by JA Armstrong
“No one sits in a cloud,” the little girl across the table said.
CJ looked at her paper.
James glanced at CJ’s picture. “Who is that?” He pointed to the figure seated on a cloud.
“My Mommy,” CJ said. “She’s waiting for Santa up there.”
“Oh,” he said.
“She’s in heaven,” CJ explained.
James nodded. “Maybe she knows my dad.”
“Is your dad in heaven?”
“Yeah.”
CJ sighed. “Do you gots another dad?”
James smiled. “I have three.”
CJ’s eyes grew wider.
“No one gets three dads,” the little girl said again.
“Be quiet, Amber,” CJ scolded the girl. “He can have as many as he wants. That’s what Debon says.”
“Who’s Debon?” Jameson asked.
CJ considered the question. “She’s kinda’ like my mom too, ‘cept I call her Deb.”
James drew another figure on his picture.
“Who’s that?” CJ asked.
“That’s my mom and Bella. She’s a baby.”
CJ studied her new friend’s picture. There was a man standing beside a woman who held a baby on one side of James. Two men holding hands stood on the other side.
James pointed to the people in the picture. “That’s Dad. His name is Peter. He’s married to Mom.” His finger moved to the other side of the picture. “That’s Papa and that’s Da.”
CJ smiled. “That’s a lot of dads.”
James shrugged. “Papa was married to my daddy. Now he’s married to Da.”
“Boys don’t marry boys,” Amber said.
CJ glared at the little girl. “Can too.”
Amber huffed. “You’re both stupid.”
CJ looked at James. She looked back at her picture.
“Who’s in your picture?” James asked.
“That’s my mommy in heaven,” CJ said. “That’s my daddy. His name is Tom.” CJ grinned. She pointed to a figure with long yellow hair. “That’s Auntie Debon. She’s sorta like my mom.”
“Who is that?” James placed a fingertip on the other person in CJ’s picture. “That’s my mom.” CJ smiled. “Sometimes I call her Auntie Carrie.”
“How come?”
“I dunno. Just do.”
“Do you live with her.”
“Yep and Debon. They’s getting married too.” CJ beamed.
“Cool.”
Amber shook her head. “Your mom can’t marry a girl.”
“Can too,” CJ argued.
Mrs. Agnew stepped in when she heard CJ’s voice raise. “Let’s see your pictures.”
Amber held hers up proudly. “See?” Her picture depicted a man, a woman, a little girl, and a taller boy.
“That’s very nice, Amber,” Mrs. Agnew said.
She looked at CJ’s picture.
CJ grinned. “I’m gonna give it to Mom and Deb.”
Mrs. Agnew put her hand on CJ’s shoulder. “I think they would love that.”
James held up his for inspection. “That’s beautiful, James.”
“It’s stupid,” Amber muttered.
Mrs. Agnew smiled. “Why would you say that, Amber?”
“You get a mom and a dad. Everybody gets a mom and a dad.”
“No,” Mrs. Agnew corrected her. “Some people get only a mom or only a dad, and some get more than one of each. Some only have a grandma or grandpa. Every family is different,” she explained. “And every family is special. Just like you have a big brother,” she continued. “Some people get a little sister like James or a little brother instead. Some people have two or three brothers or sisters.”
“Dakota has two sisters,” CJ said. “They’re bigger than us.”
“Who’s Dakota?” James asked.
“She’s my cousin.”
“I have cousins,” James offered. “Lots of them.”
“Me too,” CJ said.
“I have cousins,” Amber said.
CJ and James looked at Amber. “How many?” CJ asked.
Amber counted on her fingers. “Three.”
Mrs. Agnew smiled. It seemed the threesome had found their common ground. “Finish up your pictures,” she instructed them. It never gets old.
***
“Shopping? Devon, you hate to shop. I hate to shop! Why are we shopping?” Bruce asked.
“You’re shopping because I didn’t want to go alone. And, anyway I thought you wanted to spend more time together.”
“Shopping?”
Devon shrugged. “I need to get a couple of things. And, you need to get something to wear if you’re going to stand with me on Sunday.”
“I have things to wear.”
Devon looked at Bruce incredulously.
“What? What are you wearing?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Seriously?”
Devon nodded. “I don’t trust you not to tell Carrie.”
“I can’t tell her what I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
“What is Carrie wearing?”
“Other than simple, I haven’t the vaguest idea.”
“Are you kidding? You really don’t know?”
“Nope.” Devon grinned. “I doubt it will be white, though.”
“Why? Because of the shotgun thing?”
Devon’s laughter took Bruce by surprise. “There is that,” she admitted. Devon kept laughing. “Let’s just say that I know her. It will be simple and elegant.”
“So, what are we here for? You need me to check you out in a dress?”
“Please, I’d like to sleep tonight.”
“Funny.”
“I already have my dress.”
“Then why am I shopping?”
Devon pointed to a jewelry store in the distance.
“You need rings?”
“Nope. Got those too.”
“Okay?”
“This is for something even more important.”
Bruce was puzzled. “If you say so.”
“Use your imagination,” Devon suggested.
“My imagination would not land us in a jewelry store.”
“No, I imagine it would be in the store with blinds on the windows.”
“Hey! I can be romantic.”
“Yeah, nothing screams romance like a visit to the adult toy store.”
“Very funny. I don’t do that until at least the third date.”
“Very chivalrous.”
“We already know you like props. So, what would you suggest?” Bruce challenged.
“Learn to buy a bottle of wine worth more than ten dollars. That’d be a good start.”
Bruce stopped in his tracks.
“Coming?” Devon called back.
“I can be romantic.” Bruce jogged to catch up with his friend.
“Some woman is going to win the jackpot with you one of these days, Solo.”
Bruce grinned. “You think so?”
Devon smiled. Yeah, I do. “Start with the wine,” she said with a wink.
***
Mrs. Agnew caught Carrie as she walked into the preschool. “How are you doing?” she asked Carrie.
“I’m good.” Carrie sensed the teacher’s question. “Why? Did CJ say something?”
“She mentioned you weren’t feeling well. I thought perhaps you caught her cold.”
Not exactly. “No, just a little tired with the holidays.”
“Who isn’t? CJ’s spent most of today with our newest addition, James.”
Carrie let her eyes scan the room until she found CJ. CJ was sitting on the floor laughing with a dark-haired little boy. “I’m guessing that’s James.”
“It is.”
CJ turned and saw Carrie. She hopped to her feet, grabbed James’ hand, and sprinted for Carrie.
“Hey, you,” Carrie said.
CJ pulled James to stand beside her. “I got a new friend!”
�
�I see that.”
“Yep. He’s got three dads.”
Carrie opened her eyes a little wider in acknowledgment and nodded. “Hello,” Carrie greeted the young man. “You must be James.”
“How did you know that?” he asked.
Carrie winked at him playfully.
CJ grinned from ear to ear. “This is my mom,” she told him.
Carrie’s heart lodged in her throat. CJ had never introduced her as ‘Mom.’ She smiled at the boy. Hearing CJ’s words nearly brought Carrie to tears. In an instant, she realized that she needed to hear it as much as CJ needed to say it. She took a deep breath to steady herself and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, James.”
“James’ dad is in heaven like Mommy,” CJ offered.
Carrie was unsure what to say. Before she could form a response, CJ continued.
“But then he got two more dads! His mom gots one and his dad too! He has three now, and his dad in heaven. That’s even more than me. I got you and Debon.”
Carrie smiled. “Yes, you do. Why don’t you get your things? Maybe one day you can invite James over to play,” she offered.
CJ’s grin stretched from ear to ear. “Okay!”
“It was nice meeting you,” Carrie said to James.
James blushed, nodded, and let CJ pull him back to the table they had shared all day.
“Your mom’s pretty,” he whispered.
“Yep,” CJ agreed. “She’s a Jedi.”
James’ eyes flashed with awe. “That’s how she knew my name?”
CJ shrugged. “She knows stuff.” She grabbed her backpack and offered James a wave. “See you tomorrow." She skipped back to Carrie. “Ready!”
Carrie fought back her tears. CJ’s innocence took her breath away at times. I love you, CJ. She held out her hand. “What do you say we go surprise Dev with a pizza?”
“Really?”
Carrie nodded. She squeezed CJ’s hand, feeling a sense of wonder and love wash over her. She opened the car door.
CJ climbed into her seat and looked up at Carrie. “James’ dads got married like you and Debon. His mom got married too—like you and Deb. That’s why he gots three dads.”
Carrie smiled, gaining a new understanding of CJ’s immediate bond with James. “Sounds like you made a special friend.”
“Yep.”
Carrie buckled CJ in as CJ continued to prattle on about her day with James. Carrie kissed CJ on the forehead before closing the car door. She laughed when she opened her door, realizing that CJ had not stopped talking. Sometimes CJ reminded her of Devon. Devon could talk for hours when she was excited about something. Then again, so could Dar. The thought left Carrie wondering if perhaps somehow Dar had led James to CJ. She’d never been one to believe in those kinds of things. A tug in her heart told her that maybe it was time she started. What were the chances that a little boy who’d lost a parent and had two gay dads would wind up in CJ’s class? She looked in the rearview mirror at CJ’s animated expressions and giggled quietly. Not long ago, Carrie had wondered if anyone would ever call her, Mom. Maybe it was time to start believing in miracles. If anyone could make a miracle happen, it would be Dar. It might have seemed silly to most people, but the idea that Dar was watching over her and CJ—over all of them gave Carrie comfort and strength. “Thanks,” she whispered.
“Amber has a brother, like Dakota has sisters,” CJ said from the back seat. “James has a baby sister too.”
“Really?” Carrie asked.
“Yep. I don’t got one.” CJ sighed.
Carrie smiled. Maybe it’s time.
Chapter Eight
Christmas Eve
Carrie held out a plate, and CJ placed a few cookies on it for Santa. She had enjoyed the day. She’d missed her parents and her brother. Her nine-year-old nephew had spent hours teaching CJ all his Minecraft tricks. Carrie was impressed with his patience and his attention to CJ. Devon had taken out her guitar, something Carrie rarely saw her do. She and Ford had attempted to harmonize for hours. Her father had drifted off in the recliner. It wasn’t the same as Christmas Eve back in California. There had been plenty of laughter, but it had been a relaxed affair. Spending the day at home surrounded by family left Carrie feeling grateful. She was positive that her mother had noticed her glass remained filled with water throughout the day. And, she was sure that Gwen Maynard was itching to ask why. The question had never come. Gwen and Eddie Maynard had quietly excused themselves and retired to the guest room. Ford, his wife Donna, and Carrie’s nephew Grayson had left with Devon’s parents for the night. Tom had taken off to get CJ’s presents for the morning, promising to be back and have them under the tree before CJ woke up.
Tomorrow would be a busy day for everyone. It would begin with CJ opening her presents from Santa in the morning. Everyone would gather at Devon’s parents’ home to complete the gift exchange. Carrie and Devon would share their news with the family. A simple wedding ceremony would take place in front of the fireplace at two. And, then what Carrie imagined would be a feast would begin. Before all the festivities, Carrie had something she needed to do.
“Let’s go find Dev and put these somewhere Santa can find them,” Carrie said.
CJ nodded enthusiastically.
“You take the cookies into Dev. I’ll get Santa a glass of milk.”
CJ accepted the plate and skipped off to find Devon.
Carrie poured a glass of milk and followed. More milk? Well, at least you don’t have to turn down another glass of wine.
“How about we put these on the mantle right by your stocking?” Devon suggested.
Carrie handed Devon the glass of milk. She reached under the tree and pulled out a small box. “CJ,” she called.
CJ ran over to Carrie. Carrie pulled her onto the sofa. She handed CJ the box.
“I get a pwesent now?”
“Yes, you do. Santa dropped this off to me early,” Carrie said.
CJ’s eyes danced with excitement.
Devon sat down on the other side of CJ. “Well? Open it!”
CJ tore off the paper and opened the box. She stared at the contents curiously.
Carrie pointed to the ornament. “Can you read the names?”
CJ pulled out the ornament and studied it carefully. There were four monkeys wearing Santa hats, two tall ones and two small ones. Her tongue traced her lips as she concentrated. She looked at the first one. “Mom,” she read the name.
“Keep going,” Carrie encouraged her.
“Deb!” CJ exclaimed. “CJ! That’s me!”
Devon and Carrie exchanged an amused glance.
CJ frowned. The last monkey was sitting in a box. She didn’t recognize the word.
Carrie pointed to the smallest monkey. “It says baby.”
CJ looked up at Carrie.
“You’re going to be someone’s big sister,” Carrie said.
CJ’s eyes grew as big as saucers. She looked at Devon and then back at Carrie.
Carrie suppressed a laugh. “Dev and I are having a baby.”
CJ jumped off the sofa and started jumping up and down. “I get a sister!”
“It could be a brother,” Devon admitted reluctantly.
Carrie giggled.
CJ danced around a bit and then stopped. She looked at Carrie. “Mom?” she asked.
Carrie swallowed hard. Devon took her hand. “Yes?” Carrie replied.
CJ frowned. “Where’s the baby?”
Carrie smiled. She pointed to her belly.
CJ’s eyes flew open again. “In there?”
“In there,” Carrie said.
“Remember when Auntie Rachel had her baby?” Devon asked CJ. Devon’s sister-in-law had given birth to her first child in August.
CJ nodded.
“Do you remember how you felt the baby move in her tummy?” Devon asked.
CJ nodded again.
“Well, there’s a baby in…” Devon paused. She took a breath, squeezed Carrie’s hand, and continued.
“There’s a baby in Mom’s tummy right now.”
CJ put her hands on Carrie’s stomach. She pressed her ear to it. “Where is she?”
Carrie grinned. “Trust me; he’s in there. You’ll get to feel him soon.”
CJ bit her lip and shuffled her foot.
“CJ?” Carrie asked. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“Can you still be my mom?”
Carrie scooped CJ up into her lap. She could throttle Dar’s mother for causing CJ any insecurity. It was still difficult for her to hear CJ call her Mom—not because she didn’t love it, because it felt right and some part of her feared she was trespassing on sacred ground. After CJ’s introduction at preschool earlier that week, Carrie had become ‘Mom.’ When CJ wanted her, she called ‘Mom.’ Carrie had discussed it with their family counselor, Tom, and Devon at length. All agreed that she needed to embrace CJ’s needs. More than that, she wanted to.
“Sweetheart, no one will ever change that,” Carrie promised. She kissed CJ’s head. “You know, I used to talk to you when you were in your mommy’s belly. She thought I was crazy.”
CJ brightened. “Mommy says you’re funny.”
“She said that, huh?”
“She says that all the time. She misses us.”
Carrie pulled CJ closer. She often heard CJ talking to Dar when she was playing in her room, telling her mother about her day. “And we miss her.”
“Yep. But we gots Deb!”
Devon laughed. She moved to the tree and grabbed two boxes. She handed one to CJ and one to Carrie.
“What’s this?” Carrie asked.
“I might have consulted with Santa too,” she said with a wink. “Well, they’re not going to open themselves! Open them!”
Carrie waited a beat for CJ to open her box. She reached over CJ and pulled out the small locket shaped like a compass. She opened it so that CJ could see it. Two faces greeted her. She closed her eyes.
“It’s you and Mommy!” CJ bounced with excitement.
“That’s right,” Devon said. “That locket is shaped like a compass. Do you know what a compass does?”
CJ shook her head.
“A compass helps you find your way when you get lost. Think of it like a star. A long time ago, people found their way by the stars. A compass is just like that. That’s to remind you that Mommy and Mom will always be with you,” Devon said. “No one can ever change that, CJ. No matter what you call anyone and no matter what anyone says to you, you carry them with you. Whenever you feel like you are lost, you open that up and look. They will be right there with you—both your moms.”