Sir Michael's Mayhem

by Susan M. Baganz

  She blew out the candles and climbed into bed next to him, trying to not touch him even though everything within her longed for his embrace. How could they have come to this pass so quickly? She almost wished that Marcus and Theo had stayed away longer as it seemed the more Michael was pushed to remember, the less of her he could tolerate. Her pillow was wet as she drifted off to sleep.

  ~*~

  Images swirled through Michael’s mind. A tall tree. That tombstone. A woman with a small red leather book in her hands, writing. Laughter. Fishing. Being tossed in the sea and drowning. Someone lunging at him with a knife. Hearing a woman scream in pain and the smell of burning flesh. Trapped and helpless. The images taunted and tortured him mercilessly all while his head pounded a steady rhythm of pain.

  He awoke with a cry to find Katrina there, concern etched across her face. His gaze searched hers for comfort and he reached for her. The only safety he knew was found in her arms. Only then could he really rest.

  ~*~

  Dr. Bruce Miller sat down with Marcus in his study after examining his patient.

  “Marcus, I will be honest. The head injury has done nothing to diminish Sir Tidley’s intelligence and reasoning, but it has definitely impaired his memory.”

  “Any hope of it returning?”

  “It’s possible. He could slowly regain memories or it could come back all at once. Either way, it can be emotionally traumatic. If pressed too hard, too fast, it could cause extreme emotional duress. I don’t know what any long-term consequences of that could be.”

  “If he regains his memories of the past, will he lose the ones he is making now?”

  “Hard to say, but if there is a discontinuity in the way he is behaving now compared to prior to the incident, it could make things especially difficult when he remembers.”

  “Sounds like our friend is in for a challenging time.”

  Bruce nodded. “Hopefully the headaches will decrease. I’ll be honest, Marcus, he’s a frightened man. Frightened of what he can’t remember that lies just beyond his reach. He wants to know but is afraid to at the same time. There is a conflict going on inside of him right now. It might make him volatile.”

  “Are you saying Michael could be dangerous?”

  “If pushed too far, possibly.”

  “Do you think he would hurt Katrina?”

  “Not intentionally. He is genuinely fond of her.”

  “So…”

  “So, what I am trying to tell you is don’t force it. Don’t push him to do anything beyond what he is comfortable with. Let him rest and heal.” Bruce leaned forward, “and pray.”

  ~*~

  The days were frustrating for Michael. He found solace in the Bible and enjoyed reading it with Katrina and discussing it with her. They especially enjoyed exploring the Song of Solomon but saved that for their evenings alone. Michael grew restless and struggled against the wall of blocked memories that he couldn’t breach. Dr. Miller had told him to relax and not force things. But someone had been out to kill him and Katrina. He needed to know why. If they had tried once, they might try again.

  Something was wrong with his wife. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He struggled every time he saw that diamond brand on her shoulder. Shivers of horror would rumble through him for which he could not explain. When he asked about how it had happened she refused to say, but a sadness filled her eyes and he felt helpless to remove it.

  He resented how desperately he needed her. She was his one link to life. To happiness. To any semblance of peace. If she left him for longer than an hour he became adrift at sea. Lost. He would pace and fidget and by the time she would return he would almost be in a rage. He despised himself for the way he would lash out at her.

  ~*~

  “Where were you?” Michael asked as Katrina came in that afternoon.

  “I was with Josie, walking in the garden and talking.”

  “How was I to know that?”

  “I told you I needed some fresh air. I always come back. You should be able to trust me.”

  Michael paced the room with his hand clenched at his sides. “I need you with me. I cannot handle it when you go.”

  “I can’t live like a prisoner, Michael. You may be imprisoned by your memory, but I am not so restrained. I willingly chose to be your wife, but I cannot be your slave.”

  Michael stopped pacing and glared at her.

  Katrina placed her hand over her heart as if doing so would protect her from the venom coming from him. They silently did battle. Katrina’s heartbeat accelerated. Everything inside her told her to flee. There was a battle inside Michael she was powerless to help. He needed her and she was suffocating from that. With a big sigh, Katrina walked towards the door.

  Michael was there before her, his arm blocking her from opening it.

  “Where are you going?” he seethed.

  “I think we need a bit of space from each other.”

  “You weren’t listening. You cannot leave me.” His other hand came up to rest alongside her throat before tightening.

  ~*~

  Michael saw the fear flash through his wife’s eyes. His hand clasped around her neck as he held her against the door. He shook his head. “Lord help me, Katrina. I am so sorry.” He dropped his hands, walked to the chair by the window, threw himself into it, and stared blankly outside. “What kind of monster have I become?”

  Katrina stifled a sob. “I’m going to the tree.” She opened the door and ran down the hallway.

  ~*~

  Katrina reached the tree out of breath. She hugged her arms around herself. When had she ever been afraid of Michael? She loved him. She grieved for the agony he suffered with. She had tried to accommodate him in his fears. She shook her head. Could she possibly continue like this? What would become of their marriage? Would Michael ever be able to relax and start a fresh new life, or would he always be trapped in this fight to remember? Why couldn’t they forge a new life together?

  Her neck throbbed. She touched the place where he strong hands had been. Pain traveled up to her head as much as it seeped into her heart.

  Katrina looked up at the tree, into the large branches filled with leaves, the sun dappling through the foliage. Memories washed over her. She had wrongly thought of Michael as her hero. He helped her down from this very tree when she had broken her leg. But when she had been branded, he’d been tied up. She saw him react in horror when it occurred. Even now she thought she saw revulsion in his eyes when he saw or touched her scar. At the graveyard, it had been Fidget who had saved her. Michael had been too weak from his injury.

  He was no longer weak. His strength had returned, but so had a restlessness and a rage she’d never witnessed in all her years of knowing him. But much of that time he had been at war. He’d killed people in battle. Josie told her about how he had helped Marcus fight for her. Beth had mentioned how vital he had been in rescuing Phillip. But now Michael was trapped in his own hell and no one could save him. Not even her. Her love for him wasn’t enough. She leaned her head against the rough bark and her hair pulled as it caught on the wood. Her neck experienced sharp pain where he’d almost choked her. She prayed that her husband would find his memory again and be free from the prison he was in.

  ~*~

  Michael waited till the last dinner bell, but Katrina had not returned. He watched her go to the big tree. He wasn’t certain but thought she still might be out there. Did he dare go to her?

  Entering the drawing room, Michael surveyed the people he had been told were his friends. They had assured him of their concern. Still, a barrier existed between them. Had it always been there? Had he perhaps always kept people at a distance?

  “Marcus, Josie, Theo, I need to search for Katrina. She went out earlier and hasn’t returned. Start dinner without us.”

  “Do you need help?” Marcus asked as he started forward, concern etched on his features.

  “I don’t think so. Thank you.” Michael left the room, exited
out the front door of the mansion and walked around the house in the cut grass to find his wife.

  He came to the large tree and lay a hand on it, feeling the rough bark against his palm. Walking around he saw his wife’s slumped form on the ground.

  “Katrina?”

  Silence.

  “Come on, beautiful. Look at me. Speak. Please?” Panic rose inside him.

  “Michael?” A male voice called closer to the house. It was Theo. “Is there a problem?”

  “Something is wrong. I can’t get her to wake up.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  Michael knelt, caressing Katrina’s cheek. “Come on, beautiful. You can’t leave me now. I’m sorry for how awful I was before. You don’t deserve a man like me. Maybe that’s why I had hesitated to marry you before. I don’t know. I will try to be worthy of your love. Just don’t leave me.”

  Michael insisted on carrying his wife to their room and set her down carefully on the counterpane. Soon the doctor was there and Michael was relegated to the corner of the room while Dr. Bruce Miller and Lady Remington hovered around his unconscious wife.

  “I’m sorry, Michael, I cannot figure out why she is in this state. There’s no evidence of injury other than some bruising on the side of her neck back to her spine. Her pulse is steady. Try getting fluids into her.”

  Michael flinched at the mention of her bruise. “Thank you, doctor.”

  Dr. Miller left.

  Josie came to stand by Michael and gently laid her hand on his arm. “The bruise?”

  “I did that. We had a fight and I lost control and she fled from me.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “I don’t deserve her. She deserves far better than a shell of a man trapped in the present.”

  Josie’s eyes held warmth and compassion. “Michael, you are both under unusual pressures. She loves you and has for the longest time. Don’t let your failures get in the way of building a future together that can be beautiful. God can make this all work out in the end.”

  “I can’t lose her, Josie. I would be lost without her. She is my anchor.”

  “We all understand that. Now love her and get her well. We will all be praying and helping.”

  “Thank you, Josie. You show me far more grace than I deserve.”

  “Isn’t that the whole point of grace? Getting what we don’t deserve?”

  Michael nodded. Josie patted his arm and walked to the door. “I’ll have some broth sent up for you to try to spoon into her. Let me know if there is anything else you need.” She slipped from the room.

  Fidget climbed up on the bed, clicked at Katrina and gave her kisses before snuggling himself around the side of her head.

  Michael grinned. “So I am not the only one who needs you, dear wife.” He reached over to stroke the ferret’s fur as he watched his wife’s face, relaxed and peaceful in sleep.

  A day passed with no change in Katrina’s state of being.

  Michael paced. He would reposition her to massage her back. He talked to her and prayed over her and read her Scriptures. Anything to try to get her to wake up. At night, he held her close to him and cried.

  ~*~

  Michael talked, cajoled, read, even sang in his off-key tenor voice. He really shouldn’t sing. It made Katrina want to giggle but she couldn’t respond. Trapped in darkness and a body that wouldn’t wake up. She tried to call out with her heart to her husband. I’m here! I love you. Yes, I forgive you. I don’t want to leave you. Hold me. Touch me. Don’t leave me. The hours when he slept next to her she longed to touch him but she couldn’t. She wanted to touch his face and reassure him. But her arms wouldn’t respond. What had happened to her? Last she remembered, she’d gone out by the tree after they had fought. Now she was stuck in the dark, helpless, painless, motionless darkness. She wrapped her mind around the promises she heard her husband read from Scripture and his prayers for her recovery. He does love me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me this man to be my husband.

  ~*~

  Michael barely ate, and his sleep was fretful. He was tortured with fear and anxiety as his wife lay so still next to him. “Katrina, darling, please wake up and speak to me. I need to hear your voice.”

  Hazel-gray eyes slowly fluttered open. “Michael.” The eyes closed again and she was gone.

  “Katrina. Come on, beautiful. Come back to me.” He was up on his elbow with one hand alongside her face caressing her cheek.

  A slow smile spread across her lips. “I love you.” Her eyes opened again and held his gaze.

  “Where have you been, sweetheart?”

  “Here. Next to you. Where I belong.” Her voice was scratchy and soft.

  “Can you move?”

  He felt her fingers wiggle and her toes. A wide smile spread across his features. He brought her to himself in a bear hug. “Thank you, Lord, for giving me my wife back.”

  For several days, Katrina was weak and tired easily.

  Michael catered to her every need. Within two weeks she was up and taking walks in the garden again with Josie, while Michael hovered nearby.

  ~*~

  “I’m so relieved you recovered, Katrina. We were all worried for you and praying for you.”

  “Thank you, Josie. I think I understand better how Michael feels now trapped by his mind as I was trapped by my body. I just wish we could move beyond where we are right now.”

  “What do you mean? Are you not content?”

  “No. I love my husband and I appreciate the sanctuary you and Marcus have provided here at Rose Hill. But there is an enemy out there waiting to pounce. And Michael is only living a fraction of the life he used to have. He has no purpose. There is no future or plan for us or a family. We need a life of our own outside of this prison of amnesia. I just wish I understood how to get us there.”

  “Maybe it’s not your role. Seek God for that. He is the One with the key to Michael’s memory.”

  “I pray but am afraid of the answer.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Afraid Michael will regret he married me.”

  “He adores you. How would he regret your marriage? He’s never happier than when he is in your presence.”

  “That’s because he needs me right now. With his memory will come his independence, his past, his dreams for the future that may or may not include me.”

  “He bought you a ring. He posted the banns while away. He proposed before he lost his memory. I think it would be safe to say his future included you. Why would that change?”

  “I don’t know. I long for his healing, yet I fear what that might bring as well.”

  “We pray that God gives you the grace and strength to deal with it and fight for the love of your husband if your fears become reality.”

  “Thank you, Josie. Maybe someday I will have a marriage like yours.”

  “And how is our marriage?” Josie asked with one eyebrow arched and a half-smile.

  “Happy. You disagree but you serve each other, adore and encourage each other, and you don’t live in each other’s pockets.”

  Josie nodded. “Marriage takes work, but it’s worth fighting for the love. You and Michael have love and you have God. You could not have a better foundation to build a life together on.”

  “Thanks, Josie.” Katrina looked and saw Michael pacing in the gazebo, awaiting her. “I had better go to him now.”

  “Go. Enjoy your husband and what you have today. I’ll pray for your contentment while you wait.”

  “Thank you, Josie. You are a true friend.” With that, Katrina walked toward her husband who stood watching her hungrily from the gazebo. She smiled in return and realized at least there was one blessing to being married to a man so utterly devoted to her. Passion sizzled between them unabated and it was a delight to explore that. She skipped up the three steps to the white marble building, launched herself into his embrace, and gave herself fully to his kisses. Yes, there may be problems but God provided comfort in the middle of that.

  21
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br />   Michael woke early and sensed instantly that something was different. He was in his room at Rose Hill. How did he get here? There was an arm around his waist and long brown hair obscuring the face of the woman snuggled up to him. Fear clutched his heart. He was in Marcus’s home with a naked woman in his bed? He was in so much trouble.

  He carefully eased himself from her embrace and threw on his clothing. He scanned the room. This woman had obviously made herself at home here. She gave a soft whimper as she moved, her face now becoming visible. Mouse. How did Mouse get to be in his bed? What kind of cad was he to sleep with an innocent? He had made it clear to her he would not do that unless they were wed.

  They had planned to marry, hadn’t they? What happened with that? He couldn’t quite remember. He remembered France and longing to be back by her side. He remembered crashing disappointment and a feeling of rejection. Why was he even back at Rose Hill? Hadn’t he traveled to London? So many things didn’t make sense.

  He quietly left the room and sought out the breakfast parlor. No one was there but he was able to get some food and a cup of coffee. He paced by the window looking outside. Late summer? What had been going on here? He inquired of a footman if Lord Remington was in residence. Upon hearing that he was, he sent a message to him. He set his cup down, walked down the hall to Marcus’s study, entered, closed the door, and sat down to wait. Maybe his friend would have some answers.

  ~*~

  Marcus appeared a short time later. “Michael, I got your message. What was so urgent that you needed me this early?” Marcus yawned.

  “I’m sorry if I disturbed your rest.” Michael glanced at the clock. It was barely seven of the clock. Michael rose and started to pace. “Something isn’t making sense to me. I have a confession to make and you will probably want to call me out, but I promise that however this came to be, I will do what is honorable.”

  Marcus sat down in his chair behind his desk and smiled. “This should be interesting, Michael. What kind of mayhem have you gotten into that you think I might desire to shoot you over?”

  “I don’t know how it happened, but when I awoke this morning.” He looked up at the ceiling and sighed deeply. “Mouse was in bed next to me.” Before Marcus could respond Michael rushed on. “I don’t remember anything. I never intended to ruin her, Marcus. You must believe me. I read the Bible you gave me.” He pulled it out of his coat. “This book even saved my life in France.” He stood and threw it down in front of his friend on the desk. “I gave my heart to Christ and longed to follow Him. I don’t understand any of this. I would never have done anything to hurt Mouse or her reputation. You need to believe me on that.”