His gaze jerked away from hers. Shifted to a point on the wall she couldn’t see. And then he started moving away from her. She heard his voice clearly enough, however.
‘Guess we’ll see you at the training session then.’
Yes...
The excitement his words generated was enough to have Sam conquering the last few holds on her route as if it had only been yesterday that she’d done anything like this. She was still some distance from the very top of the wall but this was the beginner’s level and it was high enough. She needed to start going down now and that was going to be slower and harder.
Blake was right at the top. Tackling another overhang.
And, as Sam watched, he lost his grip. For a heart-stopping instant, he was swinging, holding onto the edge of the overhang with only one hand.
Okay, he was clipped in to one side of the obstacle and he wouldn’t fall far but that didn’t stop the trickle of horror that raced down Sam’s spine.
The impact of knowing how she would feel if he got injured. Or killed...
And it was in that instant that she realised just how wrong she’d been.
She hadn’t believed that she was in love with Blake Cooper?
Who the heck had she been trying to kid?
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE SMALL GROUP of people looked much bigger once they were clustered together in the limited space available on the top of this cliff.
Members of Bondi Bayside’s specialist disaster relief team had carpooled out of Sydney to meet in the Blue Mountains and have an intensive day’s training in abseiling under the direction of an outdoor sports education company—a combination of increasing their skill sets and a bonding exercise for the team.
As always, with training days and meetings they had been joined by people outside the core team of medics who were part of the available pool for emergencies and often worked closely with the team on any callouts. Harriet’s boyfriend, Pete, was here and so was Jack Evans, a young paramedic who had joined at the same time as Harriet and was passionate about rescue work.
One person had a rather different goal, however. Samantha Braithwaite was here to try out for the team. Harriet had put her name forward and both Luc Braxton and Kate Mitchell hadn’t hesitated to second the nomination. This was the opportunity for everybody to get to know her. To see what kind of skills she already had but, more importantly, what her attitude was like and how well she communicated with and respected the people who were already an integral part of the team.
And that was the only reason she was here.
‘Does anyone need help with their Prusik loop?’
The extra loop of rope, secured by a double fisherman’s knot to link the main rope to a harness, was sometimes called a ‘dead man’s handle’ and it was an essential safety measure.
Sam was nearby and Jack was showing her how to wrap the loop around her rope and fasten it to the carabiner.
‘Make sure you’ve locked it,’ Blake told her.
Her glance flicked upwards. ‘Sure.’
She looked nervous, he decided. But excited as well. He wanted to give her an encouraging smile. To tell her that she was amazing and she could do this.
Instead, he moved away to check Kate’s harness.
Sam was not going to be treated any differently from anyone else who was trying out for the team. Whatever had been between them was over.
Sam’s choice.
She’d told him that being on this team was the thing she wanted most of all.
Okay, maybe he hadn’t spelt out that nothing could happen again between them on a personal level if she joined the SDR but everyone knew that he disapproved of relationships between team members because they had the potential to interfere with critical decision-making procedures. He was keeping an eye on how Pete and Harriet worked together these days and, if he noticed any hint of them being distracted by each other, he might have to suggest that one of them step away from the team.
And he had the feeling that Sam understood that.
The way she understood a lot of stuff he’d never actually talked about with her.
Like his private life—and his past—being exactly that. Private.
Like the fact that he was never going to have anyone else dependent on him. At some point in his future, although of course he hoped that it was a long way away, he was going to be completely free—to do what he wanted with his life, wherever that might be in the world. To create a new type of prison with a long-term relationship, let alone a wife and children, was unthinkable.
Blake moved past where Harriet and Luc were lining up to be amongst the first people to lower themselves down this cliff. They were laughing about something, totally at ease in each other’s company, as good friends always were.
As he and Sam had been?
What about the other things she had understood about him?
Like how deep that driving need for as much freedom and independence as he could find was?
The way she made him feel valued and respected because of it?
The feeling that his life was bigger and better and so much more exciting when he was with her and could see himself reflected in her eyes.
The way she touched him. Not just physically, although missing that was an ache he couldn’t escape from at the moment, but somewhere deep in his soul as well. A place that nobody other than his mother had ever really touched.
He hadn’t expected to be missing her this much. The shock of wanting to take her home to meet his mother and the conviction that it was time to step away had worn off, taking with it the relief that Sam had made the first move to end things by choosing to try out for the team.
She hadn’t texted him since. At work, it was like it had been when she’d first arrived, with no hint of anything personal in any interaction they had. She was professional and cheerful and...
And it had been killing him, inch by inch.
One of the instructors was coaching Harriet to climb carefully over the cliff edge and get into position for the descent.
‘Keep your feet wide apart. One hand on the rope above and the other is going to control your Prusik loop. Now lean back into your harness.’
She and Pete had been careful to stay away from each other as the team had prepared for this. If they could manage a serious relationship and both be part of this team, why couldn’t he?
Because it wasn’t an option, that’s why.
The fact that he was even considering bending his own rules to accommodate more than a friendship with Sam as a team member was enough of a red flag. Besides, a serious relationship had never been a consideration, not only for him but for Sam as well. It had been a perfect alliance. Great sex—okay, the best sex ever—and not a single string.
So why did he have the disturbing sensation that he was still tied to this woman—not with a string that could be broken easily enough but with a rope heavy enough to anchor a damn battleship?
His problem. Sam didn’t seem to be suffering.
If she made the grade and joined the team, she would probably have no issues with dismissing their shared history but, for the first time in his life, Blake was less confident that he could move on so easily.
It might be a relief if she didn’t make the grade because keeping a professional distance would be easier in a controlled environment like the emergency department.
But the pull was still there. He wanted to see her. To work with her. To be reminded of the person he believed he was when she was close. And he didn’t want to be any kind of obstacle to Sam becoming the person she wanted so much to be. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Far from it. And she deserved to be treated with the same respect and fairness that he would treat anyone else who came to try out for the team.
Blake could feel the tension in his body.
He needed t
o step back and deal with his own conflict in his own time.
If Sam was good enough, she could be invited to be a part of this and he would cope. Somehow.
If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be invited.
It was that simple.
* * *
Sam was one of the last people to take her turn abseiling down this cliff.
Was this a kindness on the part of the group—so that she could watch everybody else manage it and gain confidence for her own performance? Or, and she suspected this might be the case, would they all be down at the bottom watching and assessing how well she could cope with a challenge that was both physical and mental?
Harriet had been down for a long time now but Pete was only just climbing over the edge to take his turn.
The instructors here probably had no idea that those two were a couple but Sam had come here in their car and they’d explained why it would be like that.
‘There’s an unspoken rule that SDR members do not hook up with each other,’ Harriet had said. ‘And if they do, one of them might be expected to step down from the team.’
‘Whose rule? No, let me guess... Blake Cooper’s?’
‘Yep.’
‘But Pete isn’t a staff member at Bondi Bayside. Why would the rule apply to him?’
‘Because we go to the same callouts. Because personal relationships can influence decision making. Or be a distraction.’
‘Yeah...’ Pete had been smiling. ‘Harriet might put herself in danger to save me at the expense of victims.’
Harriet had laughed. ‘Or you might get overcome with lust and forget what it is you’re supposed to be shoring up or something.’
‘Happens all the time, babe.’
Sam had tuned out of their playful banter.
Was this why she hadn’t heard a word from Blake ever since that night at the gym when he’d agreed to let her try out for the team? Why he seemed as distant as he had been when she’d first started working at Bondi Bayside?
Was that what the intensity had really been about? Had she been making a choice between being on the team and being with him?
Sam cast a quick glance over her shoulder to where Blake was chatting to one of the people who ran this outdoor education centre.
If she’d known that, would she have made the same choice?
The excitement of getting within touching distance of her goal of joining the team should have been enough to fill the gaping hole in her life that had appeared after that night at the gym.
But it wasn’t.
‘You all set?’
‘I think so.’
‘Let me just check all the locks on your carabiners.’ The instructor reached for the big metal loop that was attaching Sam’s belay plate to the centre of her harness. She couldn’t help casting one more glance towards Blake. Any moment now and she would be stepping over that cliff.
In front of him. Even more than doing well enough to be invited to join this team, right now what Sam wanted most of all was for Blake to be proud of her.
It intensified the ache that had been with her for over a week now. The ache that was an apparently forlorn longing to be with him again. Not just physically—this went so much deeper than that.
How could she have made a choice between being with Blake Cooper and being on the team? In a way it was impossible to separate the two because, to Sam, Blake was the spirit of this team.
Independent. Intelligent. Brave.
The things she longed to be herself. To be brave enough to get rid of any of the shreds of that cotton wool she had wrapped herself in ever since Alistair had died.
Smart enough to keep herself as safe as possible when they were all gone.
And independent enough to cope with the fears of the people she loved—her parents—but not to let their fears make her less than the person she was capable of being.
So, even if she had known there was a choice, it wouldn’t have been a simple one. And, if she could have been strong enough, the choice she needed to make would have still been the same. She would have chosen the team. Maybe being with Blake could have been enough to make her the person she wanted to be but it wouldn’t have lasted, would it? He had only done what she had known he would do at some point. He had walked away for no obvious reason except that maybe they had become too close for his comfort.
If she made the team, at least that could last for as long as she needed, or wanted, it to.
‘You’re good to go,’ the instructor told her. ‘Let’s get you over the edge.’
Cautiously, Sam sat on the edge of the cliff, her legs dangling. As she turned her body to lower herself and let her harness take her weight, she could see that Blake had stopped talking and he was watching her every move.
A split second of eye contact and then his lips curved into a smile so subtle that anyone else might not have noticed.
But Sam did.
And it cut straight through her nerves.
Okay...maybe she wouldn’t have chosen the team.
She would have chosen even a little more time to be close to the man she loved this much...
* * *
Blake waited at the top of the cliff, hanging there in his harness, holding his ropes but looking down. The rest of the team were at the bottom of the cliff. Some were looking up, also watching, but others were moving away to get ready for their next challenge—a bit of bouldering.
Sam was doing well. A little cautious with her rope management, which made her slow, but that wasn’t a bad thing.
She was about halfway down when Blake felt something odd.
A tremor that he could feel through his ropes that were anchored to a bolt deep in a rock well back from this cliff face.
And then the instructor, who would be the last to follow this group down, let out a warning shout and threw himself sideways—away from the cliff edge.
An edge that Blake could see was crumbling.
Not much. It was just a medium-sized rock that was coming free from those around it but it was having a domino effect on others and, to his horror, Blake found himself watching the birth of a rock fall.
He yelled his own warning to those on the ground, sent out a silent prayer that the anchor for his own ropes would stay strong and then held his breath as his focus sharpened with such intensity he could feel all the tiny muscles around his eyes contract.
‘Sam... Get in close...’
She probably couldn’t hear his shout because the falling rocks were making their own noise now. A terrifying rumble and crashing.
But she was doing the right thing, not looking up so that her helmet could provide some protection. Flattening herself by clinging to the cliffside so that the rocks were more likely to bounce past. He followed the track of the rocks that were bouncing past her at a reassuring distance, to where those on the ground were running to get themselves clear of danger.
Except for one person.
Harriet was staring up and he could see the horrified expression on her face even from this distance.
Sam was a close friend. She’d been the person who’d put forward the nomination that Sam join this training session.
And now her friend could be in serious trouble. Maybe she felt responsible?
After what felt like the slow motion of watching this begin, it now seemed as if things were on fast forward. The rocks had gone past Sam apparently without injuring her or damaging her ropes but they were gathering momentum as they crashed to ground level.
He could see Jack grab Harriet’s arm and pull her away. He saw her start to run.
He saw her trip and fall.
And then he heard someone scream as a rock looked like it landed right on top of her.
A jerk on his rope was enough to reassure Blake that his anchor was still solid. With a sense of urgency unlike
anything he could remember experiencing, he let his rope slide and was halfway down the cliff to reach Sam in no more than a few, huge jumps.
He needed to get right down to the bottom to where people were rushing towards Harriet.
But he couldn’t go past Sam. She was so still. So frozen. Something had to be wrong and it made him feel sick to his stomach.
This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted her on the team in the first place. Because she would be a distraction to whoever got involved with her.
That he was that person himself was bad enough.
That he felt the overwhelming urge to protect her above anything else was a wake-up call that hit him as hard as one of those rocks had apparently hit Harriet. Her safety was more important than Harriet’s in this instant.
More important than his own.
He had to protect her. Had to let her know that she could trust him.
That she could always depend on him.
Dear Lord...he was in love with her...
Something he had believed he was safe from ever having to experience.
He didn’t get that close to people. Ever.
Blake wasn’t feeling sick any more.
He felt angry. Angry that Sam had managed to get past his safety walls. Angry that she might be injured.
Just...angry...
* * *
She couldn’t move.
Sam had heard the warning shout from above. She had seen the rocks starting to fall. The terrified whimper that came from her throat was like no sound she had ever heard herself make before.
No...that wasn’t true. She had made it once before, hadn’t she? When she’d been told the terrible news about Alistair.
Killed in a rock fall.
What she was seeing now was quite possibly exactly what her beloved brother had seen in the last few seconds of his life.
She was about to die herself, wasn’t she?
Her poor parents...
Terror mixed with the most astonishingly powerful wave of grief. For her parents, for her brother, for herself. It was too big for any kind of release from something as simple as tears. It was crushing her. Making it impossible to breathe. Blurring her vision so that the shape appearing beside her was unrecognisable. Even the voice could barely penetrate the silent scream that was holding her prisoner.
The Shy Nurse's Rebel Doc Page 12