by Erin Noelle
He closed the space between us instantly. I gasped as his body pressed against mine, pinning me against the metal siding. His scent was intoxicating and his touch entranced me.
He looked me directly in the eyes, “We were made for each other, Butterfly. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I know that I have a lot to prove to you, and I plan to do that every day for the rest of my life. Whether you want to hear it or not, I am sorry for everything that happened. The very last thing in the world I want to do is cause you pain. And if you aren’t ready to accept this yet, the inevitability of us, I get that. But understand this Scarlett: it will never be goodbye—not for you and me.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips ever-so-lightly across mine before backing up and walking away. I reached up and touched my scorched lips as I watched him walk to his car. He turned to look at me one last time before getting in. “I’ll wait forever for you, Psyche.” My heart melted a little and then he was gone.
ASH
She let me kiss her. She didn’t argue with me when I told her that we would never say goodbye. She smiled, just slightly but it was still a smile, when I called her my Psyche. I couldn’t focus on all of the other things she said. I knew she was angry and hurt; she had every right to be. I had tried to deny what she meant to me one too many times, and I was still afraid the last time may have cost me her forever.
But finally I had something I hadn’t had in a long time—hope. Despite her hateful words and lashing out, I finally felt a semblance of the peace I could only find in her presence. I didn’t know what my next move was, but I sure the fuck wasn’t giving up. After experiencing a life without her in it, I would never give up on her. I would never give up on us.
WHOLE AGAIN
NEAR TO YOU—A FINE FRENZY
PIECES—RED
YOU STILL LOVE ME—TYRONE WELLS
SCARLETT
After spending a few extra minutes outside, trying desperately to pull myself together before facing Mason again, I walked back into the bar. He was standing with Max, Mina, and Noah in the back of the room, and from the look on his face and his arms flailing around while he was talking, he was not happy. Mina was the first to see me approaching, and she immediately ran to me and threw her arms around me.
“Are you okay, sweetie? Is he gone?” she asked.
“Yes, he’s gone,” I answered softly. Even though I was answering her question, I was looking directly at Mason over her shoulder, and I knew he could make out exactly what I said. I saw his strained face relax a tiny bit after registering my words.
She released her grip on me and kissed me on my cheek, “I’m here for whatever you need, hun. I gave Rat my number so that you can put it in your phone later. I think he’s gonna take you home now.”
“Thank you, Mina,” I said sincerely. “I will definitely be calling you. Hopefully we have some classes at the same time and can meet up on campus.”
She and Noah walked back over to their table and I made my way over to Mason and Max, who were both just staring at me. Max came over to me and wrapped me in his strong arms.
“I’m so glad you’re back. I hope to see you around a lot,” he whispered. “I think we can help each other, Sam.” Hearing him say Evie’s nickname for me started the tears all over again.
“I’m sorry, Scarlett. I didn’t mean to make you cry . . .” he apologized.
“It’s okay . . . it’s just . . .” I tried to force myself to calm down, but I just couldn’t. I must’ve looked like an emotional wreck to any bystander. Who was I kidding? I was an emotional wreck. I had only been lying to myself to think that I was anywhere close to reclaiming my life. To think I could come back and not break into pieces again was foolish.
I felt two larger arms take me from Max’s embrace, and then I was cuddled up against Mason’s chest.
“I’ve got her man. We’re gonna go back to my place. It’s been an overwhelming twenty four hours for her,” I heard Mason say.
“Make sure you give her my number. I want to take her to lunch one day next week,” Max replied.
“I will. See you Thursday.”
I didn’t even care that they were talking about me like I wasn’t there. I kind of felt like I wasn’t there, at least not mentally or emotionally. After the Ash conversation and Max calling me ‘Sam,’ I just checked out—I had learned with Evie’s death how to allow the numbness to take over.
“Come on Angel, let’s get you out of here,” Mason said as he kissed the top of my head. I allowed him to guide me through the back hall and out the door. I didn’t even hear him tell Marcus goodbye.
“You okay to ride or you want us to take your car?” He asked cautiously, as if he was scared I would break down yet again.
“The bike is fine.” Riding on the motorcycle instead of in the car allowed me several more minutes of silence to get myself together. Not to mention, there was something therapeutic about riding, and I could use all the therapy I could get.
A few minutes later we were pulling up to his apartment, and I had managed to calm down and think a little more clearly. He helped me off the Harley and led me up to the third floor without a word. His silence made me nervous. I was afraid he was going to tell me that he really didn’t want or need to deal with my drama and all of my baggage, and I wasn’t sure I could take any more gut-wrenching moments.
He unlocked the door, and I followed him in. He headed straight for the kitchen and grabbed two beers out of his refrigerator. I sat down on the couch and waited for him to join me. I knew that we had to talk about things; honesty was the only thing that could make this work.
After he situated himself next to me and handed me one of the bottles, I opened my mouth to say something, but my mind drew a blank. I didn’t know how to even start the conversation. We were both looking forward, staring at the blank television screen.
“Do you love him?” Mason asked expressionless, never turning his head.
“Yes.” I admitted.
“Does he want you back?”
“He never had me.”
He snorted and took a long pull from his beer.
“What? What was that for?” I asked.
“He’s always had you, Scarlett. I just had you on loan.”
“That’s not true!” I exclaimed. I set the bottle down and dropped to my knees, moving to where I was kneeling in between his legs and forcing him to look in my face.
“Look, I’m not going to lie to you, Mase. I love him. I will always have a special place in my heart for him. I can’t explain what it is between us . . .” my voice trailed off. “But like I told him tonight, the feelings I have for him are dominated by hatred and disgust. I may find it in myself to forgive him one day, but I will never forget. I will never forget the pain he caused me, and I will never give him the chance to destroy me again.
“I am far from being over Evie’s death or the feeling of abandonment that Ash left me with. It’s going to be a long, tough road ahead, so I’m just warning you now. If you don’t want to deal with all of this, I understand. I get it . . . really. I don’t have the best track record of making good decisions when shit hits the fan, but I’m working on it. Coming back here was a really big step for me, and already in one day I’ve faced some pretty serious shit. Not to mention, before yesterday, I have had sex one time. One time . . . with you . . . that’s it . . . ever. I just got back, and we got caught up in the excitement of it all. I just wanted to show you I was ready to give you everything . . . that I knew I had messed up and I was so sorry that I left the way I did. But it’s all just a lot for me to take in right now.”
I paused and reached up to hold his face in my hands. I pulled his face down toward me as I sat up on my feet. Our foreheads were touching and our eyes lost in each other’s.
“I need a lot of work, and I really want you to be here with me through all of it. It’s not always going to be pretty, but all I ask for is honesty. It’s the only way we are going to make this work. I love you
, Mase, and I really want this to work. ”
He tilted his head so that his lips just barely rested on mine. “I love when you call me that,” he murmured. He then deepened the kiss, pressing his lips harder against mine, and teased my bottom lip with his tongue.
“Why?” I asked, still not pulling away from him. He ended the kiss and backed away a little.
“Because you claim to detest nicknames, yet not only do you let me call you one, you now have one for me.” He smiled proudly at me and I couldn’t help but do the same.
“Well, I’m sure as hell not going to call you Rat,” I teased and made a goofy face.
“Come on, let’s take a shower and get you to bed, Angel,” he said standing up. He picked me up off the floor, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he walked us down the hall. I buried my face in his neck, thankful I found such an amazing guy.
“I love you, Mase.”
“I love you too, Angel. And don’t worry, we’ll make you whole again.”
MASON
I knew I needed to tell her. I knew she was going to be so pissed when she found out, especially after her comment about how all she wanted was honesty, but damn if I couldn’t do it in that moment. I knew if I told her then, it would be over . . . we would be over. And then the inevitable would happen. No, I had to continue with the original plan. I had just about two months to make her realize how good we were together, and then pray that she forgave me for not telling her immediately. It was my only hope.
I looked down at her flawless face as she slept in my arms for the second time in as many nights. God, I fucking loved her. I had already dealt with losing her once and I knew how awful it could be. That overwhelming feeling of emptiness was still fresh in my memory, and I wasn’t sure I could survive that again.
Bentley’s image flashed in my mind and I shuddered slightly. I had a bad feeling that she wasn’t going to bow out of my bed graciously, and unfortunately I needed her in my life if Jobu’s Rum was ever going to have a shot to make it big. She and her brother, Jag, were co-owners of the Donovan Group, one of the best-known talent agencies in the South, and she had recently made a huge name for herself by discovering and promoting VanderBlue, the band that had won the Grammy for Best New Artist the previous year. Even though we had agreed to a strictly physical, no-strings relationship, I doubted that she was going to take rejection well. At least I had some time while she was touring with Blue before I had to deal with her. I dreaded that conversation. I turned my attention back to Scarlett and pulled her in tighter before joining her in peaceful slumber.
MEMORIES
ADDICTED—SAVING ABEL
BROKEN BONES—REV THEORY
BANG BANG—NANCY SINATRA
SCARLETT
The following morning I was woken up with something tickling my inner thigh. Enjoying the comfort of the oversized bed, I was not even close to being ready to get up. I grumbled and swiped at the nuisance to get rid of whatever it was. Surprisingly, my hand was met with the feel of Mason’s hair that he kept so closely shaven to his scalp. Oh! My eyes shot open and I looked down my naked torso straight into silver pools of lust. I was lying flat on my back and he was on his stomach, between my legs, with his arms looped under my knees to hold them open.
“Good morning, Angel,” he said, flashing me a sly smile.
Without waiting for me to respond, he returned to his task, placing feather-soft kisses on the insides of my right thigh, but kept his eyes focused on mine. Just before he reached the spot I suddenly wanted him to touch so badly, he shifted his weight and moved his attention to the other leg and began the process all over again. I could see the desire growing in his gaze as he got close to my sweet spot once more, and I knew that my expression must have mirrored his. A warm yearning sensation quickly flooded my body. My hand was still resting on his head and I attempted to steer him upward to where I wanted his mouth, but he dropped my leg and grabbed my wrist, snickering at my frown.
“You need to learn how to be patient,” he playfully scolded me. “Now keep your hands behind your head or on the headboard until I tell you that you can touch me.”
“But you make it so haaaard.” I pouted with my lip out, but put my arms behind my head as he requested.
“No, you make it so hard, Angel.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his awful joke. “You’re such a dork. All of those fan girls that fawn all over you have no idea how corny you really . . . oh!” He cut my thought short as he swiped his tongue across my core.
“Shh.” He quieted me and then repeated the motion. Umm . . . okay.
Watching Mason taunt and tease my aching clit with his mouth led to my quick unraveling. He expertly drug his lip ring across my opening as his tongue savored my body. In mere minutes, my body began trembling and I could no longer refrain from touching him. My hands flew to his head as I held his face flush against me as I exploded on his mouth. Holy shitballs.
He slowly made his way up my body, kissing and biting every so often, until we were eye-to-eye. I was amazed by his strong, handsome features. I loved the edginess that his tattoos and piercings added. But mostly, I was in awe of his ability to love and forgive.
As if he could read my mind, he gently kissed me. “I do love you, Angel. I never stopped.”
I closed my eyes and kissed him back, trying to hide the tears that welled up in my eyes. I didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as my Mase. He knew that I couldn’t give him my entire heart, but he took me anyway. I couldn’t mess this up, I wouldn’t get another chance.
Stevie Ray Vaughan’s deep voice sang out about the sky crying as the vibrating cell phone on the night stand interrupted my thoughts and our kiss. Mason reached across the bed to check the caller ID on the screen and put the phone back down. By the look on his face, he wasn’t happy with whoever was calling.
“Everything okay?” I asked, curious to who would elicit that response from him. I knew I had no right to ask, but I couldn’t help but feel something was off with the call.
“Yeah, it was Jobu’s Rum potential new manager-slash-agent,” he answered nonchalantly. He lied back on the bed and opened his arms so that I could cuddle up against his chest.
“Isn’t that a good thing? Why didn’t you tell me y’all have a manager?”
“It is a good thing, it’s just too early to be calling on a Sunday morning.” He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms and legs around me so that I was trapped against him. “Sorry I haven’t mentioned it. I’ve been a little busy thinking about other things since you’ve been back.” I felt him smile against my hair and I snuggled deeper into his chest and fell back asleep.
Mason and I spent the rest of the weekend tucked away in his apartment. We made a quick trip to the local grocery store to get food and drinks because apparently he did not eat anything other than breakfast foods and sandwiches. We laughed until we were crying watching the first two Hangover movies. I think he was a little surprised at my selection when I chose the crude comedy from his collection, but I absolutely loved those movies. Plus, you could never go wrong with four plus hours of Bradley Cooper. We spent the rest of the time just hanging out—listening to some music and enjoying each other’s company.
Monday afternoon came too quick and I wasn’t ready to leave him, but I needed to go to my place to get ready for the first day of classes. I still hadn’t set up my room or bathroom, seeing that I had been at Mase’s since I came back. We took the motorcycle to get my car at the bar after we finished brunch and a sweet lovemaking session in the shower. I hoped that we weren’t moving too hastily with how much sex had already become a regular part of our rekindled relationship, but it all felt so natural and so right. I also knew how much it meant to Mason that he was the only person I had been with. Even if Ash would always have a little piece of my heart, he would never have a piece of my body.
“Does this place have a name?” I asked as we walked hand in hand to my car. I looked up at the gray metal building tha
t I had never seen in daylight. “I always just think of it as ‘the bar.’”
“Yeah, it’s called M.T.’s for Marcus Templeton’s, but when most people say it, it sounds like Empty’s, so that’s what most people call it.”
I laughed. “I like that . . . it’s a good name for a bar . . . a lot better than M.T.’s. He was so creative with the name.”
“Yeah, that’s Marcus for you. I’ve always been the one with the wild imagination that gets in trouble; he’s the boring, responsible one.”
We stopped at my car door, facing each other. I reached my hand up and cupped his cheek. “I like your imagination and your trouble,” I said.
He groaned and turned his hand to kiss my palm. “Be careful, Angel, or I’ll take you inside and show you just how much trouble my imagination can be.”
“Is it weird to say that I’m going to miss you?” I asked. “I mean, since I’ve only been back a couple days and all . . .”
“I hope not, cause I’m sure as hell gonna miss you.” He leaned in and kissed me. I nipped at the ring on his bottom lip, and he wrapped his arms around me and deepened the kiss. After a few minutes, we reluctantly pulled away from one another. I needed to get to my place that I had yet to sleep in and I was sure he had stuff he needed to do.
“I’ll call you later, Mase, and we will see each other in a few days. I just need to get settled into a routine with my classes. And you need to call your agent back, Mr. Hotpants . . . so that you can become a big rock star.”
“Mr. Hotpants, huh? I get two nicknames?” He chuckled at me.
“You only get to be Mr. Hotpants when you are playing hot, rocker bad-boy. You’re always my Mase.”
I kissed him one last time and climbed into my car before I asked him if I could stay another night. I needed to learn to be happy by myself. I didn’t always have to have a friend or a guy near me to be content, and I didn’t need to fall back into the mindset of emotional dependence. The previous eight months learning to live without Evie had been complete hell. I had never realized how much I needed and depended on her for my sanity and happiness. It was wonderful that Mason had reinserted me into his life again so quickly, I was overjoyed and knew I didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t make him my next crutch either.