On a Whim

by Nadia Aidan

  Maia closed her eyes, listening to the steady thumping of Chad’s heart, and this time she knew he’d fallen asleep.

  She hated that when she left his cabin later that week, she and Chad would finally be over, even as they would share another wonderful phase of their lives together as parents. She wished things could be different, but she knew Chad had been spot on with his words earlier.

  She couldn’t trust anyone with the secrets of her past, and with that she would never be able to trust anyone with her heart.

  Chapter Three

  Their week of being closeted together away from the world was over far too soon Maia decided, as she closed the trunk of her car.

  Chad stood beside her car, his hand resting on the door. God knew she wasn’t ready to leave—not yet, not like this. If she was pregnant, and she sincerely hoped she was, she and Chad would never be together like this again. She knew deep down in her soul that over the past months Chad had truly changed. He wanted more from life. At one point he’d wanted more from her, but realising she wasn’t capable of giving more, he’d now set his sights on finding the love that she would never be able to give him.

  After that moment a week ago as they’d made love and Chad admitted he wouldn’t find his way back to her again, they hadn’t talked about them or their future since. It was just understood. She couldn’t commit and Chad refused to accept anything less. She never really believed there would ever come a time when the ‘relationship’ she and Chad had built would no longer work for them—but the time had come and Maia experienced a bittersweet feeling she’d never expected she’d feel. With the end of their relationship, a new life would begin—for both of them, and in so many ways. And she wasn’t quite sure if she was okay with it all—that Chad would move on and after today, he would no longer be hers.

  He dipped his head to claim her mouth with a slow, languorous kiss, that while it was unhurried, it still lacked the passion she’d come to expect from his kisses.

  He lifted his head, parting their lips. “Call me when you get home so that I know you made it safely, okay?”

  Maia nodded as she stood there numbly beside her car. So this was it? This was how they were really going to end things. It just seemed so—so final, when their other break ups hadn’t.

  She lowered herself into her car, and Chad was just about to close the door when she stopped him with the firm push of her hand. She stepped out of her car, meeting his puzzled gaze.

  “What is it, Maia?”

  “I don’t know.” She wondered if she was maybe losing her mind. She didn’t do commitment, didn’t do relationships so she was confused by these strange urges inside her. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to say, or even what she wanted him to say. But after spending the entire week making love, possibly creating a child together, she just didn’t think he’d still cling to his original plan, that their relationship would remain platonic from here on out. But the fact that he didn’t mention plans to see her that week, or even next weekend, as he always did whenever they were together, said that on this point, his stance hadn’t changed.

  “Are you alright?” he asked, concern heavy in his voice.

  She looked up at him. “So this is it, then? We really are done?” She asked in a rush, before she lost her nerve.

  “We’re having a child together. Of course we’re not done--”

  “You know what I mean, Chad.” She pinned him with a hard stare, and she knew the moment he understood her words because he shifted beneath the weight of her gaze, but the look he gave her was unwavering and she had to fight the urge to shiver under the intense scrutiny of his stare.

  “Unless you are willing to make a permanent commitment to us, then yes, we are done.”

  “Permanent?” She wrinkled her brow. “What do you mean by permanent?”

  He ran his hand through his hair, something he only did when he was agitated. “At this point Maia, with us having a baby together, and how poorly you’ve handled being in a relationship with me in the past.” His emerald eyes darkened then. “I wouldn’t accept less than marriage from you.”

  “Marriage?”

  “Yes, marriage, Maia.”

  She started to shake her head. Those had been the last words she’d been expecting to hear from him. “Marriage?” she repeated, still in shock.

  He sighed. “The fact that you’re hesitating, that you’re shaking your head is answer enough for me, and that is the reason why we are done.”

  “I hesitated because I’m shocked.”

  “No, you hesitated because the thought of marrying me—hell, the thought of marrying anybody scares you to death. Just admit it Maia, just admit that you will never be able to commit to any man no matter what.”

  She opened her mouth to deny his words, but she couldn’t, because she knew he spoke the truth, and with that knowledge a sense of hopelessness settled in her gut. She really was going to lose him, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She loved Chad, with everything inside her, but she just could not let another man into her life, into her heart, and give him the power to hurt her again. She just didn’t think she’d ever be able to recover if Chad broke her heart. Even now, she was still repairing the damage of the wounds left by the man who’d sworn he’d love her forever, that he’d cherish her until his last breath.

  Tears clouded her eyes as she dipped her head, but she refused to let them fall. “I wish you could understand how hard this is for me, how I truly wish things could be different.”

  Chad touched his fingers to her chin, lifting her head, and what she saw in his eyes made her want to shed the tears that she fought to hold back. “Believe me when I say I do. I know you care about me, sweetheart.” He let his hand fall then, and his eyes darkened with sadness and a profound regret. “You just don’t care enough.”

  He gently nudged her into her seat, and numbly she sat down behind the wheel and turned on her car as he closed the door shut.

  She would never recall how she got home exactly because her thoughts were miles away. And as she drifted off to sleep that night, her last thoughts were of Chad and that she had finally lost him for good. He’d offered her chance after chance, but now he was officially done with her, and there was nothing she could say or do to ever get him back.

  * * * *

  Chad sat at his desk, staring out of the large bay window that took up an entire wall of his office. He’d always loved the view from his window—of downtown Atlanta, the bustling, thriving centre of the city right there before him on Peachtree Street.

  It was lunchtime and his eyes roamed over the SunTrust Plaza where busy, urban professionals crowded the streets to grab a quick meal before they would retreat back into their offices for the rest of the day.

  Ordinarily, he would watch the scene before him with a bit of amusement before joining the crush of people to get a quick bite to eat himself, but today he watched the people below him with vacant eyes, not really seeing them and he decided he wasn’t hungry either.

  He glanced at his phone. He should call her. It had been two weeks since he’d spoken to Maia. She’d called to let him know she’d arrived home safely after her drive from his cabin. Their conversation had been brief, tense, but before they hung up she’d promised to call him in two weeks which was when she’d know for sure if she was pregnant.

  It was two weeks and two days. She’d promised to call with news either way. She should have called by now. He hated this feeling. This pent up tension of not knowing. Then there was the need to hear her voice, to talk to her, even though he knew he shouldn’t even be thinking about her. At least not in that way. If everything worked out, Maia would soon become the mother of his child, and that was the only relationship they would have from here on out. To hope for something more was futile. But he had to admit he’d been just the tiniest bit hopeful. Before they’d parted ways up at the cabin he’d glimpsed something in her eyes he’d never seen there before—regret. It had been fleeting, but he’d c
lung to the small hope that it would lead to her having a change of heart about them.

  With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair. Torturing himself—that was all he was doing. He and Maia had been together on and off for years, and she’d never had a change of heart and he knew she wasn’t about to now.

  He needed to be honest with himself. It was now time for him to move on. Even if Maia wasn’t yet pregnant, even if he would have to make love to her again until she was, he had to face the cold reality that it was finally time for him to stop torturing himself and get on with his life. Maia was never going to change, even though he had.

  * * * *

  Maia called Chad three days after she’d told him she would because her period was late. She’d thought she was pregnant, but after dozens of home pregnancy tests, she’d finally come to the conclusion that she wasn’t, and then her period arrived the next day. He’d seemed to accept her explanation, but their entire conversation had been fraught with the same eerie tension that had been there the last time they’d spoken.

  She hated the tension between them, hated that Chad was distant with her. It was a strange experience to talk to him and have him be polite, but curt with her. In a word, she felt like a stranger when she talked to him, something she’d never felt when she was with him, until now.

  That’s why she’d decided to drop by his place before they were to see each other that weekend. Maybe a spontaneous quickie would ease the strain between them and then they could get back to normal. Okay, well not normal, since they were over, but maybe they could at least get to a place where their every interaction wasn’t uncomfortable.

  Maia lifted her finger to ring the doorbell, but before she could press the button the door opened and Chad nearly bowled her over on his way out.

  “Maia?”

  She quickly scrambled out the way and gathered herself.

  “Hi. I uh—”

  “What are you doing here? I thought we were getting together this weekend.”

  She lifted the bottle of wine with one hand and the bag of carryout with the other. “I thought I would entice you to dinner—” She swept her gaze over his tall, muscled frame clad in a custom-tailored charcoal grey suit. “But I can see you already have plans.”

  She was such an idiot. She should have called first. “I’ll just go then.”

  Chad closed the door behind him. “I was on my way out so I’ll walk you to your car.”

  She stared up at him as she let him usher her down the walkway to her car, struggling with the strange feelings brewing inside of her. Not once had Chad ever blown her off, no matter what he had going on.

  In the past, if she showed up minutes before he was on his way out to work, he would find a way to make time for her.

  But tonight, whatever plans he had and whoever he had them with seemed to be of the utmost importance, because he didn’t even spare her a second glance after he helped her into her car.

  Maia paused just before she closed the door, to peak into his passenger seat window and she froze at what she saw. Were those flowers? It all made sense now and she practically shook with an emotion she wasn’t quite ready to name as she slammed her door shut. He had a date. Of course he wasn’t going to blow off his date for her. Not Maia. He’d been there, done that, and he knew anything with her would lead him nowhere.

  As she drove towards her home, she reminded herself that this was what she’d wanted. No strings, no complications, no relationship. But this was Chad she was talking about and things had always been different between them. Chad had never once put anyone or anything before her, until now. This was why she didn’t do relationships. She hated the pain that came with the disappointment when they didn’t work out, and up to now, she’d never had to fully deal with these feelings.

  Maia experienced a sickening tightening in her gut. Chad had truly moved on. She’d never expected the end of her relationship with Chad to feel like this. She’d never expected it to hurt this much.

  Chapter Four

  Maia was in the middle of cleaning up her kitchen when the doorbell rang. She knew who it was on the other side of her door. After all, he’d been expecting her at his home three hours ago. And when she hadn’t shown, he’d called. She knew it would only be a matter of time before he came looking for her here.

  She could have ignored it, but there was no point. Besides, the anger, the frustration, the myriad of feelings she’d been bombarded with ever since she’d made a fool of herself on his doorstep earlier that week, she’d managed to work most of them out of her system as she’d set about the task of cleaning her place.

  The doorbell rang again, followed by a heavy pounding.

  “Open the door, Maia.”

  “Hold a sec. I’m coming.”

  She’d barely opened the door before Chad pushed past her inside and slammed it behind him.

  “You don’t think I know what you’re doing?”

  She started to answer him, but he never gave her the chance.

  “I know you’re still upset from the other day. That I didn’t drop everything for you.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Yes, I am still upset, or at least I was until I cleaned my place.”

  His eyes widened, and she knew he hadn’t been expecting her to be so candid with him. She’d never been one to reveal when she felt vulnerable, when something hurt her, so she’d stumped him for a second. But Chad was nothing if he wasn’t quick.

  He narrowed his gaze at her. “Don’t you think you’re being childish?” He stalked towards her. “We’re not together. You wanted this arrangement to be as uncomplicated as possible.” He ticked each statement off with a finger. “And I’ve done everything you’ve wanted, by your rules, and by the book.”

  He stood before her, his body within inches of hers, and as it always did, her entire being awakened to him, but she held her desires at bay long enough to speak.

  “I don’t think I’m being childish at all. I was upset and I didn’t want to see you while I was still upset.” She shrugged. “I may have reacted childishly to you, but I can’t help how I feel about certain things.”

  He stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time, and in many ways he was. For the past few months Chad had undergone a transformation, one that had made her stop and think about who she was and what she wanted out of life, what she wanted from him. She’d fought against having this deep self-reflection, until she’d shown up at Chad’s place and realised she didn’t like feeling like she was number two in his life. She didn’t like it at all. Maia still wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do about it, because she doubted Chad wanted to deal with her and her inconsistent feelings for him. But before this weekend was over, she was determined to show him he wasn’t the only one who’d made some changes.

  “I had to meet a client.”

  Maia stared at him. “Huh?”

  “The night you stopped by I had to meet a client. I promised Dylan he could have the night off and that I would have dinner with our client in his place. I couldn’t have blown off the dinner even if I’d wanted to.”

  She closed her eyes for just a second, letting out a tiny sigh. When she opened her eyes again she said, “I thought you were going out on a date.”

  “And what if I was,” he whispered as he cupped her cheek. “I need to move on, Maia. You know at some point I will begin dating again, just as you will.”

  “I know.” She covered his hand with hers to place a small kiss against his palm. “But not while we’re trying to make a baby together. Not now.”

  He nodded, silently reassuring her that he would not date another woman while they were still involved. But then she wanted to beg him not to date anyone while she was pregnant too, yet she held her tongue. It wouldn’t have been fair to him, because she knew that with every milestone they passed, she would want to ask him not to see anyone else, just because she wasn’t ready. But she knew she would never be ready to see Chad move on.


  He touched his lips to hers, and every worry seemed to disappear when her body hummed to life, awakening beneath the onslaught of her desire. She let him back her into her bedroom, and a soft sigh escaped her when she fell back across her bed.

  He stripped out of his clothes, revealing perfectly sculpted bronze muscles. His erection tented against his boxers, but he didn’t remove them as he joined her on the bed.

  Unlike what he’d done with his own clothing, he undressed her slowly, gently pealing each layer from her. With each inch of skin he revealed, his lips delicately teased her bare flesh until she was naked and writhing beneath him, and a wanton heat ignited low in her belly at the intense desire burning in his dark emerald gaze.

  He kissed his way to her neck, his tongue licking at her skin. She clutched his head trying to hold him there, but he easily pulled away from her with a husky laugh, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

  He inched his way lower, taking one ripe nipple into the wet, warm cavern of his mouth. Her body throbbed and pulsed with blinding lust and she gasped when he swirled his tongue around her aching bud.

  “Chad,” she cried out, her body trembling as he sucked on her sensitive flesh while he plucked at her other nipple. He worshipped her breasts, alternating between both of them, bestowing hot, wet kisses on her berry ripe nipples.

  She was a mindless, panting ball of desire by the time he released her nipple with a soft pop, before drifting lower. He kissed the bare flesh of her belly, his tongue dipping into her navel. Their eyes met when he kissed her abdomen, his palm resting atop her womb. She sucked in a breath at the look in his eyes, certain that it was mirrored on her face—the unbidden desire that their lovemaking would soon create a child, their child.

  He kissed his way down her body, to the apex of her thighs, and her breath caught in her throat when he settled between her legs, his lips wrapping around her engorged clit. He held her thighs spread as he ate her pussy, his tongue probing deep, until she splintered apart around him, her juices flooding his mouth.