Jessie (Big Sky Dreams 3)

by Lori Wick

  “Did you pray?” Hannah asked her father as soon as they walked away from the church building.

  250”Yes, I did.”

  “I prayed too,” Hannah said.

  “Did you?” Seth asked, slowing his steps to a crawl. “What did you pray, Hannah?”

  “Oh, look at the bird! It’s blue!” Clancy said, and Seth brought their small group to a halt.

  “Clancy,” Seth said, speaking with his hands on both of her shoulders. “I’m going to talk to Hannah about this morning, and I want you not to interrupt. Do you understand?”

  The younger girl nodded, and Seth turned back to Hannah. “Can you tell me what you prayed?”

  “Well, I told Him that my name was Hannah and that I like going to church.”

  “Why do you like it?”

  “I like it when Pastor Rylan talks about Jesus.”

  “Do you know who Jesus is?” Seth asked.

  “I think so.”

  “Who is He?”

  “He’s God’s Son.”

  “That’s right, and He did something for all of us. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

  “You mean when He died on the cross?”

  “Yes. Why did He have to do that?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t like that part. What did you pray?” Hannah asked.

  “I confessed some sins I had done. I repented of them. And then I prayed for you, Clancy, and your mother.”

  “Mama doesn’t believe in God,” Hannah said.

  “What do you believe, Hannah?”

  Hannah stared up at her father, afraid to say. Clancy was standing not far from them, probably listening to every word. Hannah didn’t want her mother to know that she believed in God and had for a few weeks now. If she said the words aloud, her mother might find out and be hurt.

  251”Can we go now?” Hannah asked, and Seth nodded. He smiled to reassure her, but it hadn’t been hard to see what she was thinking. He’d seen the way she looked to Clancy and then back at him. He thought Hannah might be having moments of clear understanding about God, but discussing that would have to wait.

  As they finished the walk home, Seth was praying yet again. This time he asked that God would give him uninterrupted time alone with Hannah, time when she could freely say what was on her heart.

  The little girls were in a tight circle, as they were most days. The older girls ate dinner together on the south side of the schoolhouse, and naturally the little girls, their ages ranging from six to ten, formed their own group a ways away from them. They had eaten and played for a while, but now they sat in a circle to talk.

  “We went to my grandma’s on Saturday,” Clara said.

  “We went to the creek and got wet,” Clancy put in, not to be topped.

  “You got wet?” Clara asked in surprise.

  “Seth said we could,” Hannah added.

  “Who is Seth?” one little girl asked.

  “He’s our father,” Clancy put in.

  “You call him Seth?” Vera asked; she was the bossy girl in the group and also the oldest. “He can’t really be your father if you call him Seth.”

  “He is too our father,” Hannah defended quickly.

  “Seth Wheeler,” Vera went on. “I’ve never heard of him.”

  “It’s Seth Redding, Vera! So there!” Clancy said, sure this would be the last word.

  “Now I know he’s not your father.” Vera gave the final stab. “Your last name is Wheeler.”

  Miss Bolton was calling them in. Hannah was ready to do more battle on the topic, but she shut her mouth when she heard Miss Bolton’s

  252voice. She went back to her desk, too angry to cry or speak to anyone. Clancy looked at her face and wondered about it, but not until they started for home did she understand all was not well.

  “What’s wrong, Hannah?”

  “I have to talk to Mama and Seth.”

  “About what?”

  But Hannah wasn’t willing to say more. She walked in the front door of the store and stood staring at Seth.

  “Hi, Hannah,” he greeted innocently.

  “I want to be Hannah Redding.”

  Jessie was not far away and came the moment she heard this. She found her daughter looking defiant, but there were tears on her lower lids.

  “What happened today?” Jessie asked.

  Before Hannah could find words, Clancy told her version of the meeting. Seth took it all in. He knew that Jessie was ready to take Hannah off and talk to her on her own, but that was the last thing he wanted. He came to his daughter and hunkered down on her level.

  “I know you’re upset, but we’re going to wait to talk about this. As soon as we close the store, the three of us will talk.”

  “Not Clancy?”

  “Not this time. Until then, don’t worry about it.”

  Seth could see that Hannah was tempted to argue, but she didn’t. He gave her a quick hug to reassure her and that almost started the tears again. Seth looked at the clock. It was already after three o’clock. In less than two hours they could talk.

  “I feel you’re old enough to know some things, Hannah,” Seth said to his oldest daughter after they’d all had a quick supper. The evening was warm and beautiful so they had gone to a spot on Token Creek to talk. They had dropped Clancy off at Jeb and Patience’s, something she wasn’t overly happy about, but Seth had put his foot down.

  253”About what?” the child asked.

  “About why I left. You need to understand that was sin on my part. It was sin against God and also against you and your mother.” “Why did you?” Hannah asked.

  “Do you know how you and Clancy sometimes argue about things?”

  Hannah nodded.

  “Your mother and I argued about everything. We were not very kind to each other, and rather than stay and work it out, I left. That’s the reason there’s confusion about your name. That’s why I’m Seth to you and not Papa. We can’t expect those other girls to understand all of this, but it’s important to me that you understand. It’s your heart I’m concerned about.”

  “And Clancy’s?”

  “Clancy’s too, but for right now, I wanted you to know the facts.”

  “Your last name is Redding, Hannah,” Jessie put in, seeing again how much she was to blame. “I married your father, and all of our last names are Redding.”

  “Why are you Jessie Wheeler?” Hannah asked, feeling more confused than ever.

  “I was angry and hurt when your father left, and I took back the name I was born with. You always heard the name Wheeler, and when you started using it, I didn’t correct you.”

  Hannah was not aware that Seth was hearing some of this for the first time.

  “Can I be Hannah Redding?” the little girl asked, working to understand.

  “You are Hannah Redding,” Seth said simply and watched some of the tension leave her. She smiled a little, and Seth could not believe how much it hurt him to know that his actions had caused her distress. For a moment he could barely breathe with the pain of it all. Then he remembered that he had come back, something his own father had never done.

  254”What about my teacher?” Hannah asked while Seth was still thinking. “What about Miss Bolton?”

  “I’ll speak with her,” Jessie offered, knowing it was her place. “Thank you, Mama,” the little girl said, looking relieved all over again.

  “I need to tell you something I love about God, Hannah,” Seth said quietly, not wanting this chance to slip away and praying that his daughter would understand. “He’s a God of second chances. I did the wrong thing and left, but He’s allowed me to come back to all of you. I’m very thankful for that. I don’t deserve a daughter as wonderful as you.”

  From the corner of his eyes he saw Jessie’s hand go to her mouth. He knew if he looked at her they would all be crying.

  “We’re going to go get Clancy now and head back to the apartment to talk to her.”

  “Can I be there?”

&
nbsp; Seth looked to Jessie, who said, “As long as you give Clancy a chance to ask all of her questions.”

  Hannah was more than agreeable, but before they could even get to the topic at hand, Seth had to speak sternly to Clancy, who was still pouting about being left with the Dorns. He was on the verge of sending her to bed without the discussion, but he knew the girls talked when they were on their own and couldn’t risk Clancy getting only Hannah’s version on all of this.

  It made for a draining evening. When he and Jessie fell into bed a few hours later, they were both exhausted. Seth wanted to ask her how she was doing, but beyond pulling her close and feeling her cuddle against him, they shared nothing else.

  “He’s coming more and more,” Becky said to Jeanette when Heather walked him to the front door after supper. “Did you expect something different?”

  255”No, but one of these days he’s going to ask our Heather to marry him, and then she’ll be moving out.”

  Jeanette had certainly thought of this, but for some reason Becky’s voice putting it in plain terms got her attention. She stared at Becky and was still staring when Heather returned to them. Feeling utterly impulsive, Jeanette spoke her mind.

  “Has Nate asked you to marry him?”

  “Do you think he will?”

  “I think so. I think he’s waiting for me.”

  “What is he waiting for exactly?”

  “Maybe he thinks I’m still unsure.”

  “Are you?”

  “No, but I’m not good at showing or telling such things.” “Will you say yes?”

  “Certainly.”

  The look on Jeanette’s face so surprised Heather that she had to speak.

  “What is it? Have I made a mistake?”

  “No, nothing like that. We just don’t want you to move away.”

  “Well, I don’t want to move away either,” Heather said in a confused voice and then caught herself. She looked utterly stunned but didn’t immediately speak. Her mouth open a little, she lowered herself slowly into the nearest chair. Her voice was just above a whisper when she continued. “If he asks me to marry him, I’ll be moving out of this house.”

  “You don’t have to,” Jeanette said, knowing she meant it with all her heart. “You can both live here.”

  “We want you to,” Becky added in her need to erase all doubts.

  Heather looked between them and saw every bit of truth in their eyes. Why she’d not thought this through, she didn’t know. It was true that it had been a busy time, what with the shop and Danny, but at some point she should have considered this. She came to her feet, her face serious.

  256”I have to think about this,” she said. “Ill see you in the morning.”

  Jeanette and Becky wished her a good night, even though it was a little early. They knew it unlikely that she would be downstairs again. Becky finished washing the dishes, and Jeanette dried. Neither woman had much to say.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Seth said to Jessie after the girls were down that night.

  “Just thinking.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “You’ll only disagree with me,” Jessie said.

  “I might disagree with you, Jess, but I hope I would do so respectfully.”

  Jessie knew she couldn’t argue with that, so she tried to put into words what she felt. “I just don’t think the girls sin. They’re too young to know what that is.”’

  Seth thought about this. He didn’t know Jessie believed in sin of any kind, and thought this might be progress.

  “Do you think I upset them?”

  Jessie had to think about this and realized he hadn’t. What she couldn’t figure out was why not.

  “Jessie?” Seth tried again, not wanting thisconversation to end too soon.

  “I don’t think you upset them,” Jessie admitted, “but I think what

  you said should, and I’m trying to figure out why it doesn’t.”

  “We all know when we’ve done wrong, Jessie,” Seth said, his voice

  even and matterof-fact. “And the girls are too bright not to be included

  in that, even at their young age.”

  Jessie looked thoughtful but not angry. Doing his best to be tactful, Seth went on.

  “I’ve been reading in the Gospel of John lately. The amount of

  257

  “What’s wrong with him?” Jessie asked.

  “It doesn’t say exactly, but I have to assume that his legs don’t work very well because when he talks with Jesus, he tells Him that someone else always steps in faster. Oh, I remember now. It is his legs because later Jesus tells him to take up his bed and walk. Jesus ends up healing him.

  “But that’s not why I told you the story,” Seth swiftly added. “I told you because it occurred to me that we live what we believe. That man believed the pool would heal him, and he stayed nearby. It’s the same with me. At one time I believed I had the right to walk away from my marriage, and I did that. If the girls believe they can get away with something, they’ll do it. You run this store a certain way because you believe it works. We all live by our beliefs, day in and day out, whatever they may be.”

  Jessie had honestly never looked at it that way, but it made perfect sense. She also realized for the first time that she had never read the Bible. Not once had she looked at a single page.

  “Why do you read the Bible?” she asked her husband.

  “Oh, that’s a good question,” Seth said in surprise and then looked thoughtful. “I guess the first thing that comes to mind is that I love it. I love reading about Christ and seeing how God works. I was also taught right after I believed that I can’t live for Christ if I don’t know what God thinks and expects. It’s not always easy-sometimes it seems impossible-but I want to know what God thinks, and the only way to know that is to study His Book.”

  “I’ve never read the Bible,” Jessie admitted.

  “Your parents never took you to church at all?” Seth asked because he couldn’t remember.

  258”No. I guess I have heard the Bible read at funerals, but I never listened.”

  “Why is that?”

  “When I attended funerals with my parents, on the way hone my father would use words like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘rubbish,’ and that’s how I began to see the Bible.”

  “Is that the way you still feel?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Tell me this, Jessie. Why are you even willing to discuss it atthis point?”

  “Because the things you say to the girls don’t sound likerubbish to me,” she admitted soberly. “The reason I had to obey my parents was because my father said so. To any question I asked, the answer was always the same, `I’m your father and I know what’s best.’ That might have been easier to believe if he’d treated my mother with kindness. Not until after she died did I even catch a hint of remorseabout the way he’d treated her, and then it was too late.”

  Seth had never heard any of this and was amazed at theamount of thinking she’d been doing.

  “Can you scratch my back?” Jessie asked, her voice sounding tired.

  “Sure,” Seth said and shifted over as Jessie angled herself toward him on the sofa. Seth scratched and massaged her back until she grew limp. When he put his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest, she was nearly asleep. Seth simply held her andprayeduntil he needed his own rest.

  With gentle hands and voice he got them both up and coaxed Jessie out of her dress and into bed. Jessie dropped right back to sleep the moment her head was on the pillow, but sleep took a littlelonger for Seth. He had never seen his wife this way, and at the moment it was more than his mind could even take in.

  259Tears flooded Bri’s eyes as Rylan left the bedroom with Danny in his arms. Her boy was home in the evening and at night, but first thing in the morning he went directly back to Jeanette’s. Bri could not have been more thankful for the help of Jeanette, Heather, and Becky, but there was no getting around the f
act that she missed her son.

  She heard the door open again downstairs and assumed Rylan had forgotten something. She waited for him to call up and tell her what it was, but instead she heard him on the stairs. A moment later, he and Danny stood in the doorway.

  “What’s wrong?” Bri asked, but Rylan didn’t answer. He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched his son scramble for his mother’s arms. Bri turned on her side to hold him, and Rylan felt so emotional he could barely watch.

  “Rylan?” Bri tried again.

  “I just can’t take him away from you again,” the pastor said hoarsely.

  Bri turned her face into her son’s small shoulder and sobbed. Danny looked at her strangely, but quite naturally didn’t catch the import of what was wrong.

  “You don’t complain,” Rylan said softly after a few minutes. “You don’t utter a word of discontent, and you even wave goodbye to him every day as though you’re happy for him. I couldn’t do it again.”

  Bri had reached for his hand and the big man held hers tightly with both of his. Danny was unaware of the emotion going on around him. He was just happy to have his parents to himself for a little longer.

  “What about your sermon?” Bri finally managed.

  “I’ll get done as much as I can. The congregation will understand.”

  With that Rylan lay down on the bed facing his wife, their precious small son between them. They laughed and played with him until he fell asleep for his morning nap, his head against Bri’s round stomach. And while he slept, Rylan and Bri talked, whispering together about the future and the blessings they knew each day because of God’s saving grace and goodness in their lives.

  260”I have to ask you something,” Heather said to Nate when they went for their walk on Friday evening. The nights were cool these days, but there was a hint of Indian summer in the air.

  “I. can hardly wait,” Nate teased her, since he’d heard this many times and never knew what she would come up with.

  “If you followed your heart right now, would you have already asked me to marry you?”

  Nate was so surprised by this that he stopped walking. Since he was holding Heather’s hand, she stopped with him.

  “I’m sorry,” Heather said in a hurry, stealing her hand away. “I didn’t mean to ask that.”