A Place of Peace

by Amy Clipston

  “Ya?” Beth Anne asked, wiping her hands on a towel.

  “May I speak with you alone in the office?” Miriam asked, keeping her voice low to ensure Kathryn wouldn’t hear.

  “Of course.” Beth Anne followed her into the office, where Miriam gently shut the door behind them. “What’s wrong?”

  “I was awake most of last night.”

  Beth Anne sat on the edge of the desk. “Is something the matter?”

  “Ya.” Miriam paced, wringing her hands together. “I heard something yesterday, and I need to know the truth.”

  Beth Anne folded her arms in front of her chest. “Go ahead and ask. I’ll tell you whatever I know about the subject.”

  “Did Timothy ever cheat on me when we were courting?” Miriam held her breath while awaiting the answer.

  Beth Anne gave a bark of laughter. “No. He would never cheat on anyone, especially you. You were the love of his life.”

  Miriam blew out a sigh and flopped into the chair across from the desk. “I can’t believe I fell for it.” She shook her head. “I ruined everything.”

  “What are you talking about?” Beth Anne looked confused. “I heard you cheated on him.”

  Miriam threw her hands up. “That’s just it—I never cheated, and Timothy told me last night that he never cheated.”

  Beth Anne’s expression was pensive. “Someone interfered between you two and broke you up?”

  Miriam nodded. “Exactly.”

  “It’s not the end of the world, Miriam.” Beth Anne smiled. “You’re both still young. You can work things out.”

  Miriam shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible. He’s seeing someone else.”

  “With God, all things are possible.” Beth Anne stood and patted Miriam on the shoulder. “Just take it slow and see what happens. We better get back out there. The lunch rush will be here before you know it.”

  Miriam followed Beth Anne out to the kitchen and spent the rest of the morning thinking of Timothy while she baked.

  At lunchtime, Lindsay told Miriam she had a visitor out front. Stepping out into the front of the bakery, Miriam found Hannah waiting with a basket.

  “I brought you lunch. Can we sit outside and talk?” Hannah asked.

  “That would be wunderbaar.” Miriam walked with her to the front porch, where they sat at a secluded table away from the items for sale. “Where are the kinner?”

  “Home with Lena Joy.” Hannah unpacked the makings for sandwiches and two bottles of water. “I thought we could have some adult conversation without little ears listening in.”

  “Sounds wunderbaar because I have a story for you.”

  While they made their sandwiches, Miriam told Hannah about her conversations with Timothy and Lilly. Hannah’s eyes were wide with shock throughout the story. When Miriam finished, Hannah shook her head and glowered.

  “I should’ve suspected Lilly.” Hannah’s words were laced with anger. “She’s lied to me a few times over the years. She once told me she was going to a singing, and I heard that she’d skipped the gathering to be alone with a young man and a few friends. Another time, she said she couldn’t babysit for me, and I found out later she’d spent the day entertaining friends. She’s a sly one. I’m sorry I never picked up on the lies she’d told you.”

  Miriam shook her head and blew out a sigh. “It’s all in the past. I simply need to find a way to accept it. But I just wish I knew why she did it. She said that she wasn’t after Timothy, but she didn’t say what or whom she was after.”

  “Hmm.” Hannah rubbed her chin, deep in thought. “It doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “I know. She always had young men wanting to court her, so she wasn’t lonely.”

  “That’s very true.” Hannah reached over and squeezed Miriam’s hand. “Now that you know the truth, what are you going to do about it?”

  “Nothing, I guess. He’s courting Naomi King. It’s too late for us.”

  Hannah shook her head. “Don’t say that. He loved you once.”

  “It was four years ago, Hannah. Our time is gone.”

  “He’s not married yet.”

  “But he might as well be.” Miriam bit into her turkey sandwich and glanced across the parking lot toward the sea of cars and tourists. “It’s funny to think we could’ve been married and expecting our second boppli by now.”

  “Zach really likes you, Miriam.” Hannah smiled. “If you truly believe it’s over with Timothy and you want to make a new life here in Lancaster, you should consider Zach.”

  “He came to see me Sunday night, and he asked me to court him.”

  “No!” Hannah squealed. “He’s a wunderbaar and sweet man. You’d be a fool to let him go.”

  Miriam sighed. “Maybe I should just go back to Indiana and get my nursing degree. Maybe I don’t belong here at all.”

  “Oh, please!” Hannah waved off the comment. “You’ve taken to dressing Amish like a duck to water, and you love your job at the bakery. I can tell by the way you smiled when you saw me. You’re a different person than you were when you wrote me letters and when you first arrived here. Stay here. Make a life.”

  “I don’t know …”

  “I’ll help you work things out with Daed, and I’ll even make sure we get Lilly to admit what she did. Don’t give up on your family yet.” Hannah gave her a sad smile. “I love you, Miriam. It would break my heart to see you leave again. My kinner love you too. I need you here with me. I need you with me when Lena Joy gets the call that there’s a liver for her.”

  Miriam gave a melancholy smile. “Let me think about it, okay?”

  “Ya,” Hannah said. “You think about it, and I’ll continue to nag you about it until you stay.”

  Miriam laughed. “I’m sure you will.”

  Once they finished lunch, Miriam walked Hannah back to her buggy and hugged her before she left.

  Miriam spent the rest of the afternoon contemplating Hannah’s pleas for her to stay and the possibility of starting a life with Zach Fisher.

  Timothy lowered himself onto a stool and wiped his sweaty brow with a rag. He couldn’t concentrate on the bureau in his work stall. Instead, his mind was back in Gordonville and on the porch with Miriam.

  All day his thoughts had been with Miriam, remembering how beautiful she looked standing in the rain with her radiant eyes trained on him. He’d wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss her until she was breathless.

  Regret mixed with love had slammed through him when he found out the truth —she’d never cheated on him!

  Oh, how he wished he could get back those years they’d lost. They could’ve been married and had children of their own by now. They could’ve been happy —living together in the house he’d built for her.

  Timothy wanted to start fresh with Miriam. He wanted to pour his heart out to her and beg her to stay and marry him. But he didn’t know how to begin. He’d tried to form the words last night, but she’d scooted him off Edna’s property before he’d had a chance to sort through his raging emotions. She seemed determined to be rid of him, but he didn’t know why.

  He regretted telling her he was courting Naomi, but he’d lied in defense of his broken heart. He’d believed she was seeing someone else, and he didn’t want her to know that he hadn’t moved on with his life after she’d left. Now he wished he could take that lie back and pick up where they’d left off.

  He needed to tell Miriam he loved her before she returned to Indiana. He needed her to know the truth.

  But what if she rejected him when he told her that he still loved her?

  It was a chance he was willing to take.

  But what about sweet Naomi?

  Timothy sighed as he snatched a cold cup of water off his workbench and gulped it down.

  He hated the thought of hurting Naomi, but the truth was he didn’t love her. Was it worse to court someone he didn’t love than to tell her the truth and let her find her lifelong love?

  Timothy
set the cup down and glanced at the clock. Only two hours until closing time. Tonight he would go see Miriam and tell her how he felt. Then he would gently let Naomi down and encourage her to find a suitor who truly loved her. He had to be honest with both of them. He had to be true to his heart.

  Was this God’s will that Beth Anne had been talking about?

  Standing, Timothy stepped over to the bureau. His pulse skittered at the thought of seeing Miriam again and telling her that he loved her. He prayed she loved him too.

  Miriam stepped through the door of the cabin later that evening and found Edna sitting in her favorite easy chair, reading the Bible.

  After placing her bag on the bench by the door, Miriam sat in the chair across from Edna and smiled. “Wie geht’s?” she asked.

  “Gut.” Edna set the Bible down. “How was your day?”

  “Gut.” Miriam ran her finger over her apron, thoughts of her future and of her past sorrow spinning through her mind. “May I ask you a question?”

  “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

  “Aenti, do you have any regrets?”

  “Regrets?” Edna tilted her head in question. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you wish you’d made different choices during your life?”

  “I have one huge regret.” A smile grew on Edna’s lips. “His name was Herman.”

  Eyes wide with surprise, Miriam leaned forward and gasped. “Aenti! You had a boyfriend?”

  Edna’s smile sparkled. “We courted for a few months, and we had a wedding date set. But things changed.”

  “What happened?”

  “My daed didn’t approve. Herman was from another district, and he didn’t have much. He was a farmer, and crops were bad that year. Not enough rain. He was poor, but I loved him so. I let my family talk me out of marrying him. He married another maedel the following fall.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Miriam shook her head. “I had no idea.”

  “Of course you didn’t. I kept that to myself. There was no reason to burden you with it.” She smiled again. “He was such a sweet man. He was thoughtful and kind.” She got a faraway look in her eyes. “But I made the mistake of letting other people run my life. I should’ve stood up for myself, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t have any strong women in the family to follow.”

  Leaning forward, Miriam squeezed her hand. “You’re a very strong woman, Aenti. You made it on your own despite your decisions. I admire that.”

  “Ya, I did, but it wasn’t really by choice. Once my parents died, Abraham moved his family into the house, and I could tell your mamm wanted to run the house without my interference. I respected that since it was her family. Therefore, Abraham and my other brothers built me this place.” She gestured around the cabin. “Last I heard, Herman had about thirty grandkinner. But I’m not alone. I have my wunderbaar nieces and nephews.”

  Miriam leaned back on the chair and frowned. “How do you know if you’re making a bad choice?”

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s truly on your mind, Miriam? It would be easier for me to give you advice if I knew what you’re battling in your pretty head.”

  With tears in her eyes, Miriam told Edna everything she’d learned, from the lies that separated her and Timothy to Zach’s offer of courtship.

  When she finished her story, Edna squeezed Miriam’s hand and gave her a knowing smile. “Don’t make my mistake. You’re standing at a crossroads between your lonely life in Indiana and your life here with your family. I chose to stay with my family, but I also chose to be lonely. By the time I realized I’d made the wrong choice, it was too late for me. I wish I could take that time back, but you have youth on your side. Come back home, join the church, and make a life for yourself.”

  Miriam wiped an errant tear and nodded. “Danki.”

  “Now, Zach said you owe him a meal.” Edna hoisted herself from the chair. “How about I make us a meatloaf, and you get that young man over here for that promised meal?” She winked. “The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. He fancies you, Miriam. Don’t let that one get away.” She shuffled to the counter and pulled a small business card from a drawer and held it up. “Here’s the number to his shop. Run down to the phone shanty in front of Abraham’s house and give him a call. I’ll start supper.”

  Crossing the room, Miriam gathered her aunt into a hug. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” She patted Miriam’s back. “Go call that boy before he changes his mind like my Herman did.”

  Grasping the business card, Miriam trotted across the field, hoping she was making the right choice.

  12

  Timothy tethered his horse to the hitching post outside Edna Lapp’s cabin. A cool, light mist of rain kissed his cheeks as he moved toward the cabin steps. He’d practiced his speech over and over in his mind during the drive from his house to hers.

  Yet now, standing in front of the cabin and staring at the door separating him from his possible future, he’d forgotten every single word, except for his plea: “Miriam, please give me a second chance. I love you.”

  He climbed the stairs, stood before the door, and took a deep, cleansing breath.

  I can do this. It’s God will. Miriam and I belong together.

  Lifting his hand to knock, he stopped and listened to voices filtering through the solid oak door. Although he couldn’t make out the words, he was certain he could hear a masculine voice.

  He squelched the jealousy rising within him, reminding himself that Miriam had insisted she wasn’t seeing another man. There had to be an explanation. Perhaps her family, including her brother or brother-in-law, had come by for supper.

  Timothy rapped on the door, and laughter emanated from the other side.

  A few moments later, the door creaked open, and Miriam’s face appeared. When her gaze met his, her wide smile transformed to a look of shock. “Timothy?” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”

  Hope evaporated from his soul. He’d expected a happier welcome from her. Mustering his last shred of courage, he opened his mouth to speak.

  However, she turned to her guests and spoke first. “Please excuse me. I’ll be right back.” She then squeezed through the door and gingerly closed it behind her.

  Timothy couldn’t help wondering if she were hiding her guests from his sight. Or was she embarrassed Timothy was visiting?

  “I’m sorry for interrupting your supper,” Timothy began, studying her eyes.

  She appeared anxious. He wished he could read her mind. What was she hiding? She’d seemed so transparent last night. Why was her demeanor different now?

  “Oh, that’s fine.” Her smile was forced as she hugged her arms to her body and glanced out toward the field. “Is it raining again?”

  “Ya,” he said. “It’s just a mist now, but I think another storm is coming.”

  She met his eyes again. “Wie geht’s?”

  “I was hoping we could talk.” He gestured toward the swing. “Do you have a moment?”

  “Oh.” She frowned. “Well, I have company.”

  “I see.” He blew out a sigh and wracked his brain, wondering if he should just cut to the chase and ask her to court him.

  “What if we talked tomorrow?” Her forced smile was back. “You could stop by the bakery—if that’s okay with Naomi, of course.”

  “Ya. That’s a good idea.” He stepped toward the stairs.

  The door opened, and Zach Fisher stepped out with a curious expression. “Is everything all right, Miriam?”

  Timothy’s stomach roiled.

  So this was her mysterious guest.

  Zach Fisher.

  He inwardly groaned. He should’ve known better after Zach’s actions with Miriam at the funeral. Zach had looked like a man on a mission to win a young woman’s heart when he spoke to Miriam that day. From the looks of things now, Zach had won.

  Zach met Timothy’s eyes and smiled. “Timothy. Wie geht’s?”

  “Gut.” Timothy
cut his gaze back to Miriam. “I’m sorry I bothered you. Enjoy your supper.” As he started down the stairs, a hand on his arm stopped him.

  “Wait.” Miriam’s eyes were urgent. “I didn’t mean to run you off.”

  “It’s fine. We’ll talk later.” Timothy frowned. “It was nothing at all. I didn’t mean to waste your time. Gut nacht.”

  “Timothy —” she began.

  Ignoring her, he untied his horse and climbed into the buggy. As he drove past the cabin, he saw Zach place his hand on Miriam’s shoulder. Bile rose in Timothy’s throat at the sight and at the realization that he’d lost Miriam again—forever this time.

  Unless, of course, he’d never had her at all.

  Perhaps he’d been wrong last night. Maybe Lilly had told the truth, and Miriam had left him for someone else. Now she had Zach.

  The mist turned to large drops, and Timothy shook his head, red fury surging through him. He’d been played for a fool—again —and he was tired of it. He was also tired of missing Miriam, or pining for her, as Beth Anne had said.

  Now was the time to make a change. He needed to take control of his life and his emotions.

  He wanted a future. He longed for a family. He was sick of being the only Kauffman without children running around and tearing up his mother’s house.

  He’d been a fool to hold onto a memory that had been nothing but a lie.

  Steering onto the main road, he headed back to Bird-In-Hand and Naomi. It was time he made things right and concentrated on a real future.

  Miriam stared after Timothy’s buggy. Guilt soaked through her like the rain splashing on the railing in front of her. She wanted to kick herself for not inviting Timothy to stay, but the situation was awkward with Zach in the house and Timothy standing on the porch.

  Now Timothy was driving off through the storm, and she couldn’t help thinking he was driving out of her life—forever.

  His eyes had been so urgent. She’d longed to hear what he had to say, but she was worried about Zach’s feelings. He’d dropped all of his plans to join her for supper, and he’d seemed so excited about it when she’d called to invite him.