Closer (A Dark Romance, Book 1): The Closer Trilogy

by M. C. Vann

  I searched high and low through his closet for any sign of it. I scoured through the drawers of the dressers and all the pockets of his shirts and dress pants. Even in all the insides of his shoes. But it was nowhere to be found.

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  My muscles froze in place as my heart stopped at the sound of his voice. I felt the heat of his stare on the back of my head and I slowly turned around to face him. My words suddenly lost in my throat.

  “Are you looking for this?” Henry asked. He lifted his hand in the air from his front pocket and dangling in between his fingers was the watch that he wore on the very first day I met him.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  “I noticed it on the floor the other day,” he said. His eyes fell to the place where the watch slipped from my hands.

  I watched Henry carefully for any sign of annoyance or resentment, but there was none. I was going through his things without permission, but he didn’t look one bit angry like I expected him to be.

  “How do you still have it?” I asked. His eyes instantly met mine as he kept his mouth shut. “It’s the same watch that I saw you gave away to those gangsters. You gave it to them in exchange for Rick’s debt that day … So why is it still here hidden in your closet after all this time?”

  “Ally, it’s hard to explain.”

  “Why are you lying to me?” I shook my head, discontent with his vague answer. “Henry … you promised you would never lie to me again,” I reminded him of his promise. Even though he wasn’t outright lying completely, keeping things from me was another way of dishonesty.

  Henry placed the watch down on the shelf nearest him before he rushed to stand in front of me. His hands urgently enveloped around mine and he stared into my eyes. “I’m not lying to you … Not anymore. It’s just—”

  “It’s just what? Complicated?”

  “Very.” He nodded, but I continued to shake my head at him.

  “That’s not good enough. I thought you said you were changing, but I was very wrong.”

  “Ally ...” He called out my name like a hopeless plea.

  “Henry, I’m going to ask you a question, and this time you’re going to give me a sincere answer. Can you tell me what you meant the other day ... when you said that I shouldn’t forgive you … yet? It wasn’t only because of the things you did to me, right?” I noticed my voice suddenly shaking. Unsteadily, I removed my hands from his, the expression in his eyes faltering as I pulled away just like last time. Only this time, I wasn’t going to let him touch me ever again. “So why shouldn’t I forgive you yet?”

  I ignored the weakness in my heart that tried convincing me to warm up to Henry. I couldn’t let my feelings for him blind me this time. The only way to get through this was by using my head — my senses.

  “Ally ...” He called out my name once more. The sound felt like a knife to my heart.

  “Tell me,” I demanded, fighting back the lump in my throat. But when he didn’t answer me, anger surged like fire throughout my veins. I needed to know the truth, and I needed to know now.

  Henry kept his silence.

  “Tell me!” I yelled at him. His eyes widened with astonishment upon hearing my elevated voice. “Eve’s family, Nancy’s shop, and the reason why I couldn’t get a job … It was because of you … Wasn’t it?”

  “Yes,” he answered steadily. He didn’t even hesitate to answer. Not one muscle in his body even flinched. And because of this, I knew he was telling the truth. I kind of knew it all along. I just didn’t want to admit Henry would do these things for the sake of his pleasure. How could I love him now? How could I allow myself to continue loving such a selfish, cold-blooded person?

  The walls around us began to spin, and I reached out for the shelf next to me to balance myself. Henry extended his arm to help me, but I shoved his arm away before he could touch me.

  “Don’t touch me,” I warned between my teeth.

  “Ally, I was going to tell you. But I—”

  “Stop.”

  Henry’s mouth fell slightly open. I noticed in his eyes a subtle sense of panic as if I said something that struck a nerve in him. “Can I explain at least?”

  “I’m the one asking the questions,” I stated boldly. Henry didn’t retaliate with a word. The intensity of his gaze was enough to tell me he was listening under a state of displeasure. “Did you have something to do with Chris’ parole hearing?”

  He was back to being quiet again, and the silence from him confirmed it for me. He did have something to do with it. That explained why he met the parole commissioner this afternoon. I guessed he intended to keep it a secret from me as well.

  “Henry, you can’t lie to me.”

  “It’s true,” he confessed somberly. “It was all because of my doing. Your brother-in-law’s debt, Nancy’s shop…what happened to your brother … and you.”

  “So …” I closed my eyes, repressing the urge to vomit. “This revenge of yours wasn’t just about me … How could you?” I muttered under my breath. “How could you do something like this? You kept this from me. You lied to me!”

  Henry stood there with an indifferent expression while gazing at me. He didn’t even look remorseful. Not one cell in his body felt any grief for what he did to my family and me.

  And that was when I realized, Henry, not once, apologized to me for the things he had done. I could no longer hold in my emotions. Every inch of my body trembled with repulsion. I didn’t want to see his face anymore. I needed to get away, far away from this man. No. This monster. This monster who constantly toyed with my feelings over and over again.

  I quickly wiped away the tears from my cheeks and started for the closet door. Before I took another step, Henry lunged in front and heaved his arms around me. My body melted like butter in his arms at the warmth and tenacity of his touch. Each second that passed, it felt as if every ounce of my strength was being drained by his embrace.

  With all the strength that I had left, I tried to escape his arms, but it was useless. Henry was always too strong for me. “Let me go, Henry.”

  “No, I won’t let go,” he answered. His voice was shaking for the first time tonight. “Ally, I told myself, over and over, that my actions weren’t right. I knew it wasn’t right to do those things. Hurting you, or hurting your family. I tried to stop myself but—”

  “But you didn’t,” I interrupted. “You could have stopped at any moment, but you chose not to. You couldn’t stop yourself because you are so blinded by the hatred in your heart. We were just all pieces in this game of yours. How can you be this cruel, Henry?”

  “I’m trying, remember.”

  “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to listen anymore.” I finally shook him off and spun around to glance at him one last time, but I found myself jolted at the image before me. I had seen his eyes red before. I had seen him cry before. The amount of devastation written all over his face this time was like nothing compared to both times I had seen him so vulnerable.

  But I wasn’t going to be touched. I wasn’t going to cave and forgive him so easily like I did before. I couldn’t allow myself to be dragged on this unpredictable roller coaster ride anymore because only until now did I realize each twist and turn only slowly suffocated me.

  “After I pay you the money, consider us even,” I said, rushing past him.

  But that hand. It ardently seized me. That hand that I longed to hold held me back.

  “Ally, please. You promised you would never leave me,” he spoke severely behind me. “I know what I did was wrong, I know but please, please don’t—”

  He wasn’t able to finish his sentence because of me. Having been traumatized enough with his trickery, I shook him off me. My hand moved so quick in the air before it struck him right across the face, the sound echoing throughout the room.

  “Promises were made to be broken,” I said harshly as he slowly turned to face me, completely stunned
. I could see the redness in his cheek intensifying from my slap. “Stay away from me. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”

  Henry and I. We were broken now. My heart completely shattered into a million pieces, and I didn’t think it can take anymore suffering because of him. I took one last glimpse of this person — this person who I once cared about and loved so deeply — before walking out of the room without taking one look back.

  I wasn’t sure if he was following, but I prayed he wasn’t.

  With only my purse and the clothes on my back, I stood outside in the cold at an unfamiliar corner. After I left the house, I just kept walking and walking until I couldn’t walk anymore. Afraid and tired, I looked through my list of contacts and came upon someone who I hoped I could trust.

  He wasn’t completely aware of the pretenses of my marriage, but he knew more than anyone that Henry left me alone sometimes.

  As soon as I climbed into his car, Nick sensed right away something wasn’t right. He drove for a long while before he finally came to a stop on a random street. And honestly, I felt slightly horrible because he was in his pajamas. He must have been sleeping when I called. A tired Nick rubbed his stubble as he huffed out a sigh. “Where do you want to go? Just say the word, and I’ll take you there.”

  Where could I go? I thought about going to my friends, but I couldn’t let them know what was going on. I felt ashamed and I wasn’t prepared to face their hounding. My sister was no longer here because of him. There was only one place to go.

  “How do I look?” I asked as Nick stopped the car in front of a house.

  Nick frowned. “Absolutely horrid.”

  I hurriedly pulled down the sun visor and looked into the mirror. A completely different person stared back in the reflection. Quickly, I wiped away the smudged mascara underneath my eyes and the tears that remained. I thanked Nick for his kindness and he teased me by saying I now owed him two drinks.

  As Nancy opened the door after hearing my knocks, I wasted no time in throwing my arms around her waist. She hadn’t even said a word, and I already broke down.

  “Ally, dear, what’s wrong?” Nancy asked worriedly as she patted my back.

  I didn’t want her to see me this way, so I held onto her tighter. When she managed to pull away, she cupped both of my cheeks and wiped away my tears.

  “Let’s go inside,” she said.

  Nancy walked me over to the couch and ran off into the kitchen. When she came back, she had a cup of warm milk ready in her hand like she always did when I came crying to her after Papa scolded me.

  “Dear, tell me what’s wrong?” she asked me in the same motherly tone.

  “Nancy…” I leaned into her chest and wrapped my arms around her waist. “What am I going to do now?”

  “Oh, honey. What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

  I shook my head. “No … I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know where to start.”

  Her hand softly grazed my hair. “Okay, how about this? How about you get a good night rest, and we can talk about this in the morning when you’ve gathered your thoughts, okay?”

  I simply nodded.

  That night I could hardly fall asleep. All I could think about was Henry and what he did to my family.

  He had everything planned out from the very beginning. He wanted to inflict the worst kind of pain upon my family and me. He purposely exploited all of our weaknesses and tore us even further apart. He had done so much to destroy our livelihoods and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I lashed out at him recklessly. I was never going to use violence, but in the heat of the moment, I lost myself.

  And even after all of this, I couldn’t believe I still missed him.

  The events of last night drifted through my mind as I woke up the next morning. Even without Henry around, I still felt exhausted. The smell of Nancy’s cooking spread through her little house, and though I usually found it pleasant, this time I felt actually a little sick. I shot up from the bed and ran across the hallway to the bathroom. I kneeled on my knees and hovered over the toilet seat.

  “Ally, are you alright?” Nancy asked from down the hallway.

  “Don’t come in here, Nancy!” I shouted before an uncontrollable outpouring of white vomit came out from the pit of my stomach.

  Once the nauseating sensation subsided, I flushed the contents away. After rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and washing my face with water, I stared into the mirror, pondering why I suddenly felt the need to vomit. I didn’t eat anything last night. Nothing, but Nancy’s warm milk. I couldn’t be … No…

  As I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw Nancy standing outside the door waiting.

  “Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, a little better now.”

  “Ally?” Nancy eyed me suspiciously. “I heard you in there. Why were you puking?”

  “I … I—”

  “When was your last period?”

  My eyes opened wide as what I predicted was coming true. “I don’t remember. More than a month ago… I think.”

  “Stay right here. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back,” Nancy ordered. She gathered her keys, her coat, and her purse before rushing out the front door.

  While I waited for Nancy’s return, I looked through my phone, disappointed there were no phone calls from him — not one. The voicemail was still in my voicemail history and I knew I shouldn’t want to listen to it. I knew I should delete it, but before I could convince myself to, Nancy returned to the house. She pulled out a small rectangular box from her purse and held it to me.

  “Nancy, I’m scared.”

  “It’s nothing to be scared of, dear,” she replied. She placed the box in my hands with a reassuring smile and gently led me to the bathroom. “I’m right here to support you, like always.”

  The two minutes of waiting for the results were the longest two minutes of my life. Knowing I could be pregnant, that I could be carrying a child in my belly for the next few months, was more terrifying than when Henry cornered me on the hotel roof.

  If I was pregnant, it was Henry’s baby that I was carrying. I didn’t know how to feel about it. Should I be happy? Should I be sad or angry?

  Nancy knocked on the door. “Ally, dear, are you done?”

  “Almost ...”

  And when it was time, I closed my eyes and held my breath. My heart raced out of control as I mustered the courage to open my eyes and face the truth.

  Pregnant. I was pregnant.

  “What does it say?” Nancy asked through the door.

  Without another coherent thought, I flew from the bathroom past Nancy. She followed me around, asking me what was going on, but I didn’t have any time to answer her. I grabbed my coat and borrowed her car keys and aimed for the exit. Just as I opened the door, I whipped around quickly to say, “Nancy, I have to go somewhere. I’ll come back later.”

  “Where are you going, Ally?!” she called out as I slammed the front door shut.

  I walked on the same gravel road to my intended destination, remembering the path Henry dragged me on. Though I was alone, I didn’t feel alone.

  Standing in front of Jennifer’s tombstone, I thought back to the events leading up to this very moment. Everything I had been through and everything she had been through — she definitely had it harder than me.

  “You win,” I said, trying to lighten the tension. I brushed away the snow on her tombstone and rested the purple tulips on her grave.

  “I remember your brother telling me your favorite flowers were tulips. Mine are too. What a coincidence, right? Jennifer ... Can I talk to you woman to woman? I like to ask for your forgiveness on my brother’s behalf. I know my brother feels sorry for what he did. Every time I see him, though he smiles in front of me, I see the misery in his eyes. It’s eating him alive. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask … because the pain you went through is more than I could ev
er bear, but … it’s the only way I can be with your brother. I want to love Henry so much, but I know I shouldn’t. I know I should let him go. I know I should hate him. But I can’t. Not even a little bit. I love him. Am I allowed to? Can I love him? Tell me, what should I do?”

  I rested my hand on my stomach and thought about the amazing life growing inside of me. From now on, I wasn’t going to worry about anyone else. This was going to be my motivation. I was going to bring this baby into this world.

  Even if I couldn’t love Henry…

  I could still love this part of him.