Running Home to You (The Running Series)

by Sweeney, Suzanne

  “And what, exactly, is my secret weapon?” I ask.

  “Easy – it’s time to call his mother.”

  I decide to wait twenty-four hours before calling Jill. I’m in no condition to make that call right now. What I need to do is return to the hospital to relieve the Deegans from their shift. They need to go home, eat, and get some rest. I cry in my car the entire way there. I don’t even know how I make it to the hospital safely. I hope there weren’t any red lights, because I don’t remember stopping at any.

  With Auggie’s overnight bag in hand, I make my way back up to the I.C.U. Auggie’s parents are seated on a pair of matching chairs, and Auggie’s lying in bed, eyes wide open. He takes one look at me, and tells me in the strongest voice he can muster, “What happened to you? You look like shit.”

  I laugh so hard, it hurts. The nurse actually comes over and ask me to keep it down. Once I finally gather my wits, I tell him, “It’s a long story. We have plenty of time. I’ll tell you all about it later.” I kiss him on the forehead and set about unpacking his belongings.

  After a quick update from the Deegans, they leave for the night. Auggie nods in and out of consciousness every few minutes, but wakes when my phone goes off. I take one look at the caller I.D. and for the first time in hours, I smile. “Hello? Yes, he is.” I look over at Auggie who’s now wide-awake and curious. “Would you like to talk to him?”

  I hand the phone to Auggie who looks at me confused. “Who is it?”

  “Just take the call, Auggie,” I tell him.

  He holds the phone up to hear ear. “Hello?” A great big grin spreads across Auggie’s face. “Lucas? Is it really you?” I sit back down and eavesdrop on Auggie’s conversation with his boyfriend. Once again, the tears come, but this time, it’s just a few. I’ve shed enough tears for Evan. These are tears of happiness. Auggie’s going to be okay and he has someone who cares for him. I know all too well how special that is.

  Chapter Eleven

  Fish or Cut Bait

  Over the next few hours, I tell Auggie all the heart-breaking details I can. He, too, feels that Evan is suffering from some sort of an anxiety disorder, but he doesn’t feel it should be used as an excuse for his horrid behavior. He doesn’t give me a choice in the matter, and insists I stay at his house for as long as I need to. All the furniture is still in my old room, and he’s thrilled with the idea of having Maddy and me as roommates again. “The house was empty without you, Jepetto. It will be nice to have you home with me again.”

  Home. I feel like I don’t have a home. I have a place where all my belongings are, but that’s not my home, at least not right now.

  Reese stops by the hospital to visit Auggie sometime after dark. When Auggie nods off, Reese and I chat quietly. “So, Jette, are you going to stop home, I mean Evan’s, to pick up clothes or anything?”

  “Shit, I didn’t even think of that. I need a change of clothes and something to sleep in, but I really don’t want to see Evan again tonight. I’ve had enough drama and heartbreak to last me for a lifetime.”

  Reese offers to go for me. “I could stop by and grab some of your things. I don’t mind.”

  “No way. I’m not asking you or anyone else to get in the middle of this fucked-up situation. Who know what shape he’ll be in? Forget it,” I tell her.

  “Well, you need clean clothes. I can drop off some of my things for you. I still have a house key. Do you want me to pack a small overnight bag and leave it on the bed? I really don’t mind, Jette.”

  Auggie begins to wake, so I nod and mouth a silent, “Thank you.” I don’t want him to worry about me any more than he already does. We try to keep Auggie occupied with talk about Lucas’ movie role. He has a starring role in the movie version of a popular kid’s cartoon from the eighties. It’s going to have lots of action and special effects.

  It’s nearly midnight. Reese is long gone and Auggie is sound asleep. The nurses gave him a sleeping pill about an hour ago, and he should rest comfortably for the remainder of the night.

  I drive to Auggie’s house and the driveway is empty. Auggie’s car is in the body shop. When I pull in, the motion detectors light up to show me the way to the front door. The motion detectors were purchased by Evan during a tumultuous time in my life and were supposed to help keep me safe. When I get in the house and enter the security code on the pad beside the door, I’m presented with another gift from Evan that was meant to safeguard me from harm.

  There was no way to know it at the time, but Evan was the cause for all my troubles then, and he’s the one making me miserable today. He’s brought me more grief and sorrow than I ever thought was possible. But I also know that with Evan, I’ve had more joy and passion than I could have ever imagined. There’s a line drawn in the sand and I cannot decide on which side I belong. If I stand on one side, that means I give up and walk away. I take my memories and lessons learned, and move on without him. If I move to the other side of that line, I fight. I plant my feet firmly in the ground and make a stand. The only problem on this side of the line is that I don’t know if I’m strong enough to fight. How much more I can take before I break?

  I walk around the house that was once, for a short time, my home. Memories of Evan are everywhere. If I close my eyes, I can picture the house filled with the flowers Evan had delivered here after our first fight. He sent me ten arrangements of tulips and hyacinths that filled every room. Memories of him are everywhere.

  Just as promised, Reese left me an overnight bag. In classic Reese thoughtfulness, there’s a new toothbrush in the bag, along with some hair ties and deodorant. I change and climb into bed, but it’s no use. I can’t lie still long enough for sleep to come. Every small noise that I hear conjures visions of Evan letting himself into the house, sneaking into my room, and begging for my forgiveness. Fantasies are all I have left.

  I fight the urge to crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep. Hour after hour passes, and eventually I slip into a fitful slumber. When I close my eyes, visions of a life without Evan flash before me. I wake each time in a deep, anguished panic, over and over again. In some dreams, I am old and alone, having never found anyone to take Evan’s place. In others, images of Evan falling in love and living happily ever after with a famous actress torture me.

  When I lie in bed awake, my mind races, revisiting every fight, every misunderstanding, every cruel word, and searching for a cause. I rehearse my phone call to Evan’s mother over in my mind until I cannot think straight.

  As the sun rises I climb out of bed, change into some running clothes, and head to the beach. I decide to try something new – running on the boardwalk. I don’t have to drive anywhere near Evan’s house and I know I won’t run into him or Ryker on my run. Neither one of them ever sets foot here. Besides, there’s a bench at the end of the boardwalk along the inlet. I like to sit there sometimes and watch the commercial and charter fishing boats heading out for the day.

  I don’t have to return to the hospital until three or four o’clock this afternoon. The Deegans take the day shift, and I take the night shift. I have all day to take care of a few matters. After I go back to Auggie’s house to shower, I call Adam to see if he knows anything about Evan’s whereabouts. I hate to get him involved, but I don’t know any other way to find out if he’s home or not. Much to my relief, he tells me Evan’s gone to practice today and I’m free to head over to the house without fear of running into him.

  Walking around the home we share, I’m torn about what to pack. Do I take enough for one night? A week? Forever? Something my mother said to me a long time ago comes to mind, “Never make important decisions when you’re upset.” I decide to pack just enough for one week. A lot can happen in one week. One week ago, I was happy. One week ago, I was in love. One week ago, I had a home and an amazing boyfriend. Today, I have broken dreams and shattered hopes.

  After packing the car, I grab Maddy, her food and toys, and leave. As I pull out of the driveway, I pass Evan coming home. I try n
ot to look at him as our cars pass. I drive slowly, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might turn around to follow me and convince me to come home with him. I keep checking the rearview mirror, but he’s nowhere in sight. Maybe he will call or text, begging me to let him explain. I turn off the radio and wait, but the call never comes.

  “Auggie, you look so much better today,” I tell him. “The color is starting to come back in your cheeks and you’re awake. I’m so glad to have you back.”

  “Well, I wish I could say the same, Jette my Pet, but honestly, you look awful. What the hell happened today?” he asks.

  “I had to call Evan’s mother. I told her we broke up. She didn’t take it well. When I told her the hateful things that came out of Evan’s mouth, she cried. God, I hated doing that, Auggie.”

  “How much did you tell her?” Auggie asks.

  “She knows about Evan’s suspicions and accusations. I told her all about his mood swings. The last straw was when I told her that he got into a fight with one of his employees.” I pace the room trying to expend my pent-up nervous energy. “She’s coming down tonight to confront him. He’s going to go ballistic.”

  “I hope she’s bringing back-up.”

  During my visit with Auggie, Lucas calls twice. I help set up Auggie’s iPad so they can Skype. Filming starts tomorrow and Lucas is beyond excited. The two of them chat for nearly an hour. As time slowly passes, I constantly monitor my phone for calls or messages from Jill. Reese, Emmy, and Derek check in occasionally, but no one else. The later it gets, the more I come to realize that I’m not going to hear from the McGuires. Not today, anyway.

  At the end of another long and exhausting day, I return to Auggie’s house without ever having heard from Evan or Jill. I may not know what will happen with Evan, but I know that tomorrow Auggie will be transferred out of the ICU and into a regular room. And because of that, for the first time in several days, when my head hits the pillow, I sleep. It’s a deep, dreamless sleep that helps me clear my mind and get on with the business of life.

  Finally, when I arrive for my visit on Friday, Auggie is transferred out of ICU and into a regular room. I’m concerned that he hasn’t really gotten up and out of bed yet, but the nurses feel it’s important not to rush things too quickly. They are going to see how he does for the next twenty-four hours, and if all goes well, they plan to get him out of bed and into a chair. I know they said it would be a lengthy recovery, but I don’t think I really understood until now. Auggie almost died. I nearly lost him. He’s got a long road ahead of him, and I want to make sure I’m here to help him every step of the way.

  Auggie has a craving for something sweet, so I offer to take a walk to the hospital cafeteria. As I’m riding alone in the elevator, I get a phone call.

  “Hey, Derek, what’s going on?” It’s nearly dinnertime on Friday, and Derek should be in the middle of service. “Aren’t you at work?”

  “Yeah, I’m on break and I wanted to call you. Evan was in today,” he tells me. I can’t tell by the tone of his voice if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

  “And?”

  “First thing, let me tell you, I’m never going to fuck with Ryker because Evan’s still covered with cuts and bruises. He’s got a black eye, a fat lip, and his cheek is still swollen.” Derek almost sounds excited. “Ryker really got in some good hits the other day.”

  “Did you call just to tell me that, Derek? Because honestly, I was just starting to feel a little better.”

  “No, there’s more.” He pauses and there’s a serious tone to his voice. “He came in to apologize. He brought a peace offering. If he feels half as bad as he looks, he’s in pretty bad shape, Jette.”

  The elevator stops, and I step off to find a quiet hallway to finish my conversation. “I don’t know what kind of peace offering could ever make up for what he did.”

  “He gave both of us tickets on the fifty yard line for the first home game of the season. Do you have any idea how much those tickets are worth?”

  “Derek, I’m sorry, but did you just say, ‘both of us’? Who else did Evan apologize to?”

  “Ryker. They just left, actually.”

  “They left? Separately or together?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “Together. Evan’s taking him down the street to the Brickwall Tavern for some craft brews.”

  Derek and I chat for a few more minutes, and it seems that among the guys, all is forgiven. How can men do that? Fight and forget? If I didn’t know Derek better, I’d accuse him of lying. To make matters worse, Derek tells me that Ryker and Evan went out to try to get to know each other a little better. Emmy suggested it. She thinks if Evan knows Ryker better, he will be able to trust him more.

  I give Derek an update on Auggie and then I insist he to get back to work. What am I supposed to do with this new information? I wander to the cafeteria deep in thought, get us both some ice cream, and then head back upstairs.

  While we eat our frozen treat, I tell Auggie all about my phone call. He thinks it’s great that Evan apologized and made peace. He also thinks it’s just a matter of time until Evan comes to me. I listen quietly as Auggie rattles all kinds of potential gifts he might offer me. “I think he’ll bring you earrings. No, wait – he already bought you those. I think it’s time for a necklace. Ooh, a ring! How about a ring, Jette? Wouldn’t that be amazing? You know what? Maybe it’s not going to be jewelry at all. Maybe he’ll take you away. You guys have never been on a trip together. Hawaii? Tahiti? Bora Bora! I’ve always wanted to go there.” Auggie finally realizes I haven’t said a word. “Aren’t you happy, Jepetto?”

  “Oh, Auggie, it’s not that simple. I just can’t accept an apology. Unless he gets professional help, I have to walk away.” Auggie nods his head, acknowledging the reality of the situation. “We could go away on a romantic vacation, but our problems would be waiting for us the moment we got back. He’s got to deal with this now, before it gets worse.”

  When I get home, I find a beautiful bouquet of flowers waiting on the kitchen island. Evan must have let himself in. At least I know he still has the key and code. There’s a card with the flowers. I open it and find a hand written note, “Do you still love me?” Nothing else. No signature. No poetry. Just one simple question. If Evan were standing here before me asking me to answer this question, of course, the answer would be ‘yes’. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive.

  These flowers are a little unusual for Evan. He’s given me gifts of flowers more times than I can count, thanks to his sister the florist. But this time, it’s a small arrangement, simple, and as I count them, I find six Forget-Me-Nots, six white daisies, and one beautiful, tall purple iris. That’s thirteen flowers in all, a baker’s dozen. I’m sure that’s no accident. A quick Internet search tells me that the white daisies represent unwavering loyalty and love, while Forget-Me-Nots signify the sweet memories we share. He’s playing dirty. I also learn the purple iris symbolizes hope. It goes so far as to say that the spear-shaped iris leaves are an example of the sorrows that pierce the heart.

  It’s really a sweet gesture. Evan always did know exactly how to get to me. This is no different. It is certainly worthy of a response and I know exactly what to do. I pull out one of my recipe books, flip through a few pages, and I find exactly what I’m looking for. The ingredients are simple: flour, sugar, salt, egg, and vanilla. Before I mix the ingredients, I search for a quote. Something that expresses my desire for reconciliation, but also demonstrates my need for repentance. I stumble upon a quotation that does just that, "A bend in the road is not the end of the road ... unless you fail to make the turn." I type it up and print it out. Will he understand my message? God, I hope so.

  As I’m baking my special treat for Evan, for the first time in days, I start to feel hope. I’m just worried about his willingness to accept help. For someone like him, it may be too big of a challenge.

  I’m up until well after midnight baking. My first two attempts don’
t work as well as I had anticipated. I’m having some trouble folding the cookies without breaking them. Finally, the third attempt works perfectly. While the cookies are still hot, I place the typed message inside one, fold the cookie in half, pull the edges down, and place the cookie into a muffin tin to hold its shape. The result – a perfectly formed fortune cookie. My gift to Evan.

  I lay my head down for a few hours of shut-eye, and when I do, sleep comes easily again tonight. I set my alarm to wake up before the sun because I have an early morning delivery to make.

  My alarm goes off while it’s still pitch black outside. I check on my creation, and all seems well. I find a small gift box, tissue paper, and a big red bow. Carefully, I wrap the cookie, taking care not to break the fragile pastry. I need to get this gift on his deck by six o’clock. It’s Saturday, so he has no practice, but I know he may still get up early to work out. I want to deliver my gift box without getting caught.

  Under the cover of darkness, I park my car at the south end of the boardwalk. With my gift in hand, I begin my jog towards Evan’s house. As I get closer, I can see the house is still dark. There’s no sign of life. I sneak up to the deck, place the gift on our loveseat, then scurry back down the stairs, jogging quickly back to my car. The moon produces just enough light that I can see exactly where I’m going. Relief washes over me as I make it back to my car undetected.

  Today’s going to be a big day. Auggie’s getting better. And, hopefully, I’ll get to talk to Evan.

  Chapter Twelve

  Putting on a Brave Face

  I take a shower and eat breakfast, doing my best to keep busy waiting for time to pass. After a trip to the park with Maddy, it’s nearly ten o’clock and I cannot wait another minute. I send Evan a text.

  Jette: Thank you for the beautiful flowers

  Evan: Did you read the card?