Signs of Love and Deliverance

by Tracy Kay

  Raven encircled her neck with his hand and held her attention, looking deep into her pretty, gray eyes, strengthening their connection. “Gretchen, I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I am a very good listener.”

  She smiled up at him, not intimidated or frightened at all by his imposing masculinity, his commanding touch, his intense stare, or his firm tone of voice. Instead, she felt safe and loved. “Thank you, Raven, that is kind of you.”

  Raven let her go and winked at her, breaking the tension that he had built between them. “No, it is selfish of me. I have ulterior motives, don’t you know.”

  “Like what?” She grinned, uncertain of what those motives were.”

  “Getting another painting out of you,” he said teasingly.

  Gretchen giggled before offering, “Would you like some tea?”

  “I wish I could, little one, but I have business to attend. Another time?” He smiled softly at her.

  Gretchen smiled in return. “I would like that very much.”

  “Be good for me,” Raven ordered firmly, mentally giving her bottom a light swat to emphasize what might happen if she wasn’t. He winked at her again, strolling out of the sunlit room.

  Gretchen gasped and blinked at him in surprise as she watched him leave, rubbing at the slight sting he had given her. “How does he do that?” She asked the empty room, in awe of the man who so easily took her breath away.

  Madeline had been unconscious for two days before she finally awoke to a foggy world and a splitting headache. Brandon had told her that it would be a few days, maybe weeks, before the headaches would end. He refused to allow her to leave her bed until he thought she was ready, no matter how well she felt, but Madeline had left her bed anyway. When she tried standing for the first time, a wave of dizziness overwhelmed her and forced her back to bed. She supposed Brandon was right. She would have to stay in bed a few days more.

  When the soft knock on the door sounded, it was like a loud, beating drum pounding in her head. “Come in.”

  As Joselyn peeked around the door, unsure if she would be welcomed into Madeline’s bedroom, she asked tentatively, “Am I welcome?”

  “Joselyn, please, come in.” Madeline waved her in.

  Quietly closing the door behind her, Joselyn walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to Madeline. “I am so sorry, Madeline,” she apologized in a rush. “I never meant for you to get hurt. Do you forgive me?”

  “There is nothing to forgive, Joselyn. It is not your fault someone shot me.” Madeline was not feeling up to Joselyn’s theatrics and hoped she wouldn’t stay long.

  “But it is my fault,” she implored. “I could have stopped it.”

  “How, Joselyn?” Madeline sighed.

  “If I had given Manny the money. Ugh, how I wish I could undo the past,” Joselyn whined, too wrapped up in her own problems to notice Madeline’s condition.

  “Who is Manny, Joselyn, and what money?” Madeline was confused and in too much pain to figure out Joselyn’s riddles.

  “Manuel Parez, my lover from when I was younger,” Joselyn explained impatiently as if Madeline should have already known. “I asked him to teach me about sex so I could use other men to get money. I have had a lot of affairs, Madeline.”

  “Oh, Joselyn,” Madeline sighed, too tired of Joselyn’s foolishness to care.

  “A few days ago, he blackmailed me, and said if I didn’t get him the money in three days, he would hurt someone close to me,” Joselyn continued, ignoring Madeline’s tired sigh. “He raped me to make his point clear. It is his way. Maddy, I didn’t have the money to give. I never dreamed he would do this. At first when he threatened me, I thought he was the one killing off my family, but then I disregarded it.” She began picking at the threads on her gown and stared indifferently down at her hands. “He may be violent, but he was not a killer. At least, I didn’t think he was. Now, I don’t know what to believe.” She looked back at Madeline, brushing away the genuine tears from her cheeks. “Madeline, I am sorry,” Joselyn pleaded with big, brown eyes wide open in hopes Madeline would forgive her. She desperately needed Madeline to understand and keep Joselyn in her good graces, now more than ever.

  “Joselyn, you did not pull that trigger. You are not to blame for what other people do,” Madeline stated reassuringly. She sighed again and absently rubbed her forehead to ease the pain there. “You have made a lot of mistakes, Joselyn. We all do. Only you happened to have made bigger ones.”

  “I know,” she confirmed dramatically.

  “If you needed money, Joselyn, why didn’t you come to me? I would have helped you.” Madeline lowered her hand from her head and shifted her position in an attempt to get more comfortable on the bed.

  “I couldn’t. It was too humiliating.” Joselyn bowed her head and watched her hand pulling at the threads on her pretty blue gown. She took a shallow breath before continuing. “How could I let everyone know that we did not have enough money? That was what I thought anyway. It turns out that Zachary was gambling it all away. If I had known, I could have stopped him somehow and I would never have . . . prostituted myself,” she bit the words out in mortification.

  “Joselyn, honey, I had no idea this was going on.” Madeline was genuinely surprised by Joselyn’s confession.

  “I feel awful. I am a terrible person, Madeline,” Joselyn moaned. “I have used so many people, all those men.”

  Becoming vexed with her continued dramatics, Madeline snapped, “Joselyn stop feeling sorry for yourself. All women use men to some extent. We really don’t have much of a choice.”

  Joselyn peered up at Madeline in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “If you haven’t noticed Joselyn, men rule this world, and it isn’t likely to change any time soon. Women have to find ways to get what they want and to be heard in whatever way they can.” Madeline shifted her body again, uncomfortable and irritable. “You manipulate men with sex and false promises to get what you want. I use my position, knowledge, and wealth. Deirdre uses her beauty and her facade of helplessness. Gretchen uses her sweet nature, and if that doesn’t work, she blasts her hot temper,” Madeline explained as if she were talking to a small child.

  “She does have a temper and a habit of throwing things,” Joselyn remarked contemptuously.

  “You see, Joselyn, we all manipulate men to some degree. Only you happened to go farther than most.”

  “Can you forgive me for all the awful things I did to you, lying to you, and using you?” Joselyn begged. “I simply couldn’t lose your friendship, Madeline.”

  Of course, she couldn’t, Madeline thought, Joselyn would be ruined if she did. “I can forgive you, Joselyn, but it is going to take a while for me to trust you, again. If it is any consolation, you have already made the first step by telling me about all this.” Madeline considered her curiously. “What made you tell me?”

  “A man named Raven made me tell him, and I wanted to be the first to tell you, not him, Nicholas, or Brandon.” After a moment, Joselyn asked, “Who is Raven, Maddy?”

  “One of Brandon’s closest friends. Stay away from him, Joselyn. He is a very dangerous man,” Madeline warned. Raven would never tolerate Joselyn’s theatrics. She would never be able to manipulate him and she would suffer dearly for it if she tried.

  “How was he able to make me tell my secrets?” She questioned, curious about the strange man.

  “He compelled you, hypnotized you, mesmerized you, call it what you will, but it all equals the same thing. You belong to him until he is finished with you,” Madeline relayed bluntly. She honestly didn’t know how Raven did what he did. She simply knew it was disturbing and unsettling when he turned his unique abilities on her, which only happened on the rare occasion.

  “I don’t understand,” Joselyn was perplexed.

  “There is nothing for it, but that you obey his every wish. You can try to fight him, but your will is his. I have seen it in the extreme,
Joselyn. When I was aboard the Deliverance several years ago, there was this one boy that followed Raven around everywhere, doing everything that was required of him with no complaints. When I asked Raven why, he said the boy was being punished for disobedience. Raven called it shadowing and explained that it was more effective and humane than a beating or spanking, especially when beatings were ineffective with some people who only knew violence.” Madeline grimaced from the memory. “The person shadowing Raven has no free will, no choice, but to obey Raven and to ask his permission for every need. Personally, I would rather take one of his spankings, and I know from experience that when Raven gives a spanking, you will never forget it.”

  “He has spanked you?” Joselyn sucked in a breath of surprise and revulsion. “I thought only Brandon and Nicholas punished you, Madeline.”

  “Oh, yes, he has, more than once and with Brandon’s permission.” Madeline nodded and promptly winced from the pain of the motion. Ignoring the pain, she continued. “The first time, I was with Gretchen on a voyage to Philadelphia and he had to bring us back to the ship after we left without permission, and the second time, I deserved a punishment more than I ever deserved one before or since.”

  When Joselyn realized Madeline wasn’t going to say more, she asked, “What happened?”

  Madeline grimaced from the memory. “It was during my second voyage with Brandon and we were visiting Conrad Morgan’s plantation in the West Indies. For some reason, I can’t remember or more likely was never told, Brandon had Raven take me home. I was supposed to obey Raven in all things. Needless to say, I didn’t.”

  “And?” Joselyn prompted, wanting to know more.

  “Raven had to make a stop in Charleston Harbor and he told me to stay aboard. We would only be docked for a few hours to take on some cargo,” Madeline paused and sighed with self-disgust. “Well, I did not stay on board. I thought I would go shopping, again. That is what got Gretchen and I into trouble in Philadelphia, which had earned us both a punishment from Raven. You would think I would have learned my lesson the first time,” she snorted as she rubbed her neck tiredly. “When I returned later that day, Raven was furious, that is as furious as that man ever gets. I have never seen him show a temper, only that calm veneer of his.”

  “Anyway,” Madeline continued. “He had sent out a search party and he was waiting for me to show up. When I did, he took me to his cabin and he never asked me a single question like Brandon does. Brandon always wants to know my reasons for what I do wrong, discuss it, calmly, rationally, see if a punishment is needed,” she explained. “Not Raven. Before I could even get a breath, I was over his knee, my skirt raised and my bottom was on fire. I had never experienced anything like it and I never plan to again. To his credit though, he held me long after the tears and explained his actions. Neither did he make me shadow him. I don’t think I could have lived through that.” Madeline rubbed a hand across her forehead, growing weary from the conversation.

  “What a dreadful man,” Joselyn was horrified at the prospect of that man spanking her.

  Madeline smiled faintly and defended Raven. “He was right in what he did, Joselyn. I deserved it. At the time, it was a dangerous thing for a British ship to be in an American harbor, not to mention how dangerous it was for a young girl to wander unfamiliar streets unescorted. Besides, it was the second time he had to punish me for the same thing. He was right and I would never do such a thing today.”

  “It is so unfair that men can beat us or punish us whenever they please,” Joselyn huffed angrily, hating that men controlled the world and them.

  “I know, Joselyn,” Madeline concurred, stifling a yawn. “I am not too fond of Brandon’s rules. Sometimes he is too strict, but I do know he has seen women and children horribly abused and other unsavory things I haven’t.” Madeline sighed. She was very tired of explaining her brother’s actions to Joselyn. “I guess I can’t blame him, or Raven for that matter, for their overprotective tendencies. However, it would be nice if men would give women credit for having some intelligence. When I was a child that was one thing. Brandon and Raven had every right to discipline me. I was going through what I refer to as my young and rebellious years, but now I am a grown woman. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and making my own decisions, most of the time anyway.”

  “Apparently, I have only begun completing my rebellious years,” Joselyn huffed.

  Madeline laughed at Joselyn’s comment. “Not to belabor the point, but stay away from Raven,” Madeline warned. “He demands obedience from those who are under his care, and like it or not, you now fall into that category. I am sorry, Joselyn, but he won’t have much patience for your melodramatic nature.”

  “How is he involved in your family? The way he acted, one would think he was head of your family.” Joselyn was curious why Brandon Cathcart would allow such a man so much power over his family.

  “In a way, he is,” Madeline smiled ruefully. “He and Conrad Morgan raised Brandon from an adolescent into an adult. What Brandon is today, he owes to Raven and Conrad. He rarely, if ever, disobeys those two men. When one of them asks him to do something, he does it. He seeks out their advice and their help, which was probably why you met up with Raven. Brandon respects those two men more than our father. He would never gainsay them or disrespect them. I also know that if it came down to it, everyone in this family would follow Brandon’s example. If Raven or Conrad ordered me to do something, I sure as hell better do it.”

  “But that isn’t right, Madeline.” Joselyn frowned in confusion, not understanding such loyalty.

  “But it is the way it is,” Madeline stated simply.

  “This family of yours is confusing.”

  “I know and it is much larger than you can imagine, but there is also a sense of safety and love in this family.” Madeline smiled. She loved her family, every extended one of them. “I know that Raven and Conrad love me as much as Brandon does and they would do anything for me. I don’t begrudge or hate the way it is because I happen to love them in return.” Madeline gestured her hand at Joselyn. “And like it or not Joselyn, you are becoming part of this family; otherwise, Raven wouldn’t have cared enough to touch your mind. I know it takes a lot out of him, although it does not seem that way. He is a good man, but a very dangerous and dominant one,” Madeline warned again, knowing Raven would not have much patience for Joselyn.

  “I am not all that fond of domineering men. I think I will stay away from Raven,” Joselyn decreed, having no intention of crossing the man’s path again.

  Madeline nodded. “Good choice.” She ran her hand through her hair tiredly. “If you don’t mind, Joselyn, I would like to rest for a bit.”

  “Forgive me.” Joselyn stood up to leave. “I shouldn’t have stayed so long, Maddy. You are still recovering.”

  “It is all right.” Madeline gave her hand a squeeze before Joselyn left the room. Madeline settled more comfortably in her bed and sighed. Her head hurt terribly, but she felt satisfied with her discussion with Joselyn despite her theatrics. She honestly thought that she and Joselyn could repair their friendship. Madeline smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

  Curled up on the settee in her room, Joselyn gazed out the window through a haze of tears. If it was not for her, Madeline would not have been shot. If it was not for her, Madeline and her family would be safe. Madeline was going to forgive her. Joselyn did not understand how she could after all the awful things Joselyn did to her. She never knew Madeline cared for her that much. She did not know how she was going to rectify all the grief and fear she had caused the Cathcarts.

  Joselyn knew she had done some terrible things. Why did she sleep with all those men? Why did she allow Manny to abuse her? Why did she use the people who cared about her? Why did she lie to herself? And why did she still have the urge to do it? She did not have any answers. She truly believed that the things she had done would make her life better, but it had only made it worse. She felt dirty and alone. She cried, unable t
o stop the racking sobs. Madeline may be able to forgive her, but she would never forgive herself.

  As she brushed away the tears, there was a soft knock on the door and Nicholas walked in. Joselyn glanced at him quickly then looked away, saying nothing. Nicholas sat down beside her and lifted her chin to meet her eyes. “Joselyn, honey, don’t cry.” He wiped away her tears with the tips of his fingers. “Talk to me, Joselyn.” He had heard her crying as he passed by her room and he was concerned.

  “Why did I do those horrible things, Nicholas, why?” She implored as the tears streamed down her face.

  “Honey, only you know the answer to that,” he soothed gently.

  “I am a terrible person, a monster,” she spat out the words.

  Nicholas took her by her shoulders and squeezed lightly. “No, you are not. You made some mistakes, bad mistakes, but that does not make you a monster.”

  “Yes, it does. I used and slept with all those men. They didn’t deserve what I did to them.” She stared down at her hands which grasped the material of her dress in bunches. A habit she had since her parents had died and it occurred whenever she was distressed or nervous. Half the time she did not even realize she was doing it, but today, she had practically destroyed the pretty gown. Letting go of the dress, she peered up at Nicholas. “How can I repay them?”

  “By staring over, Joselyn. We love you, and like it or not, you have a new family. We will not allow you to hurt yourself anymore,” Nicholas pronounced, squeezing her hand.

  “How will I stop? How will I know I won’t continue hurting people? I don’t know how to be any other way.” She searched his face with her eyes, begging for some answers.

  Nicholas lightly stroked her cheek. “I will help you and Madeline will help you. We will not let you hurt others any more, and most importantly, we will not let you hurt yourself.”

  “You don’t understand, Nicholas. I never hurt myself. I . . . I liked it and I don’t know how to stop liking it.” She covered her face and sobbed.