by M. C. Vann
We hadn’t talked ever since that night I called him, but maybe it was better this way. From what I sensed, Henry and Nick weren’t exactly on good terms. The two seemed to have some unresolved issues.
In the afternoon, Larry drove Nana and me to a few grocery stores to shop for her ingredients. The dishes on the menu tonight consisted of lamb stew, lobster, salmon, and other things I haven’t even heard of before.
Back in the kitchen, Larry helped us carry the food to the island counter. I helped Nana reorganize the ingredients she needed and placed anything that she didn’t need right away into the fridge. Since I wasn’t good at cooking, I asked Nana to give me something to do other than the main dishes.
As I sliced the vegetables, I thought back to the time when Henry cooked dinner for me at his grandfather’s cabin. Even though it had only been a few months since then, it felt like ages ago. I could still remember the smoothness and accuracy of his cutting.
Next, Nana told me to take out the flour and sift it. After she showed me how to sift, my thoughts started to drift again. But I tried not to think about Henry this time because somehow thinking about him made me miss him more.
While sifting the flour, an unexpected hand tugged a strand of loose hair from my cheek to behind my ear. I turned my head slightly to see who it was.
“Henry,” I muttered his name breathlessly, caught by surprise to see him standing beside me. As I briefly studied his face, I noticed he had a dusting of stubble growing on his chin and he looked more tired than ever. His eyes were no longer dark nor red. He looked … not like his usual self. He looked like the Henry I once knew, or rather who he was pretending to be. Though I wanted to throw my arms around him, I restrained myself — partly because my hands had flour all over them. The other half worried he might be toying with me again.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“This is my house, Ally,” he said. He leaned his hip onto the edge of the granite counter while folding his arms across his chest. “Am I not allowed to come to my own house?”
He was joking with me. He was really joking with me. Did he finally return to his old self?
Before I get way ahead of myself, I cleared my throat and returned half of my attention to sifting the flour. If I get my hopes up and he turned back into mean, old, and terrifying Henry, I’d look like a fool.
“Are you staying for the dinner?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Yes.”
I couldn’t believe how much a simple answer from Henry made me so happy. I couldn’t believe he was actually here, talking to me, just like old times. It was like nothing had happened this past month. But I knew we had to talk about it sometime later down the road.
Just not right now. I didn’t want to spoil the nice, calm moment.
“I thought you couldn’t make it,” I said.
“I couldn’t stay away too long.”
My hands stilled their movements, caught off guard by his answer. From the way he spoke, I knew something hid deeper in his deliberate choice of words. I couldn’t suppress the grin that pulled at the corners of my lips, but it was only for a fleeting moment. Doubt surfaced in my mind as I scolded myself for being so naive and easily lifted by his words.
What if Henry was just playing with me again? What if he was saying these words to hurt me later?
“Why’d you stop?” Henry’s voice popped into my thoughts.
“Huh?”
Henry tenderly placed his hands over mine, controlling them for a few seconds to sift the flour. He pulled away once I realized that I had stopped this entire time. I grew slightly uncomfortable as he continued to watch me work. He didn’t say anything, or look anywhere else — his gaze remained solely on me.
“Henry! There you are,” Nana said as she walked into the kitchen. “I was wondering when you’d come home.”
They exchanged a quick embrace, and Nana pulled away to hold him by his arms. Her hands were so small and frail compared to his build.
“Have you been eating well these past few days?” Nana questioned him like a concerned mother would. “Did you need me to whip you up something quick?”
“No, I can wait until dinner time.”
“You’re staying for dinner?” Nana said with a surprised tone as her eyes widened, but in a good way.
“There was some change of plans,” he vaguely explained. “Besides, I didn’t want to miss your cooking.”
“You’re just saying that to make me happy. Since you’re here, why don’t you help your wife instead of watching her,” she ordered him teasingly, and he obliged.
Henry shifted his body to me again once Nana walked out of the room. His intimidating eyes leered at the side of my face, waiting for me to tell him what to do.
“Here, you can do this,” I said. I handed him the sifter as he purposefully caused our hands to graze each other. “I’m going to go check on the stew. I’ll be right back.”
I walked away, unable to look him in the eye. I turned a corner and checked that Henry didn’t see me from where he was. I placed a hand on my chest and felt my heart thumping like a stampede of Derby horses. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress my feelings and quell the beats of my heart.
Did Henry really change these past few days? Why was he acting so ... different? Why was he suddenly so nice to me? I really hoped he was being genuine with me this time. With Henry around, I could never control myself or what I feel for him. His mere presence clouded my thoughts. His convincing words affected me in a way no others could. But I couldn’t be sure of what his motives were because I knew I couldn’t let myself be hurt again.
Patty and Nick arrived shortly after Henry did. After everyone had greeted each other, the two men pretended to be friendly with one another in front of Nana and Patty. They discussed business and other matters. Only I knew what lied beneath their tones.
During dinner, Nana seated Henry at the head of the table while Nick and I sat on either side of him across from each other. Nick even had the nerve to wink at me as he sat down. I could only imagine he did it to stir Henry.
“Fran, thanks again for inviting Nicholas and me to this amazing dinner,” Patty said as dinner began.
“It’s been a while since we had a dinner like this. And now with an addition to the family, I think it was time for a reunion,” Nana responded with a wide smile as she looked at me. “Actually, Ally was telling me about her first week of work. Have you been taking good care of her, Nick?”
I immediately froze in my chair. I didn’t have a chance to tell Henry about my new job yet. I could feel his eyes darting to me as I tried to chew on the lamb. I should have known they were going to bring up the job.
“Yes, I know she’s going to do great things at Horizon,” Nick replied cheerfully to Nana. He glanced at me with a grin. “Am I right, Gran?”
“Absolutely! I’m so glad to have Ally on our team,” Patty said. She took a sip of her water. “You let me know if Nick does anything to bully you,” Patty warned with a playful tone. “He’s very testy around our new employees.”
I chuckled nervously, secretly hoping everyone would shut about it now. They talked about it like it was such a big deal. I meant I had only worked there for a week, and they were already praising me for being so great. I didn’t even prove anything up to this point.
“Henry,” Patty started. “Aren’t you excited for Ally?”
“Of course. Thrilled,” he answered simply.
“I knew you would be happy for her,” Patty said. “I promise that we’ll take very good care of her at Horizon. Now, tell us, what is going on with Pearce Group? Good business, I assume?”
Even though the conversation turned towards Henry now, I could still hear his thoughts. I knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go.
For the rest of the dinner, Nick and I talked about work while Fran and Patty talked about their other family. I tried to engage Henry in our conversation, but h
e only answered with one or two words. He didn’t even look at me while he answered.
After Patty and Nick left, I purposefully avoided Henry by helping Nana clean up. I needed time to think about what I’d say to him, but it hadn’t even been five minutes when Nana insisted for me to go find Henry. She shooed me out of her kitchen, stating Henry might leave soon.
I went up to Henry’s bedroom, thinking he would be in there, but when I knocked on the door, no answer came. I decided to check his office, but as soon as I reached the door, I stopped halfway in raising my fist to knock. I didn’t feel like arguing with him, especially not in that room. I took a deep breath and raised my fist again to knock. While I waited for him to answer the door or tell me to come in, my knees weakened. I didn’t want him to get mad about my new job.
But he appeared to have changed. A little, right?
What if he hadn’t changed?
But there was no answer again. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Disappointed. I was definitely disappointed. He had left without even saying goodbye to me.
Defeated, I walked back to my room, thinking I should have told him when I called him that night. I didn’t want any more misunderstandings to come between us.
When I closed my bedroom door behind me and turned around, I found Henry sitting at the foot of the bed, slightly hunched over. He was waiting for me the entire time. With the sound of the door closing, he looked up at me with a gentle expression on his face.
“Henry.”
“When were you planning on telling me?” he asked. His voice wasn’t cold as I presumed it would be.
“I was going to tell you over the phone, but—”
“But you didn’t,” he finished my statement. He stood up.
“I wanted to tell you, honestly,” I explained, remaining close to the door. “But there was never a good time too.”
“I want you to quit,” he asserted plainly and I stared at him in shock.
“What? No, I can’t do that,” I spat, suddenly irritated by his absurd request.
“Why not?”
“Because I just started.”
“Is it because of Nick that you don’t want to quit?”
“No! No, it has nothing to do with Nick,” I argued, slightly raising my voice. How could he even think that? “I told you before. Nick and I are just friends. Nothing more.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me.”
“You mean during dinner? That’s just how Nick is. It means nothing.”
“Regardless,” he started, crossing his arms. “You don’t have any excuse to work there.”
He wasn’t going to take a rebuttal for an answer as always.
“Yes, I do.”
“Tell me then so that I can understand clearly. Why would you need to work at Horizon?”
“Because,” I said. “Because with this job, I finally have something to do. I’m finally doing something different in my life, and I might actually have ambitions and goals if you must know. But the main reason why I won’t quit this job is because … I can finally pay you back the money that I owe you. It’s the least I could do.”
Henry stared at me for a couple of seconds, unsure of what to say. His lips pressed together into a hard, thin line while his arms unfolded from his chest and his gaze fell to the floor. He exhaled sharply, and I watched him with wary eyes.
“As you wish then,” he managed to say.
That was it. Henry wasn’t going to yell or argue with me. He walked past me to leave and I suddenly panicked.
“Henry, wait,” I said as he opened the door. “Can you give me just five minutes of your time? Please?”
His hand pulled away from the doorknob, and he turned to look at me. “What is it?” he asked. His tone was now low, but soft.
“Uh, I … I …” I stuttered, trying to find the right words. He had never been so compliant before. “I just wanted to let you know ... I’m here for you. And if there’s anything you want to get off your chest or anything that’s bothering you, you can trust me.”
I knew he may not even feel touched by my words, but that wasn’t my point. I just wanted him to know I will be there for him whenever he needs someone. I wanted him to know I was ready to help him carry his pain, so he doesn’t have to do it all by himself.
“Don’t push me out,” I pleaded.
Henry’s eyes faltered, mauling over my words for a second before he reached for the door again.
“Are you leaving?” I asked, sounding quite desperate.
“No, not yet,” he replied. He gave me one short glance before walking out the door, but it was long enough for me to see that he was, indeed, moved.
—————
To my surprise, Henry stayed home every day so far this week. He worked from home and some nights he would even come down to the living room to join Nana and me on our movie nights. Everything seemed to be getting better between us. He even managed to crack me a smile every time we passed each other in the house, albeit, a slightly awkward one. Though I knew it was a sincere gesture. He wasn’t affectionate toward me, but I was completely fine with it. I knew I shouldn’t be asking for more and I was unquestionably content with the way things were at the moment.
The middle of the week arrived. I was beginning to feel comfortable at Horizon, but still not quick enough to meet the expected deadlines. Although my shift ended, I stayed back on my own will to finish some work. When I decided it was time to leave, I grabbed my purse and the necessary materials. As I stepped onto the escalator down to the lobby, I glanced at my watch, realizing it was now eight. It was late and there was barely anybody left in the building. I looked up from my wrist and saw someone standing at the other end of the escalator.
Henry.
He watched me intently as I stepped down the remaining steps. His hands buried casually in his pockets.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I approached him.
“Are those the only words you know how to greet me with?” he remarked. Another joke. “What does it look like? I’m picking you up from work.”
“Oh, but I drove here. What about my car?”
“Larry took care of it.”
Of course, he did. I tugged a strand of hair behind my ear. “How long did you wait here for me?”
“Long enough. So … are you coming with me?” Henry asked.
Unable to comprehend Henry’s act, I nodded with an unsure smile. He was picking me up from work, and he had never done that before. Without a word, he unexpectedly grabbed the heavy binders from my arms and turned around to the revolving doors. I stood confounded for a moment before following behind him.
We stopped for dinner at Aleena, the very first restaurant we ate together. The first time, we were friends. The second time, we were dating.
This time around, the atmosphere was very different from the first two. We were a married couple, but it wasn’t a normal marriage at all. It was schemed with malicious intentions and it was, unmistakably, dysfunctional.
“How was work?” Henry asked as he picked at his steak.
“It … It was fine,” I said, stunned he actually asked me about work. Was he asking because he really wanted to know or to use it against me later?
“Are you getting accustomed to the environment?”
“Uh, yeah. There’s still a lot I have yet to learn about marketing, but I’ll eventually get there.”
“A lot of work, I presume,” Henry said with a subtle frown since he noticed earlier my pile of workload.
I nodded.
We didn’t speak much after. It wasn’t like the times before when we could share our personal preferences and stories. Even though we were married, it was as though we were barely acquainted.
After dinner, Henry and I took a walk out on the Lakefront Trail. Although it was dark out now, we could still see the trail with the street lamps on. The cold January wind caused out breaths to
turn into smoke and bit our cheeks, leaving them red. There was nobody else present on the trail except us, causing me to be a bit on edge. I consciously kept my hand at my side and hoped Henry would take my hand into his. But he never did, leaving me cold.
We came upon Buckingham Fountain which was now empty of its waters. The place was completely desolate. Only it was filled with painful memories. We made wishes here. We took our first picture together here. Henry proposed to me here.
I watched as Henry walked ahead toward the edge of the frozen fountain. He came to a halt, almost to the exact spot where he got down on one knee.
“What you offered me yesterday, may I take you up on it?” he asked, keeping his back to me. Though he couldn’t see me, I nodded. “I know I have mistreated you in the past. The terrible things I did…” he continued with a profound sadness in his voice. “You didn’t deserve any of it. I will understand if you can’t forgive me for everything I did.”
“It’s okay, Henry,” I said. I took a few steps toward him to close the distance between us. “Really.”
“No, it’s not,” he retaliated. “I was despicable. I called you horrible things, and I ... I hurt you. Don’t forgive me so easily.”
“That’s too bad,” I retaliated back. I moved to stand in front of him. “Because I forgive you.”
“Don’t,” he replied quietly. A longing gaze trapped underneath his cold exterior. “Not yet.”
He walked away from me to a nearby bench and sat there sullenly, resting his elbows on his knees while he thought deeply about something. I wish he would be more forgiving of himself. More than anyone else, the first person he needed to forgive was himself.
I walked over and sat on the frozen bench next to him as I was tired from the long day. I wanted to rub his back and console him. I’d do anything to comfort him.
Henry stood up and got down on his knees in front of me. A pair of sorrowful eyes greeted me when I met his gaze. “I want you to know that I’m trying my best,” he said. The unfamiliarity of the tenderness in his voice was enough to fill my eyes with tears. “I want to better myself…to become a better person for you. I want to change. And maybe one day, I might even be able to forgive your brother ... but for now, I want to start with you … I don’t know if I will change by tomorrow or the day after … but I want you to know that I’m trying.”