by JA Armstrong
Carrie’s eyes locked with Devon’s. God, I love you.
“Well?” Devon said. “You haven’t opened yours,” she reminded Carrie.
Carrie took a deep breath and opened Devon’s gift. She lifted the locket from the box and held her breath. She opened it to find CJ’s picture on one side and Dar’s on the other. “Thank you.”
Devon nodded. She looked at the pair in front of her. “You know,” she began. She looked at CJ first. “Your mommy will always be with both of you. Sometimes it helps to have a reminder,” she said. She looked at Carrie. “The truth is I wouldn’t have either of you without her.”
“Dev,” Carrie whispered.
“It’s true,” Devon said.
“Deb?” CJ tugged on Devon’s sleeve. “You can be one too.”
“I can be one?”
“Yep. James has three and his daddy in heaven. He has a Da. You can be a Ma!”
Carrie chuckled.
“You have to be one,” CJ said seriously.
“Oh?” Devon said.
“Yep. ‘Cause I get a sister like Dakota!” CJ hopped back up and started to dance again.
“So much for my heartfelt gesture,” Devon laughed.
Carrie kissed her gently on the cheek. “It was beautiful. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Devon almost had to yell to be heard over CJ’s singing.
“What is all the commotion down here?” Gwen appeared on the stairs.
“I get a sister!” CJ cheered.
“Or a brother,” Devon mumbled.
Carrie squeezed Devon’s hand and giggled.
Gwen descended the stairs and headed straight for Carrie.
Carrie smiled at her mother. “Oh, please—me not drinking wine? I’m sure you had it figured out by dinner,” Carrie said.
Gwen shook her head. “No, I didn’t.” She hugged Carrie. “I’m so happy for you, sweetheart.”
“What on earth is going on down there?” Eddie started down the stairs. “How’s Santa supposed to deliver the presents with all this racket?”
Carrie wiped a few tears from her mother’s cheek.
CJ ran to the stairs to greet Carrie’s father. “Grampy! There’s a baby in Mom’s tummy.”
Eddie’s brow furrowed in confusion.
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Carrie’s pregnant.”
“This is your doing?” Eddie looked at Devon. “Good thing you’re marrying her.”
“Dad!”
Eddie laughed. “Just kidding. You know, Arnold is a great name or Babe.”
“No,” Carrie and Gwen answered in unison.
“Carrie was thinking Harry,” Devon offered mischievously.
Carrie covered her face.
“Harry?” Eddie groaned.
“All right,” Carrie said. “I think that’s enough excitement.”
Devon picked up CJ. “Someone needs to go to bed so that Santa can come.”
CJ wiggled in Devon’s grasp. Devon set her down and she ran to Carrie.
“Can I stay with you?” CJ asked.
“You know, we have to make sure everything is all ready for Santa after you go to bed,” Carrie said.
CJ looked at her feet.
“How about if I go lie down with you for a little while?” Carrie suggested. CJ nodded. “Go up. I’ll be right there.”
CJ ran up the stairs.
“We’ll see you in the morning,” Carrie told her parents.
“Somehow, I think Santa will have a hard time topping your news,” Gwen said.
“Truer words,” Carrie agreed. “Although, I suspect the games I wrapped for CJ might prove a strong contender.
“I didn’t buy that many,” Devon said.
Carrie shook her head. She knew that Devon had enjoyed shopping for CJ more than she would ever delight in opening presents herself.
Devon leaned in and kissed Carrie softly. “Don’t worry if you fall asleep,” she whispered.
“Why is that? You want all those cookies I baked for yourself, don’t you?” Carrie guessed.
“Look at it this way, you’ll have twice as many to bake next year. We can share then.”
Carrie shook her head.
“I mean it. You look tired,” Devon said honestly.
“I am tired.”
“I’ll take care of everything down here; trust me. Take CJ into our room tonight. I think she could use to be close to you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Dev?”
“Hum?”
“Thanks.”
“See you in a bit.”
Devon watched Carrie climb the stairs beside her mother. Gwen’s arm wrapped around Carrie’s waist. Carrie’s head fell against her mother’s shoulder as they walked in unison. Devon enjoyed the display. She wished that Carrie’s family lived closer. As she watched Carrie hug her mother at the top of the stairs, she resolved that they would make a point to travel west more often. Carrie needed her family and so would their children. Devon cleaned up the wrapping paper that had been tossed on the floor. She made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of white wine. Something told her that CJ needed a little time alone with Carrie. Carrie needed that too. Devon sipped her wine and stretched out on the sofa to enjoy the lights from the Christmas tree.
CJ was set to leave with her father after the Christmas festivities for Florida. The pair would be gone until the new year. Devon looked forward to some time alone with Carrie, although she knew she and Carrie would both be missing CJ after a couple of days. There would be no time for a honeymoon, at least, not in the traditional sense. Carrie would be busy tying up all the loose ends at Maynard and Willis before Earl Hargrove’s team officially took over. D&B’s had a busy schedule the next week with holiday parties and four wedding receptions. Carrie’s family would be in town for another four days. Devon laughed softly, thinking that typical in her life with Carrie was anything but typical by most people’s standards. She wouldn’t change a thing. There would be time for romantic trips later. Most people’s notion of a romantic get-a-way was a trip to Hawaii or Paris, maybe a cruise or a ski resort in the mountains. Neither Devon nor Carrie needed any grand overture to celebrate their marriage. Their relationship had always been about the simple things in life: pizza and Star Wars with popcorn, trying to find Nemo and learning how to take an Uber, comforting CJ’s nightmares and laughing at her stories, long talks and morning kisses. Devon inhaled the emotions that coursed through her. She’d spent hours writing her vows. Now, she realized that what she needed to say was simple. She sipped her wine and smiled. I wouldn’t change a thing.
***
CJ jostled herself closer to Carrie. “Mom?”
“Hum?”
“Does your tummy hurt?”
Carrie grinned. Thankfully, not anymore. “No, monkey. It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“Mom?”
“Hum?”
“Does my sister gets Nana and Papa?”
Carrie smiled. She was sure that Tom’s mother would welcome the baby with grateful arms, even if she had no idea of the baby’s paternity. Tom’s parents had always accepted Carrie as part of the family, just as they had Dar. It had been a difficult year for everyone. Tom’s father’s health and mental capacity continued to decline. Carrie was certain that Tom hoped to convince his mother to place his father in a long-term care facility. His sister, Julie would be meeting him there as support. She couldn’t imagine how painful the decision must be for Tom’s mother. Betty Willis was one of the kindest people Carrie had ever met. It made Carrie’s heart ache. One thing she did know, any baby she and Devon brought into the world would be loved, and that included by Nana and Papa.
“Well,” Carrie said. “Remember, you could have a little brother.”
“Yeah, but does he get Nana and Papa too?”
Carrie kissed CJ’s head and closed her eyes. “I’m sure that Nana and Papa will love him too.” She had just started to drift off to s
leep when CJ’s voice roused her.
“Mom?”
Carrie chuckled. “Yes?”
“Can he hear me?”
“Who?”
“The baby?”
Carrie smiled. “I don’t think so, not yet.”
“How come?”
“Because he’s not that big yet.”
“I’m not big.”
Got me there. “He’s very tiny, monkey. Think of it like he is far away.”
“Mommy’s far away. She hears me.”
Carrie pulled CJ closer. She’s got me again. “That’s true.”
CJ put her lips to Carrie’s belly. “Hi!”
I need to start writing these things down.
“I’m CJ.”
Carrie laughed. “You know, if we don’t get to sleep, Santa won’t be able to come down the chimney.”
CJ groaned. She placed her head against Carrie’s stomach again. “Mom says we gots to sleep for Santa. Night!”
Carrie shook with laughter.
CJ moved back up the bed and looked at Carrie. “Why’s you laughing?”
“I just love you, monkey and that makes me happy.”
“Mom?”
Carrie shook her head and kept laughing. It never gets old.
“What if Santa gets stuck?”
“He’s magic,” Carrie explained. “He won’t get stuck. Now, go to sleep.”
“Kay.” CJ snuggled against Carrie. “He can share Mommy too,” she whispered.
A lump formed in Carrie’s throat. “I know he will love that.”
“Yep. Night, Mom.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
“I love you.”
“Oh, CJ, I love you too. Merry Christmas, monkey.” Carrie felt CJ take a deep breath and release it. If only you knew how much.
***
Christmas Day
Devon took Carrie’s hand and waded through a pile of colorful paper. She took a deep breath. “It’s not a secret anymore,” she began. “Before we take our vows this afternoon, we wanted to share some news with all of you.” She felt Carrie’s hand hold hers tightly. “Carrie and I are expecting.”
“Like a baby?” Devon’s sister Madison teased.
“Of course, a baby!” Devon answered.
Everyone laughed.
“Who is expecting?” Kit asked curiously.
“That would be me,” Carrie replied. She noted Jillian was squeezing Gwen’s hand.
“Wow, Dev,” Devon’s sister Monica chimed. “You really are talented.”
“You have no idea,” Devon quipped.
Carrie burst out laughing. “On that note,” she said. “I need to change.” She kissed Devon on the cheek. “See you in a little bit.”
“You will.”
Madison followed Carrie and stopped her at the bottom of the stairs. “Congratulations. I know how excited you must be.”
“We both are.”
“You know, I love to tease Dev, but she’ll be a terrific mom.”
“She already is,” Carrie said.
Madison nodded.
“Mom!” CJ ran up to Carrie.
Carrie raised her brow. “I gots to get weady too!”
Carrie held out her hand. “Yes, you do.”
“Carrie,” Madison grabbed Carrie’s arm. “Thank you. She loves you—both of you. I’ve never seen Devon so happy.”
Carrie smiled. “Don’t thank me,” she said. “I don’t know what we’d do without her.” She led CJ up the stairs.
Devon caught up with Madison. “What are you doing?”
“I was talking to your future wife.”
Devon grinned.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Madison wondered. “I didn’t think you would try for a baby until…”
“We were married?” Devon guessed. She shrugged. “To be honest, we didn’t expect to be successful on the first try. We didn’t want to wait to start trying.”
“How is Carrie doing?”
“Good. Yesterday marked thirteen weeks,” Devon explained. “I think we both breathed a sigh of relief.”
“I understand,” Madison said. “That’s why we’re waiting.”
Devon’s smile lit her face like a candle. “You’re pregnant?”
Madison nodded. “About eight weeks.”
Devon pulled her big sister into a hug. “CJ and Dakota are going to go insane!”
“Safe bet,” Madison agreed.
“You just gave me the best wedding present.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I think CJ and Dakota will always be best friends. These babies will only be a month apart. They’ll have each other. Kind of like we did.”
Madison and Devon loved to playfully harass one another. They were only fifteen months apart. Madison was Devon’s best friend in a different way from Bruce. She was Devon’s lifelong friend, more than a sister; she was the person who knew Devon best. Devon felt sure that was the reason she enjoyed such a close relationship with Dakota. Jenna and Jill were Madison’s step-daughters and Dakota’s half-sisters. Their mother had left Madison’s husband, Jared when Jenna was only six-months-old. Madison was the only mother either ever truly knew. Devon loved them equally, but she couldn’t deny that she shared a special connection with Dakota. Dakota was part of Madison. Devon had thought more than once that he relationship with Dakota helped her to understand Carrie’s bond with CJ.
Madison hugged Devon tightly. “I love you, Dev. I’m so glad you found Carrie.”
“Me too.”
Madison cleared her throat. “You’d better get ready.”
“Why? Don’t I look presentable?”
“Presentable? Yes. Marriable….”
“Marriable?” Devon laughed.
“What are you wearing?” Madison wondered.
“Flannel.”
“Ass,” Madison commented.
Devon winked and headed off to find her mother. Carrie wouldn’t care if I did wear flannel.
***
“Hey,” Ford walked into Devon’s old bedroom in search of Carrie. “Wow,” he commented.
“You really are a poet,” Carrie teased.
“If you weren’t my sister…”
Carrie laughed.
“Seriously, you look amazing.”
“Thanks.”
“And, you,” Ford looked at CJ. “You look like a mini-Carrie.”
CJ grinned. Carrie had chosen deep red velvet dresses for them.
“You two look like princesses.”
“Jedi!” CJ countered.
“Classy Jedi,” Ford replied.
“Do you think Dad is disappointed?” Carrie wondered.
Ford was confused.
“That he’s not walking me down an aisle,” Carrie clarified.
Ford smiled. “No.” He looked at CJ. “You know, you should go check on Devon and make sure she’s ready,” he suggested. “She’s down the hall in your Grandma Jill’s room.”
“’Kay!” CJ ran out of the room.
Carrie snickered. “God help us if she has any more sugar.”
“I don’t think it’s the sugar,” Ford said. “She’s happy.”
“I hope so. It hasn’t been easy for her.”
“No. I don’t think it’s been easy for any of you. Maybe that’s what makes today so special,” he said. “I know we don’t usually do the touchy-feely thing.”
“Mm. Incest is never a good plan.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do.”
“I know Dar was your best friend. The thing is, you have always been mine.”
Carrie smiled. “Ford, my relationship with Dar isn’t the same as you and me. You’ve always been my best friend. I don’t think anybody knows me as well as you do except maybe Dev—not even Dar. I miss her,” Carrie confessed.
“Can I ask you something without you getting mad?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Did you love her? Dar, I mean?”
>
“You mean was I in love with her,” Carrie surmised. “I’ve thought about that a lot. Maybe some small part of me was a long time ago—a long time ago. I think when I first met Dar I was in love with the idea of her. She was bold and brave. She forced me to challenge myself. She pushed my limits.” Carrie smiled. “And, I do mean she pushed my limits. I loved her. It’s ironic. Without her, I’m not sure I would have been able to handle these last few months. I know she loved me. I can’t explain it to you. In some strange way, Dar led me here. She’s the reason I met Devon at all. CJ,” Carrie’s thoughts trailed off. She closed her eyes. “CJ is more like her than anyone realizes. I can see that same mischievous sparkle in her eyes. There’s been a lot of sadness. But, Dar? Maybe her purpose in my life was to lead me here. I know that doesn’t make sense.”
“Sure, it does. I don’t think love is supposed to make sense,” Ford offered. “I think it’s meant to be accepted as it is.” He hugged his sister. “I love you, Carrie.”
“I love you too.”
“See you downstairs?”
“I’ll be there.”
***
CJ opened the door to Jillian and Lance’s bedroom and ran straight for Devon.
“Hey, monkey.”
“Deb! You’re beautiful!”
“So are you.”
“Yep. Mom is too.”
“I’ll bet,” Devon replied.
CJ looked at Bruce. She’d never seen him dressed in a jacket and tie. “You look rich.”
Devon laughed. Apparently, a jacket and tie made someone wealthy in CJ’s world.
“How is Mom?” Devon asked.
“She’s with Uncle Ford.”
“Ah. Planning the rebellion, no doubt.”
CJ giggled.
“I’m going to go see if she’s almost ready,” Bruce said, sensing that Devon wanted a moment with CJ.
“Thanks,” Devon said. She took a seat on a loveseat in her parent’s room. She patted the cushion beside her and helped CJ up. “Are you having a good Christmas?”
CJ nodded. “I gots lots of pwesents.”
“You sure did.”