I shut the hood of the truck, the sound echoing through Ron’s small garage, his words echoing between my ears.
“It’s not up to me. Wren doesn’t want this,” I said, throat constricting. “She’s still getting over her ex and trying to figure out who she is. She knows it won’t work, whatever it is that exists between us.”
“So show her that it can,” Ron insisted. “It’s okay that she’s still figuring out who she is. So are you. So are all of us, if I’m being honest. It’s not like she’s going to find the answer in an empty bed in Seattle. My bet is on the fact that she’s learned more about what makes her happy in the time she’s spent with you, because believe it or not, Anderson, you’ve got lessons to teach, too.”
I braced my hands on the hood of the truck, shoulders slumped and head hanging between them. I wasn’t sure I believed what he’d said, but I knew for a fact I believed the next words that came from his mouth.
“And don’t play down what you feel, either. Whatever it is is love, Anderson. I know because I’ve seen it before. I’ve lived it,” he reminded me, and this time it was his voice that was thick with emotion.
He waited for me to look at him, and when I saw the gloss over his eyes, it took my hands on the hood of the truck to keep my knees from buckling.
His bottom lip quivered a bit as he continued. “And let me tell you, if I’d had the chance to fight for my Margie, to go even one round with Death before he took her away... well, let’s just say either she’d still be here or I wouldn’t be. Because I wouldn’t have stopped fighting until she was in my arms or I was in hers.”
He sniffed, rubbing the back of his wrist under his nose before shaking his head just once. It was the most I’d ever heard him say, and he looked exhausted now that he’d said it. His eyelids were heavy, shoulders sagging, and he gave me one last pointed look before clapping me on the shoulder and disappearing inside his cabin.
He’d said all he wanted to say.
I stood straight in his absence, a new fire burning between my ribs at the last words he’d left me with. I’d needed to let Dani go, and in turn I thought the same was true of Wren. But that was before Ron took every complication I saw between us and made them seem so small, so insignificant. I felt like an idiot that I’d even considered them as true obstacles at all.
I was falling in love with her.
It didn’t hit me as a shock or a grand revelation because I’d already known it. I couldn’t even put a finger on the exact moment I’d stepped off the cliff and started the fall, but I didn’t need to. All that mattered was that I faced the truth.
I didn’t want to lose her.
And if I didn’t want to lose her, I had to fight to keep her.
In three short days, she’d be packing up her SUV to drive away from Gold Bar. I needed to show her we could make it, that I needed her, that I could be what she needed, too.
The only question now was how?
ELICIT
ih-LISS-it
Verb
To draw forth or bring out
“No, no, Ron, it needs to be higher. On the left. Just the left. No, the other left. Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
Momma Von threw her hands in the air before jogging down the front steps of my porch and out down my drive where Ron and Tucker were perched on ladders attempting to hang the sign she and Yvette had made for me. It was all white with bright coral letters, a color they said reminded them of me. It said the words that suddenly made me realize the day had actually come.
We’ll Miss You, Wren!
I smiled, though my stomach dipped like I’d just hit the bottom of the roller coaster before barreling back up again. Three months had come and gone in what felt like just seconds, and now it was time to head back to the city.
Adrian was ecstatic. I’d found a temporary apartment in Belltown right by the boutique, but it wouldn’t be ready for another two weeks, so I was going to stay with Adrian until then. He wanted to see my sketches and talk about next year’s summer line, but I barely had anything to show. He had to know, because if it was something I was excited about, I would have called him by now.
Regardless, it was time to go back—back to Seattle, back to work, back to life.
I took a pulse check, my heart healed and yet sore. I would miss waking up to the sound of the river and falling asleep to the sound of Rev’s purr. I would miss the people, too—perhaps even more than the scenery. I hadn’t expected to find them here at all, but they were what had made the experience what it was.
I walked to the edge of the first stair on the porch, my eyes tracing the letters on the sign again before roaming the rest of my front yard. Yvette and Benjamin were playing on a blanket spread out near the garage while Davie prepped the ribs he’d bought to barbecue.
The grill was already fired up, and Julie was just finishing setting up the long table we’d all eat at. She smoothed a hand over the table cloth, placing rocks on each corner to keep the breeze from blowing it off and away. I took a seat at the top stair just as she finished and she smiled up at me, making her way over.
“You guys host quite the going-away feast,” I said with a smile as Julie used the railing to help lower herself down next to me.
Her big curls were tied back in a braid today, the freckles on the apples of her cheeks more pronounced than they had been at the beginning of the summer. Days in the sun had slightly tanned her, and though she had a glow, she seemed sad today.
“We do for the people we care about,” she said.
We both sat in silence for a second, just watching everyone in the yard. Ron dropped his corner of the sign and it flopped down onto the driveway, Tucker nearly losing his balance on his ladder trying to hold his end up while Momma Von chastised them both.
Julie and I just laughed.
“Are you excited to go back?” she asked.
I took a deep breath, memorizing the way the air in Gold Bar felt in my lungs. “I don’t think that’s the right word. I’m ready, I suppose. Ready to get back to work and back to the boutique. I miss having that routine every day, and I definitely miss my team. They’ve been holding down the fort for too long.”
Julie smiled at that. “You’re going to miss us, though?”
“Terribly.”
Julie grinned wider, but then her smile fell and she plucked a stray weed from between the boards of the porch and picked at it with her fingers. “You know, I think you’re really brave, Wren.”
I tilted my head toward her, resting my cheek on my knee. “Why’s that?”
“You never met my mom this summer,” she said, still picking at the small flower. “She doesn’t go outside the cabin much. Not because she doesn’t want to, but because of my dad. I love him, I do, but he’s an awful husband.”
Julie shook her head, keeping her eyes trained on her hands as she continued.
“He’s always so mean to her. He yells at her to cook more or clean more, and then when she does, it’s never good enough for him. The steaks are too done or the floors are still dirty. He goes to work all day but doesn’t want her to leave to go make friends or spend time with the few she has. He expects her to stay home and handle the house, even though I’m grown now and there’s nothing much for her to handle.”
My heart ached, because I realized my life with Keith hadn’t been too far from that of her mom’s. But maybe that kind of life was okay for her. I reached out and squeezed Julie’s wrist. “I’m sure your mom is happy. I’m sure she loves your dad.”
“She does love him,” she agreed. “But that’s the problem. She should have left him years ago, Wren. Maybe even before I was born. Definitely after. There’s been nights where she’s crawled into my bed and we’ve cried together. I’ve begged her to leave. I told her I would go with her. But she loves him, and she knows he won’t be able to take care of himself if she leaves. So, she just sacrifices everything she loves to do and everything she wants to be to make him happy. Or try to, I should say.” Julie sho
ok her head. “I wish she had the courage you did, to make a life of her own... to find her happiness. I wish she could have met you.”
My throat squeezed and I forced a swallow, both saddened and honored by how Julie saw me. “I don’t know that I’d say I’m brave.”
“I would,” she said without hesitation. This time she turned to face me, too. “Zeek and I got in a fight.”
“I wondered why he wasn’t here. What happened?”
Julie took a deep breath, exhaling it through flat lips. “He’s mad at me because I applied to a bunch of different colleges. Not one of them is near here. He’s going into his junior year and I’m going into my senior year, so he thinks I’m going to leave him next summer and we’ll break up.”
“Couldn’t you guys try long distance?”
“That’s what I said, but he says long distance relationships are doomed from the start. We fought all night about all of it. He wants me to stay, wait a year for him and then make a decision together. But I don’t want to wait. I have dreams, I have things I want to do.”
She leaned her cheek down on her own knee so that our eyes were level, scrunching her nose at me with a smile.
“Being around you this summer just made me realize that I want to do the things that make me happy. I want to follow my dreams. And I think in the process of being who I am, and doing what makes me happy, I’ll find a guy who loves me for exactly who I am. A guy who makes me happy, too.”
This time my heart surged with a mixture of pride and awe. I wasn’t sure I’d ever inspired someone before, or that I’d ever thought I even had any kind of notion to inspire. But here was a young girl with her whole life ahead of her and she looked at me as an example of something she wanted to be, not something to avoid. Even though I was divorced. Even though I didn’t have a single thing figured out.
Or maybe I did.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I was strong for leaving, brave for chasing my dreams. Maybe, though my life path was different than I’d ever thought it would be, and different than what the “right” path is in some peoples’ eyes, it was perfect for me. And maybe I could inspire others to find their own happiness, no matter what that may be.
Looking at the genuine admiration on Julie’s face, I knew that last part to be true.
“I bet you and Zeek will work it out,” I finally said. “Just give him a little time to process.”
“I hope so. I love him, Wren. I do. But I love me, too.”
I couldn’t help it, I leaned over and hugged her. There weren’t words to tell her how much her sharing this part of herself with me meant to me.
When we pulled back, a movement at the end of the drive caught my eye and I glanced over, finding Zeek there. He stood with shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets, eyes on where Julie sat beside me. I cleared my throat and nodded toward him and Julie followed my gaze.
She gave me a soft smile before hopping up and trotting down the stairs. I watched her walk to him, his eyes never leaving her, and when they reached each other, they embraced. He pulled her close, whispering in her ear, both of them nodding and Julie’s eyes glittering with unshed tears.
Then they kissed, and that part of my heart reserved for love kicked to life, stirring everything up inside me.
My eyes flitted to Momma Von, and without even having to ask she knew what I was wondering.
Where was Anderson? Had he shown up?
She just offered me a sympathetic smile and shook her head.
I nodded, smiling despite the knot in my throat, and Momma Von held my gaze for a second longer before she announced it was time to eat.
It’s funny how our hearts and minds react to the closing of a chapter in our lives.
We’re happy to have had the experience, and sad to lose it. We’re excited for the next step, yet terrified of what we leave behind.
I’d learned that if a move in life didn’t make you feel like singing and throwing up all at once, it wasn’t big enough.
I’d felt that way when I launched my own professional line after being turned down by designer after designer. I’d felt it even more when I’d left my home, my husband, the life I thought I’d wanted.
But now, packing the last of my bags into my SUV and picking up Rev to hold his tiny body against mine, I felt only a deep and steady sadness. He purred loudly, rubbing his head under my chin with a string of croaky meows. I just giggled and kept petting him until the first person stepped up to say goodbye.
“Well,” Yvette said first. “I’m going to just get this out of the way so I can go cry in peace in my own cabin.”
Everyone chuckled softly as she balanced Benjamin on her hip and leaned in to give me a hug with the other arm. I squeezed her tight, kissing Benjamin’s forehead before Davie stepped up to hug me, too.
Tucker was next, and he made sure to slip me a note with his phone number and made me promise to take him out the next time he made it into the city. Julie and Zeek said their goodbyes next, and I squeezed Julie a little longer than everyone else, telling her without words how much she meant to me.
They all stood back as Ron moved in.
“Any last wise words for me, Ron?” I teased.
He just grunted, but then smiled, pulling me in for a tight hug before stepping back with the others. “Be good, kid.”
“No promises.”
Momma Von already had tears in her eyes and I immediately followed once I saw her. She laughed, smacking my arm. “We’re just a bunch of bawl bags, aren’t we?”
“You started it!”
We hugged, and it was in her embrace that I noticed I was trembling. When she pulled back, hands still on my arms, her eyes softened. “You take care of yourself, okay girl? Not just your health. Your heart, too.”
I bit down hard on my lip, nodding and fighting back the tears. “I will. Thank you, for everything. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”
“Ditto, babe,” she said, winking.
I searched behind her once more, just in case, but there was nobody else left.
And so it was time.
I looked around at all of them again, my heart squeezing like each one of them still had a hand on it. Sniffing, I opened the driver side door and slipped in, still leaving it open as I situated my purse in the front seat and retrieved my sunglasses.
My hands were shaking harder now, stomach turning, and Momma Von’s words came to my mind.
“If you don’t love Anderson, if you feel like you can walk away from him without regretting it, then do it. Take everything you learned from him and all of us out here this summer and go back to your old life. Go find yourself. But if the thought of losing him forever makes you lose your breath, if living without him seems impossible now, then don’t let him go.”
My heart had never beaten so fast, and I shook even harder, breaths erratic as I tried to steady myself. I glanced at my reflection in the rearview before adjusting it away from my eyes and to the back window. But it was too late. I’d seen it.
I couldn’t leave him.
It didn’t matter that it didn’t make sense, or that he had a life here. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t spent what Sarah thought was the appropriate time alone before I’d found Anderson.
It didn’t matter that all the odds were stacked up against us.
I wanted him. I needed him.
And I couldn’t leave him like this.
My hand flew up to cover my mouth, fingers trembling over my lips as it all rushed at me at once. How could I ignore not just the thoughts in my head, but the physical signs my body was giving me? The short answer was that I couldn’t.
And I wouldn’t.
I didn’t know what I would say to him or what we would do or how we would make it work, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t leave him. I had to find him. I had to tell him.
I nearly laughed, excitement and nervousness invading every limb at once as I jumped out of the car again. Momma Von was watching me with confusion, and I opened my mo
uth to answer her unasked question, but then everyone’s eyes shifted to the end of the driveway.
Anderson was already walking toward me, wearing the sweater I’d bought him and the tool belt I’d made that he swore he’d never wear. I succumbed to the laugh I’d been fighting at the sight of it, but my smile fell quickly as he stepped into my space, just his presence alone enough to steal my breath.
His eyes were the brightest blue, his strong jaw square and steady. He held a thin square package tucked between his arm and his ribs, but he didn’t offer it to me. First, he just stared, the muscle under his jaw ticking as he fought to find the words he’d come to say.
“Thought I’d never see you wear that,” I teased, breaking the silence as my fingers reached out to tap the leather belt. He’d hung his tools in the pockets I’d made in it, and seeing him wear something I’d made for him stirred the already chaotic emotions inside me.
Anderson didn’t smile, but he took a breath, letting it go along with the tension we both felt. Then he took just a tiny step closer, eyes zeroing in on mine.
“I love you, Wren,” he said, voice strong and smooth as the river. “For everything that you are and everything that you aren’t. I love you dancing in the kitchen and signing 90’s songs off-key.”
I’d almost forgotten we had an audience until they all chuckled at that. I laughed, too—though tears filled my eyes.
“I love you all dolled up, long legs in high heels and red lips. I love you no makeup, just woke up, lazy smile. I love how your lips taste when you’ve finished your morning coffee and cinnamon rolls and I love the little wrinkle on your forehead and how you stick your tongue out a little while you sketch on the front porch.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, releasing two tears before I opened them again.
Anderson stepped into me, brushing away one of the tears with the pad of his thumb. I leaned into his touch and he rubbed my cheek, eyes searching mine.
“I don’t know how this is going to work. I don’t know if this is forever or for a year or maybe even just for another week,” he said. “But I know that whether it’s seasonal or for life, this—our love—I will fight for it, Wren. Until I have no breath left to fight.”
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