Hate the Way He Loves Me

by Stacey Covington-Lee

  Desi knew that this was a big step for Zoe and not an easy one to take. He could only imagine how long she’d stressed over having to tell them about this decision, but he wanted to make sure that she hadn’t been pressured into this move by Ramon. “Zoe, no one wants to deny you your happiness or the chance to build a new life with your man. What we do want though is to be sure that this is what you want. My only concern is that you may be moving a little too soon on this. Did Ramon pressure you about moving in with him?” Desi asked.

  “Seriously, Desi, I can’t believe you’re even asking me that. All of you should know by now that I don’t do anything I don’t want to and I’ve never succumbed to pressure. I’m stronger than that,” Zoe exclaimed. “I know he may not be the man y’all may have imagined for me, but he’s a good guy and again, he loves me.”

  “No one has anything against Ramon. He’s a nice guy that clearly makes you happy, but”

  “Humph, Alvin says it’s something not quit right about him,” Pam interrupted Martha in mid-sentence.

  Martha threw Pam an ugly look. “Like I was saying,” Martha continued, “we have nothing against Ramon and I hear you loud and clear when you say that he loves you, but I have yet to hear you profess your love for him. Are your feelings for him as strong as his are for you? And for the love of God, please don’t make a decision to move in with this man just to prove that you’re beyond all the hell that your father put us through. You haven’t had the benefit of counseling and may need to do a little more self-discovery before jumping into a new living situation. I want you to be sure, baby, and more than anything I want to see my girls happy and not hurt.”

  “Look, I appreciate you all’s concern, but contrary to what you believe, I do love Ramon. I don’t need therapy to know what or who I want. Y’all are my family, I love you and will always make y’all a priority in my life, but my decision has been made. Next month I’ll be moving in with Ramon and that’s that!”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Unlike everyone else, April was excited for Zoe and her decision to move in with Ramon. After discovering that Ramon had a typical bachelors pad with very few of the essentials, she’d finally convinced Zoe to go shopping with her. April wanted to treat her friend to some of the necessities that would turn Ramon’s house into their home.

  It had been a long week and the credit union had been crazy busy. Everyone was a little burned out and at five o’clock, the manager locked the doors and all of the employees hurried to get out of the building and begin enjoying their weekend. April and Zoe were no exception. “We still on for drinks, right?” April asked as they exited the building.

  “Girl, yes! I’ll meet you at Taco Mac, and if you get there before me go ahead and order me a strawberry margarita,” Zoe instructed.

  “Will do and don’t be long, Zoe. I know you’re gonna call and check in with your man, but don’t have me sitting there forever.”

  The restaurant was pretty full, but April was able to snag one of the last available booths. She ordered two margaritas, chips and salsa. Luckily, the Hawks vs. Grizzlies game was on. April knew that her hometown team didn’t stand much of a chance against the Miami Heat, but surely they could beat the Memphis Grizzlies. Forty-five minutes later, April had drunk both margaritas, ate the chips and salsa, and watched her team lose. Her patience had run out and she was putting her jacket on to leave when Zoe finally approached the table. “I am so sorry for keeping you waiting so long,” she apologized as she took a seat opposite April.

  Annoyed, April tossed her jacket back in the seat and plopped herself down. “What the hell took you so long?”

  “Can you believe that I was in the car talking to Ramon? Girl he was acting like his life was going to fall apart because I was hanging out with you for a while. You’d think I was his only friend in the world.”

  “Is he always this way? I mean will you still be able to hang out with your friends once you guys are living together?”

  “Of course,” Zoe reassured her. “We may be living together, but we’ll still have time to do our own thing. Any healthy relationship allows for a little time away from each other.”

  “Just checking. I wouldn’t want old boy to hold you captive away from the rest of the world,” April said with a half-smile on her face.

  “That’s something you never have to worry about. I refuse to give my freedom up for anybody!”

  The waitress retuned and they placed an order for another round of drinks and an appetizer platter. They laughed, joked, but also shared serious conversation. It wasn’t long before Desi’s name came up and they decided to call him and see if he could join them for a short while. Shortly after, he dashed through the door and joined the girls for a little gossip and a few laughs. The only annoying part of the evening was the constant buzzing of Zoe’s cell phone.

  “Damn girl, who is trying to reach you and what is their emergency?” Desi quizzed with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

  “It’s just Ramon. He wants to know what time I’m swinging by his place.” Zoe had barely finished her sentence when the phone buzzed again.

  “Damn, enough already,” Desi shouted. He then took the phone from Zoe’s hand, turned it off and kept it on his side of the table. Without the unyielding buzzing, the three of them were able to enjoy the rest of their evening in peace.

  A couple of hours later the threesome said their goodbye’s and went their separate ways. Before pulling off, Zoe decided to turn her phone back on and was shocked to see more than ten messages from Ramon. Thinking something was wrong, she hastily called him back. “Hey, baby, is everything okay? Was there an accident or something?” Zoe asked anxiously.

  “And if there had been, what would it have mattered to you,” Ramon replied in a cold voice. “I could’ve been dead for all you know. Why didn’t you return any of my messages, Zoe?”

  “Ramon, you had already texted me so much that I couldn’t get a word of conversation in with my friends because I was too busy communicating with you. It was rude to keep replying to you and ignoring them. Not to mention that the constant buzzing and dinging was annoying to the other patrons. I was trying to be considerate.” Zoe found herself becoming annoyed with his needy, clingy behavior. This was a new element to their relationship and she didn’t like it one bit.

  “Fine, Zoe, take your considerate ass on home then. If I’m that much of a bother, just keep rolling right on past my place.”

  “Fine, I will!” Zoe threw the phone into the passenger seat and started her car.

  Apparently Ramon didn’t know her as well as he should, but she felt it was time he learn a few things. One thing she despised was for someone to try and guilt trip her. It was simply unacceptable.

  She was about to turn into her complex when her cell phone rang. “Yes?”

  “So that’s how you answering the phone now?”

  “Look, Ramon, I don’t have the time nor the patience for these games.”

  “Calm down, Zoe, I was just calling to apologize. I had no business blowing your phone up like that. I should’ve respected your time with your friends. I’m really sorry, now please come over here. I’ve missed you today and want nothing more than to see you.”

  “I appreciate and accept your apology, but I’ve already made it home. I’m about to get out of the car now and get ready for bed.”

  “You can get ready for bed over here,” Ramon said seductively. “And I promise to give it to you so good that you’ll sleep like a new-born baby. Now bring your sexy ass over here.”

  Zoe blushed like a little school girl and before she knew it, she was backing her car up and heading to Ramon’s with expectations of being screwed out of her mind.

  ~~~~

  Sex in the morning was always a good way to start the day. So when Zoe left Ramon’s place, she was all smiles. She’d run home, changed her clothes, spent some time with Martha and Pam, and was now sitting in April’s drive way. They were heading out for a day of shopping a
nd Zoe couldn’t deny that she was excited about it. She’d envisioned the types of things she wanted to get for the house, the curtains, towels, and dishes, everything that would transform Ramon’s house into their home.

  “Hey, girl, are you ready to go break the bank?” April laughed as she hopped in the passenger seat.

  “I don’t know about breaking any banks, but we will most definitely get our shopping on. Where do you think we should start, Bed Bath & Beyond?”

  “How about we hit the mall first? Macy’s is having a home sale and we get an additional twenty-five percent off when we use the Macy’s card.”

  “April, you sound like a damn commercial and I don’t even have a Macy’s card,” Zoe stated with laughter in her voice.

  “Well I have a card, plus I want to check out a couple of other stores. Is that cool with you?”

  “Yes, girlie, that’s cool.”

  Zoe maneuvered through the city streets and eventually made her way to Highway 85. They both loved the Mall of Georgia so there was no debate as to which mall would get their money.

  April played with the radio nobs until she found a station that was playing some smooth R&B music. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t be all nosey and ask Zoe anything about Ramon’s behavior last night when she finally returned his calls. But she soon discovered that that wasn’t a promise she was capable of keeping.

  “So, how was Ramon last night? Was he pissed that you turned off your phone?”

  “He wasn’t pissed. He tried to act all hurt and give me some guilt trip, but I didn’t hesitate to let him know that his behavior wasn’t cool. It didn’t take him long to call me back apologizing.”

  “Dang, girl, sounds like you laid down the law,” April teased. “We know who the boss of that relationship is. You’ll probably move in and have that poor man washing your drawers and cooking your meals.”

  “I don’t know about all that, but I do know that we’ll have a partnership. We’ll share the housework and I’m more than happy to contribute equally to the household. But what I’m not willing to do is move in and be his maid or act like June Cleaver, following all her man’s instructions and waiting on him hand a foot. That’s for the birds.”

  “Yeah, you talk a good game, Zoe, but you’ll probably be over there doing any and everything to keep your man happy. He’ll say jump and you’ll ask how high,” April laughed hysterically at her little joke.

  Zoe looked at her stone faced, “That will never happen. I’d die before I allowed myself to become that kind of woman.”

  “Gracious girl, I was only kidding. Lighten up a little. Where’s that sense of humor?”

  “Oh, I guess I did get pretty serious, huh?” Zoe asked as she offered up a bit of a smile. “My bad, sometimes I get a little carried away at the thought of being dominated by some knuckle head.” As she continued down the highway a sign for Cracker Barrel caught Zoe’s eye. “Have you eaten,” she asked.

  “I ate a piece of toast and had a cup of coffee. Why?”

  “I could use a bite. How do you feel about a little breakfast?”

  “Sounds good to me,” April said cheerfully.

  Luckily the place wasn’t crowded and in a matter of minutes, they were served pancakes, hash browns, bacon, and coffee. And it was at this time that Zoe decided to share a little more about her past life with April. She wanted her friend to understand where she was coming from earlier and not just think she was crazy.

  “April, we’ve had a lot of great talks and I appreciate you so much, but there is a lot I haven’t shared with you.”

  “Yes, I’m aware. I know very little about your pre-Atlanta life.”

  “I know and I’m about to change that. When you told me about how you grew up with both your parents and how loving, caring and supportive they were, I thought you were the luckiest girl in the world. I never had a caring father or witnessed first-hand how a man was supposed to love and cherish his wife. Pam and I never had a daddy, we had a monster.” Zoe put her fork down and dabbed her eyes with her napkin. “I witnessed him beat my mother, talk to her as if she were a dog and force himself on her whenever he took a notion. When he got tired of dealing with my mom, he turned his perversion to my sister. She suffered unspeakable acts at the hands of that man,” Zoe whimpered. “And over the years, he’d promised me that my time was coming.”

  “Oh God, Zoe, I had no idea. I’m so sorry,” April said as she choked on her tears. “I feel so stupid for all the stuff I said in the car.”

  “It’s okay April. You had no idea about my past. I’m only telling you because I didn’t want you to think I was crazy or over reacting like some crazed woman.”

  “I can’t imagine being raped by my father. How do you recover from that? I wouldn’t know how to go on with my life.”

  “I thank God every day for giving me the strength to stop him before he could actually carry out the act. I still carry the sting of the bastard’s hands hitting me, but he didn’t take everything from me.”

  “Now I understand why you are so stern with what you will and won’t accept from Ramon. He seems like a great guy to me, but if he ever crosses the line, I promise to help you beat his ass.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  All of her belongings were packed and had been loaded into Ramon’s work truck. He and his friend pulled out of the parking lot leaving Zoe to have some private time with her family. The Shaw women sat at the kitchen table sipping on coffee. While Zoe was excited about her move, Pam and Martha were feeling uneasy and a bit disappointed that Zoe was actually going through with her plans.

  “Why are y’all looking so solemn? I’m just moving a few miles away and you know I’ll be over here all the time,” Zoe spoke reassuringly.

  “You say that you’ll come over all the time, but something tells me that you’ll fall into your new life and we’ll become nothing more than an afterthought.” Pam could no longer keep the tears from falling and her hands were red from her nervously wringing them. Martha reached over to try and get her to relax her hands, but her efforts were useless.

  “Pam, you two are the only family I’ve got. You could never be just an afterthought to me. I love y’all more than anything or anyone. Mama, you understand I simply want the opportunity to share in a successful, loving relationship with a man that wants to make me happy.”

  “Yes, baby, I do understand and I would never try to deny you that opportunity. It’s just that change is always a little nerve wrecking for us. Next thing we know, Pam will be moving out to be with Alvin,” Martha chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “Then it’ll just be lil old me over here. I’ll probably get a cat to keep me company and the next thing you know, I’ll be known as the crazy cat lady in apartment B-3.” They all giggled knowing that everything Martha had just said was unfathomable. Not only was she allergic to cats, but she swore the damn things were evil.

  “No worries, Mama, I’ll never leave you. You’re stuck with me forever more,” Pam reassured.

  “Hell, I hope not. I know we’re a little sad right now, but I’m also proud. Proud that you girls are finding the strength to rebuild you lives. Proud that after everything you’ve been through you still have the courage to trust and believe in love. So no ma’am, Pam, you won’t be with me forever more. Hopefully the both of you will eventually move away, marry, and give me grandbabies. Just remember that I am always here and you should never be ashamed or embarrassed to run back home to mama.”

  They sat and talked for a while longer, reminiscing over old days, proud of how far they’d come and their hope for the future. After an hour or so had passed, Zoe’s cell phone rang. “Hey, babe,” she answered cheerfully.

  “We’ve unloaded all of your boxes and I’m sitting here alone waiting for my woman to come home,” Ramon spoke with a sexy growl.

  Zoe giggled like a school girl, “I’m on my way.” She clicked off her phone, looked at Pam and Martha with a squinted face and announced that it was time for her to go.
“I love you guys and Pam, just because I left a few clothes and shoes behind doesn’t mean you’re free to jump in them. Those are for the nights I decide to stay over,” she said as they all rose from the table. “Oh and I want to have y’all over for dinner on Sunday.”

  “Are you sure that’ll be okay with Ramon?” Martha asked. “I mean you’re just moving in, why don’t we give you a little more time to get settled in?”

  “Mama, it’s a week away, y’all know I’ll have everything straightened out in two days. And of course he’s fine with it. He knows that y’all will be coming over from time to time. He has no choice but to be fine with it, I’m the boss,” Zoe laughed at her declaration.

  “Yeah, okay boss lady,” Pam chuckled. She finally seemed to relax into the fact that Zoe was leaving. She was no longer wringing her hands and the tears had dried. She stood along with Zoe and her mom and gave her little sister a big hug. “Make sure he treats you right Zoe, and take no crap from him.”

  “You already know that I’m not tolerant of foolishness. I promise I’ll be fine, y’all,” Zoe reassured them as she wrapped her arms around her mom. “And I’ll talk to you guys a little later on and see you in a couple of days.”

  Pulling into the driveway, Zoe noticed what looked like pieces of paper sprinkled on the front porch. As she got out and walked to the door she realized that those pieces of paper were actually white and red rose petals. With a broad smile on her face, she unlocked the door and stepped in onto a bed of rose peddles. “Ramon, I’m home.” She liked the way that rolled off her tongue. Before she could repeat herself, Ramon walked up to her, removed her purse from her shoulder, and took her jacket. Holding her hand he led her back to the bedroom, undressed her, and walked her into the bathroom where there was a hot, bubble bath waiting on her. Ramon helped her into the tub, pushed play on iHome, and walked out of the room.