Déjà Vu All Over Again

by Ashantay Peters

  “I’ll have to check.” Right. Like she didn’t already know both evenings were free.

  Jack handed her a card. “These are my private numbers.” He hesitated. “I hope I’ll hear from you.”

  She watched him leave, her worries mounting. Her son would get hurt, dinner with Jack was a mistake, and she couldn’t stop disaster from happening.

  Chapter Six

  Shit. What had he done? Preparing lunch for Sally? Asking her to dinner? Wondering out loud how their lives might have been different?

  Had he lost his frigging mind? He’d wanted to establish common ground with her to please Carlos, but he’d gone way past social pleasantries. He’d better back off until he saw signals that she wouldn’t cut him off at the knees again.

  He pulled up the memory of Sally’s face when he’d walked into her store. That little girl lost expression had stretched his nerves like a too-tight guitar string. She’d looked like she hadn’t known what to say. The woman he remembered would never have been at a loss for words.

  She’d looked surprised when he told his side of the story, then lost, as if every belief she’d built her life on had been proven wrong. He knew the feeling.

  Sally hadn’t left him, and he didn’t know where to take that knowledge. The fact that she still sparked a physical reaction when she touched him was not welcome knowledge. But, damn, she almost looked better now than she had when they’d been married. She didn’t take any shit from him, either. No surprise there. He’d loved that about her from day one.

  He caught his breath. Love was not a word he’d used in reference to his ex-wife for a long time. He’d determined his inability to stick with another relationship had roots in his unresolved anger with Sally. Keeping his first marriage a secret hadn’t been the smartest thing he’d ever done. By covering up Sally’s existence, he’d never been able to exorcise her. Now he had a chance to push her from his mind.

  The suspicion she still meant something to him was inconvenient, that’s all. Right, like he hadn’t noticed the physical awareness she generated.

  An ability to dissect his feelings and put them into song had helped him deal with life, but the familiar skill left him feeling jumpy. Truth was, he hoped she’d call him and agree to dinner.

  Damn if he didn’t look forward to seeing her again.

  ****

  “Hey, um, Jack. You looking for me?”

  Carlos still couldn’t say “Dad” rather than Jack. Well, he stuttered over “Son,” so they were even. “Yeah, I have some bad news.”

  “You’re going on tour.” His son’s voice sounded flat but not angry.

  “Shit. Did you hear something? I’d wanted to tell you first.”

  “Abby and I were in one of the box stores when the announcement simultaneously flashed onto about twenty large screen televisions. Kinda hard to miss.”

  “I’m sorry you learned it that way. I thought I’d have time to tell you personally.” Damned efficient Mitch. He knew he should have called his son last night, but he’d put off giving bad news, a stupid shit decision. He hadn’t learned much over the years.

  “Yeah, well. I get that music is your business. Sometimes stuff happens you can’t foresee.”

  Shit. He recognized that intonation. Carlos’s response reminded him of when his father cancelled last minute or pulled a no show when Jack had a recital or school game. He spoke the words he’d always wanted to hear from his dad.

  “I screwed up. I made a promise and I intend to stick by it as best I can. I’m sorry we won’t have as much initial time together as I’d like, but after this tour ends, you and Abby, and creating an honest relationship with you take precedence.”

  “Yeah, well, I understand the band comes first. You’ve known them a lot longer than you have me.”

  Jack’s chest hurt. He hadn’t planned on reliving his own childhood, but could be that was part of healing this mess he’d made years ago. “Yeah, that’s partly true, but words don’t count for much, do they? I’ll prove what I mean, even if it takes the rest of my life.”

  Silence.

  “Carlos? You there?”

  “Yep. You want to prove your words? I’m thinking we could take a quick trip together if you can get away for a few days. Abby’s got several big jobs, and she wants me to get lost. Says I screw up her priorities.” He laughed. “I do that on purpose, and she knows my methods.”

  “You still want to go? Sweet! Will two weeks out of her hair be long enough?”

  “Two weeks is perfect. Business picks up after school starts. I’d like to be back before midterms hit. I told you I mentor some of the psych students, right?”

  “Yeah, you said teaching involved too many politics, but you wanted to keep your hand in. I’m proud of you for that.” Those words hadn’t been so hard to say. Why had he never heard encouraging comments from his father and grandfather? “Seeing as I screwed up, let’s go to your pick, the Canyon. Ride down to that ranch on mules, or go river rafting. Whatever works.”

  “Sounds good. When can you leave?”

  “Soon as you can.” He rubbed his neck. “Hey, one more thing.”

  “Is there a problem?”

  His nervousness about his next request must have communicated the wrong message to his son. “No, I…you know, thought you’d like to come see me when the Cuts play Charlotte. You and Abby. Your mom, too, if she wants.” He cleared his throat. “Because, you know, you said you liked the band, and I want you to meet them.”

  He paused, unsure if their call had been cut off.

  “Carlos?”

  “You’re kidding, right? You’d get us seats? I heard the tour sold out in less than an hour after tickets went on sale this morning.”

  “You can have first row center if you want, but I’d planned all access passes. Sit in on sound check. Join us in the Green Room. Hang in the wings.” He didn’t hear a response. “Or not. I want to show you some of my world.”

  “Holy shit. Abby’s not gonna believe this. We’ll take those all access passes. I’ll make a hotel reservation right after we hang up.”

  “You can stay with me. Mitch always books two whole floors. For privacy.” He often shared a two-bedroom suite with Tony in case they were too wired to sleep and wanted to work. Tony wouldn’t mind moving for the night.

  “Wow. Abby will flip.”

  “You know it’d be better not to tell anyone else, right? I’d like our relationship to stay under the radar until we’re more comfortable together.”

  “Hell, there go my plans for expanding the coffee house. I figured the extra business I’d pull in from the media crush when everyone learned about your secret son would be good for another thousand square feet or so. I thought about serving dinner, adding more employees.”

  Jack stilled. He hadn’t figured Carlos for a user. Not that he’d mind spending every dime he had if it meant he’d have a chance to help his son. But if anyone understood money couldn’t guarantee happiness, he did.

  Carlos laughed. “Joking. If I can’t make a success on my own, I’m not your son.”

  “You sounded like your grandfather for a minute. No, cancel that. You sound like you. You’ll mention the invitation to your mom, right? I don’t want her to feel left out.” Christ. Why did he push this? He had a strong feeling Sally would prefer him totally out of the picture. Well, tough. He was back and back to stay.

  “Why don’t you ask her? You agreed to fix things between you.”

  “It’ll sound better coming from you. I don’t want to push her.”

  “I get it. I’ll ask her.”

  “Okay, good. So, you’re not ticked off? About the trip west, or my tour coming out of nowhere? Or anything else?”

  “Well, I wasn’t too happy to see the news on television, you know, I thought you were gonna be honest with me. All of us.”

  “I see.” Jack floundered for words.

  “But, you live in a different world. One I can’t understand right now. So, I’ll g
ive you a break about our lack of communication.”

  “Thanks.” Jack’s breathing eased.

  “You can thank Abby. She’s got a handle on difficult parents.” Carlos inhaled noticeably. “I mean―”

  “You meant what you said. No apologies. I’m glad you want to move on, and I promise to do better from now on.”

  “Okay. I can accept that. I’d better get on-line to see what kind of last-minute arrangements we can make for Arizona.”

  “Don’t bother. That’s what I pay a personal business manager to handle. He’s got a staff member who can handle our trip in less time than it’d take you to pull up the first website.” Cathy would pull strings to get them the best accommodations available.

  “Wow. I can see getting to know you will open some doors.”

  This time Jack heard the humor. “Yeah, the door to the men’s room.”

  When their shared laugh died out, he continued. “By the way, our first trip is played by my rules. You aren’t paying a dime.”

  “Hell, that’s not fair. I’m almost forty not some little kid waiting for summer vacation. I can pay my own way.”

  “I know that. I want to do this.”

  “Fine, okay. Thanks.”

  Jack released the breath he’d held. “Good. I’ll get back with you later today. We should have an itinerary by then.”

  “You don’t mess around, do you?”

  “Life is short, son. Way too short.”

  ****

  Sally watched Carlos cross the street, the wind whipping his brown hair into peaks. He looked like he couldn’t decide between punching his fist in the air to celebrate or shuffling slowly to delay his visit to the principal’s office. He entered on a bounce.

  “Hey, sweetie. How’s business?”

  “Slow right now so I thought I’d come visit my favorite mom.”

  She withdrew from his long hug. “I’m your only mom, you goof. Unless you have another one hidden away?” Crap, had Jack married again and she’d missed the news? Perhaps Carlos referred to a stepmother. She needed to remember she wasn’t his only recognized parent any more.

  He flicked a glance over her shoulder, avoiding her eyes.

  “Do you have time to sit and tell me the real purpose of your visit? Or do I have to call Abby?”

  “Geez, make me feel like a ten-year-old.”

  “If that’s what you want, sure. Otherwise, spill it.” She tilted her head and examined his expression. “Wait, are you here to tell me you’ve set a wedding date?” She squealed. “Oh, that’s it, isn’t it? Well, come on, give. When is it? Where? Who’s standing up? This is so exciting!”

  He ducked his head. “No, Abby and I haven’t set a date, but we will, soon.”

  Her on again, off again aura reading kicked in this time. He kept a secret. Not a problem. She’d worm the information out of Abby later today. These two didn’t realize whom they tried to fool.

  They sat. “So, spill. What’s up?”

  He took her hand in his. “You know I’ve talked about taking time to get to know Jack, right?”

  Sally nodded, fighting to keep her expression blank.

  “Yeah, so we’re going out West for two weeks. We’re headed for the Grand Canyon.” He bounced like the ten-year-old he didn’t want to be considered. “I’ve been wanting to visit there for years.”

  “That’s great, honey.” Her words didn’t sound forced, a surprise given her tight jaw. “When are you leaving? Is Abby going along?”

  “Naw, Abby wants me gone so she can concentrate on her first major commission outside of Blue Peak. We wouldn’t see much of each other anyway, so this is good timing. Plus we have to fit in the trip before the tour.”

  “Tour? You and Abby are planning to travel for a while?” She pulled her hand from his. “No, stupid me, you mean before Jack and the band go out again. I thought he’d finished with that scene.” She crossed her arms. “Figures he’d break his promise.”

  Of all the nasty tricks to play, Jack had laid a real trip on them. Had he been honest about the divorce? Blaming it on his father…no, he’d taken responsibility for his actions, even after the fact. Still, he was abandoning Carlos again. The rat face. Or…could be that’s what he’d stopped by to tell Carlos earlier today. And what he planned to explain to her over dinner.

  Carlos hugged her. “He’s not walking away. He apologized for not telling me sooner and suggested we still hang together.” He caught her gaze. “He can’t help the circumstances, Mom. I believe he’s trying hard.”

  “I suppose.”

  “Don’t suppose, ask those mystical guides of yours for the truth. Besides, when they play Charlotte, Abby and I are going and hanging with the band.”

  “You’re what?” She had to remind herself Carlos was grown, that the band had lost its party-hearty reputation, and that Jack wouldn’t knowingly put his son in jeopardy. Still, the fact her ex could provide for Carlos in a way she couldn’t, hurt. She disliked her pettiness, but sometimes the tough spiritual work she’d done didn’t stick worth a damn.

  “You heard me. And you’re invited, too. I didn’t know if you’d want to see the Cuts, so I didn’t accept for you. But I’ll be talking with um, Jack tonight. He said he’d like you there if you want.” Carlos bounced again. “Full access passes, a hotel room on his private floor, the works.”

  She narrowed her eyes. Her son had a secret. Well, more than one, but he held some vital detail back. Probably the lie about Jack wanting her along.

  Her hands shook. Could she see the band again? She’d avoided the “news” splayed across the tabloids through the years. To go from almost no exposure to full immersion—up close and personal—could pose some huge problems. Or perhaps the opportunity would allow her to heal more relationships and move on without pain. “I’ll think about it and let you know. Do you need an answer today?”

  “No, but sooner than later, I guess.”

  “Fine.” She dredged up a smile. “You have some exciting stuff coming up. Good on you!”

  “Yeah.” He wore a bemused smile. “Who’d have thought, huh?”

  “Yeah.” I did. I knew that Jack’s return would change our lives irrevocably. She’d tried to be a good mother, but she may have done everything all wrong. Perhaps she should have insisted Jack make time for his son, told his father’s attorney to screw the divorce until Jack returned. Maybe their son had needed two parents, even if one only showed up a couple of times a year with reporters on his heels.

  “Sweetie, let me know if I can help you get ready. Will the café have coverage? Do you need to hire and train someone to fill in for you?”

  “We should be good, thanks.”

  “Carlos—”

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I still love you best. Well, after Abby.”

  “And Henry. I know that dog acts as your sounding board. Don’t worry about your old mother. I’m still hot stuff in some circles.”

  He hugged her. “I know. I threaten the boys coming in the café with dismemberment all the time. These young kids don’t know how to talk about a lady, and you’re no cougar.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder. “Thanks, sweetie.”

  She put her shoulda, woulda, coulda thoughts behind her. Carlos wanted time with his dad. She’d said repeatedly she wouldn’t interfere.

  Even if their vacation and concert plans smacked of mom abandonment and hurt like hell.

  Chapter Seven

  Sally spent the rest of the day and half the next defending her reasons for avoiding dinner with Jack. She knew she should pony up, but later was better. Not that delay had helped her in the past.

  Carlos leaned across her counter. “Mom, Jack told me he invited you to dinner. You know you can’t avoid him forever, right? So what’s the deal?”

  “No deal. I understand you want your parents to get along. I’ll play nice when he comes to see you, but I see no reason to establish any other contact.”

  “Crap. You are so full of it
I don’t know where to start. Abby said the air turned so thick when you and Jack saw each other again, she couldn’t wait to leave. The dogs were jumpy all afternoon. And you’re telling me ‘no deal?’ Really?”

  She clasped her hands and leaned against the store counter. “That’s right. I’ve come to terms with your father’s return.”

  “You haven’t calmly accepted this situation any more than he or I have. What I have with Jack is shiny new. A different existence, one with a father.”

  His face lit and once again, she understood what her actions had cost her son. She sighed. “I know I made a mistake in keeping you apart. It’s past time for you to know each other, and I’m sorry I screwed up your life.”

  “I accept your apology—again—and my getting to know Jack isn’t the issue.”

  She understood his inference. Was he correct in his assumptions?

  “Mom, it’s easy to see you and Jack never resolved your feelings or came to terms with the divorce. You looked as if you didn’t know whether to hug him or slug him in my office.”

  “I thought I handled the shock, I mean surprise, rather well.”

  “You would,” he muttered.

  She knew better than to ask for details. “Why are you pushing us together? If Jack and I have unresolved feelings—and I’m not admitting I do—then we have a problem to solve, not you. Stop pushing me.”

  “I’ve lived with you all my life, and I know if I don’t force this, you’ll keep your feelings about my father buried. Forever, if you can. Sorry, but that’s not too healthy. Or smart.”

  “I never thought encouraging you in your psychology studies would come back to bite me.”

  He grinned. “Yeah, life can suck. So can that karma philosophy you hold.”

  “Fine.” Her response sounded more grudging than she’d like. “Okay, I’ll call him. One dinner together won’t hurt, I guess.” There, her tone had hit a balance between conciliation and resolve.

  “Great.” He rubbed his palms together. Stepping forward, he pulled her into a hug. “I need to get back. I’m glad you’re okay with calling Jack. You’ll feel better once everything shakes out.”