Bill The Vampire - 01

by Rick Gualtieri

  At last, things opened up. We stepped out from between two crates into a large open area. Judging from the distance to the outer walls, at least from what I could see, we appeared to be approximately in the center of the warehouse. A large area about fifty feet on all sides had been left bare. Crates lined the sides like walls, with the exception of few breaks here and there for more passages leading into the bowels of the structure. On the far side of the clearing was the first piece of non-crate furnishing I had seen since entering. A large executive chair sat on the floor, at the opposite end, looking much like a throne. Upon it sat Jeff.

  “I bid you welcome, Dr. Death.” He stood and mock bowed. “I see you've brought something that belongs to me,” he said, nodding in Sally's direction. He then briefly glanced at my roommates before settling his eyes back on me and sighing, “Didn't you read the sign outside? No pets allowed. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask them to die.”

  “Cut the shit, Jeff!” I said, trying to sound tough... emphasis on trying. “Where's my mother?”

  A look of pure rage flashed in his eyes and he screamed out, “YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS NIGHT RAZOR!”

  I staggered from the force of it. I'm not sure if the compulsion attempt was done on purpose, or just out of habit, as he knew it wouldn't work on me. Nevertheless, it still left a nasty ringing in my ears. Fortunately, my head cleared quickly. I then turned to check on my companions. Uh, oh. I had thought a compulsion was a personal thing. I didn't realize one could be sent out like a mass email. Sally had ceased sobbing and was trying to shake off a glazed look which had appeared in her eyes. Tom and Ed weren't faring much better. Tom was holding his hands to his ears, and Ed had been driven to his knees, thin streams of blood dripping from his nostrils. Oh shit! In all my worrying about Sally, I had forgotten that humans could be compelled. This was a potential problem. What if the numbers were reversed and I found myself facing four foes instead of the other way around? I'd be toast pretty goddamned quick if that went down.

  Luck was on my side, though, at least for the moment. Ed slowly regained his feet after a moment or two. Tom blinked a few times and then shot me a thumbs-up. It appeared that, while it could no doubt be fairly traumatic, the mass compulsion didn't affect people like it did vampires. I then remembered what both Sally and Jeff had told me. Compelling humans requires a lot more effort. If I had my facts straight, he might be able to bowl over my friends on a whim, but he wouldn't be able to outright control them unless he put some concentration into it. With me in the area, he probably wouldn't chance lowering his guard to try. At least I hoped he wouldn't, unless I just so happened to be standing next to him with a stake in my hand.

  I let out a breath, trying real hard to not make it sound like the sigh of relief that it was, and turned back to Jeff. “Enough with the parlor tricks,” I said, attempting to project a tone of little more than base annoyance. “I have your little plaything. I'll trade you. Her life for my mom's.”

  “You assume her life is worth anything to me,” he spat.

  “I think it is,” I pushed on.

  “You'd be wrong,” Jeff sneered. “Her life was forfeit the second she brought you to us. Besides, look at her now. How far she has fallen from what she once was. She's little more than... sloppy seconds… to me, now.”

  “You fucking cocksucker!” a voice suddenly yelled. It was Sally, forgetting all pretense of being our prisoner. “Sloppy seconds!? I'll sloppy seconds you in the ass, you fucking prick!”

  Jeff and I both stopped our conversation to stare at her. She ended her rant as realization of what she had just done dawned on her face. “Sorry,” she sheepishly said to me.

  “Hit a nerve?” I asked, to which she just shrugged.

  Jeff looked confused for a second or two, and then rage once again filled his features. “Are you kidding me, Sally?” he spat. “You'd seriously choose this over me?”

  “Yep,” she said in reply. “Let's face facts, hon. You're kind of an asshole.”

  “You traitorous little slut. I was going to let you live, but now... oh, no! When I'm done with this little shit, I'm gonna make a pair of boots from your hide,” he snarled. “But for right now... STAY PUT!”

  The compulsion was directed at her and hit like a rock. Her eyes glazed over and she went rigid, a slack jawed look on her face.

  “Come on, Sally!” I pleaded, snapping my fingers in front of her face. “You're stronger than this. You can fight it.”

  “No she can't, you little freewill piece of garbage,” replied Jeff, a cruel smile on his face. “I see she hasn't taught you a damn thing. She might be able to fight a compulsion to attack you or to kill herself. Emotions can make these things all sorts of messy. But a neutral compulsion? Now that's a different story. Neither being able to help or harm makes it difficult to tap into something that you can use to fight it.” He pulled something out of his pocket and walked over to a nearby crate. “I'm afraid, much like you, little Sally has seen her last... sunset,” He began fiddling with whatever he had taken out of his pocket.

  “What are you...” I started to say, but he cut me off.

  “Oh, you remember this?” he asked, stepping aside to reveal the little pocket camcorder he had with him during our outing the prior week. He had placed it on top of a crate overlooking the opening... or arena, as I was starting to think it must be. A red light blinked to indicate it was recording. “I hope you don't mind,” Jeff said. “I missed getting any good footage the last time, so I wanted to be sure I captured your horrific death for posterity's sake.”

  “Good!” Tom suddenly said. He and Ed stepped up to flank me on either side. “I'm gonna want a copy of us fucking up your shit six ways to Sunday. Might even put it up on YouTube.”

  Jeff looked less than perturbed by the threat. “How rude. You weren't thinking of all ganging up on little old me, now were you?” he asked in a mocking, innocent tone.

  “The thought had crossed my mind,” I answered for all of us.

  “Aren't you forgetting something?” he asked in that same tone.

  I thought about it for a second and then shook my head once. “Not unless you were planning on surrendering.”

  He rolled his eyes at me (guess I know where Sally got it from) and asked, “Your mom?”

  Oh crap! I had almost forgotten. This was also a rescue mission to find... someone. It would be pretty damn sad if we wound up winning the day only to leave some poor schmuck tied up here to starve to death, all because it slipped my mind. Guys like Batman just didn't do stupid shit like that.

  “Let her go!” I finally replied. I was beyond all pretense of nervousness at that point. The talk was winding down. It was only a matter of time before the killing began. I found myself actually wanting things to start playing themselves out before what little nerve I had left fizzled.

  Jeff nodded and said, “Very well. Your mother is free to go.” What? That was it? He didn't even demand that I give him a pretty please. If things were ever this easy on CSI, each episode would be about three minutes long.

  “Well... uh... thanks,” I sputtered, not really knowing what else to say.

  “Don't mention it,” his mocking tone was back. “But wait! How rude of me. I would be a poor host if I let your dear old mother just walk out of here without first offering her some refreshments.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Ed jumped in.

  “You mean you haven't figured it out yet, you silly little monkey? It was such a long night, what with me tracking down where you lived, rearranging your apartment, and then kidnapping Dr. Death's mommy... well I was just so parched by the time I got back here that I couldn't help myself.”

  Oh, shit!

  “My dear, if you would be so kind!” he called out to the warehouse. “HELP YOURSELF TO THE HUMANS!”

  The compulsion wasn't aimed at either me or Sally. Instead there was an inhuman screech from somewhere within the warehouse. It was followed by a scrabbling sound as something made it
s way toward us from atop the crates.

  We all tensed up and looked around... all of us except for Sally, who was still firmly rooted in place. From above us there came a hissing noise. We looked up as a desiccated creature crawled into view. Its eyes were black, all traces of humanity gone from them, and its fangs were bared. Despite her feral appearance, however, I was fairly sure who I was looking at.

  “Son of a...” gasped Tom.

  “Mrs. Caven?” I asked as the crazy old lady who lived... formerly lived... downstairs from us hissed hungrily in our direction.

  Jesus Christ, I was a moron! I had never even given thought that Jeff might have taken seriously his stupid little accusation of me living in the same building as my mom. Although, now that I thought about it, I wasn't sure who was the bigger idiot: Jeff for believing it, or me for not remembering and checking on my neighbors. Surely she would have begged and pleaded for her life, telling him that she wasn't my mom, but Jeff was just the type of douche to hear that and assume someone was just trying to save their own ass. I guess it never crossed his mind to maybe... I don’t know... check her pocketbook for ID.

  “What the hell do we do?” Ed asked in a frantic voice. Me being turned into a vampire he could handle. Staring down a centuries old monster? No problem, either. However, facing off against our geriatric neighbor? That was apparently the thing that freaked Ed out. If we made it through this, no way was he living that one down.

  “She called the cops on me!” snarled Tom.

  “Well, you were drunk and pissing on the side of the building,” I pointed out.

  “Fuck the details,” he replied. “I say we kill the bitch!”

  “Okay, so how do...” I had started to say when I suddenly became aware of the sensation of flying across the room. Stupid! Mrs. Caven had distracted me enough to not notice Jeff crossing the room to just toss me to the side like I was nothing. I slammed into, and then through, a wooden crate before finally winding up in a pile on the floor.

  “Let your mom entertain your friends,” said Jeff's voice, getting closer with each word. “You're my guest,” he finished, looming over me.

  I had taken a good shot, but had managed to roll a bit on the impact (no doubt a fortunate side effect of my half week spent as a martial arts training dummy). I was still far from out of it. I launched myself at Jeff's midsection, yelling, “She's not my mom, you stupid twat!”

  Or at least I tried to yell that. By the time I got to you, I had been launched again. I must have flown almost twenty feet before landing in the center of the clearing on the nice soft concrete floor. Ouch! I was starting to miss getting tossed around at the dojo. At least its floors were covered with mats.

  As far as battle plans went, so far this one was turning out fairly shitty in my favor. I rolled back to my feet, albeit a bit less energetically than the last time. Jeff was still in the same place. For the time being, I hadn't given him any reason to pick up the pace. I chanced a glance over to my two roommates. For the moment, they seemed to be holding Mrs. Caven at bay. There was too much chaos for Ed to get a clear shot but, fortunately for them, their opponent's body, despite being a vampire, wasn't exactly in tip top shape. She wasn't achieving much luck, either, in pressing an advantage. I just had to hope my roomies could keep their shit together long enough to last the distance, because it looked like I had my hands full. As for Sally, she was still stuck in place.

  “Don't go anywhere,” I quipped to her. Mortal danger or not, I wasn't about to let a chance at having the last word slip away.

  “Funny,” Jeff said. “Joke away, because it's going to get a lot harder to do that once I've torn your windpipe out.”

  Okay, time to change tactics. I had no chance of winning as long as I was playing by his rules. I stood up and looked Jeff straight in the eye across the expanse of our little battlefield. “That all you got, pussy?” I sneered.

  “Oh, now you're going to give me the tough guy routine?” he laughed. “I think we've already established who's superior here.”

  “Think so?” I replied with a grin. “Your minions were all smart enough to fear me, but not you... in fact, I think you may be just too goddamned stupid to let live.” A flicker of anger crossed his eyes. That was it. He could dish it out, but guys like him couldn't take it. “I'm the Freewill, asshole. You have no idea what I'm capable of,” I said, pulling one of the homemade stakes out of my belt and pointing it at him. “Come get some!” Finally! That was the line to use. I don't care who you are, it is just not possible to say that and not sound cool.

  Jeff must have thought so, too. He charged me, a complete look of rage on his face. I stood my ground for a second, just long enough for him to close the distance... and then I sidestepped and bolted for the maze of crates. Momma... and no I don't mean the crazy vampire bitch my buddies were fighting... didn't raise no fool.

  “You fucking coward!” Jeff screamed as I disappeared into the depths of the warehouse.

  “He who fights and runs away...” I gleefully yelled back. I took a bunch of blind turns at full speed, getting good and lost in the process. If he wanted me, he was going to have to work for it.

  It was silent for a moment in the warehouse. Finally there was a scream of pain... Mrs. Caven... followed by a thud. I had a moment to hope that it was a good thud and not a bad thud when I heard what sounded like someone driving a car through the wall of a house. A moment later, the sound repeated itself, closer this time. What the hell... then it hit me. Jeff was plowing straight through the boxes and crates on a beeline toward me. Oh yeah, he was pissed.

  The bad news was that, by going through and not around the crates, he was making good time catching up to me. The good news was that I knew exactly where he was, whereas I still had stealth on my side. Back when I was a kid, during trips down to the shore, I had played manhunt in the high weeds. Often times the kid who won was the one with the patience to wait for everyone else to give away their position. He would then sneak back to home-base while the rest of us were hunted down and caught. I waited a second, until it was obvious which direction Jeff was headed, and then I stealthily attempted to double back to the clearing.

  My plan was... well okay, I had no plan. I was too amazed that I was still alive to be able to form a coherent plan. I was kinda playing it by ear. Maybe I could snap Sally out of it. Together we could probably wear Jeff down or, at the very least, he might be so distracted by pummeling one of us, that the other could sneak in and stake the shit out of him.

  I made it back to the clearing, Jeff's cries of “where are you, chickenshit?” echoing throughout the warehouse. Tom and Ed's battle had carried them to the center of the open space. Fortunately, it looked like things were going in their favor. They had Mrs. Caven down on the floor between them and were busy working her over with their aluminum bats.

  “How you guys doing?” I asked, racing past them toward where Sally still stood.

  “Peachy,” Ed replied. “You?”

  “Been better.” I stopped in front of the still rigid Sally and debated what to do for a split second. Finally I just said, “Screw it!” and belted her hard across the mouth.

  She fell backward, but her eyes cleared almost immediately and she managed to say, “Ow.” It wasn’t much, but it was more than I had been able to get out of her so far.

  “Sorry. All I could think of,” I said. I offered her a hand and helped her back to her feet. “Good to have you back.”

  She started to say, “Good to be...”

  “SALLY, RIGHT CROSS!” came Jeff's voice from out of nowhere. Without warning, Sally's fist shot out and clocked me, sending me tumbling toward my roommates.

  “Sorry,” she said quickly before her eyes could once again glaze over, as Jeff immediately followed up with another compulsion.

  “NOW STAY PUT!” he commanded her, stepping into the clearing. He saw me lying on my ass, and smiled. “I should have probably mentioned those quick compulsions are a bitch to fight, as well.” He once
again started toward me.

  Quickly, I spun toward my roommates and held out my hand. “Batter up,” I whispered to Ed. To his credit, he didn't hesitate for a second. He tossed me the bat he had been holding (Mrs. Caven appeared to be down for the count, anyway). Without thinking, I rose and spun at the same time, swinging the bat in an arc.

  *CRACK* Home run! It connected solidly with the side of Jeff's head and he went flying. Unfortunately his flight was cut short as he crashed into Sally's still form. They went down together in a bundle of arms and legs. I was beginning to wonder, if somehow I managed to beat Jeff, whether or not I'd then have to deal with a pissed off Sally wanting to kill me. But, oh, well, I guess I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

  Jeff was down, but he was far from out. Within the space of no more than a few seconds, he was already rising. The side of his head was bloody, but he looked otherwise unhurt. Shit! I had put a lot into that swing. If that didn't faze him, I wasn't sure what would.