Your Little Secret

by Cooper, Bethan

  “It’s costly, but I love it,” Ethan called out moments later. “Not as much as my place up North, but I think that’s more to do with the price tag.”

  Amber laughed; she had noticed how expensive the cost of things were down in London compared to Leeds. She wouldn’t be able to live down here and she knew going back to that little run down cottage was her only option now. She could beg for her job back and she could live on that income. She had done before. The house still stood sturdy. It was still a house to live in. It would do.

  “You’re looking thoughtful,” Ethan’s voice penetrated her thoughts and threw her off course for a moment. She had almost forgotten where she was sat. “Here,” he commented as he popped a glass of brown liquor that smelt strongly of Bourbon. “It’ll help you get some sleep.”

  “I don’t want alcohol,” Amber said pushing the drink away. “Sorry.”

  “No, don’t apologise, I should have asked,” Ethan said taking the glass away, he disappeared quickly leaving Amber alone again.

  Amber smiled weakly as he took the drink away from her. She ran a hand over the back of her neck, and gave herself a metaphorical pat on the back. She wasn’t going to go for the bottle when life got tough. This was her chance to turn her life around and make something of her life. She wasn’t going to be the miserable, self-wallowing alcoholic Connor’s life had made of her.

  She wanted to be the confident girl who drank for fun and giggled all the time. She wanted to wake up and not concern herself with just surviving. No, she wanted to be so much more than that. Hell, she wanted to be the girl that Ethan made her. He always made her the best version of herself. It was time to pick herself up and dust herself off and leave the dark shadow behind.

  “Seriously, girl, what’s on that mind?” Ethan asked as he finally sat down, coming back with only a glass of water for them both. He didn’t want to delay talking to her any longer. He wanted the truth from her, he wanted to help her get over this moment of horror.

  Amber gave him the same small smile. “What’s not on my mind?” she asked and looked up at him. Her eyes traced over his face quickly, literally soaking in the sight of him and she felt so content with being near him again. “I really have missed you, Ethie,” she murmured softly, thankful that he had caught her. “Life’s empty without you.”

  “I realised that fact a little too late,” Ethan agreed, his tone filled with dry sarcasm. He looked down at his hands on the table top and sighed, “The moment I walked into this flat, I felt like a part of me was missing. I thought that by ignoring Facebook and just leaving I wouldn’t be like this, but I saw Connor’s updates on Facebook, then Eva’s and I just shut off. Then she dropped that bombshell on me.”

  “Who is he?” Amber asked, treading delicately on the situation.

  “Her ex-boyfriend apparently. She said she just couldn’t stop thinking about him. She wanted me away from you and then was going to leave me anyway.” Ethan shook his head at the entire situation. “We both got cheated,” Ethan spoke, stating the obvious. “Think it’s fate?”

  Amber smiled. “If it is then I love fate.”

  "Listen Ambi," Ethan started. Sucking in a deep breath he held onto her perfect hand as it clasped with his. "I have been in love with you for years, okay? Eva, she was a distraction from everything I wanted, everything I needed. You've always been the girl there for me, to pick me up and help me through life. You're everything, Amber. Where would we be without each other? I know you've been looking for yourself all these years, but personally, I think Connor has brought you down. He ground you down to a point that you broke." Ethan pulled back and closed his eyes. "I want to make you happy. Today was fate. I was just heading home from work, thinking about you and bang! You fell into my arms. You're an angel dropped down from heaven," he gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You've become the best of me, the safest part of me. All these years where we could have been together, creating more memories. We forced ourselves to suffer the heartbreak and I'm so sorry we had to do that." Ethan stroked the pad of his thumb along her cheek where her tears fell. "We've been holding on to our friendship for too long. I'm fed up of trying to find a reason why we shouldn't do this. I've wasted time on other women, when you were right there every single day. I could never let you go, Amber. Not now." Ethan felt his own emotions fall out of him, spiralling with his words. "I need you." He whispered before letting his lips gently graze hers.

  Amber cried as a smile fell across her face. "Just hold me, Ethan. Just hold me please." Amber felt his arms wrap around her and she sat in his lap. He was her reason why.

  ***

  "Morning." Soft lips caressed across Amber's forehead and she felt the bed dip beside her. Ethan placed a mug of coffee on the bedside table and she groaned at its aroma.

  "You made coffee," she groaned through a smile. Sitting up, she stretched and smiled. "Thank you." She whispered as she picked up the mug and held it with both hands. Ethan's eyes were her weakness. The aquamarine was astonishing. Laughing, shyly, she took a sip of her drink.

  "I have the day off," Ethan told her, tucking a loose strand of soft, unruly brown hair behind her ear. "We can do whatever you want. Okay?"

  “Okay,” Amber remarked and bit her lip for a moment. “Do we have to leave the flat?” she asked him softly, hoping he would say that they could hide away.

  Ethan smirked, “Duvet day on the sofa?” he asked her and watched her face ignite. “Okay, then Missy, I’m going to kick start breakfast, get your butt up and on that sofa with the quilt.” He watched her nod, but she remained unmoved, and if he had to admit it, she was acting off. Not that he could blame her for yesterday, but it still unnerved him nonetheless. “What’s wrong, Ambi?”

  Amber flicked her doleful eyes up to him. “Did yesterday really happen?”

  “Oh, Ambs,” Ethan murmured, “I’m sorry to say it did, and I know that doesn’t make any better. I wish you never had to go through any of this. I wish I had just gotten my act together sooner and I wish I had stopped you starting that damn relationship with Connor.”

  “Do you think though without all that we would have realised how in love we are now?” Amber asked him, certainty painting her tone. She knew her answer, but she needed Ethan’s. “I mean we both say we knew we loved each other, but look at the trail of destruction we caused to get us here.”

  Ethan gave her a small smirk, “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and-”

  “It's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring,” Amber finished off and just couldn’t help the surprise that rolled over her. “You remember that?”

  “Babe, you had it on your wall all through Uni, plus it lives on your bedroom wall now. Of course, I remember it, and to be honest I never truly understood it because through all this madness, I now know that getting to this point is absolute genius.”

  “And there’s definitely nothing boring about it,” Amber agreed and then felt herself become overwhelmed with a rush of emotions, each fuelled by the adrenaline rush she was feeling. Amber placed her cup of coffee down onto the bedside table and turned back to Ethan, she pushed herself onto her knees, her hands grazing his cheeks before rounding to the back of his neck, and she elicited the kiss.

  At first, she was tentative, worried he wasn’t going to respond, but the moment he eased the kiss into a deepened state, she reacted and kissed him how she had when they last made love. She felt volt after volt of electricity race through her body, electrifying her, sensitising her to the love she felt and she just couldn’t believe how long it had taken her to get to this level of perfection. As they reluctantly pulled away from one another, she grinned at him sheepishly, a blush slowly gracing her cheeks. “Yeah, you still got it.”

  “I’m glad,” he said and leaned in for another kiss. He pulled away, his lips just hovering above hers, “Sofa, duvet, you now.” He punctuated his plan for her to follow before he stole another kiss and got up and left her in the bedroom. “Now,
Ambi Pambi!” he cried out making her react.

  Amber groaned, pulled herself out of bed and decided to look for one of Ethan's T-shirts. Approaching the dresser, she pushed her pyjama bottoms from her waist so they pooled at her feet, allowing her to step out of them with ease and peeled the vest from her body. Looking through his drawer, she found something unwanted. A little black box. Running her finger delicately along the top of it she felt a shiver run through her. Was this going to be an engagement ring? For Eva? Amber pulled out a shirt and closed the drawer quickly. She didn't want to ruin today. Today she just wanted Ethan, Ben and Jerry's and pointless movies. Pulling the duvet from the bed she wrapped it around her. She was only dressed in his tee and a pair of light pink lace underwear. It wasn't too early to tease. The rain was falling heavy onto the windows as she reached the living area. Sitting down on his sofa that she loved, she looked properly around the room at all the things he had brought with him from Yorkshire.

  It was home away from home.

  "Amber?" Ethan yelled as he carried a tray of food.

  "In here!" Amber yelled from her comfortable seat. She watched as Ethan placed the tray of food in front of her and felt her jaw drop. "Bloody hell Ethan, I know I haven't eaten for days, but this is a heart attack on a plate!" Her plate was filled with sausages, eggs, bacon and beans. Sitting up, she let the duvet fall around her waist. Sitting comfortably, Ethan put her plate on her lap and handed her a knife and fork.

  "What?" Ethan asked as Amber stared at him. Sitting down beside her she gave him a smile.

  "Nothing, just you that's all." Amber smiled and tucked into her breakfast.

  She had found a foundation to build on with Ethan. They were alike, yet completely different. He cared for her in a way that it made her feel like she was the only girl in the world for him. Like she was all he needed. He had accepted her back into his life in a heartbeat and let her come and stay with him. She did need to go back to Yorkshire and sort out what to do with her life from here on, but she wanted that future with Ethan.

  She wanted Ethan in a way she had never wanted Connor. Ethan was beautiful, inside and out. Amber watched as he ate his breakfast. Jeremy Kyle was playing on the TV but she couldn't hear it. All she could hear was happiness, and happiness wasn't a sound.

  Amber had found what she wanted, and he was sitting right beside her.

  ***

  "But I don't want to watch 'Die hard!' It's dull." Amber pouted and gave Ethan the look of disapproval.

  "Don't diss Brucey Amber. He's a legend," Ethan defended his movie choice.

  "No, he's bald and y'know how I feel about bald men." Amber laughed and Ethan's look changed from serious to playful.

  "Oh, I know," he whispered seductively as he slid his body over hers. "It's a turn on right?"

  "Eww no!" She pushed him with her palm against his bare chest. "I need the loo."

  "Hurry up."

  "Now who's pouting?" Amber giggled as she let the duvet fall against the sofa.

  "Fuck my life," muttered Ethan as he watched her dance literally all the way to the bathroom. He couldn't explain what that image did to him, Amber, writhing beneath him as he made her cum. Deterring his thoughts, he adjusted himself and sat with his arms folded until she came back.

  He was determined to take this slow, make Amber realise that he wanted to love her, want her, need her. He didn’t want to rush this and find her gone the next morning. Sitting there, lost in a world of thoughts, Ethan hardly noticed Amber literally bounding back into the room towards him.

  As she sat down heavily on her end of the sofa, he looked to her and she shot him a bright smile. After the day before, he couldn’t believe how settled she seemed to be. He imagined she would have been a mess, crying, snivelling, questioning why it had to be her, but if he had to admit it, Amber seemed to be liberated.

  As he watched her sit down, his shirt covering her in all the right places and still making his body react to her, he felt the need to say something. “So,” Ethan suddenly struck up the nerves to broach a subject that had been gnawing away within him. “I’m guessing you found a little black box when getting one of my shirts.”

  Amber said nothing. Her joints froze, making her stiffen and worry filtered throughout her body like icy cold water trickling down her body.

  Ethan cleared his throat and shifted a little on his seat nervously. “It’s not Eva’s,” he stated sternly, his voice remaining calm. He looked to Amber. “I know how your mind works and I know that was your first thought.”

  “It had to be for Eva,” Amber replied with a small shrug. It wasn’t any of her business at the end of the day what jewellery Ethan hid in his drawers.

  “It isn’t,” he fought back at her. “I couldn’t give her something like that.”

  Amber sighed and moved to face him from her side of the sofa. “She posted on Facebook that you two were going to be getting married, Ethan. It killed me to see, the thought is still slightly killer, so do you have two rings just lying around?”

  “No,” he pushed back at her. “She found that ring in my stuff and assumed it was for her. I just went along with that damn photo because I thought I had to settle. Damn bitch was playing me.”

  “I know how that feels,” Amber scoffed delicately.

  “I don’t want my fucking life with her, but she was the only girl that showed interest in me that wasn’t already taken. I just took the opportunity, and when she saw the ring she assumed it was for her,” Ethan stopped himself, closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. “I only ever saw that ring on you.” He looked up at her under a hooded gaze and wondered when she was going to bolt. “It’s a family heirloom, and I can’t see me using on anyone but you. It’s always going to be there waiting for you. I thought I had ruined that opportunity.”

  Amber moved, bringing the quilt with her, she crawled onto his lap, her legs straddling him and she shrouded them both with the quilt, her hands reaching for the back of sofa to stabilise her pose. When she finally settled, she felt the pad of his thumb come up to the capture the tears that were silently falling and she closed her eyes against the perfection of the feeling.

  “I don’t know where my life is going, Eth. I don’t know what I’m going to do in the next hour let alone next week, but I know that I want to be doing it with you by side, holding my hands, loving me how you always have,” she told him honestly, her heart beating slowly as her truths fell out.

  “I knew there was a reason I fell for you the first time I saw you,” Ethan announced, his eyes heavy with lust and remembrance of that day. “I will ask you to marry me, Amber Watson. Mark my words I will and I won’t even let you question the answer.”

  “One day,” Amber whispered her vow to him, as if signing her life away to the most perfect suitor. "I just thought you should know that you're an amazing person. Okay?"

  Ethan's fingers played gentle strokes up and down her thighs, causing her body to set alight. "You don't have to compliment me, Amber. You're the one with the big heart."

  "Yours is bigger." Amber leant her forehead against his and shut her eyes. "You accept me."

  Ethan let his fingers roam under her shirt and he let them glide across the soft skin on her back. He let his fingers dip into the dimples at the bottom of her back. "I love these, your little dimples." His fingers began to skim up her ribs, causing goose bumps in their wake. "You're beautiful, Ambi, my little star, guiding me on my way."

  "I'm in love with you, I can't stop it," Amber breathed out as if her soul was looking to wrap around Ethan and capture him forever.

  "Then don't," Ethan begged. Their breaths entwined as they hovered over each other’s mouths. Amber's tongue licked along her bottom lip and Ethan wound his fingers around the nape of her neck, weaving through her hair.

  "Kiss me," she stated delicately, her eyes soul searching with his.

  "I thought you'd never ask." Ethan grinned. He pulled her mouth to his and let his tongue work against hers.

&
nbsp; Their kisses weren't like others. They were ignited by a spark from beneath them both. Only they had the fuse to alight it. Not Eva, not Connor. You read about it in romance stories, the kiss being electric. But theirs was an ignition. A bust of flame of love burning through them radically.

  Amber broke the kiss. "I could do that forever. You do realise what you've done right?"

  "What's that?" Ethan whispered, breathless.

  "You have me, now and forever. You can't get rid of me, okay? Don't hurt me, don't let me drown again please, I couldn't cope without you in my life." She was giving her all, literally finding herself falling and waiting for him to catch her.

  "You are my always, Amber. I have known that from day one. You have always been the girl for me." Ethan stroked his thumb against her bottom lip and let her pull away.

  "Everything feels brand new with you even though we have known each other for years. How does that work? How could I have never seen what was right in front of me?" Amber fiddled with her fingers and let them weave in and out of each other. "You saved me. You always save me. Every time I get knocked down you bring me back up again. You pick me up from the dirt and brush me off. You save me."

  Ethan put his hand over hers, and let himself fall into the blue eyes he had fallen in love with all those years ago. "Every time is the first time with you, Ambi. Yeah you drive me insane, crazy even. But I would never give up on you, not even when you're old and grey. I'll love you until the rivers run dry and the stars burn out."

  Amber gently thumped his shoulder. "Cheesy," Amber breathed in gently. Pulling his hand to her heart she rested his palm against the shirt. "This will always be yours. It beats for you, for everything we could ever be. I can't explain why I didn't find you sooner. I don't mean literally. I mean in love. Why couldn't I have found everything about you different? I fell in love with you years ago and I hate that it's taken me this long to find you again." Amber swallowed back the emotions and Ethan followed suit and placed Amber's hand on his heart. As her palm hit his bare skin she felt the connection run through her. Taking in a shuddering breath she smiled.