Secret Remains

by Jennifer Graeser Dornbush

  “It’s nice. Smooth. No tannins,” said Dr. Payton. He swished the wine in his mouth to spread the flavors. Emily did the same. “I taste blackberries and—”

  “Tobacco on the back of the tongue?” added Emily.

  “Yes. Exactly.” He sounded suave. “Actually, I don’t know a thing about wines.”

  The waiter poured more into her glass, then into Dr. Payton’s. He recited the specials and left them to mull over the choices.

  “I’m thinking scallops. How about you?” She looked up from the menu to find him staring at her.

  “I’m thinking about you.”

  Emily didn’t move or breathe for a long moment as they held each other’s gaze. There was an underlying assurance in him she had never seen in Brandon or Nick. Maybe it had to do with maturity and age. Finally, she took another sip of her wine.

  “Emily, I know you’re not obtuse to the situation here. You know I like you. As more than a candidate for the department.”

  “There must be rules about professors dating,” she said boldly, knowing she had clearly read his intentions.

  “Nothing we can’t overcome.”

  “I guess I have to get the job first.”

  He smiled and enjoyed another swig of the wine.

  “You already have a strong résumé, but there is something that could really put the feather in the cap of your application.”

  “Oh, what’s that?”

  “Have you published before?”

  “On a resident’s schedule? No.” And then she quickly remembered that Brandon had published half a dozen times with Dr. Claiborne before he’d completed residency.

  “Would you consider publishing a journal article with me on the Parkman case?”

  “A journal article? Oh, is that what you had in mind when you were talking about using this case for your research?” she asked.

  “I’ve been thinking about it, and yes, I think it has great merit.”

  “What angle would you take?”

  “Case study. On rural investigations of clandestine graves.”

  It was a good angle. “Sounds like it will require a good deal of research.” She tried not to lead with her wariness, but it leaked into her tone.

  “All you need to do is give your report and expert opinion as medical examiner.”

  Emily hesitated, trying not to be influenced by the flattery of the ask. “It might be a bit premature,” she started. “There’s so much going on with the case right now. Don’t you think it would be better to get some closure on it before publishing? I would just be afraid of leaking some piece of information that might harm the investigation.”

  “No. We would take a purely scientific and sociological approach. The article would focus on aspects of the injuries, how long the body had been left to the elements, if similar cases from rural areas have yielded investigations that led to arrest and trials.”

  “I don’t know if I feel comfortable about this. There are a lot of personal angles involved in this one.” Emily didn’t want to divulge how many in her own circle of friends were on the brink of being accused as suspects or accomplices. She wasn’t sure she wanted this case and its backstory to go public.

  “I get that it’s a sensitive case, but we wouldn’t be pointing fingers. Just presenting a case study.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Perhaps we can revisit this another time.” She put her foot down.

  “I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m only offering because I want to give you a leg up on the competition.”

  “What competition is that?” she asked.

  Dr. Payton stuttered over his answer. “You aren’t the only one being considered for the position. I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you to hear that the other applicants have more specifically related experience in the field.”

  “I see.” She was not surprised, but she was put off by the slight threat he was insinuating. And she didn’t like the casual manner in which Dr. Payton had not considered the people involved in this case. These were her friends. Her community. This was her home.

  * * *

  The waiter arrived with the entrées and they sunk their teeth into the first delicious bites. Emily couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten such a gourmet meal. She had been promised one by Brandon for her birthday over two months ago. But her father’s heart attack that day had dissolved those plans instantly.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you get into surgery instead of following in your father’s footsteps?” said Dr. Payton as he poured the last few drops of wine into her glass.

  “I loved helping my dad with death investigation. But I knew I would need a medical degree if I wanted to pursue it.”

  “Normally I would say that seems like an odd choice for a young girl.”

  “People don’t understand that it’s so much more than cutting up dead bodies.”

  “I’ve never thought of it as more than just a procedure.”

  “No one is ever prepared for a death of a loved one. It can be scary and upsetting and confusing. My dad gave people answers as to why and how their loved one died. When someone can sit down and really explain this with compassion, it gives a lot of comfort and peace of mind to victims’ families. He helped them during their darkest hours so they could focus on the meaning and purpose of the life of their loved one.”

  “That’s beautiful, Emily. So, why surgery?”

  “Life brings us detours sometimes.” And she left it at that. “I bet you always knew what you wanted in life.”

  “I did,” he said with confidence. “And gratefully, it’s all worked out the way I had imagined.” His whole body was still as he said it, his gaze unflinching on her. “But you … you’re much better than I ever imagined.”

  She warmed under his smile, and before she knew it, Emily asked him, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

  “No plans yet.”

  “How would you like to spend Thanksgiving with me and my sister’s family?” she said, making a snap decision to spend the holiday with her new family.

  The words purred from him. “I would love to.”

  “Great.” The wine had drained all the problems from her head. Change and choice. Potential and possibility. It was hers for the taking.

  Now she just needed to confirm with Anna that she was, in fact, still invited for family Thanksgiving. And with a date.

  39

  It continued to snow for the next three days. No one in Freeport, including Emily, could remember a time so much snow had collected before New Year’s. There was at least a foot on the ground by Thanksgiving morning.

  Emily awoke and pulled back the curtain, expecting to find the driveway buried in another six inches. But her driveway was clear of fresh powder, and the sun had melted away any remaining snow into small puddles.

  Dr. Payton came up early Thanksgiving Day to Emily’s house, and she drove them to Rock River to Anna’s. She felt differently about this Thanksgiving than she had about any other since her mother passed. She wasn’t nervous about things being stuffy or awkward, as they often were with Brandon’s family. Anna made her feel comfortable. And being with her sister and brother-in-law and nieces felt like having a real family—her family! Dr. Payton brought no expectations or pressure to please. He was easygoing and chatty. The perfect guest. Together they navigated this unfamiliar territory as newcomers.

  After dinner, Emily helped Anna wash dishes in the kitchen while Dr. Payton and Kyle took the kids outside to play in the snow.

  “I love that you’re here. Let’s always do this,” said Anna. “Whether you stay in Freeport or go to Ann Arbor or back to Chicago, you always have a place here with us.”

  “I like that idea.” Emily glanced out the kitchen window and noticed that gray sky had overcome the blue. Snow was starting to fall again. The two men and sisters were rolling giant balls of snow to make snowmen. “I always wanted to have a sister to do that kinda stuff with.”

 
Anna followed her glance. “Yeah. Me too.”

  “I suppose you have a lot of questions about Dad?”

  “It’s funny. I was looking at you and Fiona at dinner. You two have the same nose. Same lips. Even the same little laugh.”

  “Mom always said I resembled my dad more,” said Emily. “Genes have an interesting way of expressing themselves.” It made her happy that she and her little niece shared family resemblance.

  Anna’s face dropped, and she turned away from Emily to wipe the suds off her hands. Emily wasn’t sure where to carry the conversation from here. How much did Anna want to know about her dad? Emily wiped down a few more plates and waited for Anna to take the lead.

  But Anna remained silent until the last dish was dried. She then slung the towel on the countertop and declared in a chipper voice, “Why should we be in here doing all the work and they get to have all the fun?”

  “Yes. You’re right.” Emily glanced back outside. The snowman had a base and a torso now.

  “We have lost time to make up for,” Anna stated, untying her apron and tossing it on the kitchen counter. She grabbed Emily’s hand, and they dashed out the back door without their boots and coats.

  * * *

  By dusk, another snowstorm was rolling in on the horizon. Emily and Dr. Payton hastily said their goodbyes and got on the road back to Freeport. They were too late. The incoming storm billowed up and overtook them, unleashing its frozen fury. Crawling along the two-lane road with whiteouts and drifting gusts, it took them almost two hours to make the usual one-hour trip from Rock River. It was nearly ten o’clock when they pulled into the driveway, and it had been decided miles before that Dr. Payton would spend the night instead of making the treacherous trek to Ann Arbor. There was no way she would send him back on the road tonight.

  She made up the bed in the guest room in the basement while Dr. Payton made a fire. Soon they were cozied up on the couch in front of the fireplace with a bottle of wine.

  “What a perfect day. Right down to the snow angels,” said Emily.

  “That was really cute. And I have the pictures to prove it.” He whipped out his phone and scrolled to the series of Emily and Anna in the yard. She devoured them, stopping on one where she and Anna were sandwiched between two snowmen with their arms around each other, clothes wet, hair messy. A real sister picture. Like the ones she had seen so many times of her friends and their sisters.

  “What was your mother like?” asked Dr. Payton.

  “Strong. Supportive. Independent,” said Emily, reflecting on her memories. “She was always there for me and my dad. Whenever I needed to work something out, I would crawl up next to her and we would just talk it out. Dad was the teacher, but Mom was the listener. What’s your mom like?”

  “A lot the same. She’s a widow now. My dad died three years ago. Heart attack. She found him lying in his study. Doing what he loved.”

  “Which was?”

  “Watching the stock ticker on the business channel. He was an investment banker.”

  “I’m so sorry,” said Emily.

  “My mom travels a lot with her friends. Keeps busy.”

  “Does she ever come to visit you at the university?”

  “Every semester.”

  Emily yawned. “Oh, dear. That was so rude.” She yawned again. “I’m sorry. All that fresh air.”

  “You don’t have to fight sleep for me. It’s been a long day,” said Dr. Payton.

  “Thank you. I think I’m going to head up.” She stretched out her legs and sat up. “I put extra blankets at the foot of the bed. It can get a little cold down there.”

  “It’s been a wonderful day, Emily,” said Dr. Payton, taking her hand. Emily noticed how warm it was as it enveloped hers. “Thank you for including me in your new family.”

  He cupped his other hand on her cheek and drew her face toward his. She could feel his light breath, touched with the scent of red wine. He leaned in and his lips touched hers. They hung there for a moment as he pressed them lightly into hers for a kiss. She wanted to kiss him back, but found herself paralyzed. He was the first man whose lips had touched hers since she and Brandon had started dating. She’d thought she’d never kiss anyone else ever again. It’s okay to move on. Brandon certainly has. You’re not doing anything wrong here.

  Dr. Payton put his lips to hers again, and this time she returned the kiss. With both hands, he cradled her head and drew her deeper into the kiss. But it didn’t feel right.

  Emily pulled away. And this is no way to start a new job. If I even want it.

  “Good night,” she said in a whisper as she pushed the blanket off her lap into a heap. He sunk back into the couch, and Emily thought she could detect a slight frown in the waning firelight.

  “Good night, Emily,” he said in a return whisper that held no judgment or disappointment. “Sleep well.”

  She rose from the couch and slipped out of the living room into the dark hallway that led upstairs. Dr. Payton’s tone had told her he was not upset or offended that she had cut off the kiss. But Emily was upset about her own lack of decisiveness. Life was pulling her in all sorts of directions. And they all looked promising. Dr. Payton included.

  She wished she could cozy up to her mother to talk it all out. In the early teenage years, when every day had seemed to bring some scenario of unsure footing in Emily’s life, she would find her mother reading in bed. She would motion for Emily to come lay by her side and wrap her arm around her as Emily dished about the day’s problems. Somehow the solutions were so accessible when Mom was there to steer her.

  Drifting up the stairs, wrapped in this memory, Emily bypassed her own bedroom and went into her parents’. She pulled back the heavy quilt that a trio of great-aunts had made them for their wedding. Emily slid under the covers and curled into a fetal position. The day had been so full of life and fun and family. Why did she feel so very much alone?

  40

  Emily awoke as day was breaking the next morning. White light seeped around the edges of her blinds, and she struggled to shake the hangover of last night’s melancholy. She had not yet touched anything in her parents’ room. She wondered how long she could avoid facing the memories of this room before she had to either get the house ready to sell or remodel it into her master bedroom.

  Emily crawled out of bed with a shiver and slipped her feet into plush mule slippers. She drew open the blinds to see the sun cracked over the sparkling white horizon. At least a foot of snow had fallen, burying her Leaf and Dr. Payton’s SUV. It held her motionless as she watched the sky change in minutes from pink to tangerine to faded blue. These were the mornings and moments she would never encounter in the city. Amazing. She could think of nothing as important right now as drinking in the scenery framed before her … with a hot cup of coffee.

  Emily pulled a sweat shirt over her head and padded downstairs to start a fresh brew before Dr. Payton arose. With snow this thick, she knew he would be stuck here until the snowplow came through, which could take several hours to get this far into the county.

  As Emily approached the kitchen, she thought she heard a slight shuffling of paper from the office. Was he up already? She crept closer and saw the door cracked open. Emily peered through the sliver in the doorway and couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Dr. Payton was sitting at her father’s desk, paging through paperwork and taking photographs of each page with his phone. She reeled back out of view and clasped her hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t gasp audibly. What is he doing?

  Her first instinct was to barge in and bust him. He was breaching her privacy—and that of the medical examiner’s office! But her investigative prowess took over, and she paused for a moment to observe and weigh her options.

  She craned her neck for another look to assess the situation fully. Sure enough, he was positioning a photograph from the file folder to get the best angle for a good picture. She weighed her possible plans of action. She could step in and catch him in the act. It would
be awkward and embarrassing, and he would for sure deny it. She could ask to see his phone, but he might not give it up. And then she might feel compelled to call the police. And that would get super awkward. He would probably leave before the police could arrive, and then she’d have to take the next steps to get him arrested for stealing. It would be a huge deal involving the Ann Arbor police and the university. He’d probably lose his job.

  Why kill an ant with a sledgehammer when you can squash it with your thumb? her father had always said. Emily found a better plan hatching and she let him dig his own grave as she tiptoed back into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast with a satisfied smirk. He wouldn’t get away with this.

  After a few minutes Emily heard the floor creak as he exited the office and went back to the basement. Snake! Emily turned on the small radio her father had installed under a cabinet to listen to the morning news. Her mind reeled with her plan as she took her time making coffee and stirring up a batch of coffee-cake batter, one of the few breakfast delicacies she knew how to bake because it came in a box. She poured it into a Bundt pan and slid it into the oven and then took fresh fruit from the fridge.

  While she was slicing pears, Dr. Payton emerged, fresh faced and dressed for the day in slacks and a sweater. She greeted him with a smile.

  “Good morning. Sleep well?” she said, putting on a gleeful voice.

  “I did.” He glanced out the dining room window to the backyard. “Wow, it looks like we’re snowed in.”

  “Yes. But who doesn’t love a snow day? Especially when there’s nothing on the agenda. Can I get you some coffee?”

  “I’d love some.” He sat on the barstool at the counter opposite her. “When do you think they’ll have the roads cleared?” He turned his gaze to the picture window that faced the country road in front of the house.

  “Are you in a hurry?” She thought she detected impatience in his voice.

  “Not entirely. I just … don’t want to overstay my welcome.”