by Lori Wick
“Maybe it’s best to keep your heart in check for right now,” Rylan put in, surprising both of the other adults. “I think you might find your heart and hands full just getting to know the girls. Maybe one relationship at a time is enough.”
Seth thought that Rylan had a good point. He had never been a father, not a real one, and was probably in for many surprises. His mind had begun to speculate about the meeting with Jessie and whether he would ever get to know his girls, but he knew that was dangerous territory. Instead he concentrated on the moment and found himself observing the way Rylan and Bri handled Danny. Without warning it occurred to him he didn’t have to travel far for a chance to learn about parenting.
Eight o’clock could not come fast enough for Seth. He didn’t know where he would stand two hours from then, but at the moment he just wanted to tell Jessie everything and let her decide. Jessie let him in the back door right on time and led him up the stairs. The apartment looked much the way he remembered, but the davenport was new, and Jessie had added a rocking chair to the living room. It was still comfortable and warm.
“You can have the sofa,” she offered, taking the stuffed chair to the side. Plenty of light came from the front windows, but Jessie had two lanterns burning. It would be dark soon enough.
“Will we wake the girls, talking this close?”
“No,” Jessie said with a shake of her head. “They played at a friend’s house all day and are out cold.”
Seth looked toward the two bedrooms. The one with the closed door was their bedroom, the one he’d shared with Jessie. For a moment he was swept back to a time when he had been faithful and committed, but before he could get very far, Jessie spoke.
91”Where have you been?”
“Texas,” Seth said, turning immediately to look at her. “Most recently in Heywood Prison.”
Jessie had not been expecting this, and for some reason it wrung her heart. Texas was no surprise, but the mention of prison was. She kept this emotion well hidden, however, and was glad when Seth kept talking.
“I never told you that I’d received a letter from my brother.” “Eliot?” Jessie asked before she remembered that Eliot was Seth’s only brother.
“Yes. Just as he had in the past, he wanted me to join him in Texas. At first I wasn’t even tempted, but that didn’t last for very long.” Seth kept his eyes on Jessie, not afraid to admit that he was wrong but knowing she wasn’t going to like the next part. “Hannah wasn’t crying so much by then, but you and I fought about everything. The letter came in the midst of those times. On a whim, I wrote you that note, packed my bag, and left.”
“Eight years is no whim,” Jessie said, her voice flat.
“No, it’s not, but the farther I went and the longer I was gone, the more impossible it seemed to come back, and so I didn’t.”
It was quiet between them. Less than a minute passed, but it felt much longer.
“Why were you in jail?”
“Eliot and I took jobs working for a man named Jared Silk. He thought himself above the law. I’m ashamed of the things we did, but the money was blinding. He paid well and we lived well. Then Eliot met a woman and fell in love. We put roots down in the community, and I became very good at not thinking of you and Hannah at all.”
Seth was still looking at Jessie so he saw her flinch but kept on.
“It was years before there was enough evidence to put Jared behind bars, but when it happened, we went down with him.”
“What had you done?”
Seth’s eyes finally dropped, his shame real.
“Jared wasa banker. He would loan money to anyone, including
92the desperate, and if they couldn’t pay, he would send Eliot and me. We never killed anyone, but we did hurt people. We dressed well and deluded ourselves into thinking we were businessmen, but we were thugs in nice suits.”
Jessie’s hand came to her mouth. She would have sworn that Seth was not capable of such actions, but there would be no reason for him to lie.
“And that’s not the worst of it,” Seth went on. “Jared wanted a woman picked up and talked to. She was a newspaper columnist who kept saying things about Jared in her column, and he hated it.” Seth swallowed at the memory but made himself keep going. “He wanted us to make it very clear that she had to stop, and we were prepared to do that, but it was a case of mistaken identity. We brought the wrong woman in. By the time we discovered our mistake, I fancied myself in love with her, so I abducted her.”
“Oh, Seth,” Jessie whispered before she could stop herself.
“It’s awful but all true. I never hurt her, but I kept her against her will.”
“What happened?”
“She was rescued and then testified against all of us. Eliot and I served 15 months. Jared is still in.”
Jessie could not speak. Her mind reeled with all he had shared, an odd mixture of horror and sympathy.
“Jessie.” Seth’s voice was hoarse by now, emotion riding him as the memories surfaced. “I’ll make no excuses, but I’m not that man anymore. I wasn’t in jail for a month before I realized what a fool I’d made of myself. I wasn’t in love with that woman. I didn’t even know her. I became completely ashamed of who I was.
“I was miserable and stopped eating. I didn’t care about anything. But then letters started coming from Eliot’s wife. Her name isCassy. Not long after Eliot and I went to prison, she believed in Jesus Christ for salvation. She wrote to Eliot about the changes going on inside of her, and then she began to write to me. For the first time I began to have hope. About six months into my term, I trusted in Christ to save me.
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Up until that time I didn’t let myself think about how far I was from Token Creek, but after I believed I told myself if I ever got out alive I would come home and at least tell you how sorry I am.”
Jessie had not imagined this. Not even remotely. At first she feared he was dead, and then at times she hoped he was. All sorts of images had run through her mind in the first few years, and then like Seth, she had gotten very goo,d at not thinking of him. But this-this was beyond her wildest dreams.
“What happened to the woman?” Jessie asked.
“She was rescued by a Texas Ranger, whom she eventually married.”
“She’s all right?”
“Yes. After I got out, I went and saw them at their ranch. They forgave me for what I’d done, and I’m grateful for that.”
“She forgave you?”
“Yes,” Seth answered, not adding that Darvi and Dakota Rawlings’ faith in Christ was amazingly real.
“Would you have come home if you hadn’t found God?”
“I doubt it. I was drowning in self-pity over the past. I sometimes wonder if I’d even have survived prison without Christ.”
“So you believe the way Rylan believes?”
“Yes.”
Jessie nodded. She believed Rylan to be one of the finest men in Token Creek, but she wasn’t convinced that God was the reason.
Silence had fallen again, and Seth knew he must be the one to break it.
“I wish I could have met my daughters today, but I understand why you didn’t want that. I’m hoping you’ll let me know them, but I’ll also understand if you don’t want the girls to have anything to do with me. All of this is a lot to put on you, but I didn’t want you to hear it in pieces. I’m willing to answer for my past, and in the eyes of the law, I’ve paid for my crimes. I don’t expect you to look past them, but I hope you will give me a chance.”
Jessie looked at him, her mind registering random things. He was
94older, but he still looked the same-tall, dark, and good-looking. She was used to seeing him smile when he looked at her, and a small part of her missed that.
With a little shake of her head, Jessie stood up. Seth’s heart sank, sure he was about to be sent away, but Jessie didn’t speak.
“Is there anything you want to ask me, Jessie? I’ll tell you whatever you want to k
now.”
“Tell me again why you left.”
“I wanted some time away. I didn’t plan to stay away. We had had a big fight about something. I can’t remember what. I just remember that leaving felt good. I was young and foolish and didn’t think about the consequences of what I was doing.”
Jessie nodded, remembering how deserted she felt but also glad to be rid of him for a while. They had fought about things, and on top of that, Hannah had not been an easy baby. Part of her wanted to send him away, but she knew it would be wrong. If she did that, she would forever look at her girls and know she’d cheated them.
“Where are you staying?” Jessie suddenly asked.
“With Rylan and Bri.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Jessie remembered. “Are you welcome there for a while?”
“I believe so.”
Jessie nodded, looking thoughtful. She needed time to think. She did want Seth and the girls to know each other, but it was all happening rather fast.
“Why don’t you come by tomorrow afternoon, and I’ll introduce you to the girls.”
“All right,” Seth agreed quietly, not sure that meant they would know who he really was. “Did you want to tell me the terms now?” Jessie frowned and shook her head.
“We’ll figure that out as we go.”
Seth stood, not sure what to do next. Jessie was staring at the bedroom door, and Seth’s eyes went that way.
“What will they think about me showing up like this?” Seth asked.
95
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know about Clancy. I’m sorry I left you to cope on your own.”
“She was certainly a surprise,” Jessie said, her eyes still on the door.
“Is Clancy her real name?”
“No.” Jessie had to laugh. “It’s Maryann, after my mother. Somewhere along the line Hannah started calling her Clancy, and it just stuck.”
“Did they have fun today?” Seth asked, recalling their excitement when they left.
Jessie nodded, smiling a little more. “The Rathmans have a cat, and they love it. They also love their house.”
“Is it pretty nice?”
“It’s just a normal house, but we don’t have one and that makes it special.”
For a moment memories assailed Seth, but he knew that now was not the time to ask Jessie about her dreams.
“I’ll get out of your way now. What time should I come by tomorrow?”
“Maybe about one o’clock. The girls will have questions, and I don’t want them all stirred up for bedtime.”
“Should I come to the back door again?”
“That’s fine.”
Seth put his hat on and looked at his wife. He wondered if they would ever talk about the two of them, but he remembered Rylan’s words and knew it was good for that to wait.
“Thanks, Jessie. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Jessie said, and then realized that she had to lock the door behind him. They needed the lantern by now as the skies had grown fully dark, and they said their goodbyes again at the door. Jessie went back upstairs and sat just where she’d been, her mind numb. She was a woman used to knowing her job and getting it done. She didn’t second guess or doubt herself very often, but at the moment uncertainty filled her.
96She sat for the next two hours and tried to make sense of what had just occurred. It didn’t look as though she would sleep at all, but then she remembered Rylan’s words. He believed Seth was changed, and if the truth be told, Jessie trusted Rylan with all her heart.
Fatigue falling over her like rain, Jessie finally took herself off to bed, sinking into sleep with the relieved thought that tomorrow was Sunday.
97
“THANK YOU,” SETH SAIDto Danny when he handed him a wooden block on Sunday morning.
The toddler smiled into Seth’s eyes before wandering off, and something clenched in his heart. He had missed all of this with the girls. They were both so grown up, no hint of the babies or toddlers they had been. Seth watched Danny toddle off and looked up to find Rylan and Bri’s eyes on him.
“Are you going to make it?” Rylan asked.
“I wonder that myself. How do I get past the regret and move on?”
“Thankfulness. You’ve been given a chance to meet the girls and know them. Nothing can change the past, but you can be determined to make the most of the future.”
Seth nodded, but he still looked burdened. After Rylan and Bri exchanged a glance, Bri spoke up.
“I’m not sure anything you’ve done compares to my past, Seth. There’s no point in making it into a competition, but you can trust me when I tell you it was shameful.”
“But you found Christ,” Seth stated with confidence.
“Exactly. I left that old life and did just what Ry said: I determined
98to be different in the future. Iwasdifferent. I was no longer that person, and I think it’s the same for you.”
Seth felt hope surge inside of him. To look at Bri Jarvik, one would never imagine anything but the life she was living. That she had a past that did not glorify God would never have occurred to him.
A small hand patted Seth’s leg, and he looked down to see that Danny was back. Seth again took the offered block, but he also lifted the little boy onto his leg. Danny was a natural cuddler and snuggled close, as though he’d known Seth all his life. Seth laid his cheek on Danny’s soft little head and prayed.Please God, make something from this mess I’m in. I meet my own daughters today, and my mind can barely take it in. I have no idea what Jessie really thinks, but I know You can work in her heart. She might never want any part of me, but help us to make a life for the girls, one that includes You.
“Hello,” Jessie called from just inside the back door at the Dorns’ house. “Are you here, Jeb?”
“Come on in,” Jeb called from the bedroom, and Jessie and the girls went that way. “Well, now,” he said when he saw the girls. “This is quite the visiting party.”
“What did you do?” Clancy asked, her little brow furrowed with worry.
“I lost my balance and broke my ankle.”
“Did it hurt?” Clancy wished to know.
“Yes. It still does.”
Jeb forgot about the pain and smiled when Clancy stared at his wrapped ankle. She clearly expected to see something profound as she frowned after a few moments and looked at her mother.
“You can’t usually see broken bones, Glance. Thankfully, they’re on the inside of the body.”
Jeb laughed at Jessie’s dry tone as she got comfortable in the room’s only chair.
99”I figured Patience went ahead to church,” Jessie said, “so I thought we would visit.”
“I’m glad you did,” Jeb replied, and then noticed that the girls were busy with the intricate wooden box that Patience kept on the bedside table. He glanced back at Jessie and found her eyes on him.
“We talked last night,” she said quietly, having understood what he wanted to know just from the rise of his brows.
“And?”
“He’ll meet the girls today.”
“Do they know?” Jeb got out before Hannah turned to him with a question. Jessie was able to shake her head no, and they dropped the conversation.
The guests didn’t stay long, but Jeb was glad to have seen them. The girls went out of the room first so Jeb was able to say a little more. “Are you ready for this?”
“I don’t know about me, but I think the girls need him in their lives.”
“I’ll be praying for you, but then you already know that.”
Jessie nodded. She never thanked him for those words, but she didn’t argue either.
“He helped me out all day yesterday,” Jessie felt a reason to add. “As far as the store is concerned, it was like he’d never left.”
“Well, that’s nice to hear because I won’t be in for at least a month.”
“We’ll see,” Jessie said, and then took her leave.
>
Jeb wasted no time in doing what he’d promised. He was still praying for his younger cousin when Patience arrived home from church.
“I need to talk to you,” Jessie had started when they arrived back at the apartment above the store. But then she found herself strangely tongue-tied. The girls looked expectantly at her, but it took some moments forher.togather her wits.
100”Have you ever wondered about your father?” Jessie tried, and to her surprise, both girls gave her their complete attention.
“Do we have a father?” Hannah asked.
“Yes, you do,” Jessie answered, actually glad she was able to say this. “I was married a long time ago, before you were born, Hannah.” “Where is he?”
“Well, he’s been away, but he wants to come back now and meet you girls.”
“He’s not dead?” Clancy asked.
“No. Did you think he was?”
“Well, Rosie’s father is dead, and I thought ours was, didn’t I, Hannah?”
Jessie watched Hannah nod.
“You girls have talked about this?” Jessie asked.
Again Hannah nodded, and Jessie barely got out her next question.
“Why didn’t you ask me?”
“We didn’t want to make you sad,” Hannah said.
Jessie could not believe what she was hearing. She hadn’t thought about Seth in a long time and assumed her daughters were no different. She had at least known Seth, but he’d left when Hannah was only 16 months old. The girls hadn’t even a memory to fall back on.
“Are you mad at us?” Clancy asked when the silence lasted a little too long.
“No,” Jessie was swift to say, but nothing about her face or voice reassured them. “I just need to tell you something, and I’m making a mess of it.”
“Just say it,” Hannah suggested, having heard her mother say this often enough.
Jessie looked at her and said, “Your father is here. In Token Creek. He wants to meet you.”
“We have a father in Token Creek?” Hannah asked, not sure she understood.