All the Broken Pieces

by Cindi Madsen

  Liv nodded. “Okay.”

  Keeping up with Spencer as he walked to the parking lot was a struggle. She practically had to jog. When she was back in his car, she looked at him, wondering why he’d had such a strong reaction to seeing the other people from school.

  “Any ideas?” Spencer asked.

  Oh, I’ve got lots of ideas. I just wish you would tell me which one was right. “We can always finish the movie we started the other day.”

  “That works.” He glanced at her. “Thanks for being so cool about everything.”

  “That’s me. Super cool.”

  The smile he gave her was weak, but at least it was a smile. He started the car, pulled onto Cottonwood Street, and headed toward his house.

  If he’s hung up on someone else, lose him now. It’s so not worth getting your heart stomped on.

  No way. You can make him forget all about Sabrina. If I don’t get some lip action soon, I’m going to forget how.

  Too late. I’ve already forgotten how, Liv immediately thought, then frowned. According to Mom, she’d never had a boyfriend, so there would be nothing to forget. Unless Mom was wrong. Or didn’t know.

  Turning up the volume on his car stereo, Spencer said, “What about this?”

  Liv sat back and focused on the music, letting it drown out the noise in her head. Heavy drums, electric guitar, and a male singer who belted out the lyrics with power but without screaming. “I like it. A lot.”

  “Okay, so even though you’ve got questionable taste, if we mix in some Metallica, then I’ll forgive you for the rest.” Spencer pulled into his driveway and shut off the car, leaving them in silence. “Let’s go finish our movie.”

  When they got inside, a woman with shoulder-length dark hair glanced up at them from her seat on the couch. “I thought you were going out.”

  “Changed our minds. We decided to watch a movie here instead, but if you’re using the TV we can—”

  “Go ahead.” She stood and gave Liv a warm smile. “You must be Liv. Katie’s been talking about you nonstop. According to her, you’re the coolest.”

  “Well, I feel the same about her,” Liv said.

  The woman put a hand on her chest. “I’m Lori, by the way.”

  “Oh, sorry.” Spencer motioned to his mom. “That’s my mom, Lori. Mom, Liv.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Liv looked around the room. “Where is Katie, anyway?”

  “She and Hailey made up, so she’s over at her house. I think I’ll take advantage of the quiet and go read a book.” Lori handed the remote to Spencer, then squeezed his shoulder. “You okay?”

  “I’m good.” He looked at his mom in this protective, concerned way that melted Liv’s heart. “What about you? How was work?”

  “Long. But you two don’t want to hear about my boring day. Go ahead and make yourself at home.” She gave Spencer’s shoulder another squeeze, then walked out of the room.

  Spencer and his mom’s interaction had been quick, but there was something about it. The natural, unstrained way they talked. The way she knew him well enough to know something was wrong, even if she didn’t press him for more.

  Liv knew Mom and Dad loved her, but sometimes it felt like they didn’t really know that much about her.

  I wonder if I’m different than I used to be. If the wreck changed my personality. Maybe that’s why they give me those odd looks all the time.

  This wasn’t the time or place to figure that out, though. Turning her thoughts back to the present, she followed Spencer into the living room. As soon as Spencer got the movie playing, he sat next to her on the couch, leaving plenty of space between them. She thought he’d notice and scoot over, but he remained there, and since it seemed like he’d done it on purpose, she couldn’t bring herself to move closer.

  Once in a while she’d glance at him, wondering what exactly they were doing. Yesterday in the bowling alley he’d been close to making a move. Just thinking about the look in his eye and the way his hand had gripped her waist sent her heart racing.

  Then today in the hall, she’d been the bold one, and while he’d seemed shocked, he hadn’t seemed totally unreceptive. Even in the car she’d sworn they were about to cross into the more-than-friends place she longed to be.

  Now they were sitting far apart, and his full attention was on the TV, like it didn’t matter if she was in the room or not. The instant he’d laid eyes on Sabrina, his entire mood had changed.

  Even though he denies it, what if there’s still something between them?

  If that was the case, Liv decided she should try not to get too attached.

  Problem was, she knew it was already way too late.

  20

  “All that buildup and we’re going to the grocery store?” Liv twisted to face Spencer as he turned his car into the Safeway parking lot Monday after school. At lunch, he’d said he was going to take her somewhere special but refused to tell her where. “I’ve, um, already experienced that, and while it kind of freaked me out at first, I’ve got it down now.”

  “I work here, so I…” He parked the car, then looked at her, brows lowered. “The grocery store used to freak you out?”

  “You work here? I’ve never seen you.” And I hope you haven’t seen me, considering the first time I came I had a mild panic attack in one of the aisles.

  “Mostly on the weekends. Now go back to the getting-freaked-out-by-the-grocery-store part.”

  She pulled at a stray thread on her jeans. “After only being around my parents for months, it took me a while to be normal with other people.”

  Her confession hung in the air, and she glanced at him, afraid he’d be looking at her like she was a freak.

  “So…wait.” One corner of his mouth turned up. “You think you’re normal now?”

  She shot him a dirty look. “Very funny.”

  He reached across the gear shifter and squeezed her hand, causing her stomach to do a somersault. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

  “You have no idea how frustrating it is to not be able to deal with daily life. It took a long time for me to stop flinching whenever people got close to me.” The fear those first few outings caused had been brutal. But now…

  Well, now she was sitting here in a car with a boy whose warm, slightly calloused hand was on hers, her rapid heart rate from his touch instead of from fear. “So since I’ve got going to the grocery store down, I’m thinking maybe we choose a different ‘somewhere special’ to go.”

  Somewhere we’d be alone.

  “Have a little faith,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “I’ve got something bigger planned, but we need to go in and stock up on supplies first.” He let go of her hand, and they got out of the car.

  Cool air hit her as they entered the store, the sensation of going from hot to cold sending goose bumps across her skin. Spencer grabbed a small basket and walked down the aisles. She couldn’t help staring, taking in everything about him. His shaggy hair, the glasses, the way the muscles in his arm moved as he twisted the basket.

  “Think fast,” he said, tossing a bag of marshmallows at her.

  The bag hit her shoulder and fell to the ground.

  “Looks like we better move ‘catching’ up on the list.”

  “Maybe if you gave me more of a warning…”

  “That’s not exactly the point of ‘think fast.’”

  She picked up the bag and chucked it at his head.

  His hand shot up, catching it before it hit his face. “That’s right. I got skillz for the billz.”

  Liv laughed. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “It means I’m awesome.” He tossed the marshmallows in the basket with the graham crackers and hot dogs and then grabbed a giant Hershey bar. “Okay. We’ve got everything we need.”

  “Now will you tell me where we’re going?”

  He brushed her hair behind her shoulder and ran his fingers down her arm, leaving a tingly wake in their path. “You’re going to just hav
e to wait and see.”

  …

  Spencer drove past a sign that said Dead Horse Ranch State Park and started throwing out random facts about the park. The name made it sound like the least romantic place ever, but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the plants were greener here, and there were all these cute little orange-and-brown birds Spencer called cactus wrens.

  He slowed and maneuvered around the deep grooves in the road, the car rocking back and forth with the bumps. “Once you get the hang of a bike, we’ll come here and ride some of the trails.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever be that good,” Liv said.

  “Not with that attitude, you won’t.”

  She tucked her leg under her, shifting to face him. “As you’ve so nicely pointed out, I’m clumsy. And I can’t catch.”

  “You’ll get over it.”

  “Wow. That’s very inspirational. You should make posters like the ones hanging in the classrooms.”

  “Someone’s feeling feisty today.” The car slowed to a stop, and Spencer pointed out the window. “This is the Verde River. I used to come here all the time, but it’s been a while.”

  They got out of the car and Spencer grabbed a blanket from his trunk. He spread it near the water’s edge, in the shade of a tall cottonwood, sat, and patted the place next to him. Crossing one leg over the other, she sat next to him and gazed at the river.

  For several minutes they stayed like that, listening to the water rushing by. It felt like they were the only two people for miles. And they probably were.

  “You’re the first girl I’ve ever been around who doesn’t talk nonstop. Most girls can’t stand the silence.” He looked at her. “Or are you constantly holding back?”

  “I don’t have a lot to say, I guess. My house is usually quiet, and besides, I think you know everything about me already.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Well, you’re still plenty mysterious.”

  Spencer lay back on the blanket, so she did, too.

  She was dying to know if he’d really been arrested, and if so, why. But every time she opened her mouth to ask, she just knew it would ruin the moment. And this moment wasn’t one she wanted to ruin.

  The sun dipped lower as the minutes passed, its glow dimming as sunset approached, and Spencer announced it was time to build a fire. They gathered branches and sticks and put them in the fire pit.

  Spencer crouched down next to it. “Okay, so you’ve got your kindling, and the wood stacked just so…”

  Liv shot him a sidelong glance. “Is there going to be a quiz later?”

  “You need to learn how to start a fire.”

  “Where am I ever going to be that I don’t have someone to help me start a fire?”

  “I think I liked it better when you didn’t say anything.”

  She shoved him, and he had to put a hand down to keep from tipping over. “I can’t believe you said that,” she said. “I’d give you the silent treatment, but you’d probably like it.”

  “If you don’t let me start this, we’re not going to eat.” The corners of his lips twitched as he fought to keep up his serious facade. “Now, pay attention.” He held the lighter to the kindling. The flames licked at the bark, then finally caught hold. Bending close, he blew on it. The fire spread, glowing brighter with each new piece of wood it claimed.

  “And that is how it’s done.” Spencer’s eyes lifted to hers. “I wouldn’t like the silent treatment, you know. Even if the only time you talk is to give me a hard time.”

  “Around everyone else I feel like I have to constantly be on alert, in case I slip up and don’t say the right thing. With you…well, since you know about my lost memories, I can relax.” She smiled. “The insults just pop in there.”

  “How lucky for me.” The warmth of his grin echoed in his voice.

  They sat back on the blanket again, watching the fire grow. There was something hypnotic about the flames, the way they danced and swayed as they burned through the wood. Smoke drifted over to her. The smell reminded her of something, but she couldn’t figure out what. She took a deep breath—

  Pain sliced across her head and she pressed her fingertips to her temples.

  “You okay?” Spencer asked, twisting to face her.

  “Sometimes I feel like there’s a memory locked away, but I can’t reach it. The harder I try, the worse of a headache I get.”

  “Maybe you should stop trying to remember.”

  She lowered her hands and tilted her head. “If you lost all your memories, wouldn’t you want them back?”

  He blew out a long breath. “I’d be glad to erase my past and start over.”

  “What’s so bad that you’d want to erase it?”

  Pain crept into his expression. One side of his face was in shadows; the fire lit up the other half. “If you knew the kind of person I used to be, you’d never want to hang out with me again.”

  Unsure what to say to that, she simply stared back. Finally, she found her voice. “The past is done, and we can’t change it. All we can do is try to be better. What really matters is who you are now.”

  Jaw set, Spencer shook his head. The sorrow in his eyes made her want to do something, anything to make it go away. She reached out and put her hand on his heart. “You’re a good person. Nothing will convince me otherwise.”

  “Thanks.” He took her hand in his, lifted it, and kissed the palm.

  Then his posture stiffened, and he dropped her hand like it had burned him. “Um, I’ll grab the hot dogs and we’ll get cooking.”

  He shot up, leaving her alone by the glowing fire, dazed and confused.

  …

  Liv pulled the front door closed behind her. I think I could do that every night and never get sick of it.

  Even if it didn’t turn out exactly like I wanted it to.

  “Olivia, why didn’t you answer your phone?” Mom stood in the living room, fists on her hips. “You know I worry about you. Then I couldn’t get hold of you, and I started thinking the worst.”

  “I didn’t hear it ring.” Liv reached into her bag and pulled out her cell. “Oops. I forgot to turn it on after school. But as you can see, I’m fine.”

  Mom sniffed the air, then bent closer. “You smell awful.”

  “It’s just campfire smoke. We built a fire and cooked hot dogs. It was really fun.”

  Mom wrinkled her nose. “Hot dogs? You’re skipping my dinner for hot dogs?”

  “Hey, Livie,” Dad said from his seat on the couch. “You’re home pretty late.”

  “I didn’t really think about it. It was just so peaceful, being out in nature. The river was pretty, the weather was warm but not stifling. Then when it cooled down, we made a fire, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, and I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.”

  Dad came over and put his arm around Mom. The look he gave her made it clear something was up. “While you were gone, Victoria and I were talking about how much time you’ve been spending with this Spencer fellow…”

  Dread crept into her chest. If they told her she couldn’t hang out with him anymore, she was going to freak.

  “We want to meet him,” Dad said.

  “I’m making pot roast tomorrow for dinner,” Mom said, “and he’s welcome to join us.”

  Liv stood there, trying to come up with an excuse for why that wouldn’t work. But as she studied her parents’ expressions, she knew they’d made up their minds. “I’ll ask him.”

  A smile spread across Mom’s face. “Good. Now why don’t you go get cleaned up and start on your homework, and I’ll be there in a little while to talk to you about a couple of things.”

  …

  Mom walked into Liv’s room and sat on the end of the bed. The way she was wringing her hands, looking around but never settling on anything, sent Liv’s nerves on alert.

  Something is seriously wrong. First they want to meet Spencer, and now…

  Oh geez, how much worse can it get?

 
; Then it hit her. There was only one reason Mom would be so nervous. She’s going to tell me what happened in Minnesota. They finally think I can handle the truth. She scooted forward. All this time she’d been wondering about it, but now that it was here, her stomach was churning and her throat was dry, and she almost wanted to yell, Wait! I don’t want to know anymore.

  What if I can’t handle it? What if it sends me over the brink?

  “I probably should’ve said something earlier.” Mom took a deep breath and she braced for the rest. “But I think it’s time we have a talk about boys.”

  21

  Liv took her tray of food and sat across from Spencer. All day, she’d had trouble even looking at guys. Just remembering the extremely detailed anatomy lesson Mom had given her made her blush.

  “So, I’m thinking that today…” Spencer’s eyebrows drew together as he studied her. “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing.” The questioning look was still on his face, so she tried to get back to the subject. “What were you saying about today?”

  “I was thinking we should play volleyball. It’s a good sport to start on. Then once you get the hang of it, we’ll work up to basketball, baseball, and bike riding.”

  That reminded her of the other bomb Mom had dropped on her yesterday. She was supposed to invite Spencer over. “You know how I told you my mom’s kind of overprotective?”

  Spencer nodded. “Yeah, but don’t worry. Volleyball’s not much of a contact sport.”

  “It’s not that. It’s… I forgot to turn on my phone yesterday and my parents called and since I didn’t answer they got all worried, and then we got home kind of late, and since I’ve been spending all this time with you…” She took a deep breath, then got to the point of her rambling. “They want to meet you. I’m supposed to invite you to dinner, and you don’t have to stay, but if you could at least come in for a few minutes and meet them, then that’s all they really want.”

  Looking at Spencer’s scrunched-up expression, she knew he was about to say no.

  “Are they going to ask me a ton of questions?” he said.

  Liv shrugged. “I think they just want to see who I’m spending time with. We can even watch a movie or something like that, although if you have to meet them, you might as well get dinner out of it. My mom’s a good cook.”