Chasing Brynn (A Tempting Novel Book 2)

by Angela Corbett

  A line formed between Cade’s brows. “He didn’t want anyone to see you together?”

  “Exactly,” I answered. “He always came up with some excuse for it. Like, he wanted to keep our connection a secret, or he wasn’t sure he was ready for a relationship yet. All a load of bullshit. I knew it deep down, but didn’t want to believe it. I liked him so much, and wanted to be with him more than I wanted to listen to the voice in my head that was trying to convince me to have some common sense. I was willing to do anything for him. Our first date was to a movie at a drive-in theater, in a town an hour away. He parked as far from the other cars as possible. We stayed in the car the entire time, and it was dark, obviously. We went to the drive-in a lot after that. He said he thought the movies were romantic because they reminded him of our first date. I now know it was because it was the perfect place to take someone he was ashamed of.”

  Cade’s jaw tightened and I saw a vein in the side of his neck pulsing. It wasn’t a story I liked telling, but Cade needed to understand where I was coming from. Why I’d done the things I had, how my past affected me and the future he seemed to want between us, and why I felt like it couldn’t happen. “It was also the perfect place to fool around in semi-privacy. We started off the normal way. Exploring, touching. I was so self-conscious that I didn’t want him to see me at all. But he always said I was beautiful, even though he encouraged me to keep my clothes on. Eventually it moved on to other things: blow jobs, and actual sex. He wasn’t the first guy I’d fooled around with, but the others had treated me similarly—as someone they could use. I thought he was different, though. He was an excellent tutor for a high school kid, instructing me on what guys liked, but I always came away wanting. He couldn’t care less about whether I got off. He only cared about himself. He never wanted to see me naked, and wasn’t interested in having sex in normal places…like a bed. He made sure we were never in a place where we could be caught by people we knew.”

  Cade’s lips were pursed and he looked like he was on the edge of violence. For someone who was normally so restrained, I was surprised he’d taken umbrage in my defense. “How long did this go on?” he ground out.

  “About five months. Most of my senior year of high school. Like I said before, he wasn’t the only guy I’d fooled around with. Guys don’t care what you look like if your tongue is on their dick. But, he was the asshole I let take my virginity. He’d promised me a future to get what he wanted,” I looked down at my hands, the memory more painful than I anticipated it being, “and then pulled it out from under me.”

  Cade’s eyes were flashing with anger. “What did he do?” Something in my heart swelled to see Cade reacting this way, with as much fury as I’d felt at the time. I’d lumped all men into one category that day, and I shouldn’t have. Cade didn’t fit in that douchebag box, and there were a lot of great guys who didn’t fit in there either.

  “He asked me to the senior prom. I was overjoyed, and so excited. I’d never been to a dance with a guy who actually liked me, and no one knew we were dating. We were both still keeping it a secret, so the dance was supposed to be our announcement that we were a couple. I went shopping for the perfect dress with my friends, got my hair and makeup done, and waited for him to show up. He was supposed to pick me up at seven. He didn’t. Seven passed, then seven-fifteen, seven-thirty…” I waved my hand in front of me, “you get the idea. He wasn’t returning any of my calls or texts.

  “Finally, at nine o’clock, I’d had enough. I decided I wasn’t going to sit at home waiting for a man to make me happy. I didn’t know what had kept him. Part of me was still convinced he was a good guy and something had happened that made it so he couldn’t reach me. I had some girlfriends who didn’t have dates, and they had decided to go to the dance as a group, so I went to the dance to meet up with them. When I got there, I saw my boyfriend. He was dancing with one of the prettiest and skinniest girls in school.” I took a deep breath, seeing the whole scene play out again in my mind, feeling the pang of pain in my chest like it had just happened. “He asked her to be his girlfriend that night.”

  Cade’s anger had been building progressively as my story went on, but now he looked ready to punch something. My heart felt like it was going to burst and my throat constricted. Having someone else support me like that, even when I was simply telling the story, meant the world to me.

  My gaze drifted down as I picked at a string on my hoodie. It was easier to keep going if I wasn’t looking at him. “I was devastated. I’d been so excited at the prospect of my first real relationship, and I’d stupidly told some people I thought were my friends about my secret boyfriend. Then I hadn’t been able to produce one. The gossip was horrible, and the guy I’d been dating was one of the ringleaders of the tormenting, trying to draw attention away from himself. I should have called him out, but I had no proof we’d actually been together, and I wasn’t as strong then as I am now.”

  I took a deep breath before telling the rest. “I ended up spiraling into depression, and there were times I didn’t think I mattered enough to be alive. I didn’t believe I was worth anything, and based on how I was being treated, it was clear other people thought I was as worthless as I did. I shouldn’t have put so much stock into other people’s opinions. I learned from that. At my lowest point, I realized I had a choice: I could take the bottle of pills I was holding and end the pain, or I could push through it, and become. I had a moment of clarity where I realized I was letting the person I didn’t believe I was hold me back and control my destiny. That made me angry, and the anger helped me welcome the pain and what it would take to push through it. I decided I was going to figure out who I wanted to be, become that person, and live life unapologetically.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like the relationship and my past with guys was something horrible, or seriously traumatic, thank God. I wasn’t raped, or abused by a boyfriend, or anything like that. I have friends who did go through those things, so it feels wrong even talking about this like it had a serious effect on me. But it did. We all have a past that influences who we are today, and that’s a huge part of mine. You needed to know about it.”

  He shook his head repeatedly. “It was traumatic, Brynn. It altered you, and how you thought about the world, men, and relationships. It changed your direction, and made you actually question your life. For that reason alone, I want to hunt this guy down and beat the shit out of him. Don’t you dare try and diminish your emotions, or how you reacted to being treated like you weren’t wanted and didn’t matter. That asshole, and any man who has ever treated you poorly, deserves to be put through hell.”

  I shrugged, still feeling bad about feeling bad, but I was glad he listened and understood that it had affected me. “It was the impetus for my personal revolution,” I continued. “Over the next six months, I lost eighty pounds, changed my hair, took professional makeup courses, and moved away to go to college. Suddenly, every man I ran into wanted to date me. In public. In the daylight. They were proud to have me on their arm, and wanted to show me off. It infuriated me. I changed because I wanted to, not because I wanted a man to want me. For a long time, I wished I hadn’t lost the weight because then I’d at least know that if I ever found the right guy, he would want me for me, not what I looked like.

  “I hadn’t changed a damn thing about myself except my clothes size. But now I was visually desirable, and that’s all the guys who wanted to date me seemed to care about. I already had a healthy distrust for men because of how I’d been treated before, but the change in attitude toward me simply because I altered my physical appearance solidified my opinion that I should never trust another man. If I couldn’t trust them, I certainly couldn’t have long-term romantic relationships with them. But I wasn’t going to deny myself sex. I liked that. A lot. However, from that point on, I was going to be the one doing the choosing. I would be in control through the whole process, and that way, I’d never be hurt again.”

  Cade reached acros
s the table, took my hand, and looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry they did that to you, Brynn.”

  I looked away, a lump forming in my throat as tears pricked my eyes. I was deeply touched by his support, but uncomfortable with showing my emotions in front of him. It made me feel even more vulnerable when I was already emotionally naked.

  “Look at me,” he said.

  I raised my eyes slowly, meeting his as tears threatened.

  “I wouldn’t have cared about your weight.”

  I shook my head slightly. I’d been with a lot of men; they all cared. Maybe he’d changed as he got older, but I felt confident that if he’d known me in high school, he wouldn’t have given me a second glance. The hot guy didn’t date the overweight girl. It just didn’t happen. “That’s because you only see me now. You wouldn’t have even noticed me then.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know your type.”

  He held my stare. “And what, exactly, do you think that is?”

  I lifted a shoulder, trying to convey that I didn’t care, even though it was exactly opposite of how I really felt. “Man.”

  The remark was cutting, but it was true and had been my experience for my entire life. I was nothing if not honest.

  He shook his head as he leaned in closer. His shoulders were back, the movements strong and confident. “Don’t lump me in with your past experiences. You’ll only be disappointed. And you’ll miss out on the best experience you could ever have.”

  I pressed my lips together, my heart pounding even harder. “I’m fine on my own.”

  “You’re letting a number on a clothing tag regulate your self-worth.”

  My expression turned to outrage. “No, I’m not!”

  Cade’s expression changed to disappointment. “You’re not a bullshitter, B. Don’t bullshit yourself.”

  My mouth fell open, shock evident on my face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You say you’re not letting your weight dictate your confidence, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. If you gained fifty pounds, you wouldn’t go after men like you do now. You wouldn’t believe in yourself enough to do it. You were the same person five years ago that you are now. How you look shouldn’t determine that. Don’t let bitterness rob you of what you could have.”

  I stared at him, completely stunned. I’d never looked at it that way before. I’d let my appearance determine my actions when I was younger, and I was still allowing it to happen, just in a different way. Cade pointing it out pissed me the hell off.

  Instead of focusing on everything he’d said, because I knew he was right, I chose the one thing in his monologue I could attack. “Of course I’m bitter. I’m bitter about every dance I wasn’t asked to, every flower I wasn’t given, every longing look I didn’t receive. I’m bitter that instead of love, I got pity. Pity, and a bunch of guys with assholitis who used emotion and my low self-esteem to get what they wanted from me. I’m furious with the people who told me I’d have a date every night if I only lost fifty pounds. Like my worth should be dependent on an arbitrary number on a scale. And to every one of those shit-eating douchebags, I lost more than fifty pounds. I’m everything they all wanted, and now I’m the one calling the shots. I’ll never trust a man again. Relationships are bullshit. They’re for women who don’t care about being walked on. I’ve driven that road—lived on it. And I won’t do it again.”

  Cade watched me for a few minutes, his face hard as granite. Then he stood, and walked out of the house, the door slamming shut behind him.

  Tips and Tits: The Word from Mistress A

  Kink for Newbies

  Maybe you like to be tied up? Maybe you like to be spanked? This is a discrimination-free zone, and no one’s going to give you judgy eyes for your preferences. We all have kinks. Things that turn us on and make us fantasize about what we’d like to experiment with sexually. A lot of people are uneasy about exploring those fantasies with their partners. I’m going to implore you right now to finish reading this post, then put your phone down, turn off the TV, get comfortable with your partner, and have a frank discussion about what turns you on. Make sure you’re alone and have plenty of time, because this chat is likely going to end with you both naked. Things are often labeled “kinky” if they fall into the realm of BDSM. That’s fine, but kink is really about anything that’s considered out of the “norm.” Norm is anything beyond missionary position… so we’re all a little weird. Own that shit, and do what makes you feel good! If you want to try a whip, go for it! Maybe you’ve always wanted to have sex outside. Find a place and make that fantasy happen! You don’t have to feel bad about things that turn you on. Our sexual appetites can come from many places, including our pasts, or it might just be something you’ve always wanted to try. Don’t feel bad about that. Talk to your partner, experiment, have a good time, and own your kinks!

  It was the night of the big date with Master Z. I was hesitant about going out with him, and still not sure I trusted him. But he’d promised that we wouldn’t see each other, so I chose to believe him. I was about to walk out the door to meet Master Z when I got a text from Cade.

  Do you have plans next Friday? I’d like to take you somewhere.

  After the way our last conversation ended, I wasn’t sure I’d be seeing Cade again for a while. He seemed really pissed, and I hadn’t heard from him since. But he was also relentless about the two of us dating, so I wasn’t completely surprised.

  I texted back.

  Next Friday is good.

  Great. I’ll pick you up at four o’clock.

  Four? That was early for a date that didn’t involve a senior’s menu, but it would work.

  I got in my car and drove to the address Master Z had given me. He said he’d be there earlier than me, but not to worry, we absolutely wouldn’t see each other. The address was a house, with a sign out front that said, See in fancy letters. The outside was well-lit, and the parking lot had several cars. I walked up the recently shoveled and salted path, and knocked. A man in a white dress shirt with a black napkin over his shoulder opened the door and invited me in. I told him I was meeting someone and he seemed to know exactly who that someone was. Several shelves stood next to the hostess stand. He asked me to remove my shoes—thank the goddesses I’d worn socks…Z should have told me about wardrobe requirements—and put them on one of the shelves. So far, this was the strangest date I’d ever been on. The host then blindfolded me, and asked me to place my hand on his arm.

  Although hesitant, I did as he asked, and slowly followed him into a room taking small, tentative steps. I wondered what I was walking into. Was everyone blindfolded? Were they all staring at me and silently laughing? Maybe there was another sex party happening and everyone would be naked when I took the blindfold off? We moved straight down what seemed like a hallway or aisle, then turned right. My arm brushed something that felt like cloth, and I smelled a wonderful aroma coming from somewhere in the house.

  The host stopped, and helped me into a chair, explaining where the table was, where the corners were, and telling me if I needed to get up for any reason, to let my server know. Then he told me where my dinner date was seated—straight across from me—and took off my blindfold. The room was completely dark. In fact, “dark” didn’t even cover it. It was pitch black. It was so void of light that my eyes weren’t adjusting at all. I couldn’t even make out shapes.

  “It will take a minute for your eyes to adjust.”

  The voice was low and sounded familiar…probably from us talking a little bit at the Sin and Sass party when he’d been explaining the various sex acts and positions.

  “Can you see anything?” I asked.

  “Not really,” he said. “They keep it this dark for a reason. Even after your eyes adjust, you’re still essentially blind.”

  “Why am I not wearing shoes?”

  “When you lose one of your senses, using your other senses—like touch—is important. You take your shoes
off to give you more information about the texture you’re walking on. It’s easier to know if you’re stepping into water if your feet are bare.”

  I nodded, thinking he had a point. “Are we going to be stepping into water?”

  I couldn’t see him, but I could hear the lightness in his voice as he answered, “Not yet.”

  We ordered our drinks, and were told the menu. I picked chicken and steamed vegetables for the main entrée. Master Z picked steak. I should have guessed he’d be a slab of protein eater.

  The server left, leaving us in total silence. It would have been an uncomfortable position in the light, but even more isolating in darkness. I decided small talk was better than nothing, and as far as dates went, this was one of the most unique ones I’d ever been on. “I have to say, this is a pretty incredible first date.”

  “I’m glad you like it,” he said. “I once went to an event raising awareness for blindness. The dinner was completely held in the dark. The servers were all blind as well. It was an enlightening experience.”

  “I bet,” I said, considering that. A life without sight was one I couldn’t begin to comprehend. Not being able to do things we take for granted: like watching a beautiful sunset, going mountain biking, or even looking deep into someone’s eyes…it would be difficult to get used to. “I can’t imagine not being able to see.”

  I heard a shift of a chair and realized he, or someone else in the room must have moved. It was amazing how quickly I’d started relying on my other senses.

  “It would definitely be difficult,” he said. “Babies born blind have to go through a completely different learning process than those who aren’t.”