by Erin Noelle
We reached the group of tables and several familiar faces greeted me with a smile. Cruz, Mason’s long time best friend, hopped off his bar stool and pulled me into a big bear hug.
“I’m so glad you’re back, Scarlett,” he said as he released me from his grasp. “You have no idea how much of a whiny bitch Rat has been the past eight months. We were about to kick him out of the band.”
“Fuck you man,” Mason retorted with a scowl on his face. “I started the damn band.”
The rest of the table laughed at the exchange between the two, but I hated knowing that I had caused him pain and unhappiness. I stood on my tippy toes and kissed the crease between his eyes, forcing him to relax. He pulled me to his body, and I reveled in his masculine scent.
“Scarlett MacGregor, get your ass over here right now,” a female voice called out behind me. I spun out of Mason’s arms to investigate who was talking to me and saw Mina standing several feet away with her arms stretched out toward me.
“Mina! Oh my God, it’s so good to see you!” I exclaimed as I walked toward her. We hugged and jumped up and down in delight like giddy school girls.
“I’m so glad you’re back. I‘ve missed you so much. You better not ever leave again. I have so much to tell you. Are you back at Rice? Where are you living?” Her sentences all ran together.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. It was as wild and spunky as the unruly blonde curls that framed her face. “Slow down sweetie. Your questions are going to give me whiplash,” I joked.
She looked up at Mason who had walked over to us. He slid his arm around my waist and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “Hi Mina,” he greeted her with one of his panty-dropping smiles. “We’re up after 32 Leaves, Angel, so I’m gonna go set up with the guys. Why don’t you go over to Mina’s table with her so you don’t have to sit here alone? I’ll meet you back here when we finish up.”
I glanced over at the table and saw that the only people left were people who I didn’t know. “That’s a great idea. Mina and I have tons to talk about. Plus, I want to catch up with Max and Noah too.”
He kissed me deeply before walking off to join his band mates, and I turned back to Mina. “Well, I guess that’s one question I don’t need to ask,” she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at me.
“Oh, stop! You’re a nut!” I rolled my eyes teasingly at her.
We made our way across the room to where she was sitting. As we walked by, she looked up at Noah who was still singing on stage. He lifted his eyebrows at her in recognition and then did the same to me when he saw me following her. I waved and looked over at Max, hoping he was paying attention, but his eyes were closed, deep into the song he was playing.
After getting comfortable on the bar stools, if that was even possible, and ordering our drinks, Mina wasted no time in breaking her good news. She raised her left hand in front of my face and wiggled her fingers so that the marquis cut rock on her ring finger glimmered at me.
“Get out! Are you serious?” I screamed. “When did he propose?”
She tucked a corkscrew curl that kept falling in front of her eyes back behind her ear and told me the entire story of Noah getting down on one knee the previous New Year’s Eve. She said after Evie had died, he realized that we really weren’t promised another day, so he didn’t want to waste any time being apart. They had gotten a place together in the summer and the wedding was going to be in the middle of December, during winter break.
“What about Max? Who is he living with now if you and Noah have your own apartment?” I asked.
She looked down and I could see the sadness in her eyes. “Max isn’t doing too great,” she admitted. “He got his own place; he said he really didn’t want to live with anyone else. We are all still really worried about him. It’s getting better, but he still refuses to even talk to another girl. It’s like he feels he’s cheating on Evie if he does.”
Hearing that made me sad too. I completely understood how he felt. I had been leery to get a new roommate because I was worried that I would be replacing Evie too. I was still so scared about forgetting her.
“Maybe I need to talk to him . . . not here or anything, but maybe we can grab a coffee and help each other somehow,” I thought aloud.
“That would be great Scarlett. I know you are probably the only person in the world that can even begin to understand what he is going through. It’s so easy for all of us to tell him he needs to get on with his life, but he really thought she was the one, ya know?”
I nodded. I knew all too well what it was like to find out the person you thought was your soul mate, wasn’t ever going to be there for you again. It felt like this gaping hole in your heart had been torn open, and no matter how hard you or the other person tried, nothing could ever completely fill it.
My facial expression must’ve matched the gloomy thoughts crossing my mind because Mina tried to quickly change the subject. “So, you’re back at Rice with me, right? Where are you living? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I’m in the same apartments I was last year, just a different building. I have a new roommate, her name is Tessa, and she seems to be pretty cool. I really haven’t said more than five words in passing to her, so I’m not sure. It’s all kind of weird . . .”
Just as I was about to finish the thought about her not being Evie, large hands wrapped around and covered my eyes from behind.
“Guess who?” Max’s deep voice said jokingly. I jumped off the bar stool and flung myself in his arms. He held me tightly, oh so tightly, as if we were trying to communicate all of our hurt and suffering through the embrace.
“It’s so good to see you Scarlett,” he said as we pulled away from each other. “I’m so glad that you’re back.”
“Me too,” I answered honestly. “I’ve really missed you guys.”
Seeing Max for the first time in so long did, of course, remind me of Evie, but in all of the good ways. He hopped up on the stool next to where I had been sitting and patted the empty one for me to join him.
After congratulating Noah on his upcoming vows and saying hello to the rest of the band, Max and I enjoyed casual conversation until Mason and the rest of Jobu’s Rum took the stage. Seeing him stand up there, in all of his rocker glory, reminded me of exactly who I had spent the last twenty four hours with. My boyfriend was a local rock god, and a mighty fine one at that. For the first time in nearly a year, I felt happy.
MASON
Seeing Scarlett come out of the back in that flimsy ass sundress filled me with unexpected emotions. On one hand, she was so fucking sexy that I just wanted to show her off to every person in the bar and gloat that she was all mine. On the other, she was so fucking sexy that I wanted to tell her to go put more clothes on so that every guy in the place wasn’t thinking about screwing her senseless; she was mine. But overwhelmingly, I thought that she was so fucking sexy, I wanted to feel her tight little body wrapped around my hard cock again. The last twenty four hours had done nothing to extinguish my hunger for her. In fact, it had only increased my desire to have her with me every minute of every day—to make her mine forever.
I knew I needed to get her out of this city. It was only a matter of time before punk-ass emo boy showed up to reclaim her heart. The one he had already destroyed once before. I couldn’t allow her to forgive him, because once she did, she would be his again. I would NOT let that happen. I knew I couldn’t ask her to go with me after she had just come back to get settled and pick up the pieces of her life, so I needed to convince her that she couldn’t be without me, so that she would ask to come with me. God, I prayed she would ask to come with me. If I could remove him from the equation, I felt confident that she and I could make this work. She had no idea how much I needed her. She was the only one that could fill the emptiness inside me. I knew how easy it would be to go back to the way I was before the day I met her. My life was a party—a little drinking, a little more drugs, and a helluva lot more women. All of that shit was a tempora
ry plug, but she was a permanent fix.
I had scoured the place all night to make sure he hadn’t shown up. I was hoping after last night he had gotten the point that she wasn’t interested in forgiving him and he would just leave her the fuck alone, but I knew that wasn’t the case. I saw the look in his eyes when I stood there holding her, and it wasn’t the look of defeat. Luckily for me though, he had at least stayed away tonight. The more time I had with her before he tried to weasel his way back in, the better my chance to convince her that our love was real.
The guys and I jumped up on the stage and greeted the large crowd. I absolutely loved performing in front of all of these people—the feeling was indescribable, an adrenaline-rush that was unmatched by anything except being inside my angel. I had changed our usual line-up a bit, so that I could sing the first song for Scarlett. Before we started, I looked over at her, sitting between Mina and Max, and blew her a kiss. Laughing, she reached up and acted like she snagged it out of the air. God, she was fucking adorable. With that, Cruz and I gave each other the look and started All At Once. I sang for her like I had dreamed about doing for months. Her eyes were fixed on me and I could see the desire growing inside of her. Toward the end of the song, I turned around to watch the guys rock out the instrumental portion and suddenly, I felt the atmosphere in the room shift. I quickly spun back around and looked over at Scarlett. She was still looking directly at me, but her eyes told me she knew who was standing behind her. Fuck. Me.
US
JAR OF HEARTS—CHRISTINA PERRI
SORRY—BUCKCHERRY
APOLOGIZE—ONE REPUBLIC & TIMBALAND
SAD—MAROON 5
SCARLETT
I knew the minute he walked in the door without even turning around. Alarms went off in my head at an astounding rate, creating a deafening sound in my ear. I felt the second his eyes found me. Every nerve ending on my body seared from the heat of his stare. With every step he took toward me, my heart beat faster and my body temperature rose. By the time he was standing directly behind me, my body was a disarray of live wires, electrically-charged and primed for detonation.
“Scarlett . . .” He leaned in and whispered so that I could hear him over the loud music. I kept my eyes focused on Mason, who had his back toward me. I felt both Mina and Max straighten up on each side of me and enter protective mode.
The combination of feeling his warm breath on my neck and hearing my name escape from his lips sparked the fire that had lay idle for so many months. He evoked feelings inside of me that I never knew possible. I detested him. I loathed him. I despised him. I could never erase the horrific picture of him and that skank together the day of Evie’s funeral. I wasn’t sure I could ever forgive him; I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
Despite all of that, I still loved him. The connection between us could never be severed . . . not by any thing or any one. No matter what he did . . . what he said . . . who he was with . . . none of it really mattered—I would always love him. And for that, I hated myself even more than I hated him.
“Go away,” I replied sternly, keeping my stare forward. Mason turned back around and his eyes were locked on us as he sang the last verse of the song, his voice never wavered.
“Maybe you want her, maybe you need her,
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another, to another”
Never in the history of the universe had there been a more appropriate time or setting for lyrics of a song. It was as if Mason had known Ash would be there at that exact moment. Seeing the determination in his eyes and hearing the passion in his voice reminded me of why I had come back . . . why I wanted to try and make things work with him.
When the song ended, Ash ducked his head down to my ear again, “Please come outside so we can talk.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I spun around and jumped off the bar stool so I could look him in the eye. “Leave. Please just leave. I have nothing to say to you.” I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible, but it undeniably shook with anger. Why did he have to keep doing this?
“Well I have a lot to say to you, Scarlett.” His cloudy blue eyes captured me instantly, as they always did. “At least give me the opportunity to say my part. If you never want to talk to me again afterwards, I will respect that and stay away. But I at least deserve a chance to explain . . . after everything between us . . .”
“’After everything between us’ is exactly why you don’t deserve a chance to explain!” I shouted. Luckily the music had restarted so my outburst was somewhat muffled. Most of the people around us had refocused their attention back to the band.
“I think it’s best if you just go man,” Max appeared on my left side in an attempt to rescue me from the uncomfortable situation. There was an underlying warning in his tone and he stood up tall and defensive, looking at Ash deadpan.
Seconds later, Mina had flanked me on the right and her fierce glare was fixed on Ash as well. “I think you’ve done enough. She doesn’t want to talk to you,” she added in a bitchy voice I didn’t know she had.
Unfazed by their words or presence, he kept his eyes on mine, torturing my will power without saying a word. We stood still for at least a minute, all four of us silently staring. I could not allow him to break me; I would not allow him to break me. Not again.
Just as I was about tell him to fuck off, he spoke. “At least allow me a proper goodbye to the girl that will own my heart forever. You aren’t so cruel to deny me that, are you?” Well shit.
“You’ve got five minutes.”
I spun around to face Mason, who was doing his best to monitor the situation while putting on a show. I got his attention and held up my hand indicating that I would be back in five minutes. He rolled his eyes and walked over to a group of girls standing by the stage and started singing down at them. I was hoping for a little more mature reaction, but really, what did I expect? I could only imagine what he was thinking.
I followed Ash through the bar area toward the door, weaving in and out of people and tables. At one point he stopped to wait for me, reaching his hand toward mine. I looked at him and vigorously shook my head. I didn’t want him to touch me; I knew all too well how that affected me.
After making it outside, I followed him several more yards until we were on the side of the building. I preferred this location to our last “talk” that occurred in the same very public parking lot, putting on a show for everyone. Finally, he stopped walking and turned to face me. My heart was pounding so hard that I knew he could see my pulse racing in my neck. My palms were sweaty and my throat was threatening to close up.
“Scarlett, I don’t even know where to start,” he said, running his hands nervously through his long blond hair. His marine eyes were sad and pleading. “I know it sounds lame, but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”
“Stop, just stop,” I interrupted. That was the last thing I wanted to hear from him. “There’s really no reason for you to be sorry, Ash. Actually, I’m the one that’s sorry.” He put his hands in his pockets and cocked his head with a look of confusion on his face.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you when you told me who you were and to stay away from you,” I continued, trying my best to keep my voice low and steady. “I’m sorry that I gave you more credit for being a decent human being than you ever deserved. I’m sorry that I gave you the power to affect me the way you do. I’m sorry that you ever told me that stupid ass story of Eros and Psyche that gave me some false sense of hope. I’m sorry that I got this damn tattoo that reminds me of you every fucking day. I’m sorry that I ever trusted you with anything, especially my heart. To tell you the truth Ash, I’m really just sorry that I ever met you.”
“You don’t mean that Butterfly . . .” He pulled both hands out of his pockets and reached out toward me.
“DON’T!” I took a step back and put my hand in the air to stop his advance. “Don’t you dare call me that!” I was seething.
“And it IS true, I AM sorry
I ever fucking met you!” The unwanted tears began falling and there was nothing I could do about it, so I let them flow. I looked him dead in the eye hoping he felt every bit of pain that I had endured. “The night I left I was devastated, so incredibly distraught, I thought my world was crashing down on top of me. In a matter of hours, I had said goodbye forever to my very best friend, the person who meant more to me than anything in this world, and I had walked in on you fucking some whore in the exact spot that I used to sleep . . . in the bed that you told me you never brought any of them to.
“As I drove that night, I couldn’t determine which of the two events hurt more, and then I realized how fucking ridiculous that was. EVIE DIED! Dead . . . never ever coming back. You . . . well you were just doing what you always did. It was just the first time I was forced to face the truth of who you are. I hated myself for ever comparing your importance to hers. It took me months to forgive myself for even contemplating the thought.
“I don’t know what I thought we had, Ash, but I was obviously naïve and borderline delusional. You took advantage of me and played me for a fool . . . so, yay, you won. I hope you enjoy your prize of the pieces of my shattered heart.” The tears continued to flow in a steady stream down both cheeks, but I kept control of my voice and managed to not hyperventilate
“It sounds like you had a lot to say,” he said softly as he took a step in my direction. I backed up again until my back was against the outside wall.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Inside you said you had nothing to say to me, but you obviously had quite a bit to say.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back; I couldn’t look at his beautiful face any longer. His voice alone was almost enough to do me in.
“I’m finished now,” I croaked. I mustered all the resolve I had left and opened my eyes. “I don’t ever want to see you again. I deserve better than anything you can ever offer me. This has to be goodbye for us. Please just let me move on with my life.”