All the Broken Pieces

by Cindi Madsen

  Looking up at the starry night, she wondered how much to tell him. “You know how I told you that I have these dreams that feel more like memories?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, sometimes when I dream, I look different. I’m blond. And a cheerleader. Like the other missing girl.” She glanced at him to gauge his reaction. He wasn’t looking at her like she was crazy; he looked more amused than anything. “What’s with the face?”

  “I’m just picturing you in a cheerleader uniform.”

  Liv bumped him with her shoulder. “This is serious stuff.”

  Using the arm he had around her, Spencer pulled her closer. “I am serious. You’d look cute in a cheerleading uniform.”

  She shook her head, but she couldn’t help smiling.

  “Okay, no more jokes. I just couldn’t stand how sad you looked.” His fingers stroked the back of her neck. “So, what do you think it all means?”

  She took a deep breath and blew it out. “Isn’t that the million-dollar question.”

  …

  Liv kissed Spencer good night, changed into her pajamas, and crept into Katie’s room. She lay down on the air mattress Lori had set up for her and stared at the plastic, glow-in-the-dark stars on Katie’s ceiling.

  Katie rolled over in her bed, the dim glow of her alarm clock lighting her face. “It’s too bad we didn’t have a chance to do the normal sleepover stuff. Next time, we’ll need to get a girly movie.”

  “You’re on.” As Liv looked at Katie, she was reminded once again of Elizabeth. “Did I ever tell you about a girl your age I knew named Elizabeth?”

  Katie shook her head. “Tell me about her.”

  “I distracted her parents so she could hide her peas.”

  “I like peas, but zucchini, ugh, that stuff is disgusting. I shudder. It’s like my throat shuts down to try to keep it away.”

  Liv smiled. No wonder I think of Elizabeth whenever I’m around Katie. They really are so much alike.

  Katie’s face dropped and she looked like she was about to cry. “Spencer’s so much better when you’re here, then Mom’s better, and you’re so nice to me, and I like you so much, and…” She trained those big eyes on her, and when she spoke, her voice squeaked. “Please don’t move away.”

  Liv’s chest constricted. “I like you, too, and obviously I’m crazy about your brother.” The thought of leaving made her want to cry. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to give Katie a reassuring smile. “I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

  But today she’d found out that what you plan and what happens aren’t even close to the same thing.

  …

  “I don’t want to lie,” Elizabeth said.

  Liv turned toward her sister, who was sitting on her Hello Kitty comforter, a scowl on her face. Talk about not giving an inch.

  All her life, she’d followed the rules and stood up for what she believed in. For one night she wanted to be the girl who broke free and did whatever she felt like without thinking about the consequences. She wanted to be the girl who went to a party to meet a guy.

  “Just tell them I had to pick up a book from the library.” Liv had already checked one out so she could sell her cover story if she had to. “I’ll be back in an hour and a half, two tops.”

  “I can’t believe you’re friends with Jackie again, even after how crappy she treated you. Mom and Dad were right. That girl’s bad news.”

  “Don’t even start. Friendships in high school are complicated. You’re way too young to understand.”

  “But not too young to have to lie for you.” Elizabeth crossed her arms.

  “Hey, I lie for you all the time. You want me to tell Mom that you’re not really eating your peas?”

  “That’s not the same thing. This isn’t disgusting vegetables; this is you sneaking out of the house when you’re supposed to be taking care of me. I know I said I don’t need a babysitter, but I don’t want to be all alone in the house. Besides, you promised we’d watch a movie.”

  Liv tugged on her black Converse shoes and bent over to tie the laces.

  The party was a big one, and even though Mom and Dad had said she couldn’t go, she’d decided to swing by, just for an hour. Mostly because that’s where Andrew would be. Jackie had apologized to her a couple of days ago. It wasn’t like it was spontaneous—Jackie was now fighting with her other group of friends. But still, Jackie hated to apologize and she’d done it anyway. She even confessed she was jealous because Andrew was into Liv. At first she didn’t know whether to believe that, but Andrew had actually talked to her earlier today, and he’d told her she should come find him at the party. He wasn’t like other boys. Yes, he was cute, but he was smart, too.

  When Liv stood, Elizabeth was still frowning, giving her that puppy-dog, don’t-leave-me face.

  “Stop being a baby.” Liv misted on some perfume. “I’ll be back before your movie’s even over.”

  Elizabeth walked to the dresser and took something off it. The jeweled red bow of her Hello Kitty keychain caught the light as she held it out to her. “It’s my lucky keychain. I want you to take it tonight.”

  “If this is supposed to make me feel guilty—”

  Elizabeth grabbed the key ring out of Liv’s hand and clipped the keychain on. “Good luck with Andrew. Don’t trust Jackie too much.”

  Liv hugged her sister. “You’re the best. I’ll lock up, and I’ll be back soon. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.”

  She hurried out of the house, fired up her car, and buzzed down the road, glancing at the map on her phone for guidance. With every turn, the smaller and more abandoned the roads got until she ended up in the middle of nowhere. She lifted the phone again, trying to figure out where she’d taken the wrong turn.

  Then she decided she was being punished for leaving Elizabeth. I get it, okay. I’m going back home.

  Liv turned the car around, anxious to get back to Elizabeth and tell her how sorry she was for leaving her. They’d paint their nails and she’d even let Elizabeth play in her makeup. To hell with Jackie. And Andrew and his adorable dimples.

  She turned up her Flyleaf CD and moved closer to the steering wheel, straining to see through the rain. What’s…?

  A dark object was in the road.

  Is that a…?

  The headlights weren’t on, and she could just make out the dark outline of the car. It was coming fast. Coming straight for her. She slammed on her brakes, but with the mud, she kept sliding.

  The airbag went off.

  Metal scraped against metal.

  The side of the car slammed against something.

  From the corner of her eye, she saw a glimmer of red as light bounced off the swinging Hello Kitty keychain.

  Elizabeth.

  Faint and distant, mixed in with the sound of rain pounding metal, her CD played on.

  Blood poured down, soaking her shirt, leaving large drops on her jeans. Lifting her head was impossible. Everything hurt.

  You’re going to die.

  …

  Liv brought her shaking hands to her face. When she pulled them away, she expected them to be covered in blood, but they were clean. She sat up, trying to catch her breath.

  Moonlight spilled in through the window, illuminating Katie’s sleeping form, reminding her that she wasn’t in her own bed. That everything was wrong.

  The car that hit her was the blond cheerleader’s—Lindsay’s. Liv’s chest burned. She pulled her shirt away from her skin and peered down at her scar. Her heart beat faster, like it was confirming her thoughts. Proving how strong and healthy it was now.

  It was her heart.

  No wonder she’s been haunting me. Tears blurred her vision. She stared out the window at the moon, but it no longer looked like hope. It looked faceless and lost, smothered in all the dark clouds.

  Just like her.

  Smothered. Choking. Fading.

  Slipping.

  Falling.

  Dr
owning.

  As quietly as she could, she slipped off the covers and tiptoed out of the room. She padded to the kitchen, got a glass from the cupboard, and filled it with milk.

  Lori walked into the kitchen and flipped on the light. “Oh! I thought I heard someone.”

  “I’m sorry,” Liv said, swiping tears off her cheeks. “I just…I woke up and needed a drink.”

  “That’s fine. You’re welcome to anything. In fact, why don’t you have a seat and I’ll see if I can find some cookies.”

  Liv pulled out a chair and sat at the kitchen table while Lori rummaged through the cupboard. Lori took a couple chocolate chip cookies out of a plastic package and offered them to her. “Thanks,” she said, grabbing one.

  For a moment, they sat and ate their cookies in silence.

  “Your mom called. More than once, actually.”

  Liv’s chest tightened. Even after everything she’d found out today—even though it didn’t make sense—she still wanted to be wrapped in Mom’s arms, with Mom telling her it would all be okay.

  “She’s really worried about you,” Lori said. “Both of your parents are.”

  Liv searched for a response, but tears lodged in her throat, and she didn’t know what to say, anyway.

  “They love you. Come what may, through the good and the bad, parents love their children.”

  “I love them, too.” As mad as she was, and as confused as she was, she did love them.

  But the missing girls. The heart that shouldn’t be mine.

  Pain radiated from her stolen heart. Again, she felt lost, completely adrift in this new world where she was no longer sure who or what she was. Where she felt responsible for a girl’s death. She sniffed, fighting to keep control of her emotions. “What if love isn’t enough to fix things, though? What if there’s something that ruins it all?”

  Lori grabbed another cookie. “Well, without all the facts, I’m not sure how ruined it is or isn’t. But I don’t think all’s lost. When you love people, you don’t give up on them. No matter what.”

  39

  Liv leaned across the car and kissed Spencer’s cheek. “Thanks for everything.”

  “Call if you need me,” Spencer said. “I can get someone to cover my shift. I’ll do whatever you need me to.”

  “It’ll be okay. I’ll give you a call later, though.” She took a deep breath, grabbed her suitcase out of the back, and carried it up the sidewalk.

  She paused in front of the door, her courage faltering. Last night she’d hardly slept, thinking about having someone else’s heart, wondering how she’d ended up in Mom and Dad’s care.

  Mom and Dad. A sharp pain shot through her chest. Henry and Victoria Stein weren’t even her real parents. So why did they take care of me?

  All the questions swirled through her head again, pushing her to confront them so she could put the final pieces together. Another deep breath. In and out. In and out.

  The instant she walked in, Mom was at the door. She threw her arms around her, hugging her so tightly she could hardly breathe. “I was so worried.”

  Dad appeared by her side seconds later, his eyes red and bloodshot. In fact, both of them looked disheveled, like they hadn’t slept any more than she had.

  “Time to tell me everything,” she said, looking from Mom to Dad. “I want to know what really happened the night of the wreck, and this time, I don’t want you to lie to me.”

  Dad took the suitcase from her and set it aside. He swept his arm toward the living room. “I think you’re going to want to sit down for this.”

  …

  Mom and Dad told her about all the procedures they’d gone through to try to have a child, and how after years with no success, Mom finally got pregnant, only to lose the baby halfway through the pregnancy. After that devastating miscarriage, the doctors told her that she’d most likely never carry a baby full-term.

  Having a child was one of their greatest desires, so they decided to adopt. It was a long process, but they eventually met a young pregnant woman who had decided to give her baby up for adoption. They met with her and she told them the amazing news—she’d picked them to be the baby girl’s parents. The paperwork was filled out, the nursery was painted, clothes bought, everything ready to go.

  “So the night of your accident, we’d gotten the call that Abby was having our baby.” Mom looked at her, tears glistening in her eyes. “We sat in the waiting area for several hours. The nurse came out and got us, we went into the room…I was filled with such joy, knowing my dreams were about to come true. Knowing I was about to hold my baby for the first time.

  “I looked at Abby, who was holding our perfect baby girl. Chubby cheeks, ten tiny fingers, ten little toes. Then I saw the way Abby was looking at the baby in her arms. The love and awe filling her features was so apparent, and I just knew…” Mom pressed her lips together and tears ran down her cheeks. “She looked up at us and said, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t.’ And just like that, our dream was shattered again.”

  Dad put his arm over Mom’s shoulders. “So we did the only thing we knew to do. We drove home. There was a horrible storm and the rain was pouring. Everything was slick and muddy and it took forever to drive from the hospital. We were almost home when we saw the two wrecked cars.”

  Liv scooted to the edge of her seat.

  Mom picked up the story, and her recollection of that night was so vivid, Liv could see it.

  Headlights illuminating two cars off the side of the road, hoods accordioned together, engines still steaming.

  She could hear the faint music, smell the damp earth mixed with the sweet liquid pouring from underneath the cars. She could see Dad putting his fingers on the neck of the blond girl sprawled across the hood—Lindsay. The rain carrying the girl’s blood in red streams down the side of the white car.

  She heard the grinding noise the wipers made as they worked across the buckled glass of the other car’s windshield.

  And there she was in the other car—her body, anyway. Injured head resting on the deflated airbag, blood-covered clothes, Elizabeth’s Hello Kitty keychain hanging from the ignition.

  “Dad had already started working on stopping the other girl’s hemorrhages,” Mom said. “I got into the car with you. The depressed skull fracture alone…I’ve seen a lot of brain injuries in my life, and yours…” Mom’s chin quivered. “I took off my scarf and wrapped your wounds the best I could. Knowing neither of you would make it to the hospital in time, we took you to my nearby lab where I’d been working on a cure for Huntington’s disease.”

  Mom lifted her red-rimmed eyes. “The brain injuries to the other girl were very bad. Compound depressed skull fracture with internal cranial cavity exposed to the outside environment.” She shook her head. “It’s not an injury she’d ever recover from. Even if she lived, she’d be in a vegetative state for life.”

  She lifted her clasped hands to her lips. “But you, you only had one damaged area on the right side of your brain, the only healthy part the other girl had left. So I used my skills to graft it in.”

  The hairs on the back of Liv’s neck rose, and she slowly brought a hand to her head. “You’re saying…? My brain is…it’s made up of two different brains?”

  “I did what I had to do to save you. The surgery I performed was highly experimental, but I had to try. If I hadn’t done it your brain never would have functioned properly. It’s why you’ll never completely get your memories back.” Mom leaned forward. “It was risky, but I couldn’t let you go through life without a shot at normalcy, and I couldn’t let you die. Not when there was a chance to save you.”

  The opposing thoughts, the weird dreams—it all made sense now. While completely not making sense at all. This was crazy.

  Liv moved a hand over her chest. “What about the heart surgery?” Her stomach rolled, and for a moment, she thought she was going to puke. “What? You figured you’d used the girl’s brain, you might as well take all her other good organs, too?”


  “Your ribs punctured your chest,” Dad said. “From what I saw, you already had a weak heart, and it was severely damaged in the wreck…” His face paled. “The only other option was letting you die, so I performed a heart transplant. Using the other girl’s…” He closed his eyes and dropped his head, unable to say the rest.

  But he didn’t have to. All the air left her lungs and suddenly the room felt too big and too small at the same time. It was what she’d guessed, but having it confirmed made it that much worse.

  Just when I started to feel like I know who I am, I find out that I’m two people, and suddenly, everything I thought I knew seems wrong. I don’t know who I am, because I’m not anyone. I’m parts. Pieces.

  A science experiment.

  A monster.

  Tears ran down her cheeks. She didn’t try to stop them or bother with wiping them away. At this point, she wasn’t even sure she could move. And if she did, which part of her would be moving? Vivienne? Lindsay?

  There was no Liv. Olivia. Livie. It didn’t matter what anyone called her. The name didn’t change what she was.

  “I was the one who pushed your father to do the transplant,” Mom said, her voice sounding tiny and far away. “But we had a choice to make, if you could even call it that. We could let your life slip away, or we could give you a new one. Even if you and the other girl had gotten to the hospital in time, neither of you would’ve made a full recovery.

  “When I realized that what we’d done…” Mom’s voice shook and she seemed to be struggling for words. “Well, with all the foreign tissue, you were no longer who you started out as that night. You became two people’s daughters all at once, but no one’s at the same time. So knowing you’d need someone who could take care of you, the kind of care required after those extreme surgeries, I decided the best thing to do was to raise you as our daughter. I thought of you as our miracle.” She gave her a weary smile. “And you are truly a miracle.”

  “I’m sure this is overwhelming,” Dad said, “but we both love you very much. We’ve dealt with guilt over our decision, because of the other families involved, and because of all we had to do to cover it up, but we’ve never regretted saving you. In fact, I thank my lucky stars every day that you’re in my life.”