Lucid

by Gabrielle Castania

  Without being afraid that Danny would see it, I’d been able to become more expressive about my relationship with Joey. I hung photos we’d taken together up in my bedroom, along with a small collection of the ones of us with friends. Never once did I have to think about removing my star necklace. It was almost as if Danny had been sort of holding me back from being a proper girlfriend, but without him around, I felt comfortable loving Joey as much as I wanted to love him.

  When I was finally satisfied with how my hair had apparently decided it was going to look that day, the four of us left to collect Yosuke and Sam before heading into the city. Only a group of preteen girls and their bored-looking parent chaperone were ahead of us in line outside the venue, and we were ready to wait out the afternoon for the sake of getting an awesome spot once the doors opened.

  Our group lasted about an hour waiting along the front wall of the venue before we realized we’d forgotten to stop for lunch like we’d planned to. If we didn’t eat before the show, we wouldn’t be able to get dinner until around 11PM when it got out, and as a group of peckish teenagers, that was definitely not going to work. I volunteered to head off down the street to grab some food for all of us, and Ellie decided to come along on the journey as well. We collected everyone’s money and made notes on our phones of what to order.

  Little did Ellie know when she agreed to come with me, I was taking myself on something of an adventure before I went to go get our food.

  “Not for nothing, but wouldn’t it be easier to get to the sub shop if we walked right down Collage Street, rather than heading down Water Street and hanging a right?” she asked, heading in the wrong direction. “I thought it was on the corner of Collage and Penny?”

  “It is,” I told her, “but we’re going to find Tragic Magic before we eat.”

  She stopped walking for a second, looking at me like I’d lost my mind, grabbing for my shirt to drag me to a halt as well. “Are you nuts? We’re never going to find them.”

  “What’s with the sudden doubt, Ellie?” I asked, shifting my gaze between her and the alleyway that would lead us around to the back of the venue, although I was positive I already knew her answer. “When Levitate played here over the summer, you couldn’t get to the loading area fast enough after the show. When Pale Blue was here last winter, when I lost you in the crowd and called to see where you were, you told me to come around and say hello to the band. That’s just in the past year. You’ve never been worried about this before, so why is Tragic Magic so different?”

  Heavily, she sighed, releasing her grip on my shirt. “They’re so different because I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Ashley.” She looked at me sincerely. “I know you haven’t talked about it lately, and I’m super proud of you for letting it go, but don’t think I don’t remember those dreams you had about Danny. The last thing I want is for us to meet them and have you go bananas because he’s actually standing in front of you.”

  I let my searing gaze burn into her so heatedly that she immediately looked away. I pulled the wad of cash from our friends out of my pocket and forced it into her hand. “Then go ahead and get the food, and let me do this by myself. Get me my usual, and I’ll meet you back out in front of the venue.”

  As I paced off down the alley, I almost made it around the corner before Ellie cried out for me to wait. “I’ll go with you,” she said as she jogged to catch up. “I just worry about you, is all.”

  Fighting would be more complicated than just going with the flow and trying to have a good time, so I settled for smiling instead of arguing. “I know, and I appreciate it, but I have myself under control.” I leaned into her with a knowing smile. “Think of it this way – if I weren’t so nuts about Danny and we didn’t, like, stalk the band on the internet that day, you wouldn’t be here right now, about to replace Josh with Ryan Thomson.”

  Ryan was the drummer of the band, and Ellie had a thing for him. She giggled, “Well, then, maybe it’s a good thing you’re a little cuckoo, because I am sick of Josh being so repugnant. For real, you and Joey have me wanting a relationship way more legit than my own, and that’s honestly more likely to happen with Ryan, a nationally-acclaimed rock star, than it is to happen with Josh.”

  I laughed with her as we rounded the corner, beholding the sight of a few buses parked behind the venue, and we hung back to try to figure out which bus belonged to which band, trying to use any context clues we could find. We were still trying to figure it out when the door to the last bus peeled open, and Evan Manning, the lead guitarist for Tragic Magic, stepped out. Ellie and I looked at each other in awe, but we couldn’t waste much time trying not to freak out, because he was beginning to head inside.

  Though I found myself paralyzed by the excitement, Ellie wasn’t going to let him get away. “Evan!” she called, and he turned upon hearing his name, smiling pleasantly as he made his way over to us.

  When he got a bit closer, he purred a smooth, “Hello, ladies,” at us, flipping his sunglasses up into his tousled, sandy hair. “How are we doing today?”

  I didn’t get a chance to say anything before Ellie took the reins. “We’re just swell, although we’re much better now that you’re here,” she smirked at him, intentions clear as she leaned into him. She seemed about ready to tear her clothes off right then and there, should he ask her to. “How about you?”

  “Eh,” he shrugged carelessly, still smiling, “no complaints.”

  “Listen, I know you probably have to get going, but could we maybe snag some photos with you before you do?” she asked boldly, inching ever closer to him.

  Evan beamed at us, seemingly never ceasing to smile. “Hell yeah! Get on in here; we’ll all take a selfie before I head inside.” Ellie couldn’t accept his invitation fast enough, and she wrapped herself around him in a hug, pulling out her phone and urging me to come closer. He welcomed me warmly, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and sticking his face between ours. All three of us grinned at our reflections in Ellie’s phone, and she snapped the photo before Evan let us go. “Thanks so much for coming tonight, girls; it was awesome to meet you. You’re here early enough, so hopefully, I’ll see you in the front row?”

  “Singing every word,” Ellie winked, staring longingly after him as he paced through the back lot, and neither of us moved a muscle until the thick door to the venue slammed shut behind him. That was when my best friend turned to me, smacking me hard across the arm, eyes bugging out of her head. “I know you’re in love with Danny and everything, but would it have killed you to be nice to his friends?”

  “I’m sorry,” I told her as we turned to head back toward the alleyway. “I just couldn’t help but to think about how he’s going inside to just casually hang out with the real, live Danny Chatman.”

  “I mean, saying a single word to one of his best friends might have been nice. Maybe if you had been a little friendlier, Evan would have invited us inside for sound check. How cool would that have been?”

  Rolling my eyes dramatically, I replied, “Wishful thinking, Elle.”

  She laughed boisterously, her entire demeanor brightened by our run-in with Evan. “Fine, but a girl can dream. I saw the way he was looking at me.”

  I got the pleasure of listening to her banter about it the entire way to the sub shop before the chore of ordering meals for six fell to me so she could continue to buzz about her exaggerated “connection” with Evan. She kept on about it until we got back to our group of friends, entirely too eager to jump back to the very beginning of her story when they asked what took us so long. I listened to her drone on, shoving bite after bite of roast beef sandwich into my mouth to stop myself from interrupting this flowery little figment of her hyperactive imagination. And she said I was the crazy one.

  When we were about ten minutes out from the doors opening, Joey and Yosuke volunteered to go to the parking lot to stash our belongings back in the car. Together, we all waited impatiently until we heard the telltale lurch of the heavy front door to
the venue being pushed open. The moment the sound split the air, everyone in line stopped what they were doing to cheer in unison.

  Showing my ticket and being patted down by the obviously disinterested door staff seemed like such a chore, but I couldn’t refrain from bouncing on my heels in anticipation as my friends slowly but surely made it through security as well. The girls that had been in line in front of us were posted up by the sound booth, whining as the group’s mother insisted it was the safest place for girls their age to be, which left us with the first pick of where to be against the barricade. The girls glared at me as I posted up front and center, my friends falling in line beside me.

  The first local opening act went on stage before everyone had even been let into the venue, and I sort of felt bad for them. In addition to people barely paying them any mind, they faced one technical problem after another, doing no favors for their already not-so great sound. Thankfully enough, the second local band was decent enough for me to get into, and I spent the set bobbing my head and clapping when concert etiquette demanded it.

  Once they finished, the first band Tragic Magic brought on the national tour took to the stage, and Ellie and I had been fans of them way back in the day. They were out to regain the fanbase that took a heavy hit when they went on an unexpected, unannounced four-year hiatus at the height of their fame. They stopped putting out music, stopped touring, and just sort of faded away. Now, they were back with a new album, and I made a mental note to grab it when I got a chance. After they were done, the second national act came on, and I knew a few of their songs from their inescapable radio popularity. They’d achieved a very sudden, out of the blue notoriety shortly before losing their guitarist to suicide, and took a few months off because of it. A girl that was really close with them left her spot in a band with her fiancée to come on and help her friends recover from the loss. Their songs were hard-hitting and anthemic, and I couldn’t help but to sing along with the ones I knew.

  When their crew began to take things off stage as their charismatic, smiling singer thanked Rhodes for the warm welcome, I turned to Ellie and grabbed her hand, squeezing it hard. “It’s actually happening, dude,” I yammered as she looked past me instead of at me. “I’m going to see Tragic Magic. I’m going to see Danny Chatman.”

  “Yeah, well, I already see Tragic Magic, and I already see Danny Chatman,” she replied with a silly grin. “Can I formally submit a request to change my band member of choice from Ryan to Evan? I’ll fill out all the paperwork that comes with it, because Ryan looks almost annoyed to have to be here, but Evan is definitely having a great time with your man.”

  Immediately, I whipped my focus to where she was looking, and a feeling unlike any other washed over me all at once. Standing by the back door was the entire band, which included, in all his glory, the boy I’d been dreaming of for months on end. An upbeat song from a local pop station hung in the air of the venue, and he stood with Evan, both of them singing along and making goofy faces at one another, executing some admittedly terrible dance moves to go with it all.

  The house lights went down after that song, and cheering erupted from the crowd as shadows made their way across the darkened stage. With the lights still out, Danny sang the first clause of a brief a cappella intro to the title track of their most recent album, and everyone joined in once we realized what song it was. When the music came in, the stage lights burned bright once again, and the show was underway.

  At the end of the first song, a vibrant smile made its way to Danny’s lips as he panted a bit, breathless from singing. “How we doin’ tonight, Rhodes?” he asked, and, in typical concert fashion, the crowd screamed excitedly back at him. He snickered into the microphone. “I also am feeling pretty, ‘aaahhh’, so I’m glad we’re on the same page. As you all know, we’re Tragic Magic, and we’re stoked to have the pleasure of rockin’ with you guys tonight!”

  Everything about him resonated with the ambiance of a tried-and-true rock star. Throughout the months that’d passed since we first got paired up together, I’d learned to ignore just about everything about the life he was living in the public eye. It was apparent that night why he always told me of people liking him for his stage presence, because it was a seamless blend of talent, charm, and silliness, and I found myself enjoying it as well. He seemed entirely different up there, but it was delightful all the same, wonderful in an entirely new way.

  He spent the entire set being equal parts musician, actor, and comedian, and I understood why people liked him for it. He and Evan kept making faces at each other, he pantomimed the final chorus of “End of an Era” as he sang it, and there was even a bit of dancing involved when the band played their more upbeat songs. He was just as goofy as he was talented, and I knew I wasn’t the only one in the room that night with a soft spot for the handsome goofball up on stage.

  Come the end of the set, over the sound of roaring cheers, he gave a little speech before announcing the final song. The opening, cheery riffs rang through the club, and one last time, everyone joined in to sing the words. When the song concluded, Danny yelped one more “thank you” at the crowd before the band made their way off stage.

  Yosuke and Josh had wound up at the back of the venue by the doors, unable to handle the constant crush of the audience behind us smashing our bodies against the barricade, and Joey, Ellie, Sam, and I went to find them so we could figure out what to do from there. Ellie let everyone talk for a moment before grunting in clear frustration. “I don’t know why we’re just standing here. Those guys are going to have to go to their bus at some point, and Ashley and I know exactly how to get back there. We’re standing here, when we could be waiting to meet the band.”

  If I was going to meet Danny in a way that I could confirm he was truly there, there was absolutely no way Joey could be there with me. If my dreams were real, his was the last face I wanted Danny, who was likely still tender about the whole thing, to see. I turned to my boyfriend, and he held his hands up in immediate surrender. “I know better than to intrude on your fangirl time. You two go ahead, and we’ll get the car warmed up and wait for you there. Just send me a courtesy text if you’re running away with the band, so we’re not waiting for you for too long if you’re never coming back.”

  Everyone wished Ellie and I luck on our mission to find the guys, and we made our way back down the alley where we’d been before. A small pack of people had gathered just outside the actual parking lot, with venue security making sure nobody got too close to the buses. They promised the bands would be out, but that we needed to remain calm and orderly, or else they’d usher everyone right to their buses. The two of us settled into a spot by the Tragic Magic bus, sifting politely through the other two national acts that’d come outside to entertain us with photos and autographs while we waited. It was fun, sure, but it wasn’t what I went there for.

  Finally, when the door opened a third time, the guys from Tragic Magic filed out, making their way toward the group of cheering fans, organizing themselves into a line so they could work their way down and get to everyone. I used the time Ellie spent chatting up Ryan and Rob, the bassist of the band, planning out what I wanted to say to Danny before he got to us.

  But, when he finally stood before me, mere inches away, everything I’d planned to say went right out the window. His presence tied my tongue and stunned my nerves, and I just took a moment to breathe in and digest that he was actually standing in front of me, in the flesh.

  “Good evening, ladies,” he greeted with a dash of sugar in his voice.

  As much as Ellie ragged on me for everything involving my dreams, she definitely had my back. Instead of pushing up as far as she could and swirling an air of lust into her voice like she had with everyone else in the band, she muttered a brief hello, giving me the floor. “Uh,” I stammered, feeling like my heart was going to explode out of my chest, “hi.”

  I was experiencing so many feelings in that moment that it was impossible to put any of them into w
ords, like Danny had the power to shut down my functions and turn my brain into soup. Ellie, apparently now my wing-woman, noticed what was happening, and tried her best not to laugh too hard at me. “Don’t mind Ashley,” she smiled at him, clapping her hand on my shoulder to try to snap me out of my daydream. “It’s just that you’re her favorite, and she’s a little shy.”

  Danny’s eyes locked onto mine as his honey-sweet smile made an appearance once again, and he brought a hand to his chest, holding it over his heart. “Aww, well, then you’re my favorite, too.”

  The first thing my shell-shocked mind could think of to do was laugh way harder than what was probably appropriate. What I meant to sound like a flirty, casual little chuckle sounded more akin to a startled horse. “You stop that,” I told him, immediately beating myself up internally for everything that was happening in that moment. Never before had the world seen such social grace.

  In the nature he’d adapted while he was on stage, he drew back in mock, dramatized distaste for my reaction. “Then I guess you’re not my favorite anymore.” His look didn’t hold up, though, and he laughed at himself. “Nah, I can’t say that with a straight face. I love everyone here tonight, you included.”

  Conversation with him had never before been difficult, but when I needed it the most, my grasp on the English language failed me completely. Thankfully, Ellie was there to catch me as I so obviously crashed and burned, and she turned to him once again. “Could I maybe snag a photo of the two of you together? She’s apparently too starstruck to tell you herself, but it would mean a lot to her.”

  “Yeah, by all means,” he smiled, turning toward Ellie and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, and for once, I didn’t wake up when he touched me. He was just as warm as I’d always imagined him to be, and an air of comfort washed over me for the first time since our blowout in my dream, nestling itself into the smile on my face when Ellie snapped the photo with her cell phone.