by Iris Morland
Jubilee knew Harrison meant well. As the eldest, he’d watched over her. He’d gone to medical school to become a pediatric oncologist because of her bouts with leukemia.
But she’d also acceded to her family’s wishes for so long that the thought of giving this up, this chance at finding out what she really wanted to do with her life, only made her want to do it even more.
“Jubilee, may I have a word?” Lisa gave Harrison a wordless look. Harrison hesitated, but then with a sigh, he nodded, allowing Lisa to take over.
“Jubilee Christina, what has gotten into you? When did you decide all of this?”
Jubilee and Lisa were about the same height, although where Lisa was willowy and almost fragile, Jubilee was curvy and rosy-cheeked. So many times as a child, Jubilee had cowered before her mother’s disapproval, which she could give with just a heated glance. She struggled against giving in to keep the peace like she always had. If she just stayed in Fair Haven, her mother would leave her alone.
“I made the decision on my own, because I think it’s for the best,” Jubilee said slowly. If she lost her temper, Lisa would use that against her. “I need a change.”
“But to move all the way to Seattle? Jubi, you don’t know how to live on your own. Not really. Having an apartment here is one thing, but in a city? And college is so stressful. What if you make yourself ill?”
That had always been the fear, really; that Jubilee would get sick again if she pushed herself too hard.
Don’t jump, Jubilee. Don’t run, Jubilee. Don’t get too excited, Jubilee. Your health isn’t good. You have to be careful.
She never jumped. She never ran. She never got too excited. Yet for once, she didn’t want to be careful. She wanted to jump until her knees hurt, or run until her lungs burned.
“I won’t get sick again. And even if I do, how can I keep living my life doing nothing with it?”
“You are doing something with it. You’re working. You have an apartment. Eventually you’ll get married like your siblings and have a family—”
“Maybe I want something different.” Liar. “Maybe I want to get out of Fair Haven.”
Lisa paled. “What’s gotten into you?”
It was like a tether snapped inside her. The frustration bubbled up and over until she couldn’t contain it any longer.
“What’s gotten into me? What do you think? Mom, I’ve never been allowed to live. I’ve been stuck here because you and everyone else are so afraid of me getting sick again. But it’s not about keeping me healthy, is it? It’s about keeping yourselves free from worry, my own life be damned.”
Jubilee had never said anything like that to Lisa, and Lisa looked as shocked as Jubilee felt. It was only when Caleb laughed loudly from the sitting room that they both jumped, like they’d been frozen.
“If that’s how you truly feel, then go. But know that all I’ve ever done was keep you safe and well. Because I’m your mother.”
Jubilee refused to apologize, despite the guilt building inside her. She hated conflict. She’d always avoided it. Swallowing her apology, she returned to the sitting room, safe from her mother’s continued reproofs for the time being.
As Jubilee drove herself home, her mind buzzing, she couldn’t help but think of Heath. If she was truly committing to Avila, then she needed to step up her game. She needed to cross off the most important thing on her list before she left for Seattle.
When she arrived home, she opened her laptop and paid her deposit for Avila before she could rethink her decision.
And then she vowed that tomorrow night, she was going to change the bargain she’d made with Heath and rid herself of her virginity once and for all.
9
Jubilee swore as she searched through her jewelry for the pair of earrings she needed. It didn’t help that her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding like crazy. Her nerves were close to getting the best of her.
She finally gave up looking for the earrings and decided it wouldn’t matter anyway. She was planning to get naked, right? She blushed at the mere thought.
Tonight she would up the stakes: she and Heath wouldn’t just be doing flirting or kissing lessons. This would become a full-scale seduction.
With one last puff of hairspray and check for a shiny nose, Jubilee headed out, teetering on heels she’d worn all of once. She couldn’t exactly go to a man’s home, telling him she wanted him to take her virginity, wearing yoga pants and no makeup, right? She had to seem serious, even if that meant her feet would complain about it later.
When Jubilee was at Heath’s door, she hesitated, her fist raised to knock. What the hell was she doing? She was crazy. Heath would take one look at her and send her packing.
Then she thought about his confession regarding the lock of her hair he’d kept, and it gave her courage. He isn’t as disinterested as he’d like to pretend, she told herself for the millionth time. And anyway, sex didn’t mean a relationship.
This would solely be a friends-with-benefits fling. Nothing more, nothing less.
Heath opened the door on her second knock. This time, he wasn’t surprised at her sudden appearance. He smiled wryly and ushered her inside.
“You look nice,” he said.
Jubilee had her back turned to him, but she swore she could feel the heat in his gaze as he took in her appearance. Her skirt was absurdly short; she forced herself not to keep trying to pull it down.
“Are you going on a date tonight?” Heath folded his arms, an eyebrow raised. He sounded annoyed. “If so, I don’t see why you needed to stop here first.”
“I wanted another lesson.” Jubilee’s voice was raspy, and her face flooded with color.
“I think we’ve had enough lessons. Did you bring a coat? You’ll freeze.”
“I…” Jubilee suddenly felt the chill on her arms. “I forgot.”
Heath sighed and pulled a coat from his hall closet before settling it over her shoulders. Except, unlike when he’d done the same thing at Halloween, this time, he didn’t step away. He kept his hands on her upper arms. Jubilee shivered at the heat in his touch and his eyes.
“Why are you really here?”
All of the words Jubilee had practiced vanished. She’d had an entire speech prepared, with reasons to overrule Heath’s objections.
Now, she felt like she would melt into a puddle at his feet. It didn’t help that his face was shadowed with a beard, his hair falling across his forehead. Despite his auburn hair, his beard was darker, not blond like a lot of men with his coloring.
Reaching up, Jubilee touched his cheek. “I don’t have a date tonight. I came here because I wanted to change our bargain.”
“Change it? Or end it?”
“Change it.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. Then, before her courage left her, she said, “I want you to take my virginity.”
Heath stared at her in astonishment before digging his fingers into her arms. It didn’t hurt, but it kept her from moving away.
“What the hell are you talking about? We agreed to kiss—nothing more than that. While I found you a real man to date.”
Jubilee shook her head. “I don’t want another man. I want you.”
“Jubilee…”
“No, I already know what you’re going to say. I’m not talking about a relationship.” She swallowed. “I’m talking about a friends-with-benefits thing. I’m tired of being a dried-up old virgin.”
That made him laugh dryly. “You’re hardly old or dried-up.” He looked down at the cleavage overflowing her top. “Not even slightly dried-up.”
“So you just don’t want me?”
He stepped away, although it seemed like it pained him to do so. “Jesus, how can you even ask that? I burn for you. I’ve wanted you for years. Haven’t you seen it? Felt it? But that doesn’t mean this can—or should—happen.”
“Let me see. My brother, your sister, the president, the universe at large, etcetera, etcetera. They’re all reasons.”
<
br /> His lips twitched. “Pretty much.”
She let his coat drop to the floor. “What if I don’t care what they think? What if I say, fuck the universe? They don’t get to tell me what to do.” She pressed her hands against his heart, which thumped as hard as hers did. “What if for the first time in my life, I stop being afraid, stop listening to people telling me what’s best for me? What if I let myself make that decision?”
Heath didn’t say anything. His breathing increased, and as Jubilee moved closer, she knew he was aroused.
She snaked a hand around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. When their mouths touched, he groaned in surrender, especially when she pushed her tongue inside. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her so hard she felt dizzy.
“Wait, wait.” He was panting, shaking his head. “I need to tell you something first.”
“I don’t want to talk.” Jubilee felt like she was going to come out of her skin if she waited a second longer. She wanted to strip naked and feel him press her into his bed, muscular and hot and dominating. She wanted to give herself to the man she’d never been able to get out of her head.
“I don’t want to talk, either, but I need to.”
Jubilee kissed his throat, licked his collarbone. Heath swore and pushed her away.
“Talk. Now.” He pointed a finger to the living room and, rolling her eyes, Jubilee marched inside.
Whatever he had to tell her, she didn’t care. She wanted him regardless.
Matching his pose from earlier, she crossed her arms, still standing. She heard him riffle through something before returning with a piece of paper.
“What is it?”
He handed it to her. “I found it that day at The Rise and Shine. I should’ve returned it. I’m sorry.”
Jubilee took her missing list. She opened it to read the words she’d written what seemed like ages ago.
“You had it?” She frowned. “Why?” Slowly but surely, the pieces clicked together. “That’s why you decided to do—all of this. The lessons. Vetting the men.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “When I read it, I just…lost my mind. The thought of you with any other man.” His jaw clenched. “It tore me up.”
Jubilee knew she should be angry. He’d read something extremely personal and then used it to get her to do what he wanted. Yet, she couldn’t find the anger inside herself because this only confirmed what she knew: Heath cared for her. He wanted her. And he’d wanted her enough to keep her away from other men.
She sidled closer as she crumpled up the list. “If you’re sorry, then you should make it up to me.” She licked her lips. “Make love to me and help me strike something off my list.”
He cupped her cheek. “I don’t give two shits about that list, but I do care about you, Jubi. You understand what this means? Just sex. Nothing else.”
She knew that—she’d said as much herself—but it still stung. Forcing a smile onto her face, she said, “I get it. Now, are you just going to talk or are we going to get this show started?”
“Oh, we’re getting started, but there’s no pleasure in rushing, especially when it’s your first time.” He considered her, tracing her jaw with his thumb. “What experience do you have? Besides kissing?”
She blushed. “None, really. I’ve never dated any guy. There was never anyone worth the trouble.”
There was never anyone like you, she wanted to say. Heath seemed to hear those words in her voice, though, because his forehead wrinkled.
“Then we’ll need to go extra slow.” He took her hand and led her to his bedroom in the back of the house.
The butterflies in Jubilee’s stomach threatened to overwhelm her, but when Heath smiled at her over his shoulder, she felt calm take over. And then she felt the butterflies flutter for any entirely different reason: excitement.
“Can I turn on a light?” Heath asked quietly.
“Oh, sure. If that helps.”
He chuckled as he clicked a nearby lamp on, bathing the room in a dim golden glow. “I’ve found it helpful, yes.” He didn’t say anything for a long moment, which made Jubilee want to fidget.
“Should I take off my clothes?” she blurted. Her cheeks turned bright red, and when Heath laughed, she blushed even harder.
“Do you want to take your clothes off?”
“Um…don’t you have to?”
Now he was moving her into his embrace, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “We can do whatever we want. I think tonight, though, I’d rather focus on you.”
She inhaled his spicy scent. “Me?”
“Yes, you.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you backing out?”
“No.” He tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. “I’m just not going to jump on top of you and get things over with, either.”
“Well, I figured that. If I wanted that, I could find any guy down at The Fainting Goat—”
He pinched her lips closed. “No more talking, except to tell me how something feels. Got it?”
She nodded, and he pushed her hair to the side, exposing her neck. He kissed her in that spot: softly, slowly. The warmth of his lips sent a frisson of want through her entire body. He kissed up her throat until he reached her mouth.
“I think some kissing is in order.”
“Didn’t you just say no more talking?”
That made him grin. “Right. No more talking.”
He swooped down to capture her lips, and Jubilee gasped. He ravished her mouth with deep kisses that made her body pulse. Her blood heated with every stroke of his tongue. Reaching up, she tangled her fingers in his hair, trying to get as close as she could.
She felt his hardness then, against her belly, and despite everything being so new, it didn’t scare her. It only made her want him more.
“I’m going to make you come tonight,” he whispered against her ear, “until you beg me to stop.”
“Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise.”
As he kept kissing her, he palmed one of her breasts, stroking her nipple through the fabric of her blouse and bra. He played like that until she wanted to rip off her clothes and demand that he kiss and touch her everywhere. When he pushed her blouse up and exposed the pale skin of her belly, she struggled to keep breathing.
“Are you nervous?” he asked. “Don’t be. You’re beautiful. I’ll make this so good, Jubi. I will.”
“You’re still talking.” She laughed breathlessly.
“I lied, then. I can’t stop talking to you. About you.” He caressed her abdomen before tugging on the hem of the blouse. “I want to see you.”
Jubilee froze, suddenly unsure. She’d never been naked in front of a man, of course, and it seemed overwhelming right then. What if he hated what he saw? She wasn’t exactly the skinniest woman. She was curvy, her stomach soft, her hips flared. She also had totally forgotten to shave there, and now she couldn’t let Heath see her like that—
Heath tapped her nose. “Stop thinking. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…”
“Then what?”
“I’m afraid you won’t like what you see.”
His eyes flared. “That’s not possible. Everything about you drives me insane because you’re gorgeous. Seductive.”
“Seductive?” She giggled. “Even when I dumped water in your lap that time?”
“Even then.” He kept caressing her belly, tracing the waistband of her skirt. “Even when you’re drunk and trying to cut off your hair. Or when you make ridiculous lists that make me lose my damn mind.”
“I didn’t make that list for you,” she said with a sniff.
He pinched her ass, making her yelp. “Then why are you here? Tell me that.”
She gazed into his eyes, feeling her heart turn over in her chest. Deep down inside, she knew why she was here. She knew. But right then, she didn’t have the courage to tell him, let alone ad
mit it to herself.
“Because I want to be here,” she whispered.
“Then let me see you.”
Jubilee began to unbutton her blouse, her hands shaky. It seemed to take an eternity, and by the time she reached the last button, she was tempted to tear off the blouse in sheer frustration. It fell to her hips, exposing her fanciest bra, which was a taupe color and not really all that fancy. Jubilee had always bought comfortable underwear—not the kind you’d wear to seduce a man.
She almost apologized, but the heat in Heath’s eyes made her bite her tongue.
“Beautiful.” He kissed her right above her heart. “You’re amazing.”
“So are you.” At his grin, she blushed for the thousandth time.
Why couldn’t she be smooth about this? Smooth and calm and collected? She blew out an annoyed breath. Clearly, this seduction was going to be anything but seductive if she kept saying and doing stupid things.
“Stop thinking so much,” said Heath as he began to push one bra strap down her arm. “Just enjoy.”
“Easier said than done.”
He tapped her nose. “Try it. How about you close your eyes? And take deep breaths.”
Jubilee gave him a skeptical look but finally obeyed. She closed her eyes and waited.
“Count. Breathe in, three, four, five, breathe out, three, four, five.”
Jubilee breathed in slowly, counting out loud, but she stuttered when breathing out when Heath began to push her other bra strap down her arm.
“Keep counting,” he said as he reached behind and unhooked her bra.
The cool air made her nipples harden, almost painfully so. She desperately wanted to open her eyes to see what Heath was doing, but at the same time, it only increased the excitement.
“One, two, three, four, five,” she said on her next breath, right as Heath cupped one of her breasts in his hand.
He kissed her neck as he rubbed her nipple with his thumb, circling and circling until Jubilee was about to come out of her skin. She struggled to keep counting, and she kept repeating the same numbers over and over each time Heath touched her.