Her Montana Christmas Groom

by Southwick, Teresa

He braced his hip on the chair arm instead of sitting beside her on the floor. If he sat too close to her, he’d pull her into his arms and no talking would happen. It would just put off the inevitable.

  “I’m ready to talk,” he said.

  “Really?”

  “Of course not. I’d rather walk barefoot over hot coals. But you’re right, we need to.” He blew out a long breath. “You start.”

  “First of all, I have to tell you that was probably the single most beautiful experience of my life.”

  That was not at all what he’d expected to hear, but as soon as he did the realization hit him. The hell of it was that he felt the same. All he could say was, “I’m glad.”

  “It can’t happen again.”

  And that was unexpected, too, along with the way the words hit him in the gut and knocked the air out of him. “Why not?”

  “For all the reasons we’ve already talked about.”

  “Tell me again.”

  She sighed. “You’re only looking to have fun.”

  “Can you blame me?”

  “No.”

  And still he felt the need to defend himself. “I used to want a family of my own more than anything. My dad left us and my mom died. I was going to get it all back and do it right. Then I got my heart drop-kicked through the goal-posts of love and everyone in town knew that she’d made a fool of me.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Commitment means risking it all again.”

  “I understand,” she said. “And I don’t blame you.”

  “Okay.” But he felt the blame. Felt the weight of what he couldn’t say to her.

  “But that’s not the only problem.”

  In his mind it was, but he knew what she meant. “The rest of it is just your not wanting to commit. You’ve got your own hang-ups,” he said.

  It was on the tip of his tongue to add that he’d never hurt her, but he couldn’t.

  She sighed. “You’re probably right about that. The thing is, I keep wondering what people would say about us. And in Thunder Canyon they’d have a lot of opinions. No one has ever accused this town of being shy about expressing them.”

  “So that’s it, then?” He stood and watched her, the shadows that crept over her face in the fading light.

  “I think so.” But she wouldn’t look at him.

  Everything in him rebelled at ending things with her. He should have been relieved that she’d taken the risk off the table for him. The hell of it was, he wanted to keep the risk option open.

  “Okay.” The single word had more snap than he’d intended. “I’ll back off. But think about this. It’s not the years that turn a boy into a man but the mileage. And I’ve got so many miles on me you’ll never catch up.”

  That should give her something to consider while he was doing God knows what.

  In her office, Rose looked at the email message on her computer monitor one more time before sending. It was to another radio station requesting air time for Zane Gunther’s Christmas concert. She clicked Send even though it wasn’t her best work. It had been nearly a week since she’d seen Austin and without him, it seemed that nothing she did was her best.

  That being the case, since it was quitting time, she shut the computer off, then grabbed her purse and coat. After taking the stairs to the first floor of the town hall, she stopped by the door to look at the Christmas tree in the reception area. All the kids’ names were gone which was good news.

  She thought about her tree. A neighbor had helped her get it inside her apartment and the wonderful smell came in, too. But that was a mixed blessing. Every time she took a deep breath, it brought her back to the damp, earthy fragrance of the dense forest. It brought back memories of being there with Austin and laughing with him about everything. That reminded her of kissing him in the snow. Not long after that he’d made love to her in front of the fire.

  He was the kindest, gentlest and most sensitive, romantic man she’d ever known. But as he’d said, she had issues and so did he. Neither of them was willing to bend, so that was that.

  At least the kids who need it most will have a good Christmas.

  The thought made her miss her mother and stepfather. Maybe she should have gone to Texas and spent the holidays with them. Interesting that she didn’t think of it as home now.

  Rose felt a gust of cold air come inside along with an older man. He was carrying new, unwrapped gifts, one for a boy and one for a girl. He stopped beside her and put them under the tree along with the others that were waiting for volunteers to wrap them in festive paper.

  The man looked familiar and when he straightened, she recognized him. Ben Walters. The friend Austin had introduced her to at DJ’s when they’d worked on Presents for Patriots.

  “Hi, Mr. Walters.”

  He met her gaze and smiled. “Rosie.”

  “You remember me.”

  “Hard to forget a pretty redhead. And call me Ben.”

  She returned his smile, but her heart wasn’t in it. She hadn’t heard from Austin which proved that he had no trouble forgetting her. Then she recalled that her tree had come from this man’s property.

  “I’m glad I ran into you,” she said. “Thanks for the Christmas tree.”

  “Ah.” The big man’s blue eyes twinkled. “You’re the friend Austin called me about who wanted to cut down a real tree.”

  There was a slight emphasis on the word friend, part statement, part question. She didn’t know what Austin was to her. They’d started out friends, then lovers and now weren’t anything. The thought of his not being in her life was really depressing.

  “Something wrong, Rosie?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  He shrugged those big, wide shoulders. “Just a guess, but you look like you lost your best friend.”

  She sighed. That’s what happened when you crossed the line and slept with your best friend. “I’m fine. Just tired.” That part at least was the truth, she thought, staring at the tree’s bright lights and colorful ornaments.

  “You and Austin had a fight?”

  Her gaze snapped up to his. “Why would you ask that?”

  “Fine and tired are what women say when they’re not fine at all and they don’t want to talk about it.”

  He folded his beefy arms over that barrel chest and she had the most absurd thought. How did he find a jacket big enough to fit him? Then his words sank in.

  “Women?” she asked.

  “My wife, for one. And pretty much every lady I’ve known since she passed on.”

  Rose made a mental note not to underestimate this man. He saw way too much. “I really am tired.”

  “But you’re not fine.”

  “No, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Might help,” he said.

  “I don’t see how. It won’t change anything.”

  “Get it off your chest. You’ll feel better.”

  Touchy feely advice coming from this bear of a man just seemed wrong on so many levels. But there was a steely quality in those pale blue eyes, something that hinted he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “Did you go all stubborn on Austin when he was a kid?” she asked.

  “I did. And from where I’m standing, he’s still a kid.”

  “And that’s my problem,” she said.

  “Don’t see why. That kid is one of the best men I know. Bar none.”

  “Me, too.” She slid her purse more securely onto her shoulder. “But there’s a difference in our ages.”

  “You’re too young for him?” The man looked puzzled.

  “That’s a joke, right?” She remembered being carded at the wedding and wondering if Austin had put the bartender up to it.

  “A man doesn’t live as long as I have and not learn one very important thing.” He met her gaze. “Never ever joke about a woman’s age.”

  “Well, I’m not too young for Austin. Just the opposite, as a matter of fact.”

  “So you got a couple years up
on him.”

  “More than a couple,” she said grimly.

  “I’m old, but for the life of me I don’t see why you’d have any call to hold that against him.”

  “It’s just my thing.” Rose hugged her coat tighter to her chest. “A romantic notion, I guess.”

  “Notions are all well and good, but they don’t keep you warm at night.”

  She nodded. There was no arguing with that statement. So far her ideas of romance had been a big bust. But this was the first time she’d ever hurt so much because of sticking to them.

  “Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had ideas about my perfect man.”

  “And Austin’s not it?”

  “In every way but one. I’m not sure I can let it go.”

  “Then I guess it’s up to me to tell you how the cows eat cabbage, Rosie. Can’t make you see that it’s anything but the yammering of a lonely old man, but I’m going to say it anyway. And I expect you to listen good.” He took a deep breath. “No man is perfect.”

  “I know. It’s just—”

  He held up a finger to stop her words. “No woman either. But some are more perfect together than others.”

  “There’s more to consider than personalities. Austin only wants good times. No commitment.”

  “You’re wrong. That boy wants a family so bad he can taste it. Made one mistake because of that and it was big. I kept my mouth shut when he had it bad for that waitress. Rachel.” There was bitterness in his voice and the blaze of anger in his eyes was hot and bright. “I knew she wasn’t playing fair with him. Knew she wasn’t the right one and he’d get the stuffin’ stomped out of him. I knew it and didn’t say anything because he wouldn’t have listened. I regret keeping that to myself a whole lot more than I can say. It might have spared him carryin’ around all the blame.”

  “The fact is he does carry it,” Rose said.

  “Yeah.” Ben rubbed a big hand across the back of his neck. “I won’t make that mistake again. I’m going to say what I think and let the chips just fall wherever.”

  “You don’t have to tell me I’m wrong for him.”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth, Rosie. I think you’re just right for him. The way he looks at you…” He shook his head. “That boy’s got it bad. He might not want to and he might not know it. But he does.”

  Rose completely understood how that felt. From the very first moment she saw Austin, something was pulling her to him. She’d fought it with everything she had and here they still were. It was all a mess.

  “Even if… Assuming that…” She looked up at him, helpless to find the right words.

  “Spit it out, Rosie.”

  “But if we…” She met his gaze. “What would people in Thunder Canyon say?”

  “Congratulations, probably. Everyone likes that boy and wants him to be happy. God knows he’s had enough of the bad stuff in his life to deal with. He deserves to have some good and I think you are good for him.” Intensity hardened his face, as if this was the most important thing he had to say. “But even if folks took exception to the two of you, it shouldn’t matter. When one soul recognizes its other half, a birth certificate is just a meaningless piece of paper. Take it from me—foolishness is a waste of time.” Sadness filled his eyes. “You don’t know that till the one you were foolish over is gone too soon. The point is, if Austin makes you happy, well then, nothing else should matter a tinker’s damn.”

  That made a lot of sense and she appreciated his words.

  “Thanks, Ben.” It occurred to her that he’d said things a father might say. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  “Just don’t think too long,” he warned.

  Chapter Twelve

  Austin was miserable and angry. He’d been miserable and angry since leaving Rose’s apartment almost a week ago. And with every day that went by, the misery and anger grew. It was December 23 and Ethan had thrown him out of the office a couple hours early to start his Christmas holiday. Austin had seriously thought about protesting that he’d much rather work because it took his mind off Rose, at least for a little while. But he figured it probably wasn’t a good idea to air his romantic problems to his boss, especially when his boss was her big brother.

  So here he was at ROOTS. With Angie. She was in a good mood, which made him even more miserable and angry and he hadn’t thought that was possible.

  The teen hangout was missing the teenagers that made it a hangout, but someone had to be there during the posted holiday hours in case a kid wandered in. He didn’t have anything better to do. The two of them were sitting side by side on the old sofa facing the big picture window that looked out on Main Street. They’d wheeled the TV over and his sister used the remote to flip through the channels until she found the movie A Christmas Carol.

  Austin knew the story and had always liked Scrooge’s come-to-realize scene, the reaction of people who’d known him before he’d transformed into a decent human being. Right now Austin preferred the “before” Scrooge. The nasty one. It fit his mood.

  He really cared about Rose. What ticked him off most was that there was nothing he could do about the problem. He was an engineer. Engineers fixed things, but there was no way to fix this. He couldn’t change the age difference and Rose couldn’t get over the fact that it was there. She kept reminding him that he was only interested in quantity, not a quality relationship.

  She couldn’t be more wrong. He’d been interested in having fun until he became interested in her. If she’d just bend a little, he would give up fun for her. Actually, he wouldn’t phrase it quite that way if he got the chance, but that didn’t seem likely.

  At the movie’s commercial break, Angie muted the TV. “I’m so excited about Christmas.”

  Austin glared at her, wishing he could crawl under a rock until the holidays were over. His New Year’s resolution was to find a way to stop thinking about Rose. So his only response to Angie was a grunt.

  “I’m so relieved that finals are over.”

  When she smiled, he realized how pretty she was. Her dark hair was straight and shiny and fell past her shoulders. Enthusiasm and excitement danced in her big brown eyes. By her own admission, she was finished with school until next year and wasn’t working tonight. He was at ROOTS partly because if he couldn’t be with Rose, there was nowhere else on earth he wanted to be. But what was his sister’s excuse?

  “Why are you here, Ange?”

  “To help you supervise teens.”

  “Considering the fact that no one is here but you and me, why don’t you have a date?”

  “I’ve sworn off men.”

  He should ask why, but didn’t want to know. He couldn’t fix his own problems, let alone hers. “Okay. So why aren’t you with kids your own age?”

  “What are you? The wise old man? You’re not that much older than me.”

  She was right, even though he felt ancient compared to her. “Why aren’t you doing something fun?”

  “I’d rather hang out with you.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up even though he was nursing a pretty spectacular mad. “So spending time with me doesn’t come under the heading ‘fun’?”

  “I didn’t say that,” she protested.

  “But you walked right into it.” He realized that they hadn’t really talked in a long time. He’d been busy with work, writing his doctoral dissertation. And Rose. Angie had been involved with school and her job. “What’s going on with you, kiddo?”

  “What do you mean?” Her already dark eyes grew even darker with suspicion.

  “I mean how is school? Did finals go okay? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

  “My classes were easy and so were the tests. I’ve got a couple more general ed classes to get out of the way.” She frowned. “I’m so far behind where I should be in college.”

  “It’s hard when you only take a couple classes because of having to work.” He stretched his arm across the back of the couch. “Bu
t money isn’t a problem now. Haley and I can help you out.”

  “I know. It’s just—” She clutched the TV remote, the movie obviously forgotten. “I don’t know what I want to be and now it’s time to decide. Fish or cut bait.”

  “What do you like?”

  “Lots of things. Psychology. Sociology. History. English literature.” Troubled dark eyes met his. “I’m not like you. I’m allergic to math and science. Serious hives. I’m not artistic like Haley. Can you believe we had the same parents?”

  “You’re right. Haley’s artsy. I’m the family geek.” Austin reached over and tugged on a lock of her hair. “But you’re the one who got all the personality and heart.”

  “Aw shucks.” She grinned. “You’re just saying that because it’s true.”

  “Did I mention humble? Because not so much on the humility.” He knew now was the time for some insightful, brotherly direction and struggled for the right words. “I can’t tell you how to focus your education. The best advice I’ve got is to study what you love. Somehow you’ll turn it into a career. I promise.”

  “I’m holding you to that.” She pointed a finger at him, then a sly look slid into her brown eyes. “What did you get me for Christmas?”

  Just like that his two best friends, misery and anger, were back. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I know you got me something. I saw it under the tree.”

  “Bah humbug.”

  “Don’t be such a Scrooge.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I finally have time to enjoy the holidays and you should share in my spirit,” she said.

  “Again I ask, why?”

  “It’s the least you can do since I didn’t get to help decorate the tree this year. Although you and Rose did a beautiful job.” She tapped her lip. “Something tells me that was all Rose.”

  It was all Rose when he’d kissed her that night and when he’d made love to her by the fire. The two of them gave off enough sparks to light Thunder Canyon through the holidays and into next year. But she was too damn stubborn to admit how good they were together. Maybe if she wasn’t an opinionated redhead. The hell of it was, he wouldn’t change that even if he could. He wouldn’t change anything about her. He’d…