic Christian leader or politician turn out to be the opposite of what he said he was, Jesus didn’t live this way. Jesus taught us to love others, and then He ate dinner at the house of the most hated (see Matthew 9:10). Jesus told us to practice grace, and then He forgave Peter for denying Him three times. Jesus was never a hypocrite, and a life with Christ is 100 percent about living for Jesus, not about what your fellow church members think.

  If this is what’s holding you back from Christianity, then I challenge you to forget the other “Christians” you know and get to know Jesus. You’ll find that He always sticks to what He says and never judges unfairly. You’re always welcome at His throne, and He prefers if you come with your sin in hand. He doesn’t demand that you clean up first, just that you have an open heart. Living a life of hypocrisy is living a life of sin, and if you observe hypocritical Christians and think that’s how Jesus lived, trust me—you haven’t really gotten to know Him.

  So what does choosing to trust in Christ mean for high school teens? It means you might not be part of the “popular” crowd, unless you can somehow manage to be like my brother Taylor, who was totally cool and pulled off drinking O’Doul’s (nonalcoholic beer) while the rest of his high school class got wasted on Bud Light. It means your way may not be easy, but God says in the Bible that this world will not understand us and will challenge our way of life. Truly following Christ is countercultural, and it will make people wonder. Some of those people may even call themselves Christians as they judge, condemn, or ignore you, but you will find there is much, much more to grace than that.