by M. C. Vann
I walked into the kitchen to find Henry by the stove, occupied with cooking the eggs. I giggled to myself when I saw he had on a tiny pink apron. He looked so cute in it. An idea suddenly popped into my mind. I took out my phone from my back pocket and searched for the camera app.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Henry asked. He noticed me from the corner of his eye even when keeping his attention on the pan as he stirred.
“Because,” I said, wearing a mischievous smile. This was something I definitely didn’t want to forget.
“Because why?”
“Because I want to remember how your face looks like when you’re not with me.”
Henry smiled to himself after hearing my words. His mouth opened to say something just as he turned to look at me. His eyes widened when he realized I was recording him this whole time.
“What are you doing, Ally?” he asked with a stern tone, but it was hardly convincing with the pink apron tied around him.
“Nothing.”
“Are you recording me without my consent?”
“No,” I lied. I looked up from my phone and into the real-life Henry’s eyes, unfazed by his lack of enthusiasm.
“Two can play at this game,” he countered playfully. In the blink of an eye, Henry snatched my phone from my hands and turned it toward me, making me the star, which I wasn’t exactly comfortable with.
“How’s your birthday so far, birthday girl?” he questioned me like a reporter.
“My birthday was yesterday,” I remarked.
“I know, but it’s your birthday weekend. Tell me, birthday girl, what did you wish for yesterday?”
“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”
“If you tell me, I’ll make sure it comes true.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not how it works.”
“Okay then, what did you want to do today?”
“Hmmm ... how about this?!” I reached out to take my phone from him, but he had a firm grip on it. Just as my fingers wound around my phone, Henry hauled me forward, using one arm to hold my body against his.
Henry raised a brow as if to challenge me. “How about this?”
I gazed up at him, feeling my cheeks blazing and my heart thundering rapidly against my chest. As I averted my gaze from his, I smelled a new scent in the room. Something was burning.
“Your eggs!” I shouted at Henry.
He snapped back to reality and immediately freed me and my phone while he hurriedly tended to his burnt eggs.
After finishing breakfast, Henry asked if I wanted to take a walk outside, and I happily agreed. Knowing Henry, he had everything prepared for me already. Everything was accounted for — mittens, boots, scarf, hat, and coat. I bundled up in the gear and I went downstairs to find him waiting near the door. I stopped just a few feet away from him and set my hands on my hips.
“Everything fits?” Henry asked, and I nodded. He closed the small space between us and tugged at my hat to make sure it was snug.
It was overcast, so the weather outside wasn’t too cold. I loved when it was like this because pictures turned out better in this kind of lighting. It was a shame I didn’t bring my nice camera along.
White was everywhere I turned when we walked down the trail. From the trees, the grass, and the ground, everything was snow-covered during the middle of winter. There was even a small light flurry of snow falling, adding more to the endless white pile.
“Are you having a good time?” Henry asked. He was probably worried I wasn’t enjoying the occasion. I could sense it in his tone and the way he avoided my gaze.
“Yes. Everything is perfect and just how I imagined,” I reassured him. I rubbed my hands together, hoping to rid them of the numbness. I realized I had left them in the drawer after about half a mile of walking. I was so excited to get out I had forgotten about them.
“Did you forget your mittens at the cabin?” Henry read my thoughts.
I nodded reproachfully.
“Aren’t you cold? You must be freezing.”
“I’m good. It’s not really that cold today,” I said bravely, even though my fingers felt like they were going to fall off at any moment.
“Wait, Ally.” Henry started to take off his gloves. “You can’t keep going without them. Here.”
“No, Henry, you don’t have to. I said I’ll be fine.”
Without a word, Henry took my hands into his and held them to his lips. I watched in awe as he blew a hot breath into my weaved hands, reviving them back to life. After a few breaths, he slipped my hands into his gloves and adjusted the Velcro, so it wounded perfectly around my wrists. “Does it feel better now?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“They’re bit large for you, but at least you’re no longer cold.”
“Won’t you be cold?” I asked with a concerned look.
“Don’t worry about me,” Henry said. He reassured me with a smile, warm enough to dispel all the coldness that surrounded us. “As long as I’m with you, I won’t feel cold anymore. I promise you.”
“Okay,” I answered, trying not to melt at his sweet words.
As we continued down the path, he gently placed his hand in mine, rocking it back and forth. I held onto him tightly with both hands to make sure I didn’t fall behind or trip, but most of all, to ensure that at least one of his hands was warm.
We came upon a stone bridge and a frozen river which stilled below. By now, the snow had stopped and the sun barely peeked out of the clouds, thawing the water. This place looked like it was out of a movie. It was absolutely breathtaking.
I noticed my feet were getting sore, not having adjusted to the new boots. My pace was slowing down as I followed the tracks Henry’s boots left behind. Every time I glanced up, the space between us only grew. It was only until he turned around to look at me, did he notice how far behind I was.
He jogged back to my side. “Are you doing okay, Ally? You’re slowing down on me?”
“I’m fine, Henry. Don’t worry about me,” I said. I gave him a thumbs up even though I was panting heavily.
“Liar.” He chuckled and stepped in front of me. He slouched his back a little and bent his knees as if ready to pounce. “Get on.”
“What are you doing? Get up, Henry.”
“Come on, I’ll carry you on my back,” he offered. His hands beckoned me to climb on him.
“No, it’s okay. I can walk by myself.”
“Ally,” he badgered on.
Knowing I wasn’t going to win, I surrendered and climbed onto his back without further argument. He eased his balance back onto his feet and hunched forward to adjust the pull of gravity. With an irrepressible smile, I secured my arms around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder.
“You are heavier than you look, Ally,” he joked, launching me upward to readjust me.
“I’m the one who looks deceiving,” I blurted insensitively. I knew I shouldn’t have said it when I felt the muscles in his back stiffen. “I’m sorry. That was a bad joke and I didn’t mean to say it.”
“No, it’s okay. I deserved it.”
The rest of the way, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I wouldn’t allow myself to say anything else that could ruin this perfect moment.
We returned back to the cabin in the afternoon and I was relieved to finally take off all the heavy clothing and bathe my frozen body in warm water.
For the rest of the evening, we stayed in the living room and talked like the night before. Henry’s head rested on my thighs as we sat on the pile of pillows we gathered near the crackling fireplace. My fingers mindlessly rubbed at his head, running through his toweled dry hair as we both stared into the blazing, golden pit.
“Can I ask you something?” Henry broke the silence.
“Anything.”
He hesitated for a moment before he finally mustered the courage to speak. “Why didn’t you leave me that night? That night I tried to
...”
He trailed off, unable to complete his thought. But I knew what he was talking about. That night he took me to his hotel. That night he tried to avenge his sister.
This was it. This was the question that preoccupied his mind, hiding behind in his eyes.
“How could you stay with me after all the things I did to you?” he added.
I wish I could see the look in his eyes. Were they angry? Were they regretful? Desolate?
But I didn’t force him to look at me. He wasn’t looking at me for a reason.
“How could you stay with me after what my brother did to your sister?” I countered. I waited for his answer, but it never came. As I peered down at his face, he was already fast asleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and body saturated in sweat. I swallowed away the wave of nausea swelling in my throat and shifted onto my butt with my back against the side of the couch. Was I getting sick? Probably from staying too long outside yesterday, I thought. After I had washed myself up in the bathroom, my eyes roamed to the spot where Henry laid last night, but it was empty. Where did he go?
All I remember was that Henry fell asleep first. He must have been tired from carrying me back to the cabin yesterday.
Before long, I grew more scared, thinking of the possibility that Henry had left me in the middle of the night. I knew I shouldn’t doubt him and the promises he made, but these kinds of thoughts were programmed inside of me. I wasn’t wrong to feel or think this way, right?
My eyes drifted to an unexpected sound coming from the kitchen. I was petrified at first, thinking it was a ghost, but as the sound became familiar, I knew who it belonged to. As I quietly walked over to the kitchen, there Henry was, hunched over on a dining chair with his elbows bent on his knees and his hands covering his head. The moonlight from the window illuminated his figure, creating a whimsical outline of his tortured soul. My heart suffered immensely at the anguished sight of him. I knew what he had been doing.
He was crying. But why?
My bare feet slowly inched along the floor and I approached him with diligence. When I reached him, I bent down onto my knees in front of him and gingerly placed my hands in between his arms to let him know I was here.
“Henry?” I called out through a soft whisper.
It took him a moment before he could remove his hands to look at me. If even possible, my heart shattered more upon the broken sight in front of me. My throat dried up like a desert as I studied his troubled gaze. How long has he been crying to himself here? I asked myself. Unable to control my own emotions, my eyes began to fill with their own tears as I laid my hands on either side of his face and wiped away his tearstained cheeks. He gazed at me wistfully, the words unable to leave his lips.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to comfort him. “You can tell me. I’m here for you.”
Henry shook his head.
I suddenly felt guilty for thinking what I thought earlier. He didn’t leave me in the middle of the night. He was still here. Very much here.
“If you can’t tell me, that’s okay,” I assured him with an encouraging smile. “All I ask is that you let me cry with you. When you cry with someone, you’ll feel a lot better. Hmmm?”
Henry’s eyes flicked to mine for a brief second like he was assessing the validity of my statement through my eyes. I nodded once, the smile on my face stretching as I used a finger to brush away the hair covering his forehead. Tears began welling in his eyes again, letting his walls crumble right in front of me.
Something told me this often happened — Henry crying by himself.
“I’m going to go heat up a cup of milk for you. I’ll be right back. Stay right here, okay?” I told him. Once I stood up, I felt a weak pressure around my wrist, halting me from taking a step. My gaze fell downward at the image of his large, veiny hand holding onto me.
“Please don’t go,” he whispered sheepishly. The crack in his usual steady tone was hard to ignore. At such a vulnerable moment, his gaze remained on the floor as he uttered those three words. Those three simple words which probably took more courage out of him than anything he had done in his life. And they were enough for me.
“I won’t go then,” I said. “I’ll never leave you. I promise.”
His fingers liberated me but only for a split second before he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me in between his legs and my muscles froze as I felt him lean his head into my stomach with his arms gently tightening around me. One of my hands hovered over his shoulder, unsure of whether to touch him. But it didn’t take long for me to warm up to him. In return, I held him close while my hand smoothed away at his back.
Seeing Henry in such a condition, saying it hurt me would be an understatement. Seeing him so hurt … so lonely…and so fragile — I hated it. He didn’t deserve to feel this way even after all the horrible things he had done to me. Nobody deserved to experience this kind of pain, especially not Henry.
The bittersweet weekend with Henry was now only a precious memory in my mind. We returned to Chicago early Monday morning just before we both went to work. Henry wanted to go back to the house to change and I agreed. Wearing the same clothes to work as I did on Friday might raise some eyebrows.
While Henry showered, I thought it would be fun to pick out an outfit for him. When I was younger, my mother always laid out Papa’s clothes on the bed before he went off to work in the mornings. Though I didn’t know if Henry saw me as a real wife, I still wanted to do this for him. It wasn’t much, but it was the least I could do.
I went through almost half of Henry’s closet with nothing in my hand. There were hundreds of collared shirts and a variety of tailored suits hung in the closet, but it was harder than I thought, matching the accessories. How could this be so difficult?
His ties were neatly organized into the top shelf of the dresser. I pressed my lips together, deciding on which one would look good with the shirt I picked out. While I scanned over the selection, the water from the bathroom suddenly stopped running. I swiftly grabbed a light purple tie from the slot and closed the shelf. I was so quick that something heavier than a tie dropped from my fingers and onto the carpeted floor.
It was a watch.
Confused as to why Henry would misplace a watch in the tie drawer, I moved closer to the floor to study it. It was a Kinberg Cederschiöld. It looked similar to the watch Henry was wearing on the first day we met, the one he supposedly gave away as collateral to the loan sharks in order to save my brother-in-law’s life and his family.
No, I didn’t think. I knew. I was there. I saw him. How could he still have this watch?
“Ally?”
My legs straightened where I stood and my eyes darted to the door of the closet, immediately finding Henry’s. My eyes widened when I noticed he was half naked with only a towel wrapped snuggly around his waist. My cheeks ignited with fire as I returned my gaze to the floor. Why was I so shocked? I had seen him naked before, just not in broad daylight.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked casually as he used a small hand towel to ruffle through his damp hair.
“I’m—I’m picking out clothes for you to wear,” I stammered. I scantily noticed the fleeting flash of revelation in his eyes. I kept my eyes distracted as I padded to him, extending my arm out to hand him the outfit. When he didn’t take it, I pushed the clothes onto his chest and headed for the door. But my feet were unable to move any further when Henry gently grabbed my hand, the touch familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Something in his touch told me he wasn’t aiming for my wrist this time.
“Wait, where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“I’m going downstairs to help Nana with breakfast,” I explained as I removed my hand from his. Right when I pulled away, I saw something in his eyes fade. “Why?”
“Would you mind … helping me put it on?” he asked, somewhat sedu
ctively. His fortuitous request startled me.
My cheeks began to flush and I giggled nervously. “You’re old enough to put on your own clothes. Hurry up, or we’ll be late.”
“Ally, wait,” he called out to me as I walked out of the closet.
“Yes, Henry?”
“I won’t be able to accompany you during lunch today. I hope you can understand,” he said, almost as though he felt guilty about it.
“Of course, I understand,” I ensured him. “I don’t expect you to take me to lunch every day, Henry. I know you’re a busy man.”
As I turned around to leave, Henry called my name once more. “Ally?”
“Yes?” I asked, spinning around.
“Thank you,” he simply stated with a smile, lightly waggling the clothes in his hands.
“You’re welcome.”
—————
A few days had already passed since that night, and Henry still had yet to tell me the reason. I sat at my desk, deliberating possible answers why he broke down the other night. Did he have a bad dream that night? Was it about his sister again? Or his parents?
I didn’t want to pressure him to tell me these things because I knew how it felt, and I abhorred the feeling of being compelled to answer. Henry would tell me when he was ready, I convinced myself. It wouldn’t be realistic for him to open up quickly to me after so many years of holding a grudge against my family.
Speaking of my family, I planned on visiting Chris during my lunch tomorrow. It had been a while since we last seen each other. I didn’t even want to think back to that situation.
When I returned late that night, I was surprised to find Henry sitting in the living room with the nightly news on. Was he waiting up for me?
“Hey,” Henry greeted me with a languid smile. He looked just as drained as I felt.
“Hi, why are you still up at this hour?”
“I was waiting for you,” he admitted frankly. “Were you at work this entire time?”
“Yeah.” I nodded and slumped to the empty seat next to him. I felt exhausted from running all over the place today. If I closed my eyes long enough, I was guaranteed to doze off right now.