by Rin Chupeco
The number of patrols in the desert now were thrice what we would normally send out. Maybe people were just as frustrated at the clan leaders as I was. Or maybe they believed Odessa anyway, and were simply waiting for the hammer to fall. People snapped at each other for no reason; unexpected fistfights broke out.
I tried to cope by scouting out the borders of the Golden City, watching for any hostilities breaking out between the goddesses. I stood over dunes for hours at a time, keeping watch.
But even when I couldn’t see it, I knew the mirage was there. Waiting.
“Would you like someone to try again?” Lan asked tentatively. Now that Haidee and Odessa were busy seeing to the camp defenses, were too busy trying to prove to some of the still-wary clans that they weren’t the enemy, Lan and I had been spending more time together on guard duty. I liked her. She was a practical, no-nonsense woman, as well as a damn good fighter and healer. She was devoted to Odessa, which meant that, by extension, she was also looking out for Haidee. I suspected she was doing the same for me. That was fine, since I’d been returning the favor.
“That’s a nice offer, but we both know it’s a futile one.” Sonfei and his people had made an attempt to approach the apparitions with their rigs; the mirage had simply flickered out of view, reappearing only after they’d left, to resume its silent scrutiny of me.
We’d spotted a few more of the specters shortly after we’d returned from the Golden City, drifting along the boundaries of neutral ground, but never straying too close. The mirage that had sent us on a chase halfway around the world, Jesmyn, had evaded us in almost exactly the same way.
When the specters appeared near camp the first few times they drove many people into a panic under the mistaken belief they were galla. It took several tense minutes to convince the clans these weren’t the enemy, but the revenants’ presence wasn’t doing us any favors. We were tense enough as it is.
The mirage lingering near camp right now had red piping on its hood. Mother Salla herself had told me that only Firesmokers wore those colors.
I didn’t want it here. I was supposed to be watching out for galla like everyone else was doing, not getting distracted by my mother’s ghost.
And that was what pissed me off the most. You almost single-handedly destroyed Aeon because killing a goddess was easier than—I don’t know, planting some fucking trees to keep the world from going to shit, maybe, and now you’re looking at me like all this is my fault?
“You do know that it wants to talk to you, right?”
I scowled into the sand. “You don’t seem worried that there’s a ghost haunting us.”
“None of us think it’s here to harm anyone. It’s not like there are monsters out there explicitly singling you out to hunt, so you should be safe.” Lan couldn’t say the same for herself, but her smile was wry, a shade self-deprecating. “Gallows humor,” Mother Salla had called it. Joking about death to ease the fear of it. She looked down at the flask she was holding and took a sip, making a face.
“What’s in that?”
“The Liangzhu’s booze. Bairen said it would help ease my nerves. You stayed with them before, she said.” She lifted the container back up to her lips. “Ever tried it?”
“They distill it from deathworm piss, so I’ve never had the urge to,” I said, and watched her spit out a mouthful, choking and gasping. I thumped helpfully at her back until she stopped.
“Ughhh.”
“Sorry. Thought you might want to know.”
“Would have preferred to have known that earlier, but thanks.” She glowered at me. “And you don’t need to play bodyguard for me, either.”
“Sure.” The rest of clan Oryx was never far from the Catseye; my brothers and sisters kept their distance, knowing Lan’s reluctance, but we were just as stubborn as she was.
“You shouldn’t have to. I can take care of myself.”
“Can’t hurt to have backup. Bring it up with Odessa.”
“You talked to Odessa?”
“I figured you’d try to dissuade us and say it wasn’t worth it. So if you’re going to lodge a protest, I’d suggest bringing that up with her, not me.”
She frowned at me. I wasn’t even bothering to hide my grin. “I thought you said you would bail me out, make sure nobody’s following me around.”
“In your place now, I’d be crapping my pants every other hour. We haven’t known each other that long, Lan, but did you seriously think we’d abandon you at this point? Haidee would kick my ass.”
“You can’t possibly—I knew the risks going in, but I can’t allow any of you to bet your lives on this.”
“This is all on a volunteer basis. We’ve all fought worse odds before.”
“But not for me!” Lan’s voice rose in a panic, the usually composed Catseye more distraught than even I thought she’d be. “I don’t want anyone else in danger just because I was—I was—”
It was Noelle who broke in, gently laying a hand on Lan’s arm in comfort. “You know you’re not responsible for what anyone else chooses to do. Remember what Sumiko said?”
Lan had started breathing easier before the steward had even finished. “To focus on the choices I make instead of what others decide. But . . .” She exhaled. “All right. But don’t do anything rash.”
“When have I ever?” I asked, pretending to look hurt, and was relieved when she finally smiled.
“I’m going to take a leak, and then check on Odessa. Do I need company even for that?”
“Nope. Leak away.”
“Hope I didn’t insult her,” I murmured to Noelle once the Catseye had left. “I figured she wouldn’t approve, but she sounded odd. . . .”
“She isn’t used to being fought for, Sir Arjun,” the girl said sadly. “She still bears some guilt over her rangers.”
“Guilt over . . . oh.” I wanted to kick myself. Of course. Hadn’t she mentioned that she’d lost her whole team to the galla, and had been the only one to make it out alive? “I didn’t mean to make it sound like she—”
“She understands, but that doesn’t make it any easier to process.”
“What do you plan to do about her?” Haidee asked, coming up behind Noelle and nodding at the mirage out in the desert.
“Nothing. We’ve got galla to worry about. She’s not worth another thought.”
She looked worried. “Arjun. I know I’m the last person to rise to her defense, but . . . she’s still your mother, after all. Maybe she’s here to help us? She did the last time.”
“She chose her duties over me when she was alive. Don’t think that’s gonna change now that she’s dead.”
“But she could. She might tell us something important.”
“Nothing new with the book?”
“A few more passages matched those at Brighthenge. Nothing else has jumped out at me so far yet. Vanya was right. I could have easily dismissed the book as nothing more than a collection of rambling poetry. None of the poems make much sense on their own. I need some rest and fresh air to clear my head. Are you going to stare at her forever?”
I stood up, aimed my Howler. The shot wasn’t as loud or as strong as the ones I’ve fired before, but it packed a powerful enough statement. The sand beside the mirage exploded, dirt and grit raining down, but still the damn ghost refused to budge.
“What are you doing?” Haidee gasped.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s about time I did something about her. Maybe I’ve got a few questions of my own.” I hadn’t told her what Jesmyn had said to me, either. Not yet. “I’ll chase it in a beat-up rig again if it means getting something out of it.”
“Tamera might not appreciate us leaving our posts,” Noelle pointed out.
“We’re not leaving our posts, we’re relocating. The mirage is lingering by that big ridge half a mile out that’ll give us a better view.”
“Well, we won’t be using any beat-up rigs to get there,” the goddess said cheerfully.
“We?�
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“I’m coming with you.” She glared at me. “No complaining.”
“So will I,” Noelle said.
I raised an eyebrow.
The steward smiled and shrugged. “I am occasionally useful.”
“I bet,” I conceded, remembering the excellent javelin throw she’d made against the Hellmakers.
“Besides, if it tries to run away, I’ve come prepared,” Haidee continued. “I made some small changes to one of the Oryx’s jeeps yesterday.”
The “small changes” Haidee referred to were heavy steel plates affixed to the front of one of the rigs to serve as either a heavy shield or a battering ram depending on the situation. “Small changes” were heavy-duty tires ringed with the same Earth-armor patterns used to coat our clothes with, for the wheels to gain better traction against the sand and improve their average speed. “Small changes” were higher-powered engines that absorbed water from the air to keep it from overheating.
They were gorgeous.
“And you finished all this in one day?”
“I had help.” Haidee sounded defensive, as if I was gonna yell at her for making more modifications. “I’ve got Charley here now. And Imogen and Millie are both great mechanika—they knew how to work to the specifications I had in mind. Lady Noelle made for a rather excellent assistant, too—though she says they don’t use many jeeps in Aranth because it’s too dangerous to venture out of the city. Lan and her rangers used a couple when they were scouting, but they’re not as—”
“I’m not mad,” I said. “I’m the opposite of mad. In fact, I wanna come over there and kiss you before you get too technical again.”
Haidee turned red, cast an agonized gaze at the other clan members around, who were most avidly listening in. “I . . . I would like that, but there are people—”
I kissed her, cutting her off short, because when you live in a cave with over a dozen people, privacy and embarrassment lose a lot of value. I ignored the giggles and the whoops of encouragement, but Haidee was pure scarlet by the time we ended it. “I—I’m going to go look over the engines one last time,” she stammered, and practically fled.
“You weren’t that bold back when we were going out,” Lisette drawled once Haidee was out of sight, looking amused.
“I’m not sure ‘going out’ is the aptest way to describe our relationship.”
She nodded. “True. I’ve never really felt like I wanted to tie myself down to anyone. I don’t know if I should envy you for finding someone.”
“You, regretting something? Doesn’t sound like you at all.”
Her brows knitted. “I’m not regretting. Just wondering about the what-ifs.” She grinned. “I’d say you got the better deal in your arrangement. She seems a lot more useful than you, objectively speaking.” She looked over at Noelle. “Would you like to commiserate my lack of companionship with me?” she asked flirtatiously.
“I’m afraid I have little interest in romance or sex myself,” the steward replied apologetically.
Lisette sighed. “Why are all the pretty ones always unavailable?”
When they heard what we were planning, Kadmos and Faraji offered to tag along, too. So did Sonfei. “Have you milked any more deathworms?” the man asked cheerily, clambering into the back seat.
“Thankfully not.” Haidee was still doing some last-minute checks underneath the rig’s hood.
“A pity. That blue fire of yours would be attracting all such creatures for miles, I am sure. Ah, but if the rains keep up, perhaps it will not be necessary. Though not even the rains can compare to the pure taste of a deathworm’s stomach-water.”
“Deathworms?” Lisette had been initially intrigued, and then more appalled the closer Sonfei got to finishing his sentence.
“It’s a long story,” I said shortly.
Another giggle rose from Haidee, which she quickly stifled.
It was a short ride, but we saw plenty of new phenomena out in the desert. We crossed beneath a cluster of dark clouds not far from camp. It was a strange sensation to ride through that quick spurt of rain and emerge on the other side of it with the sun just as hot as ever. Noelle wordlessly passed out clean rags for us to wipe with. She had been some kind of domestic back in Aranth, I remembered, though I wasn’t really sure what that meant. A quick glance at the sky revealed an odd ring circling around the sun that seemed to be made of light—similar to the rings around a person’s irises that proved they could channel incanta. “They feel like they’re made of ice patterns,” Haidee said, squinting and no doubt already planning how to study it later. “How curious.”
There were other mirages littering the area. Some drifted along with our rig for a while, never moving closer, only to shy away and disappear behind a sand knoll. Others stood still and watched us pass.
“Do we try to approach them, too?” Haidee asked.
I shook my head. Only one mirage could give me what I wanted.
“Do you really want to know about the role your mother played in all this?”
“You wanted to know about what your mother had done, right?”
A pause. A sigh. “Yes. But you shouldn’t have to learn of it this way.”
“She knew everything. She’s guilty of this whole mess. She’s part of a past we need to know more about.” I took a deep breath and stared straight ahead. “Would I have been a Devoted, you think?”
“What?”
“If the Breaking never happened. I was the son of a Devoted and had a fire-gate, so it stands to reason I would have followed her path. Would I have caught your eye if I was an ass-kissing subordinate instead of a desert nomad?”
“There’s no reality that I can comprehend where you’re either an ass-kisser or a subordinate.”
I had to grin. “Wouldn’t have minded, you know. Being a Devoted. If it meant I was still protecting you somehow.”
A warm glow lit her face.
Another mirage materialized out of thin air, tailed us for a few minutes, then winked out of sight again.
“It gives me the frights, just looking at them,” Sonfei said with a shudder.
“You never encountered them where you and the Liangzhu tribe lived?” Lisette asked him.
“No. For the longest time we thought we were the only ones who had survived the Breaking, and saw no others for years.”
I shrugged. “Must be something here in the desert bringing them to life. Some of the ones that showed up during your mothers’ fight were resurrected by Odessa. Do you really think she’s to be trusted?”
“Arjun!”
“I know you’re attached to your sister, and I like her. But you can understand why I’m asking.” Watching the cannibals choke in midair had been disquieting. She’d killed a man by sending lightning down from the sky. What would stop her from doing the same to us if she lost control? “No offense to your liege, Lady Noelle.”
“None taken,” Noelle said, troubled. “And I doubt she would, either. But I wish I had the answers for you, milord. I do know that Lady Lan is a calming influence on her. She has shaken off corruption many times solely for the Catseye’s sake.”
“So what you’re saying is that none of us should piss Lan off.”
“I wouldn’t need a galla’s influence to be seriously pissed off if someone harmed you,” Haidee said.
I laughed. “That’s the best compliment you’ve ever given me.”
“You have every right to be worried. But I trust her. And she has me now, too.”
I stepped on the brakes, the rig skidding to a halt in the sand.
The mirage—my mother—hadn’t tried to run. She hadn’t moved at all. She was only a hundred or so feet away, observing us underneath that red-marked hood.
Sonfei muttered a series of epithets. For someone who lived in an isolated tribe across the Sand Sea, his words were startlingly creative.
“Are we going nearer?” Lisette asked. “Because if you say we are, I would like to make a protest.”
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��None of you are.” I got out of the jeep.
“What are you doing?” Haidee protested.
“Stay here with the others. Don’t argue with me.”
Haidee scowled at me, but Noelle spoke up. “He has a good point, Your Holiness. If anything happens, you’ll be in a better position to defend him from here.”
“If anything happens, I’m going to run over that mirage myself,” Haidee snapped.
I leaned over and kissed her. “Thank you.”
“You’ll still need someone with you,” Kadmos argued.
I thought about that. “You and Faraji. Stay twenty feet away from me at all times. I don’t think it’s going to attack me, but I can’t promise the same for either of you.”
“What exactly are you going to do, brother?” Faraji asked.
“Just having a friendly mother-son talk, Faraj. It’s been a long time coming.” I began my trek toward the figure, both Faraji and Kadmos falling into step behind me.
My eyes never left the Firesmoker mirage. Its features were still obscured by its cowl, just like the rest of its undead brethren.
Horrifyingly enough, Jesmyn had no head when she approached me at the edges of the Sand Sea. What was I going to find underneath my mother’s cloak?
I stopped, barely two feet away.
“Mother?”
The mirage was silent, like it couldn’t even bother to acknowledge the son it had abandoned. That ticked me off.
“You knew, damn you. You hid the truth from Latona and Asteria. You helped cause all this.”
Still nothing, but I fancied some of the other specters wandering nearby stirred at the mention of the goddesses’ names.
“You deliberately played them against each other. You and every Devoted before you had been doing that for generations. You were supposed to be protecting them, not killing them!” I didn’t know I was yelling until I was, letting go of all the pent-up emotion I’d been keeping inside since learning she’d had a hand in the Breaking.