Love & Decay, Episode 11

by Higginson, Rachel

  Oh, boy.

  “You talked to Kane about us?” His words were like bricks being dropped on pavement from fifty feet in the air. With each new syllable spoken my heart jumped in my chest and my breathing became shorter. “You didn’t want to say…”

  “Stop,” I pleaded with him, placing my fingertips over his lips. He glowered at me, but let me talk. “Please see what Kane is trying to do. He’s just causing problems to get us to fight with each other. Hear me out first and then decide if you want to stay mad or not.” Hendrix’s eyes narrowed and I didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad sign. “Alright?”

  “Alright,” he mumbled against my hand. I took a breath and then another one when I watched his shoulders relax a little.

  “I was never scared to tell you that I love you. Maybe at first. And maybe I didn’t realize I did love you right away. But I do.”

  “Reagan, I know you love me. I never doubted that you would say it to me.”

  Yeesh! Arrogant boy.

  “Oh,” I said, feeling like my argument was taken away from me.

  Hendrix relaxed a little more and pulled me back against him. He rested his chin on the top of my head and I felt each of his vibrations as he talked. “Why did you tell Kane first though? Why did he get to hear how you felt about me before I did?”

  I pressed my lips together in order to suppress a smile. “Hendrix how long was I trapped in here?”

  “Fifteen hours,” he winced.

  “That’s a lot of time to fill,” I admitted.

  “What does that mean?” he demanded, hugging me tighter.

  “It means, we…. talked. We talked about a lot of things. And yes, I told him I loved you, but it wasn’t because I was afraid to tell you. More like, he was here and I needed to talk to someone. And I probably had a little case of overshare going on… but it was dark, and I was scared. Again, he just happened to be here. If I had been trapped with anyone else, I would have done the same thing.”

  “Not anyone else,” he murmured with his lips brushing against my temple.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “I’m pretty sure I would have found other ways to occupy fifteen hours of time in a sealed off bunker with a bed.”

  My heart thudded in my chest and my stomach flip-flopped. I gulped. “So you wouldn’t have tried to psychoanalyze me for hours on end?”

  He chuckled in my ear. “No. Your mental stamina would have been the last thing on my mind.”

  “You’re such a dirty boy,” I teased.

  “You have no idea.”

  I probably forgot to breathe just then.

  “You’re making me nervous,” I whispered against his collar bone.

  He let out a growl of desire and nibbled on my earlobe just to drive me absolutely crazy. I jerked from the sensual feel and leaned into him so that I couldn’t feel anything but him.

  He eventually pulled back and grinned down at me, full of smug knowledge of just exactly how much he affected me. His eyes stayed hooded though and dark with his own desire.

  But still he asked, “What advice did Kane give you?”

  “He didn’t exactly give me advice. He just reminded me how dangerous this world is. It wasn’t anything I didn’t already know. But he said you would be beating yourself up because I talked you into waiting to tell me that you loved me and then I disappeared and could have been dead.” And standing here with Hendrix, his arms wrapped around me, his need for me radiating off him and his body covered in blood from the effort to get to me…. I knew Kane had been right. And I had been an idiot to act so high maintenance.

  “The crazy bastard makes a good point,” Hendrix agreed. “I was out of my mind when you disappeared.”

  “I know, me too.”

  “No, Reagan, I think I actually went insane. I imagined every horrible thing that could have happened to you. I was destroyed without knowing where you went or if you were already dead or turned. That can’t happen again. I can’t lose you like that again. I don’t even want to imagine what will happen to me without you.”

  Tears flooded my eyes in an unstoppable show of similar emotion. “I’m so sorry. We weren’t even in danger for that long. I mean, Ok, when we were initially attacked things got a little scary, but once we were in here it was mostly…. boring.”

  “Zombies weren’t the only enemy I was worried about, Reagan,” Hendrix murmured with a gruff, affectionate voice. “You’re really alright?”

  “Now, I am.” I pulled his face to mine and pressed my lips against his in a perfect kiss- perfect because he was here, and because he was him, perfect because his soft but slightly chapped lips fit against mine exactly as they should, because his body wrapped around mine was the most defining and therapeutic event I’d ever experienced, and because he felt permanent and forever and complete to me. This world was so far from perfect it resembled hell long before it would ever mimic heaven, except in these moments, except when my heart was bursting with love and my soul swelled until I knew it would expand beyond me.

  “Good,” Hendrix pulled back and became serious. “Because we have a problem.”

  “A problem? You mean, other than the pile of dead bodies outside this door?”

  “Matthias Allen is here.” Hendrix took a step forward and swung the door shut. We were cast in darkness again with only the lantern at our feet.

  Nervously, I picked it up and walked over to the coffee table to set it down. There were two other lanterns flanking the couch, so I moved to turn those on to. I just needed something to do with my hands as I digested what this meant for us.

  “Where are Tyler and Miller?” I whispered when I found the courage to face Hendrix again.

  “In the complex, hiding. We had no warning. He showed up early with twenty of his guys.”

  “But he has to know Tyler and Miller left with us. Has he seen you yet?” My stomach went from blissful butterflies to churning nausea in half a second.

  “Yeah,” Hendrix grimaced. “It didn’t go over well. Believe me. But we were organizing to come find you, so it was unavoidable. Although, he used his guys to help with the attack. I’m not sure we would have been able to get to you without them. There were so many goddamn Feeders. Someday you’ll have to explain how you escaped them all.”

  “Mostly it was just running really fast. There was this moment with a stick and another with my hunting knife… but I won’t bore you with the details.”

  Hendrix choked on some surprised laughter. “Thanks.”

  “So he’s out there now?” I glared at the door, hating that this battle never stopped, this fight for life; that I could never take a breath. I just wanted a thirty second time out. Was that too much to ask for?

  Apparently.

  “Yeah, and a little enraged. I’m pretty sure things are about to get very ugly.”

  “What are we going to do about Tyler and Miller?” I whispered their names again, afraid that Matthias would be able to feel that I was talking about them and rush through the heavy door with a loaded gun aimed at my head. “Kane isn’t going to tell his dad they’re here. He did promise me that.”

  “Oh, that makes me feel better,” Hendrix rolled his eyes and did that thing where he pulled me close to him again. I wondered if he was even aware he reached for me every time Kane’s name was spoken.

  “I maybe believe him. But only because he’s pretty confident Matthias will kill them. Whatever’s between that family, Kane doesn’t want his brother and sister dead.”

  “Well, that’s one thing.” He dropped a kiss on my forehead and his fingertips ran tenderly up and down my spine. “We told Matthias we split from Tyler in Tulsa. We set her up with guns and a vehicle and she left with Miller. They went north. So far, it seems as though he believes Tyler is capable of that. But who knows with him. It’s not like I trust him to be honest with me.”

  “Right,” I agreed. “And I’m guessing he doesn’t believe you. He’s going to tear the complex apart before he believes Tyler�
�s not there.”

  “I know.”

  I sighed, frustrated with a problem that didn’t seem solvable. Maybe we could sneak them out during the night and bring them here. After the bodies finished burning.

  “We should go out there.” But I made no attempt to move, I was in no hurry to leave this safe space or Hendrix’s warm arms.

  “We should,” he said sadly.

  We allowed ourselves five more minutes of just holding each other before a firm knock on the door pulled us apart. Vaughan stood on the other side with a somber expression on his face. When our eyes met, they softened with obvious relief, but the grief never left his expression. He pulled me into a tight hug and slapped my back twice with a friendly pat.

  “I’m glad you’re Ok,” he whispered into my tangled hair.

  “I’m glad you’re Ok,” I echoed.

  “Yeah, well, I’m one of the lucky ones.” He stepped back and Hendrix and I followed his gaze to where still living-breathing-semi-human bodies were being lined up against the rock wall.

  “No,” I gasped.

  “One from the Colony and two of Gage’s guys.”

  My heart twisted in my tight chest and I couldn’t get my mind to wrap around that kind of loss. My brain refused to process the horrendous consequences of rescuing me. Three lives. Gone. When mine had been spared and fought for?

  It didn’t make sense.

  I felt my body give out just seconds before Vaughan and Hendrix reached out to catch me. Hendrix took over and pulled me to standing, wrapping firm arms around my waist and whispering reassuring words in my ear.

  But I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t listen to them. I physically couldn’t.

  The blood rushed in my ears as loud as an atomic bomb and my vision blurred with the intensity of tears that dripped down my face. I watched in horror as the three grown men that had been humans just minutes ago now succumbed to a disease that would eat at their brains until they were nothing more than animals and addicts. Their eyes had slipped unfocused as they writhed in pain and uncertainty. Their movements became more spasmodic and stiff and their breathing labored as their bodies changed.

  I shuddered from the horrific sight. This wasn’t the first time I’d witnessed the disease take over. I had watched Chris go through it completely- unsure how to help or what to do. Only a minute more would pass before they would be desperate for flesh and literally chomping at the bit.

  One of Matthias’s men- I knew it was his man because of the all black uniform he wore and the utility belt of weapons he had strapped around his waist; Gage’s guys only carried guns when they were on duty and nobody had anything that sophisticated- raised his gun and aimed it at the worst of the trio.

  Hendrix turned me in his arms and cradled my head against his chest so I wouldn’t have to watch. I raised my hand to cover my exposed ear, but it was too late. The gun fired and found purchase just as my scream ripped through the air and then turned into racking sobs.

  This was more humane, I promised myself. This was better for them. This was what I wanted done to me if I were ever bitten.

  This was the only way to save them and us.

  But it didn’t lessen the tragedy of death or the sickening, gut-wrenching feeling that I was responsible for this.

  The gun went off two more times and then nothing. There was no more sound, no more killing, no more Feeders.

  Just nothing but the living left to deal with the emotional carnage of burying friends, of burying the horrendous results of a devastating disease.

  Just us.

  “Add them to the fire,” Gage called out in a roughened voice.

  My gaze flicked up to meet his just as he walked past us. “Thank you for coming for me,” I called to him hoarsely.

  “Reagan,” his voice broke. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…. I would never have-“

  “Don’t,” I said firmly. “This is not your fault. You saved my life by telling me about this place, yeah? Don’t do this. If anyone should be…” Hendrix squeezed me tightly to get me to stop.

  “I won’t blame myself if you don’t blame yours. This is not your fault either. We’re all victims. We’re all just trying to survive.” Gage’s eyes were bloodshot and his dirty cheeks had tear tracks down them. His well-defined muscles were shaking and his whole body looked defeated. Gage- a man’s man- was broken by this. And that only made this heartbreaking moment more distressing.

  “Deal,” I offered seriously.

  “Y’all need to head back to the complex. I have to deal with…. this mess.” He gestured around at the men still piling bodies on top of each other and the brutalized forest around us. His accent was thick with grief, so thick I could hardly understand him. “We’re going to have hell to deal with later today, but for now go back, get cleaned up, check on your loved ones. Be careful though. Who’s to say if we got them all or not?”

  Hendrix and Vaughan nodded and said goodbye while I looked around for any other loved ones that I might have had fighting here.

  Vaughan picked up on the direction of my attention and explained, “We left Haley and Nelson to take care of the children. And to guard the fort. Haley wasn’t happy, but Page asked her to stay so she didn’t have much of a choice. We should get you back so you can show her you’re alright.”

  I nodded but we’d already started to move in the direction of the complex. I couldn’t stop myself from looking around and taking in what was left of the battlefield. Matthias’s men mingled with Gage’s. Clearly the men from The Colony were better trained and more prepared for this kind of thing- although they had lost one too. It only took one bite, one small nip to get infected. It didn’t matter how skilled or talented you were, we could all die from this disease…. we could all change in a heartbeat.

  “Reagan,” Matthias called from ahead of us.

  I cringed, hating that he remembered my name, hating that I could thank him for saving me. Ok, I didn’t have to go that far. But he was part of the team that saved me. And technically he probably deserved some gratitude. Too bad he would get none.

  “Matthias,” I answered confidently.

  “I hear you saved Kane’s life,” he acknowledged with a thick drawl and a tilt of his head at Kane who was standing next to him.

  I tilted my chin and admitted, “He saved mine, too.”

  A small smile pulled at Matthias’s lips and I didn’t know why he found me so amusing. “You should go get looked over. You look a little…. banged up. I’m sure we’ll get a chance to speak later.”

  Was that an innuendo?

  Matthias Allen was a pervert.

  “Can’t wait,” I mumbled.

  Hendrix wrapped his arm around my waist and urged me forward. We walked past dead Feeder after dead Feeder and my stomach rolled over from the horrible smell. The nice thing about the bunker had been the smell barrier. Back out in the open air, I felt like I could choke on the fumes- they smelled so bad I could taste them.

  We made our way back to the stone fence of the storage complex, stepping over bodies and picking our way through acres of carnage. This had been a bloodbath.

  But we’d come out on top.

  Suck on that Zombie-scum everywhere!

  There were armed men at the gates, but they let us through easily, stopping Vaughan to get an update on how things went.

  Hendrix urged me through the wall and into the back courtyard. There were people everywhere waiting to hear the results of the battle. They stood in quiet clumps but visibly relaxed when they saw Hendrix and me.

  It was weird to see so many people outside. The only time people came out together was when we went to wash clothes or bathe because we didn’t want to draw in any unnecessary Feeders to the area- although a lot of good that had done. Besides that, after being locked away in darkness and almost complete solitude, the early morning sun and all of the people were a little bit shocking. The only thing that remained the same were the armed men circling the civilians.

  I had
a hard time taking in all the faces, they blurred in front of me and blended together in a mess of humanity and life. I squinted at them, hoping to make them out, hoping to distinguish one face from the other, but I started to worry I was going into shock- until one familiar figure jumped through the crowd and came sprinting after me- Haley.

  I lunged forward so I could meet her half way. We collided together, wrapping our arms around each other and instantly bursting into tears. She buried her face in my shoulder and I clutched her tighter than I had hung to Hendrix.

  She started mumbling incoherent things against the flannel shirt that was now hot and sticky in the warm summer morning. And I just soaked her in. This girl. My soul sister. I could not live without her. I could not breathe without her.

  Probably there was this part of me that should be worried about codependency and an unhealthy attachment to each other. But I couldn’t make myself care. We had been through hell and back together. Or maybe just to hell. We’d traveled to hell together and now were permanently stuck here with only each other as our constant.

  Sure we had boys now, but they’d only just arrived and we were only twenty. Our hearts and minds were fickle and unpredictable. Hendrix and Nelson might not last, or maybe they would, but it didn’t matter either way because Haley was my constant and I was hers. Even with the boys, she staked her claim first.

  She finally pulled away, her face messy with tears and snot, her blonde hair plastered to her cheeks and across her forehead. “You idiot!” she screeched and punched me in the arm.

  “Ow!”

  “What were you thinking? I thought you were dead!” She railed at me and her bright green eyes flashed with an acute mixture of rage and hurt. “Why would you ever go anywhere with him!”

  Hendrix choked on laughter a few feet away.

  “So how’s the happy reunion?” Nelson asked with an over the top grin as he wrapped his arms around Haley’s waist and pulled her back from me.

  “How could I have possibly known any of that was going to happen?” I snapped back- mostly because my emotions were worn thin and raw and because she was right.

  “Reagan, for the love of all that is holy, you live in the f-ing Zombie Apocalypse! Kane Allen is the antichrist and you were giving him a bath! You didn’t stop for a moment and think just maybe he’d call upon his minions to come save him and help him kidnap the damsel in distress?”