On a Whim

by Nadia Aidan

  Definitely.

  “Chad and I are over, Lena. We’ve talked about this, so let it go.”

  “Fine.” Lena leant back in her booth, her lips pursed into a tight line, and Maia knew she wanted to argue, which was why Maia wasn’t surprised when Lena said, “But do you really want to have a child by a stranger, some guy you’ve never met and never will?”

  Lena knew she didn’t, but this was far better than grabbing a guy off the street, or at the nearest club, and doing basically the same thing. At least the guys had been screened—and it was safe. It also wasn’t like she had a whole lot of options—at least not when it came to something as serious as having a child. Chad had been her only option, but she’d never broached the subject with him, not really. He’d wanted to take their relationship to the next level, and for a few months she’d tried. But the demons from her past had crept back in, haunting their relationship, and so she’d bolted. With their last argument, he’d thrown down the gauntlet—either give their relationship a chance, or he was done with her and her commitment issues. Needless, to say he’d had to dump her, and with that, her number one candidate for fathering her child had been taken off the table. Later, she’d decided it was for the best. Chad wanted so much from her—too much. And the feelings she had for him were just too complicated, too complex, years and years of knowing someone, but then not. No, she’d mulled over this for the past six months and she’d made her decision, and that was that. No Chad. Just her—her and the sperm bank.

  Lena’s phone rang, and Maia was glad for the interruption. The attorney in Lena would probe until she got the answer she was satisfied with, but Maia knew Lena would never quite be satisfied with her answer—that Chad was definitely out of the picture.

  Lena answered the call with a heavy sigh, and Maia knew instantly it was her job. When she finally hung up, Maia guessed their lunch was about to come to an end.

  “I have to get back to the office,” Lena said already sliding out of the booth, and Maia moved to follow.

  “You should stay,” Lena insisted.

  “No. I better get back too. I’ll just get it to go,” Maia said, pulling out enough bills to cover lunch since it was her turn to pay.

  “Alright. I’ll call you later then,” Lena said, giving her a quick hug, her expression warm. “I want you to know that I am happy for you. I know you’ve wanted to have a baby for a long time, and I am happy that you are going for it.”

  “But?”

  Lena sighed, her smile wavering. “There is no but. You know how I feel, but it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re sure of what you’re doing and you’re happy, then I am too.”

  Maia returned her smile as she hooked her arm with Lena’s and moved to leave the restaurant. That’s why she’d called Lena in the first place. She’d just needed to know her friend had her back, and that Maia had Lena’s support in all of this. After all she would need it. Lena was truly the only family Maia had.

  Chad watched the two women leave, his gaze following the gentle sway of Maia’s hips, until she disappeared from the restaurant.

  He raised his glass of water to his lips, a smile on his face. It was a perfect coincidence. He was waiting for a client who was running late. Obscured by the decorative foliage between the booths he hadn’t realised Maia and Lena were there until he heard Maia’s voice.

  He’d been on his way to announcing his presence, after all, it was the polite thing to do. He certainly hadn’t set out to eavesdrop. But he’d been paralysed when he heard his name and baby in the same sentence.

  Maia wanted to have a baby?

  That was news to him. Not once had Maia mentioned having a child, but then, that had been one of the larger issues of their relationship—they didn’t quite know each other as well as they should have.

  They’d moved around over the years, to different cities, different states, moving in and out of each other’s lives, but at some point, always ending up together again. Until recently, he and Maia had shared a purely physical, very superficial relationship, suiting their carefree needs, that was convenient, until it wasn’t.

  Maia—a woman he’d known for years, but he was sad to say, not in the ways that counted. Her past was her secret, her demons belonged to her, but they reared their ugly head every time he tried to get close to her, every time he tried to establish true intimacy with her. He’d grown weary of trying to breach her walls. He’d finally decided that Maia just didn’t want to be loved. She certainly didn’t want him. And until moments ago, he would have sworn she didn’t want a baby. He knew she had a thing against marriage—figured baby and marriage went hand in hand with her. But apparently they didn’t.

  That was fine. It was a new day. Women had many options—and apparently Maia had exhausted all of them. A sperm bank? He hadn’t seen that coming. Another curve ball that he hadn’t been expecting was that she’d considered him as a candidate to father her child.

  He’d nearly choked on his water. A baby? With Maia? He forced himself to ignore the knots that tightened in his gut. God knows he’d thought about having a child with her—he’d thought of sharing many things with her. No matter what he did, or where he went, he always found his way back to Maia, and over the past year he’d decided there was a reason why. His feelings for Maia ran deeper than he’d realised, far deeper than he was prepared to acknowledge, even to himself. But he knew he cared about her, in a way he’d never cared about any other woman. He felt things for her that he’d never felt for any other woman. When he’d suggested they actually try dating like normal people, he’d wanted a chance to explore their connection, establish an intimacy they’d never shared before. But eventually Maia decided she wasn’t cut out for anything real—at least not with him, so he’d walked away, he’d let her go.

  But maybe he’d been too hasty. He leant back in his seat and considered the possibilities. It was obvious Maia wanted a baby, she’d considered having one with him, but she’d never asked, and he just wondered what would she do if he came to her with an offer she just couldn’t refuse.

  * * * *

  Midtown was a vibrant community in the heart of downtown Atlanta, full of trendy restaurants and shops, and teeming with wide-eyed urban professionals who’d come to the sprawling metropolis looking for big city life with a bit of Southern charm.

  Chad strolled along the paved walkway that led to Maia’s garden style condo which was nestled in the heart of the bustling Midtown district. He inhaled deeply, the crisp autumn air tinged with the balmy humid breeze that always fell upon the city just around dusk. He took in several breaths, struggling to ease the furious tempo of his heart. He hadn’t seen Maia since Dylan and Lena’s wedding and after three months of no contact, he didn’t expect Maia to be thrilled by his presence or the offer he was prepared to make, but he knew Maia well enough to know that when she was desperate to have something, she would stop at nothing until she got it. A baby. He wondered just how desperate she was to have a child, what lengths she would go to, what bargains she was prepared to make. Well, there was only one way to find out.

  Pressing the doorbell, he waited.

  There was the muffled pitter patter of feet and he knew the moment she looked out the peep hole and saw him standing there because there was nothing but stilted silence. Seconds ticked by without a sound, and he wondered if she would pretend not to be home. He glanced at her car parked in one of the “Resident” spots. She could certainly pretend, although, she would be fooling no one.

  That thought was barely fully formed when the door swung open. She stood there, her hair piled high on her head in a haphazard ponytail, her lips twisted into a frown.

  “What are you doing here?”

  With a crooked smile on his face, he lifted the bottle of wine in one hand, and the Chinese carryout in the other.

  “I brought dinner,” he remarked causally and pushed past her inside, as if they did this every night, as if it wasn’t strange that he was now on her doorstep after three mo
nths of nothing.

  She closed the door and spun around, still wearing a dark glower. He smiled at her as he sat the food down on her coffee table. She was adorable, dressed in a bright pink t-shirt and red leggings, with hot pink polish on her toe nails. In that moment he was reminded of how she’d looked back in college, when they’d first met at a Greek party, and she’d been dressed in the crimson and pink colours of her sorority, with her bold and sassy attitude in tow. His attention had been drawn to her from the moment she’d walked into the party, and he’d thought she was the sexiest, most alluring woman in the room—hell, that he’d ever known. He still felt that way. She was still sassy, still bold, and with the stretch fabric of her outfit clinging ever so seductively to her subtle curves, she was also still the sexiest, most alluring woman he’d ever known.

  Maia eyed him suspiciously as he pulled out paper plates and utensils. “What are you doing?”

  “What do you mean what am I doing?” He crossed the room towards her kitchen to grab two wine glasses. “I’m getting ready to eat.”

  “Eat?” Her eyes narrowed. “After three months of no phone calls, no emails, nothing. You just show up on my door in the middle of the week,” she glanced at her coffee table, “with my favourite food and favourite wine.” She scowled at him. “What do you want?”

  He flashed his most charming grin. “Can we at least eat dinner first?”

  Her eyes widened. “Before you tell me what you want?” She asked as if the notion of eating such a trivial meal before what was apparently a humungous announcement was unbelievable to her.

  “Yes.” He walked towards her, and grabbed her hand, tugging her down to sit on the couch beside him. Her hand fit so perfectly in his, and he noted that she didn’t protest his touch, that was both simple and intimate all at once. But that was just how things were between them—how they’d always been. No matter how much time passed, they could so easily slip back into each other’s lives without the slightest ripple.

  “So you’re admitting that you do want something,” Maia said once she was seated next to him.

  He looked at her. “I don’t want anything, per se,” he said quietly. “At least, my wants are not why I’m here, although I certainly will get a lot out of it.” His gut tightened at the very thought of everything he stood to gain. Maia—their child—the chance to make love to her again, to be with her again, maybe even forever.

  She gave him a puzzled frown, and his mind focused once again on his first task, and that was convincing her that he could give her everything she’d ever wanted, if she’d just let him. “Let’s just say, I’m here because of something that you want.”

  Maia sat beside Chad, brimming with nervous energy. She’d never been nervous around Chad—never. But there was something about the way he looked at her tonight—about the veiled comment he’d made just before dinner that made her heart stutter. She reached for her half empty glass of wine and downed the remaining liquid, the alcohol forging a warm trail straight to her belly.

  They’d eaten in silence, and now that she was done she was ready for him to just spill the beans already. Damn it, what could it be? Was he getting married? She bit back a sharp gasp at the thought, fighting to ignore the sliver of pain that sliced through her heart. Over the years, she’d struggled to prepare herself for the day when he’d make that announcement. She guessed she hadn’t done such a good job if the churning in her belly was any evidence. It was just that her relationship with Chad was complicated—wondrous, special, but still, so complicated. She’d always considered him hers—even though he wasn’t, even though she could never be the woman he wanted—the woman he needed. And yet, Chad was always there, in her life, in her bed, in that tiny region of her heart where she refused to look—but he deserved happiness with a woman who wasn’t as broken and damaged as she was—who could love him fully. So she knew the time would one day come when he announced he’d found the woman to do that. She just hadn’t expected it to come so soon.

  “You’re getting married,” she blurted out, shooting to her feet. “That’s what you’ve come to tell me. It’s alright. You really—”

  Somewhere in the middle of her rant, Chad had stood up too, and he halted her mindless babbling with a single finger against her lips.

  “I’m not getting married.” His gaze searched her face, an eerie disquiet shimmering in the depths of those beautiful eyes that always reminded her of sparkling emeralds.

  “Chad, what is it?”

  “I overheard you and Lena today,” he said finally, quietly, and her stomach knotted at the look in his eyes. He couldn’t have been there— “At lunch,” he finished, confirming her worst fears. Oh God. He had.

  She shrank away from him. She wondered if she was going to be ill. With the nauseous rolling of her belly, and the sickening weight in the pit of her stomach, she sure felt like it. This was so humiliating. She spun away from him, unable to look into his eyes and see the pity she knew was right there in his gaze.

  “Maia—”

  “I bet you think this is funny, or maybe you think this is fitting, actually. Maia, who is so arrogant that she thinks every man wants her,” she mocked, recalling the words he’d hurled at her at Lena’s wedding. “Well, if she’s so irresistible how come she can’t seem to find anyone to father her child?” She felt like such a fool. “You probably laughed all the way here.”

  He spun her around. “I don’t think this is funny at all, nor do I think this is somehow what you deserve.” He frowned at her. “You’re like many people who want a child, and they make choices to have one, it’s as simple as that.”

  Her gaze snapped to his face. Nothing was that simple. Certainly not the agonising process she’d gone through to make that very decision. And certainly not when it came to Chad.

  “So what? You came to congratulate me then?” She doubted.

  He crooked his lips into a wry grin. “Not quite.”

  Her eyebrows arched as she waited for him speak, and he almost seemed nervous. That’s when she realised why he was really there. She took a step back, with the firm shake of her head.

  “No—”

  “Maia—”

  “Don’t you think I considered you? Don’t you think you were the first person on my list?”

  His eyes darkened. “Actually I wouldn’t know, since you never asked me.” He advanced towards her, and she took a stutter-step back.

  “There’s a reason why I didn’t ask you. It’s because of this—this thing between us. It’s already complicated enough.”

  He shrugged. “What’s complicated about it? You want a baby—I want a baby. We can have one together. Nothing complicated about that.”

  Chad wanted a baby? Uh, uh. Chad wanted a wife—then a baby—then the dog and the white picket fence. Chad was like most men of his age. Secure in his career, all his wild oats sewn, and now he was ready to settle down. The only reason why he’d even considered her was because she was still around after all these years. Thank God she’d come to her senses and bailed on that farce of a relationship they’d made a go at some months ago.

  Chad just wanted a wife, and would have married her because he was simply ready—not because she was actually right for him. And she was so not wife material—especially for a man like Chad.

  “Everything about this is complicated.” She shook her head sadly. It was a shame really, because Chad would make a wonderful father. “We just have too much history.”

  “All the more reason to do this.” He took another step closer. She hadn’t realised he’d been steadily advancing upon her until her back was pressed to the wall. “Think about it,” he whispered, closing the distance between them.

  She flattened her hands against his chest, fighting for space. She knew exactly where this was headed, just as she knew her attempt at resistance was also futile from the moment her palms settled against the hard planes of his torso. Whenever she and Chad were in the same room with one another, sexual tension hovered betw
een them, but when they touched, the connection was instantaneous and always combustible—and it had always been like this between them, from the very beginning.

  The instant she’d laid eyes on him at a Greek party her sophomore year in college, her body had come alive. Every sense, every cell within her had strained for him, his touch. From that moment on, she’d really never been the same, certainly no other man could awaken her body with just a glimpse, a naughty word, or a passing caress. It was really shameful.

  “Chad,” she mumbled weakly, pushing at his chest when he dipped his head to kiss the sweet spot at the crook of her neck. Oh, this wasn’t fair. He was playing dirty.

  “Think about it, Maia. Us. A baby. We get along—in every way,” he chuckled, and she knew there was no denying the various ways and just how well they got along. “We’re both financially secure, and our jobs are flexible, which leaves us with plenty of time to spend with our child, raising him or her, nurturing them.”

  She drew back, forcing his gaze to her face. “And what about you and I? What would our relationship be if we actually did this?”

  Something flickered in his gaze, but just as quickly as it came, it went, and that she couldn’t discern what the emotion was, scared her.

  “Our only relationship will be as the parents of our child.”

  “And nothing more?” She didn’t know why her voice sounded so strained, so tight, or why her heart thumped harder in her chest.

  “Nothing more.”

  She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. “S—so no sex, no sleeping toge—”

  He shook his head. “If you agree to this, then, no. After we make a child together, our only relationship will be as parents.”

  The look in his eyes told her he was telling the truth and she didn’t know if she could agree to that. It just seemed so—so final. Much like when their long time affair had come to a swift end in the blink of an eye just a few months back at Dylan and Lena’s wedding. Now he was offering to rekindle their affair—for the sole purpose of creating a child. But then after that—he would do what? Get married, have more children, leave her long behind? That’s what you want, isn’t it? whispered that tiny voice in her head, but now she wasn’t so sure. She’d missed Chad these past months. It was one thing for him to not really be hers in the truest sense but still know she could call on him anytime of the day and he’d be there. It was quite another to no longer have the right to even pick up the phone and say hello to him. It had been hard—far harder than she could have imagined, and she wasn’t sure if she could have his baby then watch him walk away from her for good. That’s why she’d never asked him in the first place. She’d known instinctively her conflicting emotions for the man before her would make having a child with him difficult. Well, not the actual having the child together part, or even making the child, but the details of their arrangement. No. It would never work.