Unbridled

by Fox Brison

  “It’s actually a very special ritual saved for especially jarring events.” The last time Liv and I had resorted to ‘the box’ was the day I dropped Jen at Heathrow after she’d accepted the job with Morgan Stanley and moved to San Francisco. I spent the night sobbing on Olivia’s shoulder. She held me tight in between bouts of tears (even though it meant she had to throw away the t-shirt she’d been wearing, messy crier, remember) and laughter. Several hours later we had the box torn open and were cutting the foil bag to get the last dregs out of the bottom.

  “Were you together long?” Dani held out the canteen of water for me and I chugged it in one.

  “Who me and Liv? Oh wait you mean the She Devil. Five years.”

  “Ouch,” Dani grimaced.

  “Couldn’t have put it better myself because we’d only just bought our first house together three weeks before I caught her in flagrante.”

  “Double ouch. Your ex sounds like she had great timing.”

  “Impeccable.” I snorted. “In all honesty, Dani, I wasn’t that fussed about moving out of the behemoth we’d bought because I didn’t really like it. It was basically a shell with things in it rather than a home.” I rolled my head around my shoulders to loosen the tight muscles. “It was the circumstances that brought it about that hurt.”

  “Silver linings,” Dani said with a raise of her eyebrows.

  “Hey, that’s my line!” I nudged her shoulder with mine. Like I needed any more proof we should be more than friends. I nodded at the bottle and she poured a generous helping of bourbon into two white metal mugs. “I had my heart set on this beautiful two bedroom cottage full of character on the South Downs boundary. Oh, Dani, it was beautiful,” I whispered remembering the Saturday afternoon Dawn and I went to view it, remembering the feeling of a future that I thought was certain. But my Dad always warned that in life, like on the horses, there’s no such thing as a certainty. I should’ve listened to him. “It was close to a stable and living there would’ve meant I could have finally owned my own horse.”

  “Why buy a house you didn’t like?” She raised her eyebrows in question as if it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard. And maybe she was right.

  “Dawn made some good arguments.” With hindsight maybe I’d simply thought they were good because I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to think I’d failed, that my judgement, normally so flawless, had been found wanting. Seriously wanting.

  “Such as?”

  “Such as the cottage was too small and our babies were going to need their own rooms. Her pick was an ostentatious four bed two and a half bath…”

  “Two and a half bath?”

  “It’s a toilet and wash hand basin in a tiny cupboard under the stairs, sometimes referred to as a cloakroom.” I gave her the answer I received from the snotty estate agent. “Anyway, it was in the catchment area for all the best schools and was near the beach, where our kids could go swimming and we could watch them build sand castles.”

  “You’d talked about children?” Dani asked softly.

  “A little, yes. I’ve always wanted a family. Dawn was more reticent on the subject unless she could use it as leverage to get her own way. The thing you must understand about my ex is not only did she kiss the Blarney Stone, she swallowed part of it. She could charm the birds from the trees when she wanted to.” Or even the pants from a bird in accounting, I thought caustically. “I figured we might reach a compromise, meet in the middle. Three beds, maybe. Possibly on the edge of town. But no. She managed to sway me, with a few gilded words and a promise of tomorrow.”

  “You were in love with her.” She said it matter of factly. “You believed what she said, you wanted a life with her.”

  “Hmm, I loved her, we had too much history for anything else, but the in love feeling had departed long before the final indignity. I should never have agreed to buy the house, I should have had the guts to call it quits before we got to that stage.” I stared at the mountains in the distance. I was silent and Dani let me be. I liked that about her. She never pushed me, never rushed to fill those moments with either a question or a condemnation. “She had an affair with her admin assistant eight months earlier, and I gave her another chance.” I pursed my lips in thought “At least I thought I gave her a second chance.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I tried to forgive her, I truly did. But forgive and forget is okay in principle but far harder to execute in reality. I’d lost faith and trust in our relationship, not exactly easy things to get back. I pulled away and she fell into another woman’s arms.”

  Dani took my hand and gently caressed it. “You blame yourself?”

  “Finding your partner giving her admin an unusual form of dictation was bad enough, and yes, I did pull away and shut myself down. I guess if I’m honest I was trying to protect myself. But then finding her naked in bed with another woman? Well you can imagine what that did to my self-esteem. Fool me once and all that.”

  “No matter what you did, Haley, no matter how your relationship had faltered, she made the decision to look elsewhere for comfort when she should have come to you.”

  “Now if only I was so articulate,” I took a warming sip of the bourbon then chuckled. “Do you ever watch videos on YouTube?”

  “Rarely, why?” Dani asked.

  “There’s one of me on there.”

  “Really?” She waggled her eyebrows.

  “Not that kind!” I nudged her with my shoulder again. “I poured a jug of water over Dawn’s head in a sushi restaurant!”

  “You’re kidding me! So you’re the outlaw, Haley Jones,” she joked “Well you’ve come to the right place.”

  I laughed because I knew Dawn would never have dared involved the police, but the thought of being an outlaw was rather exciting. “I’m glad I did it. I felt a hell of a lot better afterwards.”

  “Closure?” Dani whispered the question.

  “Clo, yes. Being here with you is adding the sure part.” I suddenly realised I’d been prattling on about Dawn the whole night when what I genuinely wanted to discover was why this beautiful, sexy, incredible woman didn’t have someone to share her life with. “How about you? Who was stupid enough to break your heart?”

  “Oh, if I’m honest it was probably me,” she replied with a grin to show she was joking.

  I think.

  Chapter 29

  Dani

  Nature called and I watched Haley disappear into the trees. “Watch out for the grizzlies,” I called after her and laughed when I saw the torch light move quickly from left to right, then heard her huff with displeasure at my teasing.

  I stood by the creek and let the moon bathe me in her light. Sharing my feelings with Haley, about the ranch and my family, was something very new to me. Those thoughts were usually kept for the wind and the hills.

  Night had fallen but it was anything but dark.

  The moon hanging in the midnight sky left little space for much else except the millions of tiny stars that attended its celestial beauty, stars which were far brighter than any Hollywood could claim. They shone on a world that although the same as a few hours before, was so different in the grey, silver and black landscape that caught my eye.

  The creek was a ribbon of molten lead snaking its way through the slate grey bed of stones. The trees and mountains in the distance were silhouettes, some melding into one huge abstract painting, yet others were crisp and as clear as if in the brightest of summer days. It was a black and white movie, but so much more colourful than one could ever imagine it would be.

  Then I heard it.

  The distinctive howl of a wolf.

  It sent shivers down my spine but was joined by an eagerness, by a primitive need. It was the call of the wild, the call of freedom.

  But alas the call of loneliness.

  I waited patiently for an answering howl which never came. Was this to be my destiny? A lone wolf wandering the mountains and plains, seeking solace where there was n
one to be found.

  “Everything alright?” Haley stood beside me and I could almost feel her hand clasping mine. I wished I had the courage to replace the ghostly memory with reality. “I wish we didn’t have to go back tomorrow, I could spend eternity in this one spot.” She closed her eyes and lifted her head towards the night sky. She reminded me of an elven princess from a fantasy book worshipping the moon goddess.

  “Come back when the weather turns then we’ll see about eternity,” I whispered the suggestion softly, afraid of spoiling the undeniable intimacy which had crept up unseen, but definitely not unwanted, between us.

  “It wouldn’t matter so long as I had someone to keep me warm.” She looked at me, her eyes shining silver in the moonlight.

  Kiss her you fool, kiss her now! But I couldn’t take that half step forward. She was vulnerable and had just lost the love of her life. Although I didn’t want to admit it, the truth was out there.

  I was nothing other than a rebound fling.

  ***

  I don’t know what time it was, but I was woken by something moving outside my tent and from the sounds of it, it wasn’t small. I joked earlier about bears to Haley, but they were a genuine danger in these parts. I slowly reached for my rifle but paused when I heard the zipper on the tent.

  It was either an incredibly clever bear or…

  “Dani,” Haley popped her head through the fastenings.

  “Jesus, Haley, you nearly lost your head.” I took my hand from the rifle and put the safety back on.

  “I’m sorry, but can’t you hear that noise? After what you said about the bears, and I don’t have a gun. There was a shadow.” There was a tremulous note to her normally confident tones and she was a mite garbled.

  “Do you know how to use a gun?” I asked incredulously.

  “No, I’ve never even held one, but if a grizzly came near me I’d damn well learn how to use it and fast. Can I bunk in with you?” It was an innocent request and one which made my stomach twist and turn. She wasn’t to know how much I wanted her and that lying side by side would be a torture worse than anything Kim Jong-Un could conjure up. But I couldn’t give her a gun for peace of mind, that’d be totally irresponsible and more dangerous than a bear showing up, no matter what she said. I’d seen folks lose toes when a rifle went off in the night.

  “Sure, climb in.” She crawled in and made herself comfortable. “So, this spending eternity thing only happens in the summer and during the day, is that right?” I teased and she turned over and hit my thigh.

  “I would obviously have to learn how to use a fire arm first,” she said, grinning. She turned back over and I thought of the most unsexy things I could think of... mucking out the barn, President Trump’s tiny hands feeling me up… yep that one did the trick. For all of about ten seconds. I couldn’t think it any longer without throwing up. I closed my eyes as the scent of her shampoo slowly diffused through the tent and I inhaled.

  “Did you hear that?” She sat bolt upright and her elbow was a fraction of an inch from giving me a bloodied nose.

  “Hear what?” I lifted my head and strained to hear.

  “That snuffling.”

  I blushed. Busted. “It’s merely the wind, Haley. Lie back down and sleep, you don’t have worry about the critters out there.” No, but I have to worry about the sexy critter in here.

  ***

  I had the best night’s sleep I’d had for years - after I stopped worrying about touching Haley that is. It was inevitable. We were two people inside a one man tent, although we eventually managed to get ourselves into quite a comfortable position after a little toing and froing and a lot more wriggling. Oh, that was fun, having Haley’s butt wriggling into me as she tried to get comfortable. I ended up being the big spoon which suited me just fine and dandy because she smelt amazing. The downside? I was leaning on my bad shoulder all night.

  Holding Haley in my arms until dawn? Totally worth the stiffness and pain the next day.

  ***

  “Dani, is your arm alright?” Haley called from the creek. She was bent over sloshing out the pan she’d cooked the bacon in, staring at me through the gap in her legs as I practised some stretching exercises

  “A little stiff is all.”

  I poured her a coffee and we watched another couple of red tailed hawks taking part in a complicated aerial ballet. “I wonder if they’re the same ones as yesterday?” she asked.

  “Might be,” I answered, shielding my eyes with my hat to look up into the sky. Ugh, I grunted. So that was a dumbass move. Haley saw me wince and reaching out she touched my shoulder. Her touch was like morphine and the pain immediately lessened.

  It also made me a little light headed.

  She made me sit down and then knelt behind me. “Don’t worry I won’t hurt you. I completed a massage course last year.” It showed. Oh how it showed. Wow. I melted into her touch as she gently kneaded both shoulders. “I’d love to see a rodeo. I’ve seen them on the telly, but in real life I bet it’s something else.”

  “It sure is. Western Oil and Gas are sponsoring a little local event on the First of July. Mom said she was planning a party for Jack and Jen afterwards. Maybe you could stay for it?”

  “You don’t have to sell me. It sounds like a plan. Do you find it hard watching?”

  “Sometimes.” I tried not to sound too melancholic but I think I failed.

  “You loved it and had to give it up?” She asked there was something in her eyes, not only empathy. I turned from her gaze, from the longing that I’m sure was mirrored in my own.

  Longing for something we both knew was there but neither was brave enough to acknowledge.

  ***

  We didn’t dawdle on the journey home, Haley was clearly accustomed to being in the saddle, and it was in my mind to suggest she try one of the longer trails later in the week. Then I gave myself a good old talking to. I shouldn’t be spending as much time with Haley, the lid was already close to blowing off this pressure cooker; the pressure to tell her my fears, my wants, my needs, the pressure to share my world with her, the pressure to take her in my arms and make love until the moon was a passing memory.

  The pressure to hog tie her and never let her go.

  Chapter 30

  Dani

  We made it back to the ranch in good time. After giving the horses a rub down and feed we stabled them.

  “Is this the barrel horse you were telling me about?” Haley asked eyeing up Stormy who was quietly munching on hay in her corner stall. “I can see why she’d be good at the sport. She’s very athletic, her back’s nice and short. She has the look of a race horse about her,” she murmured, her eyes narrowing as she took in the length of Stormy, assessing her qualities, seeing the strength and power in every muscle and tendon.

  “Her bloodline can be traced back to Ez Does It, one of the best ever in the game,” I said proudly. “Her foal is a bit of a risk in some ways because I decided to breed her with one of my cattle horses rather than a barrel racer. The speed, agility, and heart is there, and the cow horse, Rowdy, is small and manoeuvrable. He also has the perfect hock size for a barrel racer. Stormy’s are a little long, mind it never stopped her none. It’ll be interesting to see what we get.”

  “Sounds like you know your stuff,” Haley complimented me and I blushed.

  “A bit. You do too.”

  “When I first left uni I started my career working at a small racing yard near Newmarket. That’s like a centre for horse racing in the UK,” Haley explained. “It was a massive learning curve, an amazing experience. I went to all the meets, even Royal Ascot. I actually met the Queen once,” she said proudly.

  “You’re kidding me!”

  “No, she was lovely. God, there’s a woman who knows her stuff. It was the best job, interesting and challenging. Then there was the thrill when one of our horses won.”

  “So why did you leave? Did something happen?”

  “You could say that. I met Dawn and bein
g away from home so much was beginning to put a strain on our relationship.”

  “Long distance sucks,” I said forcefully.

  “Big time,” Haley agreed. “It was only two hours on a good day, but on a bad one I could have been in my car longer than at home. Besides, part of the job was being on call so commuting wasn’t an option. Anyway, when the opportunity arose for me to take a position with my old mentor in his small animals practise, Dawn pleaded with me to take it. Eventually I caved to her demands, not unreasonably.”

  “So you gave up your dream for her. Do you regret it?”

  “We were in love; it seemed the right thing to do for us at the time,” she picked up a bucket I had next to the stall and held out a handful of grain for Stormy. She immediately nuzzled into Haley’s soft hand. “Life’s too short for regrets. That’s not to say you shouldn’t learn from the past. I know I won’t ever make that same mistake again.” Haley went silent for a second as she assessed Stormy one more time and then said, “If the breeding doesn’t get you the barrel racer you’re after, at least you’ll have a quality trail horse.”

  “Exactly,” I said.

  “So how much do barrel horses go for?”

  “It varies on age and experience. Bloodline is also a factor. I’ve seen some make over twenty thousand dollars, but they were good to go. I’ve already had folks enquiring about Jezzie’s little one, but she’s an investment in the future. I’m not ready to let her go yet.”

  ***

  We walked up to the main house. I’d never met a women who loved horses as much as I did, although even if Haley didn’t know the difference between a gelding and a colt I’d still have been hooked.

  “Hey we’re home,” I called as we entered the house and was met with silence. We went through to the kitchen but there was still no sign of either my Mom or Colin. The ranch had become the Marie Celeste when I wanted it to be busier than New Orleans during Mardi Gras.

  “So where do you think they could be?” Haley asked, her head stuck inside the refrigerator. “Sandwich?”