Maddie is already snoring softly, both having fallen into an exhausted sleep, and I leave them and prepare myself to face Caleb.
Poor Caleb.
The lights are still on in the living room, and I find him there, sitting on the couch, knees spread and elbows propped on his knees, his face in his hands.
“Caleb,” I whisper, and his head jerks up as his bright blue eyes find mine.
“I’m so damn sorry.” His voice is full of the anguish written all over his face.
“It’s not your fault.” I move to him, sit down next to him, but he pulls away.
“I shouldn’t touch you.”
“Caleb…”
“I could have killed you.” His voice breaks as he braces his face in his hands again. “Oh my God!”
“You weren’t going to kill me, Caleb.”
“Yes, I was! If I hadn’t woken up, I could have choked you out, or broken your neck.” He lowers his gaze to my throat and winces at the sight of what I can only imagine is bruises beginning to take shape. “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”
“Caleb, this has never happened before. It’s been an emotional weekend.”
“It’s never happened before with you,” he corrects me. “I haven’t slept with a woman in more than four years, Bryn. I can’t risk it. My buddies have told me stories of the things I do in my sleep.” He swallows hard and shakes his head. “But, God, I love sleeping with you in my arms, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually sleep when we’re together.”
He shakes his head in wonder and wipes his eyes, and it breaks me that he’s crying.
“I hadn’t had nightmares since our first night together.” His voice is raw with emotion, and I don’t even feel my own tears running unchecked down my face. “But with you and the girls being in danger, and being on that fucking duck ride today, with all of those people, I guess it just caught up with me.”
“Explain to me about the crowds.” I sit back on the couch, facing him, and pull one leg up under me, careful not to touch him but close enough that he can feel that I’m here.
“Crowds are the worst.” He swallows hard again and scrubs his hand over his lips as he leans back on the couch, looking up. “We are taught to always look for a choke point.”
I cock my eyebrow at him. “English, please.”
“Exit. Always know where your exits are. Crowds in Iraq are very dangerous. Those extremist fuckers will blow a whole crowd up, without hesitation.”
My heart bleeds for him as he closes his eyes, and I don’t even want to contemplate the horrors he’s seeing behind his eyelids.
“I didn’t realize you’d been in Iraq,” I murmur.
“Not often, but enough.”
He balls his hands into fists, and I can’t stand it anymore. I reach over to soothe him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm, but he flinches away from me, so I climb into his lap, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me.
“Listen to me, very carefully.” I pull my fingers down his face, never losing eye contact with him. “I’m okay, Caleb. You scared me. That’s all.”
“The girls—”
“Are worried about you, and I had to stop them from coming to find you to hug you afterward. The girls are fine, baby.” I continue to calm him, push my fingers through his hair and down his cheek. “We’re okay.”
“I should start sleeping on the couch again,” he murmurs and sighs as though he’s resigning himself to the horrible idea. He watches my face carefully, as though looking for any fear or animosity. “But I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you to do that either.” I shake my head and kiss his cheek. “I love having your arms around me at night. I’ve never had that before.”
He clenches his eyes closed before gazing back at me. “Me neither. I would never hurt you, sweetheart. Never.”
“Caleb, you make me feel so safe. You didn’t have this nightmare while sleeping with me. You were on the couch,” I remind him and watch his eyes as he blinks several times before focusing on me again. “With a war show on the History channel.”
“I’ve never had a nightmare while sleeping with you,” he whispers.
I smile warmly and comb my fingers through his dark blond hair again. “I guess your couch-sleeping days are over, sailor.”
He tightens his arms around my middle and presses his face to my neck, clinging to me as I twine my arms around his shoulders and kiss his temple tenderly.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers again, and I hold him close.
Tell him! Tell him you love him. My heart is so full of love for this intense, protective, broken man, but I’m confused, too.
Am I in love with him, or do I just have a need to fix him?
“You’re safe with me, babe,” I respond and press my lips to his forehead. “Always.”
Chapter Eleven
~Caleb~
I wake before the sun, alert and ready to start the day, despite getting only a couple hours sleep. We need to get an early start so we can get the girls to school, Brynna to work, and I have to get to work myself.
We’ll be back at Bryn’s tonight.
I sigh and let my eyes travel over her face, down to her breast that’s pressed firmly to my rib cage through her thin nightshirt and farther down to her waist. I can’t seem to say no to her, even when it’s for her own good, and I’m afraid that that will be my greatest mistake.
She is my weakness, but she strengthens me, too. It’s the damnedest thing.
The reminder of last night’s nightmare rocks through me, and I clench my eyes closed and hug her tightly against me.
Jesus fucking Christ, I could have killed her. What is wrong with me? Yeah, war fucking sucks, but you come home and you get on with your life.
You don’t jump like a pussy over every loud noise, and you for damn sure don’t try to choke-out the woman who means more to you than life itself.
I press my lips and nose to her hair and inhale deeply, letting her sweet scent of vanilla and lavender fill my head and soothe me.
All I have to do is smell her, and I’m calmer, yet I know I should pull away from her altogether. She and the girls need someone who’s not so fucked up. They deserve someone who doesn’t lose his shit in crowds and have nightmares that make him lose his shit.
But the thought of someone else holding Brynna like this, or watching her two girls grow into young women, makes me even more crazy.
I pull back and look down into sleepy brown eyes. She’s watching me lazily and has begun to rub her hand up and down my side. She pushes one of those long legs between my own.
“Mornin’,” she mumbles.
“Good mornin’, Legs.” I kiss her forehead and pull my pelvis back as she drags her hand down from my side to my dick, enjoying my morning wood.
“Stop,” I whisper and pull her hand up to my lips. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean?” she asks with a frown.
“Not yet.” I shake my head and lace my fingers with hers, holding her hand close to my chest. “I need to say something.”
“Okay,” she mutters and settles against me, not letting me go, which is a good sign.
I couldn’t bear it if she was afraid to be close to me.
“I just want to say something about last night,” I begin and frown as I try to gather my thoughts.
She just waits quietly, not moving, not tensing up. Just waiting for me.
“I’m so sorry that I hurt you and scared all of you.”
She opens her mouth to argue, but I lean in and press my lips softly to hers, shutting her up.
“You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Brynna,” I whisper against her lips. “And I’ve met some damn strong people. You surprise me, and you humble me, and I’m grateful to be here with all of you.”
Before she can respond, I kiss her again, more deeply now, and feel my cock harden in anticipation of sliding inside her.
Except, it’s going
to be disappointed to find that it’ll be going without this morning.
Right now, this moment, is all about her.
I gently push her onto her back and pull away so I can examine the light purple marks around her neck.
“I’m fine,” she murmurs, but I look up into her chocolate eyes with sadness and regret. “I’m. Fine.”
I lower my gaze again and tip her chin up with my finger, gaining access to press light, tender kisses to her bruised skin. She purrs low in her throat and kneads the muscles of my shoulders as I move down her chest, licking and kissing her lazily. Her nipples pebble beneath her thin tank, and I grip the hem and pull it up, exposing her perfect tits to my mouth. I suck and torment her, making her moan again.
“Caleb,” she whispers.
“Shhh.” I blow on the wet buds, making them pucker more and then continue on my quest down her slightly rounded stomach, kissing along her waistline to each hip, up each side, counting her ribs with my tongue. She boosts her hips up as I snag the hem of her shorts in my fingers and drag them, along with her panties, down her long legs and toss them onto the floor.
“Do we have time for this?” she breathes and clenches the sheets in her fists.
“Oh, I think so,” I assure her and push her legs together and up, my hands pressed to the backs of her thighs, so her knees meet her chest. I lower my head and lick her, from her anus, through her sopping wet lips and to her already-swollen clit.
“God, you taste fucking amazing,” I growl and repeat the motion again.
She slaps her hands over mine, gripping me and pulling her legs even closer to her chest as I lap at her pussy.
I feel her start to quiver, and her legs begin to tremble beneath my hands. I release her and spread her wide, gazing up at her as I wrap my lips around her clit and suck rhythmically. Two fingers plunge inside her, and she begins to buck beneath me, pushing her pussy against my hand and face, shaking her head back and forth on the pillow, her dark hair a riot around her sweet face as she comes apart.
Her muscles squeeze me beautifully, and I want nothing more than to sink inside her and ride her hard until I come, but we definitely don’t have time for that.
I continue to kiss her lips and clit gently, her thighs and pubis, as she pants and combs her fingers through my hair, scrubbing my scalp with her fingernails.
Before she can ask me to make love to her, I climb up her long body, kiss her deeply and then push away, sauntering to the bathroom with my shorts jutting out like a tent.
“Hey!” she exclaims.
“What?” I toss a smile over my shoulder.
“You’re not done.”
“I’m fine,” I respond, pausing by the doorway to look back at her. I love seeing her on my bed, all rosy-cheeked and satisfied.
My girl.
“We have to get the girls up and leave soon.” I sober and watch her silently for a moment.
She sighs and pushes herself from the bed and walks to me, wrapping herself around me in a big hug.
“They’ll be fine, Caleb. Just be honest with them.” She grabs my hand and pulls me into the bathroom behind her. “We’ll finish what you started in the shower. Conserve water and all that.”
I grin down into her happy eyes, cringing inside. What will I say to Maddie and Josie?
How do I explain what I don’t understand myself?
“You go ahead, Legs. We’ll conserve water another time.”
She frowns up at me in confusion. Hell, I’m confused, too. I just know that I’m not ready to make love to her again. Not yet.
“Another time,” I repeat and kiss her hair before making a hasty retreat, before I lose my resolve and pull her into that hot shower and lose myself in her.
***
“Girls, wake up,” I croon gently from the doorway, not wanting to startle them. Brynna is standing next to me, her hand on my low back. “You should wake them up,” I whisper to her.
“Stop worrying,” she whispers back with a small smile.
“Caleb!” Maddie jumps from the bed as soon as she opens her eyes and sees me. She runs over and wraps her arms around my waist, holding me tight.
I glance up at Josie, and my heart stops. She’s sitting straight up in bed, her brown eyes—the same as her mom’s—wide and staring at me. She pulls her doll into her lap and hugs her tight.
She’s scared.
“Good morning, buttercup,” I murmur to Maddie and squat so I’m at eye level with her. “How are you this morning?”
“I have to pee.”
“Well, then, you should go.” I chuckle at her and usher her through the door and turn to Josie. “Hey, jelly bean.”
She turns her wide eyes to her mom and then back to me and stays silent. Brynna crosses to her and sits on the bed with her, running her hand down Josie’s long dark brown locks.
“Josie, it’s okay, sweetie.”
“You hurt my mom,” she whispers and clasps her lips tightly together when they start to quiver.
“I didn’t mean to, Josie, I swear.” I walk closer to the bed, but she flinches and cowers into Brynna’s arms, so I stand where I am and shove my hands in my pockets, feeling like a complete asshole and out of my element.
Now what?
Maddie comes bouncing back in the room and climbs up on the bed, looking back and forth between Josie and me.
“Josie,” Brynna murmurs softly. “It’s okay, baby.”
She shakes her head, frowning, clinging to her mom. She won’t meet my eyes.
She’s punishing me.
And she should. Fuck, I wouldn’t trust me either.
“It’s okay, Bryn,” I mutter and smile reassuringly at the girls. “Let’s get going. You all need to get to school and work, and so do I.”
I turn and leave the room, my heart shattering.
***
“You don’t have to walk me in,” Brynna tells me with a roll of her eyes. “Isaac is right there.”
“I don’t care. I’m walking you to the door,” I inform her and hold the car door open for her as she climbs out of my car.
We dropped the kids off at school ten minutes ago. Josie still wouldn’t speak to me, but Maddie made up for both of them, hardly stopping to take a breath all morning.
“What the hell happened to you?” Isaac asks as we walk into the office.
“Bite me,” I respond and flip him the bird.
“You look like hell.” He leans back in his chair and laces his fingers behind his head, scrutinizing me with narrowed eyes.
“Back at you,” I reply and watch Bryn as she sets her bag in the bottom drawer of her desk and sits in her chair. She wore a turtleneck top to hide the bruises on her neck, but when I look at her, they’re like a shining beacon, reminding me what kind of monster I am. “Matt will pick you up at two thirty, and then the two of you will go get the kids from school.”
“I work a job, Caleb,” she reminds me, her eyes wide with frustration.
“I know your boss.” I smirk and glance at Isaac. “She’ll be getting off early to go get the girls and go home with Matt.”
“Fine by me.” He shrugs and leans forward, grabbing his coffee mug.
Brynna curses us under her breath, making us both laugh hard.
She’s fucking adorable.
“I gotta go to work myself.” I wince when I check the time on my watch. “I’ll see you this evening.”
“Bye, dear,” Isaac calls after me, and I throw him the bird again, slamming the door behind me.
As I slide into the driver’s seat and start the car, I call up Matt’s number through the car’s Bluetooth and dial.
He needs a heads-up.
“’Lo?” he mutters, his voice gravelly with sleep.
“Wake up, man.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice more alert, and I can hear rustling in the background as it sounds like he sits up in bed.
“There’s no emergency. I just need to give you a heads-up because if Brynna
doesn’t say something to you this afternoon, one of the girls probably will, and I want you to hear it from me first.”
Jesus, I’m babbling.
“You’re a moron?” Matt asks drily.
“No, asshole. I had a nightmare last night.” I swallow hard, remembering coming to and Brynna pinned beneath me, her eyes bulging and red as she gasped for breath.
Fuck me.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly.
“I’m fine, but I hurt Brynna and scared the girls.”
“Damn,” he mutters with a sigh. “What happened?”
As I explain the events, Matt quietly listens, never interrupting me to ask questions.
“And this morning, Brynna’s acting like everything’s perfectly normal. Maddie was fine, too. Josie’s not convinced. She was scared and isn’t speaking to me.” The thought of that still brings an ache the size of Montana to my chest.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?” he asks.
“Whose fault is it then, Matt?” I ask angrily and absently rub my hand over my sternum. “I’m the one who had my hand around her neck. She has fucking bruises! If I were you, I’d want to kick my ass.”
“You were dead asleep, Caleb.”
“That’s no motherfucking excuse!” God, I’m just so angry. How could I do that to them? “How can she be so calm about it? How can she act like it’s okay?”
“Have you asked her?” Matt asks calmly.
“No.” I sigh.
“You two are so damn stupid.” Matt laughs ruefully.
“What does that mean?”
“It’s clear that she handled it so well because she’s in love with you, Caleb. You two are crazy about each other. You have been for months.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t. I don’t believe for a minute that you’re having sex with her just because she’s convenient.”
Just the thought of that makes me want to punch him in the throat.
“I didn’t say—”
“You deserve to be happy as much as anyone else, man,” he interrupts, hitting the nail square on the head.
Leave it to Matt to voice what’s going on in my head.
“And if you don’t claim her and those little girls as yours, someone else will be more than happy to.”
With Me in Seattle Bundle Two Page 11