by Reana Malori
Maybe he was being too cynical. He could relax; hell, he even smiled when around his friends and family in Virginia. Ethan, Daniel, Tyler, Tony, Adele. Even that fucker Stefano, his sister Adele’s husband.
Those were the people who understood him. They didn’t need him to express shit he didn’t feel like discussing. The world he’d lived in for all these years was not for the weak, nor those with a conscience. And all in the name of honor, country, commitment. For his country. The Navy. His SEAL team. Even still, he couldn’t escape the regret filling him. His dreams—nightmares—were filled with the nameless faces of the people he’d killed, and their families who wept over their lifeless bodies.
In the daylight hours, he could hide behind the façade of just doing his job and following orders. They all did. Those who couldn’t handle it, either got out on their own or were helped to leave by Command. That’s not something he was concerned about. He’d lost his conscience a long time ago, as the body count continued to rise. Unfortunately, for the government-approved enemy, he was damn good at what the Navy needed from him.
He wouldn’t admit it to many, but he loved the thrill of what he did. To be honest, that feeling worried the fuck outta him. Closing his eyes, he thought about his last mission. It had shown him his perspective was changing. In the past, he’d give himself a speech about what he had to do and why he was doing it. Reminding himself about the importance of the mission. He’d repeat a silent mantra about the national security of his country, and how the democracy of the country his team was helping was at risk. It had been what he needed. That was then.
Not this last time. As Noah had waited for his target, he felt nothing. No remorse. No questions about the morality of what he was doing. No need to remind himself why he was there, in that place, ready to take the lives of people he’d never met, spoken to, or even seen prior to this mission. The sound of his breath was the only thing he could hear, his eyes were steady and focused on his target. His finger on the trigger.
Just the slightest movement, invisible to the naked eye, changed so many lives. The almost imperceptible whizz of the bullet as it left his rifle. Even as the hole appeared in his target’s head, he still felt nothing. He remembered his thoughts clearly from that day, “One down. Two to go. Let’s dance, motherfuckers.”
Sighing deeply, he glanced at the kids as they rode to the end of the street, only to turn around and begin riding in the opposite direction.
“Never lose that innocence, kids. Because once that shit’s gone, you’ll never get it back,” he muttered into the quiet space of his truck cab. And now, here he was, acting like a fucking stalker, sitting outside the house of the only woman who’d made him feel human. The one who was there before the darkness began to take over.
Adele, his self-adopted sister, was able to penetrate the hard shell that had grown over his heart. But the love he had for her was different. With Adele, he was still in protector mode and probably always would be. From the first moment he and his not-so-merry band of friends had brought her into their world, each of them had known there was a reason she’d shown up in their lives. There was somewhere, or someone, she was running from.
Each of them swore an oath to protect her at all costs. Never again would she need to feel afraid, or alone, or that she had no one to turn to. She was their sister. It didn’t matter if her blood didn’t match any of theirs. She was theirs by choice. No one would get the chance to hurt again. Not on their watch. Heads would roll, and blood would spill before any motherfucker came for their sister. Rubbing his hand along his chest near the black, twisted organ some would call a heart, he took a few breaths to try and calm down. When she’d finally admitted to them what happened to her, in North Carolina of all places, he’d seen red.
The only thought running through his mind was how long it would take him to find her ex-husband. Could he make the trip to North Carolina and back within a day? Did he have enough Sodium Hydroxide to dispose of the body?
Since he didn’t at the time, he’d been ready to ask Daniel to borrow some of his secret stash. Daniel would have given it to him too, but not before inviting himself to join “Mission Kill that Son of a Bitch” first.
Laughing as he thought of his friend, he shook his head at the image Daniel portrayed to those who didn’t know him. The persona of boy scout fit him well, until all hell broke loose. Daniel was a man not to be trifled with. He may seem like the sweet one. Quiet. Shy. Low key. That façade had fooled many people over the years. That dude was a straight-up killer. A shiver went down his spine as he recalled some of the “hypothetical situations” he’d shared with some of the guys. Daniel was one guy he’d never want to meet in a dark alley on a bad night. Some shit just wasn’t worth it.
Noah looked down at his watch, noting the time. He’d been out here waiting for over two hours. He knew his intel was correct, but he needed to see it for himself. When he’d gotten the call from Heath, he knew his life was going to change forever. Closing eyes, he thought back to the day his whole world imploded.
He was late getting to Adele’s house for their regularly scheduled cookout. Without a doubt, she was going to fuss at him for arriving after the expected start time. Being late wasn’t his thing, but there was no getting around it, he’d had a shitty night of sleep. He hadn’t been to his Northern Virginia home in over two months. Thank goodness he had a cleaning service come in every two weeks, even when he was away for long periods of time. In Norfolk he rented a small apartment to serve his needs when he needed to be close to base, but this was his home.
Three bedrooms, two-and-a-half bathrooms. A large kitchen with marble counters with a separate island in the middle that held the flat stovetop. He’d had the basement remodeled into his perfect man-cave, including a sixty-foot television for the football games. Yeah, this was the place he usually felt most comfortable. But not last night. He was antsy, fidgety, nervous. As if he were about to go on an unknown mission with spotty intel. Only thing is, he wasn’t. Shaking his head, he began walking to the door when his cell phone rang. Looking at the screen, he saw Heath’s code name displayed, Black Panther.
With a smile, he answered, “’Sup, man?”
Heath’s sigh came through the phone, making Noah pause. “Ghost, we gotta talk.” That Heath was calling him by the name only a few men knew, told him this call wasn’t just for shits and giggles.
“Damn, man. You alright?” When no sound came through, Noah backed up into the house. Shutting the front door, he sat down in one of the living room chairs. “Okay, it’s just me. Talk.”
“You need to get back down here to Jacksonville.” Heath’s voice sounded tired but firm.
“You okay, man? Stephanie? The girls? Whatever you need, just tell me. When do you need me?” He knew the questions were coming fast and furious, not really giving his friend a chance to answer. The tone of his voice said something was seriously fucking wrong, and Noah didn’t like this shit one bit.
“Slow down, Ghost. Damn,” he paused. “I can’t believe this is some shit I have to tell you over the phone.”
Taking a deep, calming breath, he growled, “Tell me what the fuck is going on, Heath.”
“It’s Janae.”
As soon as Heath said her name, Noah’s heart stopped. Visions of the last time he saw her filled his mind. He’d left early to head back to Virginia. Still sleeping soundly in her bed, Noah leaned over to kiss her before heading out to leave. Turning back, he’d looked at her with longing and the uneasy feeling he wouldn’t see her again. His gaze took in every inch of her body, as if memorizing her face, her form, and the memory of her lying in bed, the sheet covering only half her body. His dick thickened with the need to take her again, but he’d held back.
How was he to know it would be the last time he’d see her? It was now just over four years later, but it seemed like yesterday when he’d left her. That Heath’s call was connected to Janae made his palms sweat. He almost laughed at the
irony. He never let any situation take him out of his comfort zone, but just hearing her name had him bouncing one leg as he rubbed his sweaty palm down one side of his jeans. Finally finding his voice, he finally spoke, “What about her?”
“You just need to get down here. When you asked for my help with Janae a few years ago, we respected your wishes. We didn’t tell Janae what you’d gone through or why you weren’t calling. Man, I was in the doghouse for months over that shit.”
Noah knew all this. Didn’t need Heath to rehash it. When he’d told them he couldn’t see her anymore, he’d only asked that they support him, no questions asked. Noah later admitted to Heath that thoughts of Janae had fucked with his head. Thinking about her screwed with his focus on missions. Missing her had him all messed up and distracted. He had the bullet wound to prove his words were true after he’d been shot on what was to be a simple extraction. There’d been no question about what had to be done at the time.
All ties to Janae had to be severed. There was no other choice.
But now, here they were again. Her name was like a cold glass of water on a hot summer day. After he’d made the decision to cut ties with Janae, he’d shut down the piece of his heart tattooed with her visions of her smile, her kisses, the words of love she never said, but he’d seen in her eyes every moment he was in her presence. As if waking up from a long slumber, the shadowed, dark place inside him where the memory of her lived began to hum with life, and that shit hurt.
“Heath,” he heard the strain in his voice. Knew Heath would have picked up on it as well. “What about Janae?”
“We hadn’t seen her in a few years. At least, I hadn’t. Stephanie had. And… man… Janae has a kid. A daughter.” Heath paused, as if waiting for Noah to respond.
What was he going to say? She’d moved on. He shouldn’t be jealous, but he was. Even though he knew it wasn’t fair to expect her to live her life waiting for him to return, he was still angry another man had lain with her. Fucked her. Made a baby with her. That should have been him, but he’d been too damn scared to take the risk.
“Why are you telling me this? Really, Heath? Man, I didn’t need to know this shit,” he was practically yelling at this point.
“If you’d shut the fuck up, I’d tell you why I’m calling. Janae’s little girl is four years old.”
Noah’s heartbeat stuttered to a standstill before slowly beating again. The sound of the thumps rushed into his ears as he felt the organ beat against his ribcage. Four years old. Which meant… No. It couldn’t be.
“She’s four?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
Sighing in the phone, Heath continued. “Yeah, she is. I’m sorry, Ghost. You should have been told. Stephanie’s in the room crying and feeling sorry for herself because I told her this shit was foul. You should have been told as soon as she found out about the baby. If Janae was hurt about what happened or didn’t know the best way to tell you after you’d broken things off, Stephanie should have told me. She knew part of the reason you walked away. Stephanie’s known you since the first day I met her. You were the best man at our wedding. Her loyalty should have been to you.”
Noah was seething. How could Stephanie keep this from him, or from her own damn husband? She knew the fucking deal but kept this from him as if it were a fucking game.
“Heath, just to make sure I’m hearing you right. Are you telling me Janae had my baby? That I have a little girl? Are you sure?” He waited anxiously for his friend to answer.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Her name is Nicole.”
“Nicole,” he repeated.
“She seems to be a perfect mix of you and Janae. I saw a picture of her. She looks like you. Not to say you shouldn’t get a paternity test. Just… Fuck. Yeah, she looks just like you, only prettier.” Another pause, which Noah was thankful for. “Noah, you need to get down here to Jacksonville.”
Coming back to the present, he saw a champagne-colored vehicle pull into the driveway. Watching the scene play out in front of him, he held his breath as he waited for Janae to exit the car. He wanted to be angry with her for what she’d done, keeping his child away from him. Noah also knew he was partially to blame for the situation. Watching Janae from the inside of his truck across the street, the feelings bubbling up to the surface had nothing to do with anger.
Desire. Need. Want.
After all this time, it still felt like she was his. That she belonged to him. He knew that was a stupid thought, but it didn’t matter. Nor did it matter that he’d hooked up with the occasional Frog Hog, women who were always around, seeking out a man who’d give them a night to remember. All they wanted was the bragging rights to say they’d bagged a SEAL for a night. And one night was all they’d get from him. He had no use for anything longer than that. They both knew the deal. When they’d both gotten what they needed, each went their separate ways.
That was his past and had only been a way to pass the time. None of that mattered now. What was most important, was the gorgeous, tawny skinned woman opening the back door of the car. Reaching in, she helped a little girl climb out. As the little girl reached the ground, she began waving her hand at the kids riding by on their bikes, and they waved back at her. “Nicole,” he whispered. As soon as Noah saw the little girl’s smiling face, he knew she was his. Even from this distance, he could see the dimples in her cheeks. The same ones reflected at him in the mirror, even though he didn’t smile enough to show them often.
Dark, curly hair cascaded over Nicole’s small shoulders. With skin the color of light beige, she was clearly mixed with black and white. Beautiful. She was absolutely fucking beautiful. And she was his. Well, half his, but still. He had a little girl.
How was he going to make this right?
CHAPTER 4
Noah
Lifting one hand to his face, Noah was surprised to see he was shaking. Fear? Nerves? Anger? All the above?
She’d had his child. A little girl who looked so much like him, it made his heart hurt. His daughter was being raised without him, her father. How could she do this to him? She should have told him. Turning his gaze back to Janae and Nicole as they walked into the small house, his eyes turned hard with anger. Was he being irrational considering he was the one who’d left her without a word?
Yes, but it didn’t matter.
She’d carried a human life inside her body. One he’d helped her create. His daughter was born into this world without his knowledge. A picture of Janae swollen with pregnancy entered his mind, and his breath caught. He’d missed it all. Every moment of her growing from a tiny pea to a full-size human baby. Noah had been robbed of so much. Even the privilege of being in the room when she was born, had been snatched from him. Fuck this. She wasn’t going to hide his daughter from him any longer.
Grabbing his phone, he dialed Heath’s number.
“Hey man,” his friend greeted once he picked up.
“What the fuck, Heath? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
A long sigh came over the phone, “Ghost, listen to me. According to Stephanie, that woman has been through hell. When you left, she lost it. Wouldn’t get out of bed. She stopped eating. When she began throwing up in the morning, Stephanie forced her to go see a doctor. They both thought it was due to not eating or just feeling down. That’s when they found out she was pregnant.”
“Are you telling me your wife knew this entire fucking time? Why wouldn’t she tell me? Tell you?”
“Hell, I don’t know man. She’s been in tears since I found out. She, uh, wants to see you.”
“No.”
“Come on, Noah. You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I can sure as fuck avoid her right now. Her loyalty was to me,” Noah yelled into enclosed cab of his truck. “She’s known me since the two of you began dating. I considered her a sister. She married into the family. That alone means something to me. I thought it meant something to her also.”
“I hear you. I do. Ju
st…fuck. Hear me out. Apparently, once Nicole was born, Janae was put through some shit.”
“What do you mean she was put through some shit?” Sitting up straighter, he felt his body tense as he waited for Heath’s next words.
“You remember this is North Carolina, right? This state hasn’t quite moved on from the 1950s. It’s not hard to see Nicole has a white father. And Janae isn’t married. Apparently, there are quite a few people who like to share their opinions about her situation.”
Anger rushed through Noah at what Heath was saying. There was no fucking way this was happening. Glancing at the closed door of the home protecting his woman and child, his fists tightened. That anyone would say something negative about them, or to them, made him want to put a hole through the steering wheel.
Then again, he had only himself to blame. He should have been there. Never should have left Janae on her own to begin with. He didn’t know she was pregnant, but it didn’t matter. He knew what she felt for him, what he felt for her in return. Pushing her away at the time was best. He’d needed to focus on the job. She’d become too much of a distraction when he was in the field.
At least that’s the story he told himself.
“Are you telling me she’s been getting shit ass comments said to her because she had my child?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. From what I know, she’s lost friends she’s known since childhood. Her parents’ church turned their back on her.”
“Fuck,” Noah couldn’t help yelling.
“Yeah. I know you’re angry about this situation. So am I. Wait, hold on.” Noah heard Stephanie talking in the background. “Not right now, Steph. Just let it go for a bit…When he’s ready.”